Dumped for no reason, do I call him?

[Lisa]

I was dumped by a guy I was seeing for a while, and I miss him like crazy. To make a long story short, I called him at work one day to ask him why he was being distant and cold with me, and he denied anything was wrong, and said that we "needed to talk". He said he would call me, and he never did! I haven't heard from him in over a month and I just can't seem to get over him. We clicked so well together and had so much in common, and the chemistry was wild. It blows me away that I could push him away by one phone call. I called him a few weeks ago and left a message on his cell phone for him to call me, but I never got a return phone call. Maybe he didn't get my message, I don't know. I know I should let it go, but I am crushed and confused that he never called me again after claiming to be "so crazy about me". I have no idea what I did wrong, and after a whole month, and still can't get him out of my head. I want to call him and find out why he decided not to pursue me anymore, and I also want to leave the door open in case he changes his mind. I want him back, I cared for him, I had never felt that way before about any man...what do I do? Do I call or not call? Will I make a fool out of myself by calling him? Is there any way to get him back? Please let me know what you all think. Thanks..

[Tony T]

Don't you dare call this guy. He is extremely rude. Why in heaven's name would you want someone back in your life who is so inconsiderate and rotten. Sure he got your message...and he just doesn't want to call.

 

Any decent person would have talked to you and let you know in person that he didn't want to see you anymore. Not only is this guy rude as hell but he has no backbone as well. He is a rude coward.

 

Don't call him, don't send him messages, don't write him, don't communicate with him at all. If you haven't heard from him in a month, it's basically over. If you know you didn't do anything wrong or offend him in any way, why would you want to engage in any kind of conversation with such a dork. Don't dignify him with your thoughts. You made a mistake here. You thought he was a much more considerate and thoughtful person than he really was.

 

Move on and don't look back. If you call him or contact him in any way...yes...you will look like a lovesick fool and it will get you nowhere.

 

I am really sorry this happened to you. It actually happens rather frequently in the world because there are a lot of extremely classless people. You just happened upon one of them.

 

I know you will still miss the him for a while...but you will be missing the person you thought he was. That person is dead. In time you will heal from this and find greater, stronger and more true love in another person.

 

Never, ever contemplate continuing a relationship with someone who does not return your calls and who doesn't call you for a month. You deserve far more respect than that. If you don't think more of yourself, how can you expect others to?

[Why?]

I had a boyfriend and he was so sweet and he loved me so much and we had so much in common. Everything was perfect and all of a sudden he breaks up w/ me because he couldn't handle the relationship. he said his feelings changed in a week, now its been almost 3 weeks and I want him back and I'm trying my best and I dont know if its going to work or not. He's being sort of mean and gives me an attitude for no friggin reason so I've decided to ignore him until he realizes he made a mistake...if he realizes he made one at all...I dont get how guys can just turn their feelings off just like that? you dont tell a girl you love her and you're going to be with her forever and then since your feelings changed in one week, you break up with her and then your rude to her bc either you're confused or your just annoyed at the girl. I don't annoy him bc I dont talk to him that much and if I do he gives me sort of an attitude even if I didn't do anything. He's 16 and hes probably going through a lot of changes and hes probably confused and doesn't know what to do with his feelings...but he doesn't have to hurt me by being a jerk after hes already hurt me once. he said he never wanted to hurt me or see my cry...so why the hell is he doing this? He was so sweet and caring to me and I just don't understand at all but all I know is that I want him back. Why do guys do this to girls? And does he seem confused with his feelings?

[Nic]

tony hit the nail on the head here - you are missing the person you thought he was. this guy has gone and shown his true colours now - an inconsiderate, thoughtless, immature, spineless guy.

 

and your 1 phone call didn't push him to do this. he would have done it anyway.

 

i understand COMPLETELY what you are feeling - i was dumped for no logical reason by my ex about 2 months ago. like you, we had amazing chemistry together, and (apart from the dumping episode) had a fabulous relationship, the kind i had always wanted. like you, my ex claimed to be over the moon for me. i know for a fact he was, it was so obvious to everybody. but it still didn't stop him from doing what he did, for whatever reasons.

 

i know you probably spend a great deal of your time right now thinking, "why? why?" and desperately wanting answers. and even if you were to get in contact with him, he wouldn't give you the answers you want to hear. TRUST ME. i contacted my ex a week after we split because i was a mess and tormenting myself over why it happened. what response did i get? utter rudeness. and like you, i didn't do a damn thing wrong. talking to him only hurt me more than i was already hurting. he never hurt me once while we together, and i trusted him deeply, but the way he made me feel afterwards wasn't pretty. i was no better off for speaking to him. he apologised a few days after, but it was enough for me. i haven't spoken to him for around 6 weeks now. yes, it's very painful because you want who you THOUGHT they were back. but what he's done is only showing you one thing - if he's capable of hurting you like this, that is who he is.

 

you will miss him greatly. but you're missing what you thought he was. i miss what i thought i had. but that's natural, because when you think you had so much happiness and then it is ripped from you, you feel empty. but that will subside, it really will. just try not to hang on to those memories too much. sure, he may have treated you like a princess, but if he was such a wonderful boyfriend, he wouldn't have done this.

 

please don't contact him. if there is any chance oneday that you might get back together, then swallow your pride and don't contact him at all, in any way shape or form. he is more likely to think about you if he hasn't heard a word from you, and if you try and contact him he will only (more than likely) get really pissed off, and take it out on you. it'll boost is ego, but it won't change a thing for you. spare yourself some heartache. i know it hurts so much when the last person you expected to get hurt from is them (yes, i went through the whole "i will never hurt you, nic" business). but he doesn't deserve someone like you, and ultimately, it is his loss in a big, big way. if you want to email me, it's <e-mail address removed>.

[Lisa]

I was dumped by a guy I was seeing for a while, and I miss him like crazy. To make a long story short, I called him at work one day to ask him why he was being distant and cold with me, and he denied anything was wrong, and said that we "needed to talk". He said he would call me, and he never did! I haven't heard from him in over a month and I just can't seem to get over him. We clicked so well together and had so much in common, and the chemistry was wild. It blows me away that I could push him away by one phone call. I called him a few weeks ago and left a message on his cell phone for him to call me, but I never got a return phone call. Maybe he didn't get my message, I don't know. I know I should let it go, but I am crushed and confused that he never called me again after claiming to be "so crazy about me". I have no idea what I did wrong, and after a whole month, and still can't get him out of my head. I want to call him and find out why he decided not to pursue me anymore, and I also want to leave the door open in case he changes his mind. I want him back, I cared for him, I had never felt that way before about any man...what do I do? Do I call or not call? Will I make a fool out of myself by calling him? Is there any way to get him back? Please let me know what you all think. Thanks..

[Lisa]

Guys,

 

Thank you for your advice, I do agree he wasn't the same person I thought he was. But I can't stop thinking and blaming myself for losing him. He had told a mutual friend of ours that he was "turned off" by my calling him at work, and thought I was "questioning" him about our so-called relationship, and that I had no right to do that since we were not boyfriend/girlfriend. Therefore, he had no intention of calling me ever again. I had no choice but to call him at work, he was moving at the time, and didn't have a home phone number. I wasn't questioning him at all, I was just stating my feelings that I felt he was being distant and cold, and I wanted to know what was going on with him. I just wonder if I had not called him at work, and said those things, would I have lost him? I don't know whether or not it was my fault, and I blame myself. So when I hear you say that he is an inconsiderate jerk etc etc... I wonder if he really isn't, and that I truly did make a huge mistake calling him, and that maybe he was a nice guy, but I just pushed him away?

 

I know it does not matter anymore who was right or wrong, but I just wanted your feedback on whether or not I was the one who blew a great thing. I should let it go, but I can't seem to heal unless I come to some sort of understanding of who screwed up, me or him? Or, was he really just a complete bastard? I just dont know, please write and give me feedback, it really helps guys, thanks.

Don't you dare call this guy. He is extremely rude. Why in heaven's name would you want someone back in your life who is so inconsiderate and rotten. Sure he got your message...and he just doesn't want to call. Any decent person would have talked to you and let you know in person that he didn't want to see you anymore. Not only is this guy rude as hell but he has no backbone as well. He is a rude coward. Don't call him, don't send him messages, don't write him, don't communicate with him at all. If you haven't heard from him in a month, it's basically over. If you know you didn't do anything wrong or offend him in any way, why would you want to engage in any kind of conversation with such a dork. Don't dignify him with your thoughts. You made a mistake here. You thought he was a much more considerate and thoughtful person than he really was. Move on and don't look back. If you call him or contact him in any way...yes...you will look like a lovesick fool and it will get you nowhere. I am really sorry this happened to you. It actually happens rather frequently in the world because there are a lot of extremely classless people. You just happened upon one of them. I know you will still miss the him for a while...but you will be missing the person you thought he was. That person is dead. In time you will heal from this and find greater, stronger and more true love in another person. Never, ever contemplate continuing a relationship with someone who does not return your calls and who doesn't call you for a month. You deserve far more respect than that. If you don't think more of yourself, how can you expect others to?

 

[Nic]

hi lisa,

 

i'm sorry to say it, but you're right - he is a bastard. he is also gutless and immature.

 

his insensitivity is what screwed things up. you did absolutely nothing wrong by calling him at work. he jumped to conclusions that you were "questioning" the relationship. and even if you were questioning it, so what? you had every right to. it's only fair that someone knows where they stand with someone that they have feelings for. he didn't have to be cold and insensitive about it one little bit. that is so immature. it only makes things worse having that kind of attitude. he would have known that it was important to you to know where you stand in his life, and he could have handled with a lot more tact and consideration for your feelings.

 

from where i stand, it looks to me as though he's trying to take the heat off himself (you can betcha bottom dollar he knows he was a pig), by TRYING to make it look like it was your fault. HA! the fact is, he was stringing you along, you wanted answers, he was too gutless to face you, and now he's trying to make himself look like he's done nothing wrong.

 

i think this guy had already decided he wanted to blow this relationship into the water but couldn't face you because he is a coward. so don't beat yourself up about it. i wouldn't be surprised if this kind of behaviour is a pattern for this guy. he probably acts all sweet and loving for the duration of the relationship, and when he wants out, he's a pig. he sounds like a complete turn-off to me who doesn't know the meaning of the word respect.

 

so i'll say it again, lisa - it was not your fault at all. he was probably just looking for an excuse because he is a gutless wonder, and this seemed perfect to him. you didn't make a mistake calling him because you had absolutely every right to know what was going on.

 

you will hurt about this, but knowing it was not your fault should make it a lot easier on you. give it some time, and you will be so glad he's not in your life anymore. his true colours have come through and they're not pretty and he doesn't deserve you. ooh, he makes me so annoyed!!

 

take care of yourself

[confused]

You know what? I'm not a guy, but I'm going through pretty much the same exact thing you're going through except with mine its been 3 weeks since the break up. Ok I loved my ex boyfriend he was the greatest thing in the world. He was so sweet! he took me out to dinner, complimented me, opened the car door...omg he did everything so perfect and he told me he would never leave me and he would love me always and I was the one for him and etc etc. Our anniversary was the 19th and he gave me a card that said "Thank you for everything, I love you always" something like that...ok the next week he broke up with me...I had no warning it was coming, he told me he couldn't handle this relationship and he just left me cold like that. He had his friend over the day he dumped me...and the fact was is that he called me and did it over the phone...Everything we went through together, he couldn't even face me. I work with him so its harder for me and whatever but I remember I wanted to call him so much just like you want too. And I wanted some answers about this and I still till this day dont really know why he broke up with me...I can just think about why...Whenever I bring up the relationship he gets so pissed and annoyed and a few days after I called and i wanted answrs and he goes "Its over" and he hangs up the phone on me. Just like in your case the guy was a complete a**h*** and I couldn't believe he could go from being such a sweetheart to a complete ass. The thing is that in my relationship I think hes confused about his feelings and in your relationship it sounds like pretty much the same thing. people tell me he'll come back in a month or so but I dunno about that. And in your case the guy sounds just like my guy. I think the best thing is just to give him time and space and take it from there. Give him 2 weeks or so to settle down and dont have any contact with you and if he really cared he would call you. If he doesn't call then I dont know what to tell you because I know exactly how you feel and I dont think I've stopped crying since the day he broke up with me. I just can't believe guys do this to us and because of this I have to take one day at a time bc I have no clue about his attitude or how hes going to react because sometimes he can be so nice and other times he gives me the biggest attitude and acts all macho. And I want him back so badly and I gave him 3 weeks of total space and I'm thinking about on Christmas eve to tell him that I'll always be here if he needs me if hes going through anything...just try to be friendly and nice and dont talk about the relationship bc for some reason it gets them upset. But I can tell you one thing is that in the begiining of this break up he got so pissed I SWEAR i thought he was going to give me a restraining order or something...I only talked to him about it once and that one time he yelled and that was the first time I had ever heard him yell at me. Its been so tough but you can't call him bc you have to seem like you're getting on with your life. Eventhough you're not happy, act happy because guys like a challenge and if you dont give them attention then he'll come back. The thing is still be friendly and still say hi if you see him but just dont get into serious conversations. I would just let everything happen and see what happens in the next few weeks. My ex wont even look at me...hes like ashamed to look at me or something and it bothers me. You dont know how many times I"ve wanted to talk to him esp since its Christmas time and I'm so hurt and I feel so lonely. And I dont know if I'll get him back or not. But just be happy and try to get on with your life even if it hurts so much, smile and be conident and trust me he's going to be like "what the hell?" bc he expects you to be sad and depressed and if you are then ur giving him all the power over you.! dont give him any power bc he hurt you and you didnt do anything wrong..Guys can act so mature in some ways like giving present, compliments, and holding open doors, but inside they are still young and they are immature and they never know what they want. Let him figure out what he wants and he'll miss you and he'll regret what he did and in the end hes going to be the one upset for letting you go.

[Nic]

...and if he does get upset for letting you go and regrets it, it will probably be too late then anyway.

 

as much as you hurt and as much as the pain you're feeling says "i want him back", don't hope for it. he may know it was a mistake and regret it, but it doesn't mean they'll come back. and you don't want to sit around waiting and hanging on to memories. you'll only let yourself down. it can be so hard to pick up the pieces, especially when you don't understand and your trust has been betrayed. but the sooner you try and the harder you try, the easier it will be handle anything that comes along.

 

even though it is heartbreaking, you'll reach a point where you'll think "this is fate's way of telling me there is someone even better than him out there for me". you may have felt they were the greatest thing on earth, but oneday, when you're ready and the pain has subsided, you'll find someone even greater.

 

p.s. and it feels really comforting knowing we're all going through the same thing and aren't alone. chicks unite!!!

You know what? I'm not a guy, but I'm going through pretty much the same exact thing you're going through except with mine its been 3 weeks since the break up. Ok I loved my ex boyfriend he was the greatest thing in the world. He was so sweet! he took me out to dinner, complimented me, opened the car door...omg he did everything so perfect and he told me he would never leave me and he would love me always and I was the one for him and etc etc. Our anniversary was the 19th and he gave me a card that said "Thank you for everything, I love you always" something like that...ok the next week he broke up with me...I had no warning it was coming, he told me he couldn't handle this relationship and he just left me cold like that. He had his friend over the day he dumped me...and the fact was is that he called me and did it over the phone...Everything we went through together, he couldn't even face me. I work with him so its harder for me and whatever but I remember I wanted to call him so much just like you want too. And I wanted some answers about this and I still till this day dont really know why he broke up with me...I can just think about why...Whenever I bring up the relationship he gets so pissed and annoyed and a few days after I called and i wanted answrs and he goes "Its over" and he hangs up the phone on me. Just like in your case the guy was a complete a**h*** and I couldn't believe he could go from being such a sweetheart to a complete ass. The thing is that in my relationship I think hes confused about his feelings and in your relationship it sounds like pretty much the same thing. people tell me he'll come back in a month or so but I dunno about that. And in your case the guy sounds just like my guy. I think the best thing is just to give him time and space and take it from there. Give him 2 weeks or so to settle down and dont have any contact with you and if he really cared he would call you. If he doesn't call then I dont know what to tell you because I know exactly how you feel and I dont think I've stopped crying since the day he broke up with me. I just can't believe guys do this to us and because of this I have to take one day at a time bc I have no clue about his attitude or how hes going to react because sometimes he can be so nice and other times he gives me the biggest attitude and acts all macho. And I want him back so badly and I gave him 3 weeks of total space and I'm thinking about on Christmas eve to tell him that I'll always be here if he needs me if hes going through anything...just try to be friendly and nice and dont talk about the relationship bc for some reason it gets them upset. But I can tell you one thing is that in the begiining of this break up he got so pissed I SWEAR i thought he was going to give me a restraining order or something...I only talked to him about it once and that one time he yelled and that was the first time I had ever heard him yell at me. Its been so tough but you can't call him bc you have to seem like you're getting on with your life. Eventhough you're not happy, act happy because guys like a challenge and if you dont give them attention then he'll come back. The thing is still be friendly and still say hi if you see him but just dont get into serious conversations. I would just let everything happen and see what happens in the next few weeks. My ex wont even look at me...hes like ashamed to look at me or something and it bothers me. You dont know how many times I"ve wanted to talk to him esp since its Christmas time and I'm so hurt and I feel so lonely. And I dont know if I'll get him back or not. But just be happy and try to get on with your life even if it hurts so much, smile and be conident and trust me he's going to be like "what the hell?" bc he expects you to be sad and depressed and if you are then ur giving him all the power over you.! dont give him any power bc he hurt you and you didnt do anything wrong..Guys can act so mature in some ways like giving present, compliments, and holding open doors, but inside they are still young and they are immature and they never know what they want. Let him figure out what he wants and he'll miss you and he'll regret what he did and in the end hes going to be the one upset for letting you go.