Can't forgive myself

[wanting more]

My hate towards xMM has subsided some BUT Im having lots of trouble "getting over" my disappointment in myself for having the A. It's been 10 months since 2nd d-day. xMM contacted me few months back, I responded telling him never contact me again or I'd file harassment charges. I know it's him on the hang ups I have on my work phone but can't prove it. When he crosses my mind, it's not the hate I used to feel towards him, it's the disappointment in myself for falling in love with him that I can't get past. Does this go away?? I really did love him, I pictured a future with him. how could I have been so stupid?

[bellasue]

I actually almost posted the exact same thing. How do we get to a point of self forgiveness? I don't really have an answer, except when I head out to places I *might* run into him, I try to hold my head high and exude confidence. One day at a time.....

[MissBee]

Of course it goes away.

 

At this juncture things feel like they will never end and you'll always feel badly or have questions etc. but the truth is, "this too shall pass." It really will. *hugs*

[whichwayisup]

My hate towards xMM has subsided some BUT Im having lots of trouble "getting over" my disappointment in myself for having the A. It's been 10 months since 2nd d-day. xMM contacted me few months back, I responded telling him never contact me again or I'd file harassment charges. I know it's him on the hang ups I have on my work phone but can't prove it. When he crosses my mind, it's not the hate I used to feel towards him, it's the disappointment in myself for falling in love with him that I can't get past. Does this go away?? I really did love him, I pictured a future with him. how could I have been so stupid?

 

You let your heart and emotions get in the way. Your head knew, but your feelings took over. Forgive yourself. Beating yourself up and feeling bad, feeling guilty serves no purpose. It IS preventing you from closure, from moving on.

 

You got hurt and it takes time for your heart to heal.

[wanting more]

I think for me, there was physical abuse in my R with my BSO years ago. He actually punched me in my face, after that, I guess I turned hard. We separated but got back together years later. I got back with him for my kids. (yes, that is the reason) but I wasn't in love with him anymore. I guess I had really built a wall around my heart and refused to get hurt again. Physically or mentally. then xMM and I started a work/friendship that led to the A. It had been YEARS since I felt loved. I consider myself a strong, independent, confident woman. I was perfectly content in my life. Then I started having feelings for xMM. I did fall in love. Then again, my heart was shattered, not physically like with BSO, but mentally. I guess because I had convinced myself I wouldn't let myself hurt again like that, yet I let myself believe his lies, I find it hard to forgive myself for getting into the situation i did.

[krazikat]

I think for me, there was physical abuse in my R with my BSO years ago. He actually punched me in my face, after that, I guess I turned hard. We separated but got back together years later. I got back with him for my kids. (yes, that is the reason) but I wasn't in love with him anymore. I guess I had really built a wall around my heart and refused to get hurt again. Physically or mentally. then xMM and I started a work/friendship that led to the A. It had been YEARS since I felt loved. I consider myself a strong, independent, confident woman. I was perfectly content in my life. Then I started having feelings for xMM. I did fall in love. Then again, my heart was shattered, not physically like with BSO, but mentally. I guess because I had convinced myself I wouldn't let myself hurt again like that, yet I let myself believe his lies, I find it hard to forgive myself for getting into the situation i did.

 

Wanting, I can understand how you are feeling. Although I have never knowingly been with a MM, I have been in a bad relationship that I let go on for too long, and I was so mad at myself for letting it continue and I imagine this is similiar. Take it as a lesson, forgive yourself but dont forget, so you dont repeat in the future.Sometimes the hardest lessons are the 20/20 hindsight...it hurts like he!! to face yourself, to know you allowed a situation that hurt you, but whats done is done. What have you taken from it? Write it out...then read it, then burn it or something like that...and move on to embrace a.stronger you knowing that you deserve more.

 

Sending positive thoughts your way...

[Pierre]

My hate towards xMM has subsided some BUT Im having lots of trouble "getting over" my disappointment in myself for having the A. It's been 10 months since 2nd d-day. xMM contacted me few months back, I responded telling him never contact me again or I'd file harassment charges. I know it's him on the hang ups I have on my work phone but can't prove it. When he crosses my mind, it's not the hate I used to feel towards him, it's the disappointment in myself for falling in love with him that I can't get past. Does this go away?? I really did love him, I pictured a future with him. how could I have been so stupid?

 

There is nothing wrong with you. Anyone can have an affair. There are people that are 100% honest in everything they do and yet fall into the affair trap.

 

What really matters is that you have remorse. It shows you are a very good person and I see nothing wrong with you.

 

Furthermore, cheating men have a way to dupe women. They are amazing manipulators.

 

Yo are doing fine!

[wanting more]

Almost 3 years!! WOW. I really was thinking I should be more over this than I am. Not that I expect it to just go away, I was just wishing, hoping I'd be dealing with it better.

[ComingInHot]

Wanting More, oh sweet woman I totally get it!

The hardest person in the world to forgive is often times ourselves!!

I Still think of mistakes I made in High School & College that trouble me and w/my children.

 

Maybe because Some mistakes can't be corrected. But Wanting More, you Can & have (just like many of us) Learn from them and move forward.

 

Please allow yourself forgiveness. Our days are numbered here. Don't waste them punishing yourself for a past mistake.

Awake each day grateful for another chance to leave this world Better for having had you in it! Start each day looking in the mirror forgiving yourself so you can get on w/your day.

 

You've already made a difference in My Life and for that, I am forever thankful!

 

If you have faith in God or a Higher power... remember that if you ask for forgiveness, then you have gotten it. Try not to put through Yourself & your God again & again the action of forgiveness that you already have and He doesn't even remember ( if you are of Christian faith*).

 

You are wonderfully made after all!!

[carhill]

When he crosses my mind, it's not the hate I used to feel towards him, it's the disappointment in myself for falling in love with him that I can't get past. Does this go away?? I really did love him, I pictured a future with him. how could I have been so stupid?

 

IMO, you're most of the way there, in that you've identified and separated out your emotions regarding this past affair. That said, if you don't feel you're making progress in resolving it to a neutral place, where you can accept what occurred and your feelings about it and yourself as being part of the process and reflective of the past rather than the present, especially given your positive and healthy actions of recent times, then IMO working with a professional could help sort it. If self-help isn't working, then move on to someone with skills in working psychological challenges. Good luck.