alfie2013 Posted June 15, 2013 Share Posted June 15, 2013 I'm in a very unstable condition right now and have been for the last 3 days, i can't eat or sleep in the knowledge of what I have done and how my girlfriend must be feeling. Not only have i broken her heart and the connection we have together but she must feel humiliated. I have been with my girlfriend since i was 15 (i'm now 20) and we both love each other to pieces, we went to school together where we met, and have managed to stay together in a healthy relationship through 2 years of university seeing each other once every month or occasionally twice a month. I don't look at other girls, i don't care for other girls, she is the one. She is beautiful, kind, gentle, caring, affectionate and everything I could wish for. I trust her and she trusted me. She is my best friend and I have made a serious mistake. I got seriously drunk on the last night of university before coming home to spend 4 months together and travel. Too cut a long story short, i found myself sleeping with a girl for around 10 seconds before realising what the hell i was doing...i don't remember any form of thought process, i genuinely do not remember leaving the club or even going into her house, my last memory is that one realisation of what an idiot i was being before stopping and passing out. While this is not excusable, my thought process and frame of mind must have been seriously manipulated by the alcohol. lesson= alcohol is evil. As i said, my relationship with my girlfriend is special and trust has always been key. Had i not told her she would never have found out, but i could not do that to her and she would know something was wrong. However, after what has happened I'm now questioning whether it was right to tell her, had i not, i would have lived with the guilt, not broken her heart, and lived in the knowledge that I would never do anything like this ever again, did i make the right decision? Personally, i think i did? Her reaction is to be expected from any girl who is devastated by this kind of news. Before i was even able to explain anything properly, she has deleted me from any form of communication and told me we are done. While it is hard for me living with what i have done, I'm more concerned about her but she won't talk to me. I travelled 4 hours to her university to apologise to her in person yesterday and gave her the opportunity if she wanted to see me so i could apologise, she didn't respond to me, so i put a letter of apology through her postbox. I completely understand that she didn't want to see me and i need to give her time. However, how much time am i supposed to leave when i don't know what frame of mind she is in? Just so people know, i am willing to give my everything to make this work, however long it takes to rekindle, and however many little steps and bridges of trust we have to cross to make this work again. I know many people are of the opinion that if you cheat you don't love your other half, but this is not the case, and while i am young, this girl is my everything and i genuinely do not know how I could function without her. I guess what I am looking for is constructive advice and opinion of how i should go about this. She has told me she doesn't want to speak to me, see me, she doesn't want me to call or contact, she is very angry and very hurt and i genuinely don't know if she will ever forgive me, which hurts. People say time is the best process of healing, do you think this could apply in my situation? I'd be very grateful for a response Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted June 15, 2013 Share Posted June 15, 2013 (edited) OP, If I were you the first thing I would do is give her some space. She is in shock at the discovery of what happened. So if you really care about her, first and foremost please give her some time to process this. She just went through a life changing event at a pretty young age. I will give you props for coming clean with her however. So many people have to discover they have been betrayed on their own after a gut instinct or some never know and continue on oblivious. At the very least you have given her information that she needed to know so she can make her own decision about what she would like to do. Alcohol, while contributing to your state of mind, was not the reason you cheated. It was not a mistake. It was a conscious decision you made regardless of the duration. So please own your own actions. I suppose the best thing you can do at this point is when she is ready to talk, to answer all of her questions honestly and truthfully, and perhaps off passwords as a gesture of goodwill. But frankly, after being together 5 years and this happening, do not be surprised if she cuts you out of her life. Sucks I know but those are the consequences of your actions that losing her is a real possibility. But if you want any shot at all of reconciling you need to show honesty and transparency without being defensive, which means no excuses or blaming anything or anyone else but yourself. Otherwise you probably don't have a shot in hell. Even if she does not take you back, you have probably learned a valuable lesson that when you take things for granted, the things you're granted get taken away. Good Luck Edited June 15, 2013 by Space Ritual spelling...lol 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lovexo Posted June 15, 2013 Share Posted June 15, 2013 I don't believe alcohol can cloud a persons judgement it's just an excuse Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted June 15, 2013 Share Posted June 15, 2013 You really effed up by telling her. Forget what you did in messing with the other girl, she should dump you for telling her. Not smart. Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted June 15, 2013 Share Posted June 15, 2013 You might also want to try and remember the name of the girl whose vagina your penis accidentally slipped into; as you are probably going to have more luck with her than you are your ex. Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted June 16, 2013 Share Posted June 16, 2013 You were drinking somewhere, probably flirting, left the place of drinking, went somewhere that was not your house (or maybe it was which is even worse), Were alone with said female, your penis accidentally slipped inside her My point is, there were a multitude of outs before your unfortunate accident happened and you didn't take them..the question now becomes if you did it then what have you done before...that's what breaking trust does, once it's broken, it's almost never the same. She may forgive you but it will never be the same. Link to post Share on other sites
Suave Posted June 16, 2013 Share Posted June 16, 2013 No need to tell her. Forget it happened, learn your lesson and never go down that road again. Telling her made a mountain out of a molehill. This wasn't like you were seeing this girl for months and months - you drank too much and made a legitimate mistake that you recognized before things got too heated. I think you may have damaged things beyond repair, unfortunately. But give it some time and see what happens. Link to post Share on other sites
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