Decency in Dating

[NoMoreJerks]

And to add to that, I have never given out my number to more than 1 guy in the span of a few months (not even talking the same night or the same week). If I give out my number in a real life interaction situation, it's with the expectation that he is interested in going out with me on a proper date. And sure, he might get some other chick's number the following week or in the next 2 weeks or whatever, but it's not like he would have a collection of numbers he'd be picking and choosing from (unless he's a player, of course, as I said -- and if he is, he's not interested in dating in the first place) and then comparing his date with me to some other date he had the night before, or getting excited about his date with some other woman scheduled for the following evening. There's almost a factory line logic to it. I am not some jar in a line of jars in a factory...

[Mme. Chaucer]

A lot of men go on dates with new girls, even after being on the verge of "having feelings" for a girl they'd been dating for months. Happened to me, except he backed out of it after setting up the date, but before actually going on the date.

 

What are you saying here? A guy you had not met was on the "verge of having feelings" for you and then backed out of meeting you? YOU HAD NOT MET HIM. And you have no idea about his "verging" feelings. He backed out of meeting you. The reason was probably the way you present yourself. I'd back out myself.

 

What exactly is your problem? Please. If guys don't like you, it's always because "men are pigs." Guess what. They don't like YOU.

 

 

Actually, it is -- it's as much my business to know what kind of a person he is, as it is his business when he is sitting there 'interviewing" me to see if I am a "decent" woman.

 

No. His dick is not your business. You don't even know him; the two of you are nothing to each other.

 

Maybe if you weren't so preoccupied with weird and sick concepts like this one you might stop being such a sad bottom feeder.

 

You see, most men cannot even do that for a few hours. And intelligent conversations by text message say nothng about their ability to hold a conversation that makes any sense. For all I know, that "smart-sounding" message took them exactly 10 hours to compose. I would not want to talk to a man who finds it so hard to have an intelligent conversation on-the-fly.

 

YOU see. You know nothing about men. It's ridiculous how you sit here typing on your computer teaching all of us lessons about men. Your experience has been very limited. You seem to make all your choices where men are concerned with the goal of affirming your confirmation bias that all men are nothing more than giant penises.

 

You are exactly the same as any man who just thinks of women as walking pussies. There are men like that. Trash. I can't stand 'em myself. And you are the perfect match for them, since you are just the same.

 

You are JUST as offensive as all the women haters that populate this board. Toxic sexism is the same as racism; it's all destructive hatred.

 

Why are you even looking for men at all. You hate men. Wallow on.

[hudson701]

To be honest I think 'NoMoreJerks' might be a troll. I'm surprised the mods haven't issued a ban yet what with so many antagonistic posts.

[NoMoreJerks]

Leigh, I am not bitter and sh*tty with all men. I just went out on what I thought was a date with a man. And I was very respectful and had a good time. But it doesn't take away from the fact that 99% of men are sh*tty and after one thing and only one thing: p*ssy. As for love, and wanting to be in love, I do not believe in love. It is seriously overrated and only people with a naive world view would believe in that. I used to be naive like that, but now I am not. I do expect, though, a modicum of respect, decency, and interest in me. And most men do not give me that -- in fact, if I am one in a long list of women waiting to date him, it is quite degrading, actually. No thanks.

[Leigh 87]

She is not a troll.

 

She has written extremely LONG, extensive posts over the months.....

 

If she is a troll, she has spent a heck of a lot of time writing on here.

[NoMoreJerks]

What are you saying here? A guy you had not met was on the "verge of having feelings" for you and then backed out of meeting you? YOU HAD NOT MET HIM. And you have no idea about his "verging" feelings. He backed out of meeting you. The reason was probably the way you present yourself. I'd back out myself.

No, you misread my post, as always. He had feelings for some other girl. I fail to see why he'd even ask me out, if he was on the verge of having feelings for some other woman. Clearly, he had been going out with her for some time.

 

What exactly is your problem? Please. If guys don't like you, it's always because "men are pigs." Guess what. They don't like YOU.

Oh, guys like me alright. I've had dates and had long conversations with them. Just that none of them are genuinely interested in a relationship, or probably were thinking of the next woman they have a date with.

 

No. His dick is not your business. You don't even know him; the two of you are nothing to each other.

So, if I had sex with a guy on a first date, it's none of his business what I do with my p*ssy and whether or not I f*ck every man Ihave a date with, right? And he shouldn't judge me for it, is that what you're saying?

 

the rest of your post is just bla bla bla another one of your rants about how evil , sick, perverted, bad, rotten I am. I get it. No need to repeat. But no, you are not going to convince me that I am all these things....

[Els]

As for why I would think of that (and no, I don't look to see if a man has a hard-on...and probably wouldn't even be able to tell if i did look), it's because of the very nature of online dating. The fact that dates are just sort of like interviews and he's probably queued up the next one. Compare that to meeting someone in real life -- you are probably not being evaluated in comparison to other women, but on your own merits. It's degrading to be evaluated in comparison to your previous date or the date's expectations of a forthcoming date with another person. It's like going to multiple prostitutes and then telling your buddy that this one was better than that one.

 

If you believe this is the 'nature' of online dating, that's a viable opinion. The less viable part, is continuing to engage in it despite having this belief...

 

 

She is not a troll.

 

She has written extremely LONG, extensive posts over the months.....

 

If she is a troll, she has spent a heck of a lot of time writing on here.

 

Yeah, I agree with you. I mean, trolls write long posts too, but the OP provides way too many consistent details about her personal life over the years to be one. Trolls generally just have a modus operandi, and are only interested in talking about it, not answering personal questions. Not to mention that she doesn't engage in ad hominems nearly as much...

 

I think she's genuine and she's hurting and dispirited (kind of like SD before his transformation ), but unfortunately bitterness is a vicious cycle.

[NoMoreJerks]

If you believe this is the 'nature' of online dating, that's a viable opinion. The less viable part, is continuing to engage in it despite having this belief...

I don't actually engage in it. I've given it a shot a few times, and it just is disgusting. I mean, I was having what I thought was a great conversation via mssging with a guy on a paid online dating site, and he completely blanked me out after 4 messages. I don't think I said anything remotely unlikeable, etc. It just doesn't seem to be worth the effort and waste of time, when so many men have the attention span of a cockroach, and move on to the next woman who attracts their attention , completely blanking out another one who bothered to write paragraphs of stuff other than about sex, looks, boobs, and the like.

[Leigh 87]

Leigh, I am not bitter and sh*tty with all men. I just went out on what I thought was a date with a man. And I was very respectful and had a good time. But it doesn't take away from the fact that 99% of men are sh*tty and after one thing and only one thing: p*ssy. As for love, and wanting to be in love, I do not believe in love. It is seriously overrated and only people with a naive world view would believe in that. I used to be naive like that, but now I am not. I do expect, though, a modicum of respect, decency, and interest in me. And most men do not give me that -- in fact, if I am one in a long list of women waiting to date him, it is quite degrading, actually. No thanks.

 

 

Hold on.

 

You claim that you're pretty. You're smart too?

 

I am not that stunning looking. I am mid 20's, still doing a college degree. I have totally screwed up my life thus far.

I have experienced love. With a man who was very interested in me and did not have a long list of women they he considered dating.

 

It is called: being interested in a woman and wanting to invest in her, and shutting off other women. Because you like one woman too much to consider others for dating purposes.

Most men think about porn or other women in a sexual way. Some to lesser extents to others.

 

I have had decent, kind and respectful types of men that have been interested in dating me. And I am not a super model, nor do I even HAVE a career established. I do not have the best self worth and I do not LOVE myself yet.

But I sure like myself enough to know that it is very possible for a kind and decent man, to meet me, fall for me and be ONLY interested in me. With no other girls on his mind in terms of dating.

 

 

................................. There are many average looking or people who are considered "unattractive" by society, who find ADORING and loving partners.

 

It happens!

 

Don't say you don't believe in love. My parents are in love. They have been for over 35 years.

 

You seriously amaze me.

 

Just.. yeah.

[Els]

I don't actually engage in it. I've given it a shot a few times, and it just is disgusting. I mean, I was having what I thought was a great conversation via mssging with a guy on a paid online dating site, and he completely blanked me out after 4 messages. I don't think I said anything remotely unlikeable, etc. It just doesn't seem to be worth the effort and waste of time, when so many men have the attention span of a cockroach, and move on to the next woman who attracts their attention , completely blanking out another one who bothered to write paragraphs of stuff other than about sex, looks, boobs, and the like.

 

Okay, so just stop engaging in online dating, and move on to RL dating, if you think online dating isn't for you. If the issue were with online dating, seems like there's an extremely easy solution for that. Why the need for the constant venting about how all men are douchebags etc?

[Eternal Sunshine]

Leigh, I am not bitter and sh*tty with all men. I just went out on what I thought was a date with a man. And I was very respectful and had a good time. But it doesn't take away from the fact that 99% of men are sh*tty and after one thing and only one thing: p*ssy. As for love, and wanting to be in love, I do not believe in love. It is seriously overrated and only people with a naive world view would believe in that. I used to be naive like that, but now I am not. I do expect, though, a modicum of respect, decency, and interest in me. And most men do not give me that -- in fact, if I am one in a long list of women waiting to date him, it is quite degrading, actually. No thanks.

 

Yeah, the nature of OLD seems to me like a factory conveyor belt. It's not just men, I have seen men in this fashion too.

 

My line of thinking goes like this; if a guy is sincere about wanting a relationship and meets me and 10 other women, those women are irrelevant if we connect the best. I am not going to think about them. I am going to have fun on the date and have faith that if the chemistry is right, we will end up together.

[NoMoreJerks]

Okay, so just stop engaging in online dating, and move on to RL dating, if you think online dating isn't for you. If the issue were with online dating, seems like there's an extremely easy solution for that. Why the need for the constant venting about how all men are douchebags etc?

Real life dating how exactly? I am supposed to run around and ask random men out, when I see them on the street? I go to so many different places, and have yet to have anyone ask me out. I doubt they could smell my so-called sh*tty attitude either, since I am much more outgoing and friendly and smiley than the majority of people in this city. Maybe I should start adopting a more sh*tty attitude, that might make me fit in. But yeah, no thanks, if that is what's gonna take to get someone to get interested in me.

[William]

Since moderation was mentioned in this thread, here's the relevant portion of the community guidelines members shall be aware of and follow:

 

We expect that all community participants interact in a manner conducive to free-flowing, collaborative participation from all visitors, fostering an environment free of harassment, character attacks, and other forms of individual and group berating. We realize that all members may not share the same definitions on issues surrounding personal morality, appropriate behavior, and other sensitive topics of discussion that often appear on the site; we encourage all to voice their own opinions while refraining from criticizing other participants for the perspective they hold. Each person that posts on the forum is to be treated with the utmost respect and civility regardless of how absurd or ridiculous the opinion expressed might seem to you from your perspective.

 

Further, for those who are not aware, calling another member out as a troll publicly is a violation of the civility and respect guidelines and gains the member half the distance to a suspension. Hence, use the 'Alert Us' button and leave the 'troll' decisions to moderation.

 

Hence, postings shall focus on the topic and be respectful of the thread starter. For the thread starter, please end your use of profanity. Thanks. Carry on.

[SoulJazzBlues]

If all I was attracting was douchebags and pigs, I'd start evaluating what I was doing to attract only said type of man.

 

OLD is a tool. It does not make people worse or better. You're hiding behind a wall of attacking a tool to avoid your own responsibility in your dating failures

[Els]

Real life dating how exactly? I am supposed to run around and ask random men out, when I see them on the street? I go to so many different places, and have yet to have anyone ask me out. I doubt they could smell my so-called sh*tty attitude either, since I am much more outgoing and friendly and smiley than the majority of people in this city. Maybe I should start adopting a more sh*tty attitude, that might make me fit in. But yeah, no thanks, if that is what's gonna take to get someone to get interested in me.

 

Soooo...

 

1) Everyone in online dating has a ****ty attitude.

2) Everyone IRL has a ****ty attitude, that's why you need a more ****ty attitude to fit in.

3) Ergo everyone is just ****ty, period, except yourself.

 

Is that what you're saying?

[eastcoastgirl88]

Interesting topic. I actually was out with a guy I met online the other night (first date) and he mentioned going out with another girl on the site. Not going to lie, it kind of shocked me!! I of course know I am logically not the only person guys on these sites are seeing but it was kind of weird hearing firsthand about it.

 

My response though was to let it roll off my back. It became a total non-issue and we had a nice time. I think this is one of those cases of "The bigger deal you make of it, the bigger of a deal it will become."

 

You have to assume whomever you're out with is seeing other people unless you're in a committed relationship. It's not a question of decency. It's just the way the world works.

[eastcoastgirl88]

I don't know but you're doing something that attracts the wrong guys and keeps the good guys away. what I don't know. do your girlfriends attract the good guys?

 

 

I believe you attract what you believe in/project. So, if you think all guys are users and jerks, you'll probably attract users and jerks.

 

If she changes her mindset she'll probably have better luck.

[NoMoreJerks]

Yeah, the nature of OLD seems to me like a factory conveyor belt. It's not just men, I have seen men in this fashion too.

 

My line of thinking goes like this; if a guy is sincere about wanting a relationship and meets me and 10 other women, those women are irrelevant if we connect the best. I am not going to think about them. I am going to have fun on the date and have faith that if the chemistry is right, we will end up together.

I really think though, that respect is of the essence here. It is at best unflattering and at worst rather offensive that I am in a line of 10 women he is interested in dating. I don't usually set up dates with men unless I have had at least some back and forth messaging about the stuff that matters, to see if we click, and if he does not do the same with others, then is he really the sort of man I am willing to go out with? What does it say about his standards? What does it say about MY standards if I go out with him? Am I OK with being treated like one in a long list of women whose names and profiles he probably won't even remember, except for their looks? My self-esteem is not that low, for me to accept to be a willing participant in some guy's multi-dating adventures, and that is the problem with online dating. It is less so in real life dating, but even there, the problem exists. THe problem is one of attitude. If I am interested in a guy, I set my sights on him and want to get to know him. I don't at the same time hedge my bets on other guys.... It's a matter of decency and respect for that guy, even if we might turn out to be incompatible. I mean, time might be of the essence for most people who are looking for a relationship, but really? Are people that desperate? I mean, i used to consider myself pretty desperate for a relationship , especially that I felt like my biological clock was running out (for having kids), but I never did the queuing up of dates.

[eastcoastgirl88]

I really think though, that respect is of the essence here. It is at best unflattering and at worst rather offensive that I am in a line of 10 women he is interested in dating. I don't usually set up dates with men unless I have had at least some back and forth messaging about the stuff that matters, to see if we click, and if he does not do the same with others, then is he really the sort of man I am willing to go out with? What does it say about his standards? What does it say about MY standards if I go out with him? Am I OK with being treated like one in a long list of women whose names and profiles he probably won't even remember, except for their looks? My self-esteem is not that low, for me to accept to be a willing participant in some guy's multi-dating adventures, and that is the problem with online dating. It is less so in real life dating, but even there, the problem exists. THe problem is one of attitude. If I am interested in a guy, I set my sights on him and want to get to know him. I don't at the same time hedge my bets on other guys.... It's a matter of decency and respect for that guy, even if we might turn out to be incompatible. I mean, time might be of the essence for most people who are looking for a relationship, but really? Are people that desperate? I mean, i used to consider myself pretty desperate for a relationship , especially that I felt like my biological clock was running out (for having kids), but I never did the queuing up of dates.

 

I really think you are going about dating all wrong.

 

Let me ask, what is your goal for your life? Do you want to get married? Have kids? Have a meaningful LTR?

 

What is your dating history like?

 

I think knowing the answers to these questions might change how I answer you...

[NoMoreJerks]

I don't know but you're doing something that attracts the wrong guys and keeps the good guys away. what I don't know. do your girlfriends attract the good guys?

I don't know -- I don't think so anyway. Quite a few of my girlfriends have been cheated on (both married and unmarried). I don't think it's necessarily what I am doing wrong, as it is about what people these days generally are like... unfortunately, relationships , decency, etc., do not take precedence these days over other things such as, well, satisfying one's sexual desires, or whatever.

[Leigh 87]

What tends to happen with men is:

 

- if they meet 10 girls within 2 weeks, all the girls need to do is be themselves, and whoever he clicks with the best he will exclusively date.

 

- if a guy is really into a girl, he stops seeing other girls. Although there are major players who do throw away a genuine spark with a girl because they are jerks. Not all men are like that though.

 

- it is not a bloody job interview. You just BE YOURSELF. For the right guy, that WILL BE ENOUGH.

 

Seriously!

 

Not EVERY GUY will pick you. Because not EVERY GUY will fall for you. Or feel anything special towards you.

 

You have to get thicker skin. If you let the whole process of dating bother you.

 

I will meet some guys in the coming months. If I am not for them, it is nothing lost; it is not like I get attached to a guy after one or two dates or encounters with them. If they don't call, I have not gotten invested enough to CARE.

 

Something is wrong with your whole thought process, regarding men.

[eastcoastgirl88]

I don't know -- I don't think so anyway. Quite a few of my girlfriends have been cheated on (both married and unmarried). I don't think it's necessarily what I am doing wrong, as it is about what people these days generally are like... unfortunately, relationships , decency, etc., do not take precedence these days over other things such as, well, satisfying one's sexual desires, or whatever.

 

 

The fact is we are all humans are there is risk involved in any human relationship. There is ALWAYS the potential that a man will cheat. If you aren't willing to risk that possibility the only way to prevent it is to not be in a relationship.

 

You can minimize the risk substantially if you go after men who do not have a history of being womanizers, who have shown committment in other parts of their life, who treat you well, etc. You might also look into religious organizations. It's not really my cup of tea but I imagine any man who regularly attends church or temple might have stronger morals and be less likely to cheat.

[Leigh 87]

I don't know -- I don't think so anyway. Quite a few of my girlfriends have been cheated on (both married and unmarried). I don't think it's necessarily what I am doing wrong, as it is about what people these days generally are like... unfortunately, relationships , decency, etc., do not take precedence these days over other things such as, well, satisfying one's sexual desires, or whatever.

 

 

 

Can you explain the people on this website who have found love, with loyal and loving partners?

 

What about my parents? Two average looking people with normal jobs. Completely in love.

 

What about my Aunt and Uncle? She is obese. He COMPLETELY adores her. For 40 years.

 

What about me? Totally in love with a man who DID BETRAY ME. And I am TOTALLY excited about falling in love again one day. I do not have one iota of bitterness.

 

Really. If I can get the hell over the fact I got betrayed by a man I LOVED like nothing else?

 

I just... Frankly, I see you as very weak.

Jesus. I got betrayed by a man I SERIOUSLY love.

 

You really need to be more resilient, nomorejerks.

[El Brujo]

Hey everyone,

 

So I was thinking about online dating, and well, dating in general, and it made me realize how indecent and disrespectful people generally are, even when they are dating someone they are potentially interested in making their gf / bf.

 

In particular, it just made me think about all those men (and possibly also women) who probably -- while on a date with one girl, are thinking about some other girl they had messaged online. Why not focus on your present date? It is just plain disgusting, and I am sure a lot of women do this as well. I for one would hate to be sitting at the dinner table with someone who just got hard thinking about some other chick he's probably setting up a date with. You might say it's a numbers game, but that doesn't really excuse the lack of decency. We're not wild animals, you know?

 

Thoughts on this? And your experiences, if any? Have you ever been on a date with someone, and thought of (and gotten aroused while thinking of) someone else?

 

Understandable.

 

I once created a female OLD profile just to see what women have to deal with. What an experience. "Her" inbox was flooded with "HEY"s from men who just wanted to have violent sex and throw "her" away like an empty beer can. It is my sincere hope these men will get help, or at least a shot of Androcur so they won't be so horny.

 

It's a fair bet to say these men are no better in person... real life Beavis & Butt-heads. "Uh huhhuh, hey bebbeh..."

[eastcoastgirl88]

Understandable.

 

I once created a female OLD profile just to see what women have to deal with. What an experience. "Her" inbox was flooded with "HEY"s from men who just wanted to have violent sex and throw "her" away like an empty beer can. It is my sincere hope these men will get help, or at least a shot of Androcur so they won't be so horny.

 

It's a fair bet to say these men are no better in person... real life Beavis & Butt-heads. "Uh huhhuh, hey bebbeh..."

 

 

This makes me want to make an OLD profile for a GUY. I have always wondered what the experience would be like for a guy. Lurking on this site and reading all these tales of woe only further peaks my curiosity!