KatZee Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 LOL doubt it. My personal question would be why is it that most women seem to nitpick other women's boyfriends/husbands. Us guys don't seem to do that very often in comparison & I'd love to hear some of the women's answers on here. Bitchy girls are competitive. They want to have the coolest friends, coolest clothes, hottest boyfriends/husbands. They want the bragging rights. If they have nothing to brag about, they then turn their attention to picking apart and putting down everyone else. Making other people feel like crap makes themselves feel better. Another take on it could be that a woman's close friends are her comfort and her confidants. So if her husband/boyfriend does something wrong, the girls automatically take her side and rip apart the bf/husband. I personally don't do this because I think it's extremely biased. All the women are only seeing one side of the story. 2
KatZee Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 OK I'll bite: You're on a first date with a guy you met off say Match. How long does it take usually for you to decide that you could be or could not be interested? Describe in detail a first date you went on where you wanted a second. First impressions, how the first 10 minutes of conversation, thecrest of the date. Now do the same for a "decent" first date where you did not want a second. Not even 10 seconds. If I look at you and feel absolutely nothing, and I'm not attracted to you, it's pretty much over before it's begun. I NEED to be attracted to a guy I'm being romantic with. Call me shallow, but it is what it is. My most recent first date was at a local ale house/whisky bar/restaurant in my neighborhood. I met him there because I didn't know him and I didn't want him knowing where I lived. He showed up ON THE DOT on time. Major points with me. I'm not wasting your time, please don't waste mine. I already knew I was attracted to him so that wasn't a factor here. Showed up super cute, and we had a great night eating food, having some drinks, conversation for about 3 hours. He picked up the tab which was very nice of him to do. He extended the date twice, we took a walk around the neighborhood I showed him around, more talking, and then he offered to drive me home. I accepted and he didn't try to kiss me. More points, because I'm more conservative and I move kind of slow. He followed up right after dropping me off. More points. He asked to see me again. I of course accepted. Our second date was dessert and then the movies. I'm not a high maintenance chick. I'm not impressed with a guy who valets a car. Park it on the street for all I care. He comes off very genuine, very nice, and gentlemanly. He's also very considerate and all our plans work around MY schedule. Which is very nice in the beginning. He's also been open with his communication, he follows up all the time, confirms our plans... +1,000 points. He comes off "authentic." Not phony, not arrogant. Another first date I went on where I realized I didn't want a second was this guy I met on OLD. It was the first and last time I met someone from OLD. We met and he already wasn't the height he said he was. He also looked dorkier than his pictures. Whatever, I sat through some conversation. He really had nothing to say for himself. All he did was agree with everything I said. We had a dinner/movie combo and he was overly attentive. I shifted in my seat and he freaked out "are you ok!??!?!?!" He also proceeded to try to hold my hand, put his hand on my leg, his arm around me. Um. No. He tried to kiss me at the end. It was dead fish. I got in my car and never messaged him again. 1
Author eastcoastgirl88 Posted June 15, 2013 Author Posted June 15, 2013 KatZee, good response!! That sounds like an awesome first date. And btw, it's sooo true that you know immediately if you're going to hit it off with someone. It makes sitting through the forced conversation that much more awkward and tedious. What I think is fascinating is how the other person feels chemistry (I'm assuming, if they call me again) when I felt NOTHING? By the way, I by no means think I have all the answers. I'm just answering from my perspective. Others are more than welcome to bring their own experiences to the table.
Woggle Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 How come some women don't seem to understand why many men are afraid of commitment and marriage? I have a friend who told his GF from the start that he will never marry and she accepted it but now that she changed her mind he is the bad guy for sticking to the original terms of the deal.
Star Gazer Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 And btw, it's sooo true that you know immediately if you're going to hit it off with someone. What I think is fascinating is how the other person feels chemistry (I'm assuming, if they call me again) when I felt NOTHING? Do you see how the above are internally inconsistent?
miss_jaclynrae Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 KatZee, good response!! That sounds like an awesome first date. And btw, it's sooo true that you know immediately if you're going to hit it off with someone. It makes sitting through the forced conversation that much more awkward and tedious. What I think is fascinating is how the other person feels chemistry (I'm assuming, if they call me again) when I felt NOTHING? By the way, I by no means think I have all the answers. I'm just answering from my perspective. Others are more than welcome to bring their own experiences to the table. I've had plenty of men call me after a date, doesn't mean there was chemistry. Chemistry is either there or it isn't.
Author eastcoastgirl88 Posted June 15, 2013 Author Posted June 15, 2013 How come some women don't seem to understand why many men are afraid of commitment and marriage? I have a friend who told his GF from the start that he will never marry and she accepted it but now that she changed her mind he is the bad guy for sticking to the original terms of the deal. I would first like to know from you why men and so afraid of commitment and marriage. I've heard all the cliche responses of course, but it would be interesting to hear from a real live person.
Author eastcoastgirl88 Posted June 15, 2013 Author Posted June 15, 2013 Do you see how the above are internally inconsistent? I'm simply musing on how bizarre it is that two people can go out and have two completely different perceptions of how a date went. 1
miss_jaclynrae Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 I'm simply musing on how bizarre it is that two people can go out and have two completely different perceptions of how a date went. It isn't that bizarre. Think about it, a guy likes a chick a lot, she is a great date, but there wasn't really chemistry. That doesn't mean the date went bad, and many times [i tend to have a blast on dates no matter what] I have to literally tell them I had a great time but that I didn't feel that much of a connection. More times than not, the guy completely understands. You can have a great time with someone and still not feel that it is a good fit. 2
Woggle Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 I would first like to know from you why men and so afraid of commitment and marriage. I've heard all the cliche responses of course, but it would be interesting to hear from a real live person. Let me first say I am happily married and I know there are many women who don't do these things. Now that that is out of the way if you look at the state of marriage these days it seems is not uncommon for a man to think he has a happy marriage and without warning his wife wants out and he is dumbfounded. Just look at the divorce forum on LS. It is filled with stories like this. I have seen it happen many times plus I know plenty of marriages where a man would be lucky to even get an affectionate kiss. I know there are plenty of women who don't treat their husbands like this but men have a real fear of ending up in that position.
charlietheginger Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 I would first like to know from you why men and so afraid of commitment and marriage. I've heard all the cliche responses of course, but it would be interesting to hear from a real live person. Alot of men find being single eazier... No drama ... Think about it no woman telling you Pick up your clothes Do this do that We need this we need that No pmsing No hot n cold No one yelling at us No one telling us what to do where we can go what time To be back. No one checking up on us. No one to cut off our testicals put us on a leash as their Personal servent..... Thats why most men dont like commitment. Mainly the ones that dont wanna commit were once Committed and it sucked 1
JuneJulySeptember Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 (edited) When I think of myself in a league, I think of myself not in comparison to other women, but in terms of what man I can attract. I think leagues are 85-95% about looks for women and 70-80% about looks for men. I agree. I pretty much agree with your number breakdowns too, except I think it's a little higher for men. Pretty much equal to women. Not even 10 seconds. If I look at you and feel absolutely nothing, and I'm not attracted to you, it's pretty much over before it's begun. I NEED to be attracted to a guy I'm being romantic with. Call me shallow, but it is what it is. Another first date I went on where I realized I didn't want a second was this guy I met on OLD. It was the first and last time I met someone from OLD. We met and he already wasn't the height he said he was. He also looked dorkier than his pictures. Whatever, I sat through some conversation. He really had nothing to say for himself. All he did was agree with everything I said. We had a dinner/movie combo and he was overly attentive. I shifted in my seat and he freaked out "are you ok!??!?!?!" He also proceeded to try to hold my hand, put his hand on my leg, his arm around me. Um. No. He tried to kiss me at the end. It was dead fish. I got in my car and never messaged him again. I'm not going to call you shallow and I don't have a problem with you being a 10 second girl. I would just ask that you don't go through with the date. It's stupid. It leads the guy on and makes him waste effort, time, money, and emotional investment. I've had this happen to me a number of times. WHY ARE YOU ON A DATE WITH A PHYSICALLY UNATTRACTIVE GUY? Why did you even accept in the first place? If he wasn't as advertised, then just excuse yourself. It's not like guys don't know women are into looks and need that. Edited June 15, 2013 by JuneJulySeptember
Ripnet Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 I agree. I pretty much agree with your number breakdowns too, except I think it's a little higher for men. Pretty much equal to women. I'm not going to call you shallow and I don't have a problem with you being a 10 second girl. I would just ask that you don't go through with the date. It's stupid. It leads the guy on and makes him waste effort, time, money, and emotional investment. I've had this happen to me a number of times. WHY ARE YOU ON A DATE WITH A PHYSICALLY UNATTRACTIVE GUY? Why did you even accept in the first place? If he wasn't as advertised, then just excuse yourself. It's not like guys don't know women are into looks and need that. I agree there's women who aren't attracted to a guy at all and wanting to continue to date the guy hoping there will be chemistry. Better off not continuing nothing upsets anyone is under the impression the person is interested but really isn't interested. 1
KatZee Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 How come some women don't seem to understand why many men are afraid of commitment and marriage? I have a friend who told his GF from the start that he will never marry and she accepted it but now that she changed her mind he is the bad guy for sticking to the original terms of the deal. These girls are stupid. They get into a situation like this hoping to "convince" the guy to marry her by showing him how cool/awesome she is. Unfortunately this rarely works, and lots of naive girls/women don't understand this. Some women have this innate desire to FIX men, to make them into what they want. Her problem, not his. 1
xxoo Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 Not even 10 seconds. If I look at you and feel absolutely nothing, and I'm not attracted to you, it's pretty much over before it's begun. I'm married, but that is completely different from how my attraction works. I don't know who I will be attracted to in the first 10 seconds. The interaction matters a lot. 3
Ripnet Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 I would first like to know from you why men and so afraid of commitment and marriage. I've heard all the cliche responses of course, but it would be interesting to hear from a real live person. Because a man has more to lose than a woman if the marriage fails. It is usually favoured with the woman than the man. It's not just about money but he ends up being alone again single. He is away from his kids and sometimes if the mother decides she doesn't like him at all the mother can convince the children to hate their father or at least judged him. Even with shared custody it is incredibly hard for a man unless he was the one leaving her for another woman. Look at this way man are expect to court women and when a marriage ends he still pays the price. It's a no win situation if the marriage doesn't work out. Of course there's a chance of having a great relationship but if you look at the odds it's not a good one. I'm myself would more concerned of children because ultimately it hurts children the most. This is why I don't want children because what I went through was hell and back and I just don't want a child going through that. 2
KatZee Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 I agree. I pretty much agree with your number breakdowns too, except I think it's a little higher for men. Pretty much equal to women. I'm not going to call you shallow and I don't have a problem with you being a 10 second girl. I would just ask that you don't go through with the date. It's stupid. It leads the guy on and makes him waste effort, time, money, and emotional investment. I've had this happen to me a number of times. WHY ARE YOU ON A DATE WITH A PHYSICALLY UNATTRACTIVE GUY? Why did you even accept in the first place? If he wasn't as advertised, then just excuse yourself. It's not like guys don't know women are into looks and need that. I went through the date because the tickets were bought. It's a done deal at that point. So, I'll be pleasant, have conversation and then just tell the guy that it wasn't really working out. And as I already said, he didn't look the way he did in his pics.
JuneJulySeptember Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 I agree there's women who aren't attracted to a guy at all and wanting to continue to date the guy hoping there will be chemistry. Better off not continuing nothing upsets anyone is under the impression the person is interested but really isn't interested. For a guy, turning a woman like that around is like turning lead into gold. Better to just start with a woman who cares less about looks.
KatZee Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 I'm married, but that is completely different from how my attraction works. I don't know who I will be attracted to in the first 10 seconds. The interaction matters a lot. I'm speaking of complete physical attraction. Not emotional attraction. Not mental attraction. Purely PHYSICAL. If I don't like what I see, it's done. I can't be passionate about someone I'm not attracted to. I'm not saying he needs to be a super model but I NEED to be attracted to him. I can have great conversation and a great vibe with someone, but if I can't picture myself kissing you, then it's a friendship.
Ripnet Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 It isn't that bizarre. Think about it, a guy likes a chick a lot, she is a great date, but there wasn't really chemistry. That doesn't mean the date went bad, and many times [i tend to have a blast on dates no matter what] I have to literally tell them I had a great time but that I didn't feel that much of a connection. More times than not, the guy completely understands. You can have a great time with someone and still not feel that it is a good fit. If you listen to DVDASA podcast you will know that David and ASA used to date with one another. They are still close friends and have a great time but that's it. ASA is now married but that doesn't change anything.
JuneJulySeptember Posted June 15, 2013 Posted June 15, 2013 I went through the date because the tickets were bought. It's a done deal at that point. So, I'll be pleasant, have conversation and then just tell the guy that it wasn't really working out. And as I already said, he didn't look the way he did in his pics. I don't need to hear your justification. If it were the next time and I were the guy, here's what I would want you to do. Give dinner about 15 minutes, don't order anything, and just say, "You know. You're just not my type. Do you want to go on or not?" It's not really fair for you to lead him through the whole date being standoffish while he tries like an idiot to win you over. Us guys all know it's about looks. The other thing you are doing is teaching him a valuable lesson.
xxoo Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 I'm speaking of complete physical attraction. Not emotional attraction. Not mental attraction. Purely PHYSICAL. If I don't like what I see, it's done. I can't be passionate about someone I'm not attracted to. I'm not saying he needs to be a super model but I NEED to be attracted to him. I can have great conversation and a great vibe with someone, but if I can't picture myself kissing you, then it's a friendship. I understand. Still, I don't work exactly like that. The men I've become most attracted to, overall (I'm talking aching lust here),have not been men that I've looked at and thought "I'm attracted to him" in the first 10 seconds. 1
hudson701 Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 Simple one from me: Why do intelligent, pretty women NEVER ask men out? Why is that male's must always chase, and women subconsciously know this, and use it to their advantage?
xxoo Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 Simple one from me: Why do intelligent, pretty women NEVER ask men out? Why is that male's must always chase, and women subconsciously know this, and use it to their advantage? A guy who isn't showing interest is less interesting. Why would she ask you out? Also, an intelligent, pretty woman gets plenty of attention from men. She knows what interest looks like. If you don't flirt with her, she may conclude you aren't interested. 2
JuneJulySeptember Posted June 16, 2013 Posted June 16, 2013 I'm speaking of complete physical attraction. Not emotional attraction. Not mental attraction. Purely PHYSICAL. If I don't like what I see, it's done. I can't be passionate about someone I'm not attracted to. I'm not saying he needs to be a super model but I NEED to be attracted to him. I can have great conversation and a great vibe with someone, but if I can't picture myself kissing you, then it's a friendship. This is a little bit of what I was talking about in the 'attractive' thread. I think you are quite lucky to be able to continuously attract men that are very physically attractive to you, and so you will take nothing less. I think that's fine. But I think you could be very blunt with unattractive men. I know it's tricky. You don't OWE it to them per se, but it would be nice. Like maybe just be completely standoffish the whole first part of the date (dinner), and if he doesn't get it, go home after that. I think it's a nice thing to do.
Recommended Posts