Louanne Posted June 15, 2013 Share Posted June 15, 2013 I have recently posted under 'A complete mess'. After having an emotional and then physical affair with my best friend and soulmate, my question is 'Is ignorance bliss?'. Before my affair, although sometimes unhappy in my marriage, I did believe that my relationship with my husband was on the whole pretty good. We had ups and downs and I sometimes felt lonely and unwanted. Our relationship was sometimes difficult, however when it was good it was great and we were extremely happy. I could have had a decent life if I had learned to cope with the downs a little better. I then fell in love with my best friend and I have now experienced real, unconditional love and happiness and contentment. For many reasons I don't currently see a future with my best friend though. It is heartbreaking and my life is in turmoil. So was ignorance bliss? Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted June 15, 2013 Share Posted June 15, 2013 Maybe for you. You might consider developing some relationship communication and coping skills to improve your marriage. Youre going to need those if you stay with your husband or another partner. You can no lnger choose Ignorance but being happy is still an option. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Journee Posted June 15, 2013 Share Posted June 15, 2013 First of all I am sorry you are hurting. Unconditional love. You are right there are no conditions. He doesn't have to be faithful to anyone and neither do you. You don't have to be honest with folks that love you. No one has to leave their comfy lives for anyone. Unconditional indeed. What is really unconditional is sticking by your husband when there are down times. No one can make you feel complete and happy 24 hours a day. If you were with your OM constantly I am sure you would have the occasional up and the occasional low. This does not mean that someone doesn't love you because you don't feel validated at all times. If your husband is a good man you are really going to throw it all away for someone who is not faithful. It's interesting to me that people are happy until....until what? Until someone whispers sweet nothings in their ear? Until fantasies are had about a future that will probably not come to fruition. You said you were content. Are you really? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Furious Posted June 15, 2013 Share Posted June 15, 2013 I have recently posted under 'A complete mess'. After having an emotional and then physical affair with my best friend and soulmate, my question is 'Is ignorance bliss?'. I then fell in love with my best friend and I have now experienced real, unconditional love and happiness and contentment. For many reasons I don't currently see a future with my best friend though. It is heartbreaking and my life is in turmoil. So was ignorance bliss? Your "best friend-soulmate" did not give you unconditional love, neither did you give him unconditional love. How does both of you being married but not to each other be seen as unconditional love. Was this "unconditional love" only valid until you got caught. This seems quite conditional as opposed to unconditional. I agree ignorance is bliss if you turn a blind eye to reality. Ignorance is not a long term solution, stubborn ignorance is damaging and not recommended if you want to live an authentic life. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Praying4Peace Posted June 15, 2013 Share Posted June 15, 2013 i have recently posted under 'a complete mess'. After having an emotional and then physical affair with my best friend and soulmate, my question is 'is ignorance bliss?'. Before my affair, although sometimes unhappy in my marriage, i did believe that my relationship with my husband was on the whole pretty good. We had ups and downs and i sometimes felt lonely and unwanted. Our relationship was sometimes difficult, however when it was good it was great and we were extremely happy. I could have had a decent life if i had learned to cope with the downs a little better. I then fell in love with my best friend and i have now experienced real, unconditional love and happiness and contentment. For many reasons i don't currently see a future with my best friend though. It is heartbreaking and my life is in turmoil. So was ignorance bliss? yes.............. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 15, 2013 Share Posted June 15, 2013 I then fell in love with my best friend and I have now experienced real, unconditional love and happiness and contentment. Because it's an affair. What you two share is based in and on an affair setting, not 'real life' where life gets in the way and you're obligated to someone. You can't see a future with him because you two are "in the moment". What holds you two together, that glue is NOT what you have with your husband. See, you're happy enough in your marriage, but miss that zing and excitement, which your soul mate/best friend provides. What you share with your affair partner isn't enough to make you divorce your husband and start over again. Fantasy and escape vs reality and real life. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
underwater2010 Posted June 15, 2013 Share Posted June 15, 2013 No it is not bliss. What you had was a fling without the stress of real life. No commitment for better or worse. Just each other and high hormonal sex. You have said that you cannot see a future with your "best friend"...that should tell you enough. Time for you to put your big girl panties on and own your crap. Poop or get off the pot. In other words, leave your husband or fess up and fix your marriage. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Turtles Posted June 15, 2013 Share Posted June 15, 2013 It's a little bit like a drug. I am very happy to be blissfully ignorant of what heroin would feel like, because I am aware it would wreck my life. Now you have had your first hit and you are like a junkie looking for a fix. You need to detox. Link to post Share on other sites
Goodbye Posted June 15, 2013 Share Posted June 15, 2013 Sometimes ignorance is bliss. Or at least, ignorance can give you a more peaceful existence then having a "taste" of something else. Link to post Share on other sites
Esoteric Elf Posted June 15, 2013 Share Posted June 15, 2013 Kinda, to an extent. There is this girl that I am doing things for (sending her valentines, purchasing college memorabilia bricks with her name on it, etc.), and she is not aware of it. I am ignorant to her rejection, and, since I get such a kick out of doing things for her without her knowing who I am, I would say in this case ignorance is bliss. This is not usual though. Most people expect something in return for their labors rather than the fun in the act itself. Link to post Share on other sites
spice4life Posted June 15, 2013 Share Posted June 15, 2013 I think you answered your own question. You just need to handle the down times better and not look for distractions outside of your marriage. You made one huge step by admitting that to yourself. Your spouse needs to hear that you feel lonely and unloved sometimes and that they are not honoring the reason you are married in the first place. I know marriages go through ups and downs, but no one should ever have to feel lonely and unloved. If there is a good foundation in your relationship to begin with then you should be able to discuss this with your partner and not retreat from it. If you retreat that is 100% on you and not anyone else. Link to post Share on other sites
MercuryMorrison1 Posted June 16, 2013 Share Posted June 16, 2013 Of course ignorance is bliss. Do you know how many flying space rocks (asteroids) there are out there on a direct collision course with earth but are stopped by outside forces? (usually Jupiter or Saturn) If people knew and thought about things like this with any regularity the world would break out in chaos. I could have terminal cancer developing in my body right now, but I don't know that I do...Thus I'm ignorantly and happily going about my life. Link to post Share on other sites
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