Broken relationship.

[Steve]

Its ironic that I'm back on a message board posting about relationship problems. It makes me wonder whether its really a relationship problem...or just a personality problem. I can tell she doesn't love me-- worse yet, I can tell that she doesn't want me to know. Or rather that she professes to love me; maybe part of me just doesn't feel that I can still be loved. Anyways things aren't going so well for me on the love scene.

 

Where to begin? Well letsee, I was once in a relationship that gradually turned dysfunctional. I had trouble breaking it off--it ended badly. She was my first love; it was our third year; and though I think of her less now-- the memories still sting. Every once in a while, I get a glimpse of her walking on campus with her new boyfriend/lover. But she is just a part of my past, and I still don't know if its really that simple.

 

You know, its 4:30 AM right now; and my present girlfriend is about to leave for a snowboarding trip in two hours. I can't sleep; We're having problems-- big problems. I feel like they're so big that I can't fix them. The worst thing is I'm not even sure I can fix the problems that belong just to me. I don't give her attention, I don't listen well, I get crabby, I'm not Prince Charming. I'm under so much stress from family to get into my major-- but I mean I just don't treat her like she's special anymore.

 

I was playing a computer game today-- after telling her I couldn't go with her to snowboard because I had to study. Hah, its funny how my mind works-- stressing over school...saying: no I can't do this because I need to study-- then totally wasting my time; and hers. I guess the message I was sending was: hey, my game is more important than you. Hell, I didn't even look up at her when she came in the room. And when she started showing me her Christmas-present-- like an idiot I made a big deal out of pausing my game. Why? because I'm an idiot ok?

 

So I know I was wrong. Hell I'm still wrong. I want to change. I want things to work. You know this is like a broken record. A year ago-- same story; different people. I promised things would change; that I'd never ever forget how precious love is-- and then I found myself after a few months; starting to take things for granted. Romeo at first, and Homer Simpson onwards. The sad thing is this girl really did love me at first. But then who again wouldn't love Romeo? The really sad thing is that I was still in love with my ex at the time-- AND she knew it. She stayed-- even though it hurt her like hell. And I don't get to find out what a jerkoff I was till tonight. Its like she couldn't take it anymore from me...couldn't take my ##### anymore. I can tell she's feeling differently now about me now-- its not exactly the idealistic love we started with. I can't blame her.

 

I mean-- she gave her number out a few months back at a swing dance-- maybe to feel like Cinderella again. Who knows? I flipped out-- typical guy reaction. She loves swing; she loves me. I just couldn't put the pieces together-- Caveman; Retard-- whathaveyou. And she was asked to go swing again by some other guy a few months later. There was an information exchange, a few telephone numbers etc. I met him before, nice guy; real smart. And I still freaked, almost broke it off. I irrationally thought, she's dating other people, giving out numbers going dancing. We had a long talk; I was harsh-- I mean I was angry and stupid stupid stupid.

 

So where does this leave me? Well its 5:10am now; both roommates are asleep; and maybe I'll give her a call in 20 minutes to wake her up for her trip. The best laid plans-- that's how I feel; about my relationship; about a lot of things.

[Patsy]

Hi Steve. Beleive me, I'm not an expert on relationships, but it seems like you know what you're doing wrong. So why continue to do it? Do you really want this relationship to work?

[Isabel]

Dear Steve,

 

Thank you for sharing. He was like you and I couldn't understand what it is about me that do not deserve him. I don't know still but at least I have a slightly better idea now.

 

Except Steve, it hurts more than you can see and grasp. It practically destroyed me. For some time, i had no courage to face the world or my loved ones.

 

... his ex was dead and I was fighting a non-existence 'challenge'.

 

I don't know why I am sharing this. But do her a favour, let her go and end her miseries soon if you do not love her. I think in the long run she'll appreciate it.

 

If not, I suggest you tidy your life and get back on the right track. It's never too late. Love will not die overnight or even with you harsh treatment. She'll probably always forgive you and welcome you whole being. Just don't let her confidence in love die.

 

Isabel

Its ironic that I'm back on a message board posting about relationship problems. It makes me wonder whether its really a relationship problem...or just a personality problem. I can tell she doesn't love me-- worse yet, I can tell that she doesn't want me to know. Or rather that she professes to love me; maybe part of me just doesn't feel that I can still be loved. Anyways things aren't going so well for me on the love scene. Where to begin? Well letsee, I was once in a relationship that gradually turned dysfunctional. I had trouble breaking it off--it ended badly. She was my first love; it was our third year; and though I think of her less now-- the memories still sting. Every once in a while, I get a glimpse of her walking on campus with her new boyfriend/lover. But she is just a part of my past, and I still don't know if its really that simple. You know, its 4:30 AM right now; and my present girlfriend is about to leave for a snowboarding trip in two hours. I can't sleep; We're having problems-- big problems. I feel like they're so big that I can't fix them. The worst thing is I'm not even sure I can fix the problems that belong just to me. I don't give her attention, I don't listen well, I get crabby, I'm not Prince Charming. I'm under so much stress from family to get into my major-- but I mean I just don't treat her like she's special anymore. I was playing a computer game today-- after telling her I couldn't go with her to snowboard because I had to study. Hah, its funny how my mind works-- stressing over school...saying: no I can't do this because I need to study-- then totally wasting my time; and hers. I guess the message I was sending was: hey, my game is more important than you. Hell, I didn't even look up at her when she came in the room. And when she started showing me her Christmas-present-- like an idiot I made a big deal out of pausing my game. Why? because I'm an idiot ok? So I know I was wrong. Hell I'm still wrong. I want to change. I want things to work. You know this is like a broken record. A year ago-- same story; different people. I promised things would change; that I'd never ever forget how precious love is-- and then I found myself after a few months; starting to take things for granted. Romeo at first, and Homer Simpson onwards. The sad thing is this girl really did love me at first. But then who again wouldn't love Romeo? The really sad thing is that I was still in love with my ex at the time-- AND she knew it. She stayed-- even though it hurt her like hell. And I don't get to find out what a jerkoff I was till tonight. Its like she couldn't take it anymore from me...couldn't take my ##### anymore. I can tell she's feeling differently now about me now-- its not exactly the idealistic love we started with. I can't blame her. I mean-- she gave her number out a few months back at a swing dance-- maybe to feel like Cinderella again. Who knows? I flipped out-- typical guy reaction. She loves swing; she loves me. I just couldn't put the pieces together-- Caveman; Retard-- whathaveyou. And she was asked to go swing again by some other guy a few months later. There was an information exchange, a few telephone numbers etc. I met him before, nice guy; real smart. And I still freaked, almost broke it off. I irrationally thought, she's dating other people, giving out numbers going dancing. We had a long talk; I was harsh-- I mean I was angry and stupid stupid stupid.

 

So where does this leave me? Well its 5:10am now; both roommates are asleep; and maybe I'll give her a call in 20 minutes to wake her up for her trip. The best laid plans-- that's how I feel; about my relationship; about a lot of things.