Ways to make yourself more attractive to women

[Eggplant]

I hear this a lot from women online....but never see it in practice in real life.

 

Hmmmm...

 

OK. I don't date women. You know what works better than I.

 

I'm surprised, honestly.

[Pompeii]

Pick-up-artists? I don't even understand ... what do pick-up artists have to do with it?

 

PUA hinges on emotional unavailablity, anti-supplication, and relative status. At the core of the PUA mindset is selfishness, which I believe is the exact opposite of chivalry. "Negs", rating women as "HBs", and an assortment of other PUA conventions can be seen as a modern reaction to oft-told advice from people who said "all you need to do is to be kind to women" when they were growing up. PUAs saw that the jerks and *******s were getting the girls, so they threw chivalry out with the bath water as a way to gain a woman's affections.

[Eggplant]

I don't really give a sh*t about status or money. If the guy doesn't care about me, and I don't care about him, it does me no good.

[Pompeii]

I don't really give a sh*t about status or money. If the guy doesn't care about me, and I don't care about him, it does me no good.

 

One of two options here:

 

1. You're lying.

 

2. You're an outlier.

 

Congratulations.

 

I'll be damned if someone tells me status doesn't matter. It's all about how aesthetic you are. It's all about how much status you have. It's all about how much money you have. When you have looks, money, and status, you play life on God mode. Dating is easy. Getting allies is easy. Influencing people is easy. LIFE is easy. You can get away with anything. ANYTHING. If you look good enough, girls will let you do things that other guys simply don't get to do. Girls will let you touch them and tease them in ways that would get the average man called a "creep". If you have enough status, you can easily influence people. Get invited to exclusive things, meet exclusive people. If you have enough money, you can kill someone and pay off the police.

 

So yes, it all matters. I'm not saying you need to be Marlon Brando in the Godfather but no girl wants to date a guy that's been working in retail at a minimum wage position for the past 10 years.

 

This is why I am striving towards mastery. Because unlike most people in life, I would prefer to play life in "God mode".

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

OK. I don't date women. You know what works better than I.

 

I'm surprised, honestly.

 

There are SOME girls that feel that way, but they are the minority. Many are in long-term relationships or married by the end of college, unfortunately.

 

Basically, both sexes get the scraps if they wait too long to settle down (more so with men though since women are more highly valued in this country and are treated as such).

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

PUA hinges on emotional unavailablity, anti-supplication, and relative status. At the core of the PUA mindset is selfishness, which I believe is the exact opposite of chivalry. "Negs", rating women as "HBs", and an assortment of other PUA conventions can be seen as a modern reaction to oft-told advice from people who said "all you need to do is to be kind to women" when they were growing up. PUAs saw that the jerks and *******s were getting the girls, so they threw chivalry out with the bath water as a way to gain a woman's affections.

 

Yes.

 

I used to be very involved in PUA for years. It works extremely well (contrary to what many people online state). However, it's only good for one night stands and short-term relationship because if you end up with a girl long term, then your real personality will eventually come out.

 

If you're a genuinely nice guy, she'll get bored and either break up with you or cheat on you with bad boys.

 

This is true for Generation X, but it's much worse for those in Generation Y (my generation).

 

Of course, not all women are like this, but, unfortunately, the vast majority are.

[Eggplant]

I'm not saying you need to be Marlon Brando in the Godfather but no girl wants to date a guy that's been working in retail at a minimum wage position for the past 10 years.

My ex worked 90 hours a week in minimum wage jobs. He was 34, had an 8th grade education. Gorgeous guy. And treated me like a princess. Chivalry and all. I loved him.

 

One guy I recently went out with was 25 and had his PhD in physics at 21. Good job, status. But he was rude and immature. So I lost his number.

[Sun Devil]

This is why I hired a dating coach. he is into pua and is teaching me how to use it

[Pompeii]

This is why I hired a dating coach. he is into pua and is teaching me how to use it

 

To be honest, I do not advocate PUA. In fact, I detest and despise it because it cultivates anti-social behaviors in men and pretty much creates an environment that does not foster healthy attitudes. PUA is a temporary solution to a much more permanent problem. PUA fosters the idea of a "quick fix" and "magic bullets" indicating that there's one overall method to getting girls. It tries to impose a universal blueprint over different individuals. In actuality, there is no quick fix and success is not overnight. It also tries to use the words "alpha" and "beta" to classify males when in actuality there is no such thing.

 

A lot of my friends have had success using PUA and they said I would too. In effect, they have become robots using words such as "alpha" "beta" "HB7" "neg" "DHV" "DLV" "set" and "closing" in real life. I am a person who is much more focused on the long-term effects of building character rather than a short-term veneer fix. If you have a lot of problems from dealing with women (like most who get into PUA do or did), then PUA will not help you.

 

So far, I have not seen anyone extract much of anything positive from following a PUA mindset. Maybe I'm wrong and there's some people out there, but so far I have not met them.

[Sun Devil]

I never heard that pua causes anti social behavior. Where did you get that idea? If anything, pua is supposed to make you more social and make you less likely to be in the friend zone. It is supposed to be used to build attraction.

[hppr]

This is why I hired a dating coach. he is into pua and is teaching me how to use it

 

Weren't you going to hire a hooker? She would have told you the same things that guy would have and you would've gotten laid in the process.

 

Hopefully your dating coach helps you out, I know what it's like to be dateless/invisible to women and it's no fun.

[eastcoastgirl88]

One of two options here:

 

1. You're lying.

 

2. You're an outlier.

 

Congratulations.

 

I'll be damned if someone tells me status doesn't matter. It's all about how aesthetic you are. It's all about how much status you have. It's all about how much money you have. When you have looks, money, and status, you play life on God mode. Dating is easy. Getting allies is easy. Influencing people is easy. LIFE is easy. You can get away with anything. ANYTHING. If you look good enough, girls will let you do things that other guys simply don't get to do. Girls will let you touch them and tease them in ways that would get the average man called a "creep". If you have enough status, you can easily influence people. Get invited to exclusive things, meet exclusive people. If you have enough money, you can kill someone and pay off the police.

 

So yes, it all matters. I'm not saying you need to be Marlon Brando in the Godfather but no girl wants to date a guy that's been working in retail at a minimum wage position for the past 10 years.

 

This is why I am striving towards mastery. Because unlike most people in life, I would prefer to play life in "God mode".

 

I hate to agree with this but I don't see what good there is in lying and sugar-coating.

 

This is ALL true. Status, money and looks do matter, at least to me.

 

Every man I've been extremely attracted to oozed these traits.

[Eggplant]

I hate to agree with this but I don't see what good there is in lying and sugar-coating.

 

This is ALL true. Status, money and looks do matter, at least to me.

 

Every man I've been extremely attracted to oozed these traits.

 

I started a thread about this subject a while ago, wondering whether other women shared my ideas or whether I was in fact just really different.

 

I truly don't prioritize money or status, and my dating decisions reflect that. Money is a means to and end, not the end itself. I am also successful in my career, so I don't need a man to provide as much as I want his affection, co-parenting, emotional support, and genes. I do, however, place some importance on looks. But I also have my own personal preferences on looks that are unique to me.

[Sun Devil]

Hppr, I also plan on buying a hooker once I come back from my break. I plan on getting rid of my virginity since I see no reason to keep it. Even My dating coach mentioned that women do not date virgins.

[Pompeii]

I never heard that pua causes anti social behavior. Where did you get that idea? If anything, pua is supposed to make you more social and make you less likely to be in the friend zone. It is supposed to be used to build attraction.

 

PUA encourages antisocial behavior among males. It is a contradictory "philosophy" if you can call it that, maybe "set of goals" is more applicable. PUA bands men together against a common enemy (women) while simultaneously separating them. I don't know if your dating coach told you about "AMOG". It basically means "alpha male of the group". PUA's version of oneupsmanship if you will. It means that you must assert yourself as an alpha male while simultaneously demeaning other males so you appear to be the best choice to the woman. At the core of "AMOG" is tearing others down. A lot of my friends who were/are into PUA practice AMOG at bar or party environments and they look stupid when doing it. If you know what someone is doing, it is clear as day that they are using a PUA AMOG technique.

 

That is antisocial behavior and is contradictory to the collaborative skills necessary to survive in this 21st century environment. Hell, not even the 21st century. Humans have always relied on others to make it through. In my quest to be elite, I realize that I cannot do it alone. I'll need allies. That's why I try to get as many people on my side as possible.

 

Then again, I don't know much about pickup artistry beyond what my friends have told me and what I have Googled, but so far I can not see much good that comes out of the community. Many men emerge from the community with warped mindsets on life and women and are probably in a worse place than they started off. "Sets", "closing", "staying in state", PUA is not organic. PUA focuses too much on self-awareness and how one appears rather than actually developing "attractive behaviors".

 

It's an extreme self-conscious thing.

[Nik1]

You know, there's really only one trick to finding someone, at least from what I've seen and that is to love yourself. You say you already do? That's bull because you haven't found anyone yet (or more like they haven't found you... you haven't found each other). Confusing? Yes, it is. The OP is asking how to make himself more attractive to girls and he clearly doesn't get it. You shouldn't be making yourself more attractive to girls, but work more on your own self-image.

 

You know, people have been telling me since I broke up with my ex that the reason I haven't found a girl is because I don't try, then when I go out, my friends say I try too hard or "you're not gonna find a girlfriend if you're looking for one". This puzzled me for a while until I was sitting in my room and figured out the reason why a girl doesn't want me is because I'm not okay with the fact that I'm always sitting here on this damn bed with this damn computer. And I don't know if I'll ever be okay with that, which is why I'm trying to join the Marines do something meaningful with my life.

 

So if you say you're already happy with yourself, then you're lying to yourself. And you need to start working on your own self-image and the girls will follow. Don't even think about girls, that's why athletes get chicks cause that's the same advice their coaches give them. Of course, this is much easier if you're naturally a tall stud with a chiseled jaw, but hey, life ain't fair.

Edited June 17, 2013 by Nik1

[Sun Devil]

But didnt you say PUA worked on your friends? I also have read some pua material and none of them mentioned tearing others down. Even my dating coach spoke out against this.

[Pompeii]

But didnt you say PUA worked on your friends? I also have read some pua material and none of them mentioned tearing others down. Even my dating coach spoke out against this.

 

PUA works for my friends but that's when it comes to getting dates/having sex. If that's all you want sure it will work. But PUA is just a veneer, you can't maintain it for long.

 

If you feel your dating coach is working then go ahead. You're the one living your life so you can more accurately and adequately judge how things are going for you better than I.

[Eggplant]

I have no idea what PUA class teaches you, but making little jokes sometimes breaks the ice with people.

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

I started a thread about this subject a while ago, wondering whether other women shared my ideas or whether I was in fact just really different.

 

I truly don't prioritize money or status, and my dating decisions reflect that. Money is a means to and end, not the end itself. I am also successful in my career, so I don't need a man to provide as much as I want his affection, co-parenting, emotional support, and genes. I do, however, place some importance on looks. But I also have my own personal preferences on looks that are unique to me.

 

Yes, you are different.

 

I would say America and Canada are the worst offenders. Yes, personality matters, but superficial things matter just as much if not more (which makes sense if you objectively look at our society....we're raised in a society where image matters more than anything else. Everybody is in debt so that they can look like they are rich. Most other countries do not do this.).

 

I've lived in many different countries in Europe, South America, and Asia. The US is by far the worst.

[Seeking_California]

I think it is great that you are working so hard to look good. that will naturally increase your self-esteem and that is really the key here. You need to go through this process while focusing on yourself and your self improvement. Do it for yourself, not others.

 

Using high heels, pretending to be gay? You want to find a woman who will like YOU not a fantasy or character so I don't see how pretending to be someone you are not will help your case.

 

Someone said above that there is no magical solution to the issue... That is true. But you are doing all you should be doing already and soon enough you will see results. Give it time and make sure you enjoy the journey as well. Isn't it great to see the changes in yourself? Enjoy this and be proud of yourself. It takes a lot to be able to do what you are doing, starting from asking yourself the difficult questions and then doing the work that is needed in order to achieve change. Don't take that for granted.

 

One last thing, women like men who are confident. NOT COCKY. Self-aware.

 

Lots of cliches I know but it is really that simple. Respect yourself and people will admire for that.

 

You are on the right path. Just don't give up.

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

PUA works for my friends but that's when it comes to getting dates/having sex. If that's all you want sure it will work. But PUA is just a veneer, you can't maintain it for long.

 

If you feel your dating coach is working then go ahead. You're the one living your life so you can more accurately and adequately judge how things are going for you better than I.

 

This is correct. I did PUA for a long time. It will help you get laid, but it also messes a lot of guys up mentally.

 

Sun Devil, it can work, but it leaves many guys worse off than when they started. And make no mistake about it: these "coaches" just want your money. Many of them aren't even good with women.

 

You've been warned.

[Seeking_California]

Smile.

 

When I was in college, I (unconsciously) walked around with a big, stupid smile on my face. When people see you smiling, they instinctively start saying "Hi" to you. The next thing I knew, all these girls were saying Hi to me when I walked between classes or hung out on campus. (And my girlfriend would say, "Who the hell is she!?!?" and be mad at me for a week, but that's another story).

 

Once they're saying Hi to you, it's pretty easy to start a conversation and get to know them.

Very good advise. One of the best here really. An honest smile can change someone's day for the best.

 

I always smile at anyone I make eye contact with. But I really mean anyone! It has to come from withing though... Everybody likes people who are good natured and with a positive outlook. Happiness is attractive.

[Seeking_California]

This is the second worst advice I've ever heard.

 

Chivalry is generally seen as a sign of weakness in this society (or, at the very least, it is neutral).

 

OP should do those things if he wants to, but he shouldn't expect to get girls that way.

Chivalry a sign of weakness? Oh my Lord! I am so sorry you think so because you probably have experience to validate such a terrible view.

 

Good manners are in fact the key to a good life and a better society. Respect, consideration and honesty towards others. Sure, not anyone will appreciate a good gesture but that is their problem.

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

Chivalry a sign of weakness? Oh my Lord! I am so sorry you think so because you probably have experience to validate such a terrible view.

 

Good manners are in fact the key to a good life and a better society. Respect, consideration and honesty towards others. Sure, not anyone will appreciate a good gesture but that is their problem.

 

How old are you? What gender are you?

 

While this may be true in general, your advice does not apply to dating. Most women do not appreciate chivalry and are actually turned off by it. It goes hand-in-hand with being a nice guy, which is a no-no.

 

Anybody that is young and has dated in the past few years know this.