Decency in Dating

[NoMoreJerks]

Hey everyone,

 

So I was thinking about online dating, and well, dating in general, and it made me realize how indecent and disrespectful people generally are, even when they are dating someone they are potentially interested in making their gf / bf.

 

In particular, it just made me think about all those men (and possibly also women) who probably -- while on a date with one girl, are thinking about some other girl they had messaged online. Why not focus on your present date? It is just plain disgusting, and I am sure a lot of women do this as well. I for one would hate to be sitting at the dinner table with someone who just got hard thinking about some other chick he's probably setting up a date with. You might say it's a numbers game, but that doesn't really excuse the lack of decency. We're not wild animals, you know?

 

Thoughts on this? And your experiences, if any? Have you ever been on a date with someone, and thought of (and gotten aroused while thinking of) someone else?

[todreaminblue]

No I normally don't go on dates with a guy when i have feelings for another guy...and i dont date in multiples for me or for them...exclusive...is my way.....but...i have accepted a date with someone when i do have strong feelings for someone else.....not sexual or arousing...but happinesss ....and a real warmth when i think of him....in saying that......i have had feelings for this guy for a long time.......and i would always devote myself to the person i am out with.......get to know him....still makes me feel guilty though.......i would be thinking of someone else if i were to go today ...the date is next week.....i am thinking about this.....and if i do go on this date i accepted ...it will have to be with a clear conscience and an open heart...or i cant go...at the moment ....feeling a bit of guilt for accepting and nto being 100 per cent sure i should have....deb

[NoMoreJerks]

This is why I never liked online dating, to be honest. It just has this "mass effect" where a lot of people are dating multiple people at the same time. It makes for a lot of crappy attitude and the very idea of it is disrespectful, to both genders. I am not some candidate amongst hundreds, waiting to be interviewed. Nor am I the interviewer... It's plain ridiculous. How can someone be interested sexually and romantically in multiple people at the same time, if they are really looking for one person to have a relationship with? It seems that a lot of people justify this behaviour by claiming it saves time, but at what cost? Do you really respect your date if you really just see her as one among hundreds you will possibly date in the next few weeks? Aren't you (general you, not above poster) ashamed of it? It's degrading.

[carhill]

Can't speak for other guys but my cell phone is off during dates and the last time I dated, while I was separated, the ladies had my undivided attention. Both dating experiences were the result of OLD contacts. I guess there's a bell curve to these things.

[Woggle]

That is why every successful relationship I had started offline.

[tbf]

There's a plastic nature to online dating since you're dating people you've catalogue shopped for, so this makes them disposable since they're two dimensional pictures.

 

In real life, not only are you able to gauge immediate chemistry and 3-D attraction but it's very rare that people don't exchange some conversation. During a real life conversation of any nature, very little of it is verbal communication.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Hey everyone,

 

So I was thinking about online dating, and well, dating in general, and it made me realize how indecent and disrespectful people generally are, even when they are dating someone they are potentially interested in making their gf / bf.

 

In particular, it just made me think about all those men (and possibly also women) who probably -- while on a date with one girl, are thinking about some other girl they had messaged online. Why not focus on your present date?

 

Why is it "disgusting"? It's a first meeting. Nothing's invested. Maybe he doesn't like the girl he just met one bit and he's itching to get out of there.

 

 

It is just plain disgusting, and I am sure a lot of women do this as well. I for one would hate to be sitting at the dinner table with someone who just got hard thinking about some other chick he's probably setting up a date with. You might say it's a numbers game, but that doesn't really excuse the lack of decency. We're not wild animals, you know?

 

Thoughts on this? And your experiences, if any? Have you ever been on a date with someone, and thought of (and gotten aroused while thinking of) someone else?

 

This is the third or fourth time you've mentioned a guy getting wood over some other girl he hasn't even met yet while on a date.

 

THAT is what's disgusting; thinking and talking like that.

 

You know what? A guy you're just meeting - what's going on in his pants is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. You're the one who can't be decent on a date if you're preoccupied with how he has this huge throbbing gristle over some other girl. I can just imagine the fun you must be.

 

You are overflowing with toxic hatred, and I cannot imagine what positive thing you could bring into any relationship.

 

I wonder why the people you know "refuse" (your word) to invite you to their social events?

 

Please don't say what I predict you will:

 

1) because they're all stupid douchebags

 

2) because you are the most gorgeous woman who has ever walked the earth and they're too jealous of you to have you around.

 

Nope. There are other reasons. In your mirror.

 

Okay. Back to your question. No, I never got "aroused" :sick: thinking about some stranger with a profile while I was out meeting a person from OLD. I may have been kind of revved up about getting away from the hot mess of a human being I found myself having coffee with and … maybe getting back home to post on LoveShack and drink dietetic teas. Not exactly aroused over that, though.

 

If a person goes into dating, online or otherwise, without a huge massive overload of stinky baggage, fun and / or even love can result. But if you're raging and fuming about his imaginary stiffy? Just stay home.

[Mme. Chaucer]

There's a plastic nature to online dating since you're dating people you've catalogue shopped for, so this makes them disposable since they're two dimensional pictures.

 

In real life, not only are you able to gauge immediate chemistry and 3-D attraction but it's very rare that people don't exchange some conversation. During a real life conversation of any nature, very little of it is verbal communication.

 

I don't dispute what you're saying - but I met my husband online and it was all good from our first contact until now, 4 years later.

 

I'm pretty sure he wasn't pitching a tent under the dinner table fantasizing about some other lady who's picture he'd seen earlier, but who knows. We ended up together and harmonious.

[NoMoreJerks]

Why is it "disgusting"? It's a first meeting. Nothing's invested. Maybe he doesn't like the girl he just met one bit and he's itching to get out of there.

Well then, maybe he can get the f*ck out of my face, if he does not like me. No need to stick around! He can go home and get back to jerking off to the next woman's profile pic!

 

This is the third or fourth time you've mentioned a guy getting wood over some other girl he hasn't even met yet while on a date.

You don't know that he's never met her. A lot of men go on dates with new girls, even after being on the verge of "having feelings" for a girl they'd been dating for months. Happened to me, except he backed out of it after setting up the date, but before actually going on the date.

 

You know what? A guy you're just meeting - what's going on in his pants is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

Actually, it is -- it's as much my business to know what kind of a person he is, as it is his business when he is sitting there 'interviewing" me to see if I am a "decent" woman.

 

You're the one who can't be decent on a date if you're preoccupied with how he has this huge throbbing gristle over some other girl. I can just imagine the fun you must be.

I am a lot of fun -- if a guy actually can stop thinking with his d*ck and have an intelligent conversation. You see, most men cannot even do that for a few hours. And intelligent conversations by text message say nothng about their ability to hold a conversation that makes any sense. For all I know, that "smart-sounding" message took them exactly 10 hours to compose. I would not want to talk to a man who finds it so hard to have an intelligent conversation on-the-fly.

 

You are overflowing with toxic hatred, and I cannot imagine what positive thing you could bring into any relationship.

Well, good thing -- I am not looking for a relationship, so I can "spare" the great people of online-dating and the real world from the toxicity of it all, and let them get on their business of getting wood over random strangers.

 

I wonder why the people you know "refuse" (your word) to invite you to their social events?

Oh, that's an easy one. Most of my friends are married -- and their wives have actually banned their husbands from inviting me to social events, be it at their place, or at a neutral venue (pub, restaurant, etc.), because they think I will at some point steal (tempt) their husband, because I am prettier and smarter than they are. It's pathetic if you ask me. But at least one friend has told me that his wife has banned him from talking to me -- he now no longer talks to me if she is around. FUnny thing, I never even IMAGINED having a fling with their husbands because they're fat ugly slobs... and besides, I do not sleep with friends.

 

But if you're raging and fuming about his imaginary stiffy? Just stay home.

No need to stay home. Why stay home when I can just pick who I can f*ck? That's why most people go into online dating, anyway. Not because they're really interested in a relationship. It's just an online prostitution catalogue. I'll skip that waste of time, and cut to the chase. Atleast I am not some pretentious bitch claiming she loves kayaking and rafting, in order to woo some equally pretentious man into her bed. Pathetic. At least I have the guts to go for what I want, and not mince my words and take on a holier-than-thou attitude that will just evaporate when he f*cks her that night. Edited June 15, 2013 by NoMoreJerks

[Leigh 87]

wow.

 

Bitter much?

 

 

 

 

 

 

I met a guy online who lasted almost 3 years. Mme. Chaucer met her husband online.

 

If you're so gorgeous and intelligent, then why can't you attract men who are into you?

 

What is disgusting is the way you describe yourself as " prettier and smarter" than the wives of the "fat slobs

 

Look. Not all people are evil.

 

"unattractive" women and men alike, find loving partners who adore each other and last many happy years together.

 

Yet you're supposedly pretty, fun and clever. Where are the guys who adore you and treat you right?

 

You seem to put up with men who don't really value you at all.

 

I think you must have things going for you, but you fail to be the best person you could be.

 

I want to help you as well as bash you.

 

YOU SOUND BITTER.

 

You must have good things about you, but from people reading your words, it LOOKS like you're full of hatred.

 

It sounds like you would not even wish your best friend well if she met the man of her dreams; it sounds like you could not be happy for other people, since you cannot find a guy who is really invested in you.

 

Try to not waste negative energy on people. Use energy to work on yourself.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Hmm I kind of don't care if he is corresponding/thinking of other girls on the first "meet". But I am probably desensitized and slow to invest ESPECIALLY when meeting guys through OLD. Typically I don't correspond with them for long, few emails, possibly a phone call and meet. By that stage I have not built any emotions.

[Sunshine87]

Hey everyone,

 

So I was thinking about online dating, and well, dating in general, and it made me realize how indecent and disrespectful people generally are, even when they are dating someone they are potentially interested in making their gf / bf.

 

In particular, it just made me think about all those men (and possibly also women) who probably -- while on a date with one girl, are thinking about some other girl they had messaged online. Why not focus on your present date? It is just plain disgusting, and I am sure a lot of women do this as well. I for one would hate to be sitting at the dinner table with someone who just got hard thinking about some other chick he's probably setting up a date with. You might say it's a numbers game, but that doesn't really excuse the lack of decency. We're not wild animals, you know?

 

Thoughts on this? And your experiences, if any? Have you ever been on a date with someone, and thought of (and gotten aroused while thinking of) someone

else?

 

Unfortunately, it's really hard to decipher your date's thoughts. He might not be tuned int the date but not necssarily because he is thinking of someone else. It could be that he isn't enjoying the date and would rather be home watching tv or typing on LS lol.

 

I have certainly been on dates with divided attention. I'm sure I have been on dates and thought about other people too. However I am not a serial dater so I might not be the best person to rende advice.

 

I think however that many people juggle multiple dates at the same time. It's really difficult to know what's going through someone's mind on a date, let alone whether or not he is thnking of getting with someone else.

 

Don't worry yourself with those sort of details. The don't matter because the date will either blossom into a relationship or it wouldn't.

[Janesays]

Have you ever been on a date with someone, and thought of (and gotten aroused while thinking of) someone else?

 

 

Ew, no. What a gross, weird thing to even think about!

[Leigh 87]

Ew, no. What a gross, weird thing to even think about!

 

 

She is bitter. To the point where she thinks men that first meet her for a date, must surely be thinking about having sex with other women constantly, while talking to her throughout the date:sick:

 

It screams to me like: men who meet me are surely thinking about every OTHER women BUT me. She has been burnt and has never had a man who has adored her or made her feel as though she is all they are interested in, romantically speaking.

 

Believe it or not, not ALL men are thinking about sex with other women incessantly, while they are talking/having dinner with their date.

 

Men think about sex. But while on a first date with someone one, they would not think about sex with OTHER women (other than their date), anymore than a man normally would think about sex. Why would they?

[veggirl]

Never have I been on a date and had it cross my mind that the guy could be thinking of another girl.

 

Where is this coming from?

 

If a guy is on a date with me it's to get to know me. I mean...right? Right. Why are you so negative, did someone admit to doing this while out with you or something?

[Eternal Sunshine]

I saw that guy has a hard-on on the first date, while sitting across the table, I would be flattered

[Els]

Uhhh. Doesn't it seem rather paranoid to, 1) Look for hard-ons on the men you're dating, and 2) if you see one, to assume that they are thinking about some other woman, instead of looking at you?

[NoMoreJerks]

It sounds like you would not even wish your best friend well if she met the man of her dreams; it sounds like you could not be happy for other people, since you cannot find a guy who is really invested in you.

I don't have best friends, but if I did, I would wish her all the best and hope that she is not cheated on like most men cheat on their wives. I am a very loyal person, and continue to be loyal even when people treat me like sh*t. That might be my problem. These days, loyalty is unimportant.

[NoMoreJerks]

As for why I would think of that (and no, I don't look to see if a man has a hard-on...and probably wouldn't even be able to tell if i did look), it's because of the very nature of online dating. The fact that dates are just sort of like interviews and he's probably queued up the next one. Compare that to meeting someone in real life -- you are probably not being evaluated in comparison to other women, but on your own merits. It's degrading to be evaluated in comparison to your previous date or the date's expectations of a forthcoming date with another person. It's like going to multiple prostitutes and then telling your buddy that this one was better than that one.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Uhhh. Doesn't it seem rather paranoid to, 1) Look for hard-ons on the men you're dating,

 

Not only paranoid, but perverted! Maybe we have an emerging sex offender on our hands.

[NoMoreJerks]

Not only paranoid, but perverted! Maybe we have an emerging sex offender on our hands.

lol, wow! you just outdid your previous posts!

[NoMoreJerks]

Who made the rule you have to date more than one at once with online? I date one at once and hate that some are juggling half a dozen. how do people have time for that?

Rule or no rule, let's be honest -- most people are doing it! And the same goes for women, btw.

[Leigh 87]

I don't have best friends, but if I did, I would wish her all the best and hope that she is not cheated on like most men cheat on their wives. I am a very loyal person, and continue to be loyal even when people treat me like sh*t. That might be my problem. These days, loyalty is unimportant.

 

 

Look, I can see that you are actually a loyal woman.

I feel like you desperately WANT a man who adores you and loves you; yet you get the exact opposite of what you desire.

 

I do not sense that you're a bad person by nature...

.

You come across like you have been hurt by men, and therefore, you think all men are rotten.

 

What Veggirl? And Mme Chaucer? And Elswyth? And Janesays?

 

They are all with men who adore them enough to want to spent their lives with them, make a commitment to them, and treat them well enough to make these women feel loved, secure and happy.

 

A LOT of men out there DO treat women well. There ARE men who do not cheat.

 

I was with a man who hurt me badly. He used hookers and got off on talking to strangers online.

 

But heck, he still adored the hell out of me and treated me very well on a DAILY basis. And he committed to me and voiced that he would like to marry me and put his bad days behind him.

 

I mean, I have gotten a taste of being adored and loved; I also know what it is like to be hurt badly.

I understand your position. I have also seen light at he end of the tunnel. And I SEE women, even many women on here alone, that have found loyal and decent men.

 

They do not have some magic power lol, that makes decent men fall for them.

 

They are just normal women who are extraordinary to certain men who come across them.

 

I think you will also find that many of those women, have been treated like crap by dudes in the past.

 

...................................................

 

These women who have gone on to meet decent men, did not just give up and become bitter after one or two men treated them with disinterest.

[NoMoreJerks]

it isn't online which a the issue. it's people getting greedy trying to date multiple people at once. talk about little interest in any particular one and them add on mixing up details including names.

Maybe, but it's more of a commonplace thing in online dating. I doubt that most guys (unless they are super-confident players) would approach multiple women in a short span, and ask them out for dinner... I really doubt that happens very often. In fact, I think someone who does that in real life, would probably not be interested in a relationship but would be just collecting numbers for booty calls in the future. Sure, he might ask them out to dinner, but only with the intention of trying his luck with getting them to bed.

[Leigh 87]

ugh I feel compelled to try to help you.

 

I have had men treat me like crap, yet I have not even remotely given up on men.

 

I just figure that I am awesome enough and I have enough to offer, for a decent, loyal, and just the right guy for me, to find me.

 

Although I obviously, like YOU, have some issues regarding my self worth, so as to have LET dudes treat me badly in the past.

 

I love being in love, and I have no inclination to let one man using hookers and etc, deter me. At all.

 

And I had a life with this man. I am madly in love with him. Even what he did, does not make me want to give up on love. I KNOW there are better men out there who will not do that to me.

 

Please. I am not that special lol. I am not curing cancer. But man, you really cannot let men who treat you badly, dictate your whole OUTLOOK on men!

 

I have been through the very worst, with a man I actually was IN LOVE WITH, and who treated me very well most of the time, betray my trust.

 

Come on now. Stop being so weak and bitter! A guy I was GOING TO MARRY and who was my whole world, used hookers and betrayed me.

 

I am not bitter and sh*tty at all men, and you should try to have a more positive attitude like I do.