Getting your head around being dumped ( long sorry)

[Missing8]

Hi having a bad day today, and looking for some answers??

 

In November I met a man on a night out, he approached me, and I was instantly attracted to him, he seemed nice and asked for my number which after jokingly quizzing him where his wife and children were that evening? I gave him.

 

The next day I found out he was married, I'd got his number in my phone and it asked me if I wanted to add him as a friend on Facebook.

 

When he contacted me, I didn't let on that I knew, to see how long it would be before he told me, ( I wanted to give him the opportunity to come clean)

Finally after a few phone calls and texts I told him I knew and he admitted that he hadn't come clean in the beginning as he knew I wouldn't have given him my number.

 

I told him that I wasn't interested in a married man as I had had a previous bad experience and vowed never to go down that road again.

He told me that he'd like to be friends as we seemed to get on and said he'd like to stay in touch.

I told him I didn't need anymore friends but that it was up to him.

 

Anyway since then he kept in touch with me everyday, nothing sinister but he'd call occasionally and we'd have conversations via whattsapp, in the meantime I was still meeting new people but nobody that really I felt a connection to.

 

He asked me on a few occasions to meet up and each time I told him it was a bad idea, but he was persistent and finally in April we met, nearly 6 months later!

 

I felt as though I had formed a friendship with this man and he felt the same about me.

After our initial meet up I expected no more so was surprised when he said he wanted to see me again, against my better judgement , I met him on 3 other occasions.

 

He told me that he loved his wife but that he had felt a spark that night that we met that he couldn't ignore( he said he had never in 12 years done this before )

 

Anyway about 3 weeks ago I got a txt while I was at work to say he'd told his wife everything as he couldn't deal with the lies anymore, I was shocked as I didn't expect this at all.

 

When we met up again he said that things had not been right between them for sometime and that he'd been thinking of leaving for around 2 years!

 

I asked him was he sure and he kept reassuring me that he was and that even tho he loved his wife he wanted to be with me.

 

Things got emotional as he had to leave the house and kids and then he wasn't allowed to see them for about 2 weeks ( which I knew he found upsetting as he was a very hands on dad)

 

Anyway he told his family about me, a few friends, started staying with a work colleague and started staying with me at weekends.

 

I introduced him to my little girl, he met my mom and I thought me and him were going to have a real relationship!

 

Last Thursday I got a text asking if he could come and stay with me, I told him I'd be happy for him to stay a bit more but that I thought it was too soon to move in.

He said he understood and would look for somewhere to rent.

He stayed at mine fri, sat, sun and went to work from mine on Monday, I thought things were fine becoz he kept reassuring me he was hàppy!!

 

On Wednesday it was a different story he told me over the phone that even tho he felt as tho he loved me, his feelings were too strong for his wife and children, I was angry becoz I'd given him every opportunity to tell me this on many occasions and even tho I'd have been upsett I would've understood.

 

He kept saying he was sorry and that he knows he's let me down , anyway I was angry and hung up the phone, yesterday u sent a txt explaining why I was angry and he rang me and we spoke about things openly, he appologised and wished me well and I reluctantly did the same, last night I noticed he had blocked me as a contact on whattsapp, and even tho I can understand the reasons it hurt like mad:(

 

He is collecting his stuff from my house today while I'm out and I'm just finding it really hard to deal with the fact I will never see this man again after 7 months of constant contact.

 

How can someone ask to move in with you on Thursday and by Wednesday decide to go back home for another try?

He honestly didn't let on over last weekend and I just feel like such a fool and really let down

[veggirl]

You...were going to move in with a married man?

 

You thought you had a real relationship with a MARRIED man!?

 

You were a mistress, prob not his first.

 

This is the example you brought around your daughter!?! C'mon. This is sick! Count your blessings he dumped you!! He's a pig and you need to figure out what it is in you that made you think getting involved with a married man was okay. I'm sorry you're hurting but let's be real here, this was a disaster waiting to happen.

[TaraMaiden]

Sorry, OP.

 

You make it sound throughout your post as if he took advantage of your weak will.

The truth is, every step of the way, you capitulated and let him in.

You indicate that you resisted, but not for long, and not very hard.

 

At all.

 

The moral of this story is:

Never agree to have a relationship with a married man, until you're looking at his signed, sealed and delivered divorce papers.

[ComingInHot]

Tara, tis true, your words of wisdom.

Should be any potential AP's 11th Commandment*

 

OP,

It SUCKS being dumped and duped.

Sorry you are here with this.

But count your blessings!

1. You have a beautiful Daughter that you can teach going forward what Not to do by example

2. You don't have to deal with the aftermath and building of a new relationship built on an Affair and Broken hearts, lies, anger and ill will

3. You get to "walk away" and change your future Never having to deal with Captain Poopy Pants ever again

 

get your peace back

Read Mount's story. It's crazy amazing and she is already back on top of her life and dreams!

Granted she is a super strong woman and in complete control of her emotions (as we should all be*) but still she has been pretty much where you are and possibly way more involved with the exMM...

[TaraMaiden]

He stayed at mine fri, sat, sun and went to work from mine on Monday, I thought things were fine becoz he kept reassuring me he was hàppy!!

 

He honestly didn't let on over last weekend and I just feel like such a fool and really let down

 

Hang on....

 

You didn't have sex with him then, did you....?

Tell me, please - you didn't have sex with him!

[Dancing Shoes]

A very similar arrangement happened to my friend, only they are still together after a few months and it's a LDR. Kids introduced and he's moved out the home and everything too. I don't ever think its a good idea to trust a man who tried to pick you up on a ONS! In my friends situation he even admitted to prior affairs! I think he's done you a favour, but I feel sorry for his W. I'd be willing to bet he's spun her a right tale....

[Missing8]

No, I was never going to move in??

He asked if he could move in with me, prob becoz of his living arrangements, the distance between us and becoz obv he was missing family life during the week.....

It was only when I said it was too soon that he prob looked at his options ??

 

It was never a one night stand, he took my number only when I thought he was single! And then we departed.only keeping in touch by txt and he became more of a friend really .

 

Yes I did sleep with him but only after he left, remember he kept telling me this was what he wanted, he told friends, his close family,moved out of the family home, so I had no reason to believe otherwise.

 

After a week I could see that he was struggling with his decision but he reassured me it was just his children he was missing, believe me I wanted him to be sure to!!

 

I'm just upset becoz he obv had his doubts and never let on, so I carried on believing we could have a future together, wrong!!!

[TaraMaiden]

What a schytt.

So basically, all things aside, he wormed his way into your affections, screwed you, screwed with you, then phukked off back to Momma.

 

What a jerk.

 

Well, we can embellish this all we like, but the bottom line is that to an extent, he played a game with you - and you complied.

 

What he did was wrong, but you left yourself open and available.

 

Learn.

 

Move on.

And like I said: Make sure the ring is off because the papers are signed, not because he's covering his tracks.

 

aND REALLY, LET'S BE HONEST - YOU LKET HIM BECAUSE YOU WANTED HIM.

[spiderowl]

What a schytt.

 

Well, we can embellish this all we like, but the bottom line is that to an extent, he played a game with you - and you complied.

 

To be fair, I don't think anyone can be said to have complied with a game if they didn't know it was a game. The OP allowed herself to be drawn in because she believed the lying toad. Now she is hurt. I don't think she deserves such criticism. Some married men lie and are very convincing. The OP was naive and got hurt. Pity he wasn't the one burned most.

[Pierre]

To be fair, I don't think anyone can be said to have complied with a game if they didn't know it was a game. The OP allowed herself to be drawn in because she believed the lying toad. Now she is hurt. I don't think she deserves such criticism. Some married men lie and are very convincing. The OP was naive and got hurt. Pity he wasn't the one burned most.

 

Women should follow a rule of thumb: Don't date married men.

[Missing8]

Thanks spider owl,

 

I really appreciate your comments.

I truly believe that he had every intention to have a relationship with me, but when the reality set in of having to leave his home, his children , his wife set in, he just couldn't do it.

I don't think it to be malicious or intentional as he just isn't that sort of guy.

 

The reason I got involved was purely becoz at the time apart from being attracted to this man I had no emotional attachment, I just thought if he wants to waste his time texting me, let him becoz I truly wasn't bothered if I heard back from him or not!

It wasn't daily contact at first , but then from January (2 months after meeting him) it got more frequent, and I believe it changed into an emotional affair:(

 

I noticed I was bothered if I didn't hear for a day, and he kept trying to convince me that we should meet up just as friends.

 

It's true I should never have agreed, but by the end of April I suppose I just wanted to meet him and get it over with, I thought I could meet him once and get it out of my system , I suppose I was hoping not to like him as much in the flesh!

 

When he asked to see me again I was shocked, I really wasn't expecting it to go beyond that, so again I talked myself out of it but he kept trying to reassure me that this was no fling for him, I said that I knew it would lead to heartbreak but he said that becoz there was such a spark between us we owed it ourselves to find out.

 

I really believe that the reason he left his wife so soon was becoz he could see I was not down with continuing any kind of affair and becoz he wasn't content with just seeing me once every few weeks, so he made a hasty decision without my knowledge, but as I say a few weeks later the reality of what he had done must've hit home and I suppose the pull of what he had was just too strong.

 

I would never intentionally enter into a relationship with a mm but like I said I thought I was a stronger person than what I really was and without realising it, I became emotionally involved without even realising it!

[Morgoth]

Sorry, OP.

 

You make it sound throughout your post as if he took advantage of your weak will.

The truth is, every step of the way, you capitulated and let him in.

You indicate that you resisted, but not for long, and not very hard.

 

At all.

 

The moral of this story is:

Never agree to have a relationship with a married man, until you're looking at his signed, sealed and delivered divorce papers.

 

There is no moral to these stories as each one is unique. At the end of the day we are all just humans looking for connection. I say take it where it comes and enjoy every minute.