xxoo Posted June 15, 2013 Share Posted June 15, 2013 If your goal is to attract a decent man, it would be wise to be the kind of woman a decent man is seeking. The guy you want is going to be choosy. Why would he choose the jaded girl who sleeps with married guys and has ONS with guys from OLD? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NoMoreJerks Posted June 15, 2013 Author Share Posted June 15, 2013 If your goal is to attract a decent man, it would be wise to be the kind of woman a decent man is seeking. The guy you want is going to be choosy. Why would he choose the jaded girl who sleeps with married guys and has ONS with guys from OLD? Well, so far, decent men have not approached me despite not knowing that I have ONSs or am "jaded". So that is a moot point. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted June 15, 2013 Share Posted June 15, 2013 Well, so far, decent men have not approached me despite not knowing that I have ONSs or am "jaded". So that is a moot point. Why haven't they? Living in Montreal isn't the reason. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NoMoreJerks Posted June 15, 2013 Author Share Posted June 15, 2013 Why haven't they? Living in Montreal isn't the reason. I am pretty sure it is the reason. The overwhelming majority of my friends who have bfs / husbands, their bfs / husbands are not from here, they moved here after they met their gf (who moved back to my city). What is your theory about the reason, anyway? How would they know I am not a decent person to approach anyway? Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted June 15, 2013 Share Posted June 15, 2013 I am pretty sure it is the reason. The overwhelming majority of my friends who have bfs / husbands, their bfs / husbands are not from here, they moved here after they met their gf (who moved back to my city). What is your theory about the reason, anyway? How would they know I am not a decent person to approach anyway? My theory is that you aren't naturally mixing with the target population. Most relationships start with people meeting through social networks, getting to know each other in "natural habitat" (rather than artificial places like OLD or bars). There is less approach and more interaction and feeling mutual sparks. In that sort of circumstance, a decent guy might actually hear some negative things about you from the social grapevine. People do talk. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NoMoreJerks Posted June 15, 2013 Author Share Posted June 15, 2013 My theory is that you aren't naturally mixing with the target population. Most relationships start with people meeting through social networks, getting to know each other in "natural habitat" (rather than artificial places like OLD or bars). There is less approach and more interaction and feeling mutual sparks. In that sort of circumstance, a decent guy might actually hear some negative things about you from the social grapevine. People do talk. As it happens, I have a very limited social circle, and don't really have the same schedule as my friends, and they don't really mix with people from different backgrounds, mostly with a certain ethnicity that I really am not attracted to and find too socially conservative (and religious) to mingle with, to be honest. So that's off the table. And, I do not share anything about my sexual encounters with my friends. We only talk about relationships. None of my friends know I have done a ONS. Link to post Share on other sites
BradJacobs Posted June 15, 2013 Share Posted June 15, 2013 The beef I have is with people who line up dates with multiple people before even going on a date with the first person in line.. and then they take their pick. It's degrading.. to them as well as to the people they are going out with, regardless of where in the queue one is. Why not just go on a date, decide you don't like someone, and set up a date with someone else THEN? Ever met someone from OLD that looked NOTHING like their picture? I have. It's a waste of my f-ing time for a woman to show up 6 years older and 40 pounds heavier. I was interested in the skinny girl with the sexy bangs, not the overweight woman with a short haircut who hasn't seen the inside of the gym since before she began her love affair with twinkies and ice cream. People lie. It's the reason why you set up multiple first dates. Link to post Share on other sites
ltjg45 Posted June 15, 2013 Share Posted June 15, 2013 Well, so far, decent men have not approached me despite not knowing that I have ONSs or am "jaded". So that is a moot point. That is because, unless proven otherwise, that is what they are assuming from you. Is it their fault for coming to such an assumption? Definitely. I do that all of the time and then question whether or not I should approach. It's not like I really get clear signals that she wants to be approached to begin with. However..... I can't sit here and say that the decent males shouldn't be concerned. I'm sure some of them has been burned pretty badly and is double-guessing themselves. It doesn't take much for a woman to hit at a male's ego pretty hard just like it's no different for the male to do the same to a woman. Look at me, for example. I'm sure that most women would think that, due to the fact that I had no job for half a decade, that I'm just some deadbeat male who wants to leech on a woman financially. Is it fair to me? No but I can understand why they came to that conclusion unless they took the time to understand my situation and some women either can't afford to or don't want to. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted June 15, 2013 Share Posted June 15, 2013 As it happens, I have a very limited social circle, S. That alone could explain your dating struggles. How can you expect to attract a decent man if you don't walk where they walk? Link to post Share on other sites
Author NoMoreJerks Posted June 15, 2013 Author Share Posted June 15, 2013 That alone could explain your dating struggles. How can you expect to attract a decent man if you don't walk where they walk? How do you expect that I have one, when 90% my friends only hang out with 20 year old kids because they happen to be from their own ethnicity, and speak their own language during events? So basically I sit there and have limited conversation and few people I get to know that I would be interested in dating (age-wise, etc.)... Honestly, I find it hard to believe that someone who doesn't hang out with a lot of friends who are so popular as to throw massive get-togethers, won't be able to find someone. That's ridiculous. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 15, 2013 Share Posted June 15, 2013 Where do you think decent men hang out? Link to post Share on other sites
Author NoMoreJerks Posted June 15, 2013 Author Share Posted June 15, 2013 Where do you think decent men hang out? I don't know. In my city, I would guess, in their parents' house... Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 15, 2013 Share Posted June 15, 2013 I recall, while we were engaged, taking my exW to a huge car show in LA, not five miles from where she grew up, and she was flabbergasted by all the 'decent' single guys who were there. She made mention of that, after we spent the day making the rounds and meeting up with all my friends. All that in the parking lot of Knott's Berry Farm. You never know where decent men will gather. Get around and see. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted June 15, 2013 Share Posted June 15, 2013 The beef I have is with people who line up dates with multiple people before even going on a date with the first person in line.. and then they take their pick. It's degrading.. to them as well as to the people they are going out with, regardless of where in the queue one is. Why not just go on a date, decide you don't like someone, and set up a date with someone else THEN? Because they don't like you enough to want to only focus on you, and stop messaging other women. Since it is just a first date, you should not CARE. It is not a job interview, don't be perturbed. Like xxoo says: you either BOTH connect, or not. If you don't both "feel it" then they will continue talking to other women, And SO THEY SHOULD. IF they are into you enough, they will ignore other women (or wrap things up with them) and focus totally on YOU. You just haven't met a dude that actually likes you that much. And stop saying how fun and awesome you are. That is not enough to make every guy want you. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted June 15, 2013 Share Posted June 15, 2013 You don't have to go to lots of house parties to meet someone, but of course it is going to be more difficult if you have a "very limited" social group. There is a huge healthy middle ground between the extremes. Get involved in things that help your community, and the people in it. You are bound to meet awesome men doing the same. Link to post Share on other sites
aussietigerwolf Posted June 15, 2013 Share Posted June 15, 2013 I have been treated badly in the past but I met an awesome guy on an online dating site who adores me and... had a "stiffy" that was because of me Link to post Share on other sites
jcrew11 Posted June 16, 2013 Share Posted June 16, 2013 How do you expect that I have one, when 90% my friends only hang out with 20 year old kids because they happen to be from their own ethnicity, and speak their own language during events? So basically I sit there and have limited conversation and few people I get to know that I would be interested in dating (age-wise, etc.)... Honestly, I find it hard to believe that someone who doesn't hang out with a lot of friends who are so popular as to throw massive get-togethers, won't be able to find someone. That's ridiculous. I don't comprehend how ethnicity would hinder your dating life, unless you are only interested in dating someone outside your race. Are you trying to date inter-racially and meet men of different races and cultures? Its difficult to date people of different races and cultures if they want different things and won't marry someone of a different race. There are also a lot of cultural differences and expectations of dating. Many non-American countries are more traditional and conservative. If you are a french-canadien then you should not have problems meeting other french-canadians. Did you talk to any guys in high school or college? What about men in your neighborhood? If you are as pretty as you say you are, I don't understand how no guys in college or high school would be interested in dating you. Were you home-schooled and forced to live in a nunnery? I just can't fathom how a 30 year old can have such limited social experience or social intelligence. Its easy to meet new people if you are involved in sports or other hobbies. Surely, you must have some hobbies that are co-ed. Link to post Share on other sites
jcrew11 Posted June 16, 2013 Share Posted June 16, 2013 If your goal is to attract a decent man, it would be wise to be the kind of woman a decent man is seeking. The guy you want is going to be choosy. Why would he choose the jaded girl who sleeps with married guys and has ONS with guys from OLD? Yeah, she doesn't understand that you can learn a lot about a person based on their attitude. She just comes across as very negative, tempermental, judgemental, and even angry. Of course, many working alpha women fall into the trap of being too aggressive and masculine. Guys want a girl that's positive, friendly, caring, nurturing, and all the other ideals of a "wife" She just seems obssessed with "jerk attitudes" and blaming jerks for everything that is wrong with life. Most people are jerks or witches if you treat them poorly. The key to going through life is to try to kill the jerks with kindness, and if that doesn't work, then move on. But some relationships also take time, and patience, and it seems like her biological clock is ticking that she angry at every frog that comes her way. Link to post Share on other sites
El Brujo Posted June 16, 2013 Share Posted June 16, 2013 This makes me want to make an OLD profile for a GUY. I have always wondered what the experience would be like for a guy. Lurking on this site and reading all these tales of woe only further peaks my curiosity! It will probably get looked at by, at most, 3 women a month. The caveman mentality is alive and well... unfortunately. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NoMoreJerks Posted June 16, 2013 Author Share Posted June 16, 2013 I don't comprehend how ethnicity would hinder your dating life, unless you are only interested in dating someone outside your race. Are you trying to date inter-racially and meet men of different races and cultures? Its difficult to date people of different races and cultures if they want different things and won't marry someone of a different race. There are also a lot of cultural differences and expectations of dating. Many non-American countries are more traditional and conservative. If you are a french-canadien then you should not have problems meeting other french-canadians. Did you talk to any guys in high school or college? What about men in your neighborhood? If you are as pretty as you say you are, I don't understand how no guys in college or high school would be interested in dating you. Were you home-schooled and forced to live in a nunnery? I just can't fathom how a 30 year old can have such limited social experience or social intelligence. Its easy to meet new people if you are involved in sports or other hobbies. Surely, you must have some hobbies that are co-ed. What? I am born and raised Quebecois. However, most of my friends happen to be Middle Eastern, since, well, there are a lot of Middle Easterners here. I do not feel attracted to Middle Eastern men nor their values, and therefore, do not feel compelled to seek a man from that community (and because most of my friends at work/school are from that community, that really limits my ability to find someone at events organized by friends). I have not been in touch with any high school friends for over a decade. I am 30. The same goes for my undergraduate years -- I studied out of province, so the people I did my undergraduate with, are in an entirely different province. I was not homeschooled, but my parents are quite conservative and were very over-protective, so even as a child, the activities I was allowed to participate in were very limited. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NoMoreJerks Posted June 16, 2013 Author Share Posted June 16, 2013 Most people are jerks or witches if you treat them poorly. The key to going through life is to try to kill the jerks with kindness, and if that doesn't work, then move on. But some relationships also take time, and patience, and it seems like her biological clock is ticking that she angry at every frog that comes her way. Oh, I gave up on the idea of having kids a while back. I could always adopt, and that's probably the way to go. Maybe even as a single parent. I don't need a man in my life to make things happen. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NoMoreJerks Posted June 16, 2013 Author Share Posted June 16, 2013 (edited) Yeah, she doesn't understand that you can learn a lot about a person based on their attitude. She just comes across as very negative, tempermental, judgemental, and even angry. Of course, many working alpha women fall into the trap of being too aggressive and masculine. I am proud of my achievements and somewhat assertive (in other words I am not a doormat, nor do I adopt a man's opinions just because I might like him or not want to turn him off -- I have my own opinions and I will stand by them), but that doesn't make me non-positive, unfriendly, uncaring, unloyal, or unnurturing. I am the opposite of all those, and I am good fun when a guy approaches me and gets talking, or asks me out on a date. I had a great time with the guy I went out to dinner with the other night.. 3 hours of fun, and funny, conversation. I had a blast, really. In no way did I come across as negative, temperamental, judgmental, or angry. In fact, I have always been on friendly terms with everyone I've known or talked to at least once. Even the wife of a good friend of mine, who is such a bitch with me and no longer talks to me (for a reason unknown to me -- actually, most likely because she is jealous and thinks I'm gonna steal her husband) -- I always say hi to her and smile. She looks at me, scowls, and walks away. It's funny and pathetic and sad all at once, especially when I think back on the numerous times that I treated her to lunch and which she never reciprocated. No one does entertaining, funny, humorous, and fun-to-be-around as me. Sometimes I even surprise myself, since I used to be very introverted and shy. I have outgrown that, especially of late. Edited June 16, 2013 by NoMoreJerks Link to post Share on other sites
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