AKisBaked Posted June 16, 2013 Share Posted June 16, 2013 The girl that I keep mentioning throughout multiple threads that i've created here is showing signs of being DISTANT.. I can tell by her body language, the way she is talking to me now in person and via text.. Just yesterday I met up with her and few friends. She didn't talk to me much and when I did talk to her she would just reply very casual and not expand on our conversation... Plus she would just zone me out and just talk to her friend while I am standing right in front of her.. Pretty much, I go unnoticed to her. It kind of sucks because I do have a crush on her but I guess it's fading out now, seeing that this is the kind of girl she is... But what could possibly be the reason for her in becoming distant? I guess i put all my eggs into 1 basket.. Link to post Share on other sites
ses Posted June 16, 2013 Share Posted June 16, 2013 There could be multiple reasons why she has distanced herself from you. I would directly confront her and ask. If she continues to ignore you and remains emotionally unavailable then I would cut your losses. Nobody deserves to have drama in their life. You deserve a girl who is there for you every step of the way. Link to post Share on other sites
shexy Posted June 16, 2013 Share Posted June 16, 2013 Most likely she's just lost interest. It doesn't mean you did anything wrong, she's just losing interest. If she's (an you) are younger, like 18-24-ish, it could be she was just trying to act like miss cool in front her her friends to show off. In that case, I'd just leave it alone, game playing is no fun Link to post Share on other sites
Author AKisBaked Posted June 16, 2013 Author Share Posted June 16, 2013 @ses I don't think confronting her would be the greatest idea for this kind of thing.. our relationship never escalated to a peak where I WOULD need to talk to her. Though, she is distancing herself away from me, I would probably just let it slide and have everything undo itself and fade off. We never really knew each other for that long anyways. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AKisBaked Posted June 16, 2013 Author Share Posted June 16, 2013 Shexy, you're probably right that she is losing interest and I feel like its a complete let down and bummer.. but what to do right? Link to post Share on other sites
shexy Posted June 16, 2013 Share Posted June 16, 2013 Shexy, you're probably right that she is losing interest and I feel like its a complete let down and bummer.. but what to do right? It definitely is a bummer! Link to post Share on other sites
Col1 Posted June 16, 2013 Share Posted June 16, 2013 She's rude. Delete her number. Link to post Share on other sites
undergroundlife13 Posted June 16, 2013 Share Posted June 16, 2013 I read your threads, this could be a long shot here but i might be right. Have you ever told her you liked her? Have you asked her on dates? Maybe she cant figure YOU out, and thinks you just want to be friends, so is pulling back. I suggest letting her know how you feel, unless youve done so already 1 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted June 16, 2013 Share Posted June 16, 2013 I agree with underground.....when you cant read a guy and you arent dating him you need to keep it casual ...and maintain a bit of distance because friendship has distinct boundaries from dating............have you told her yet that you like her? have you asked her out if you have what was her reaction?...deb Link to post Share on other sites
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted June 16, 2013 Share Posted June 16, 2013 The girl that I keep mentioning throughout multiple threads that i've created here is showing signs of being DISTANT.. I can tell by her body language, the way she is talking to me now in person and via text.. Just yesterday I met up with her and few friends. She didn't talk to me much and when I did talk to her she would just reply very casual and not expand on our conversation... Plus she would just zone me out and just talk to her friend while I am standing right in front of her.. Pretty much, I go unnoticed to her. It kind of sucks because I do have a crush on her but I guess it's fading out now, seeing that this is the kind of girl she is... But what could possibly be the reason for her in becoming distant? I guess i put all my eggs into 1 basket.. Get with one of her friends and make sure she finds out about it. Women love men that are desired by other women. Most women get off on these types of games. Link to post Share on other sites
InsaneTrombone Posted June 16, 2013 Share Posted June 16, 2013 I've been on one date with the girl I'm talking to. I told her I had a great time and really enjoyed getting to know her. She said she did as well. We went a few days after with minimal communication / texting. She texted me randomly out of the blue (first time shes ever contacted me first) saying she was sad because I didn't like talking to her. I said that wasn't true and I had planned on contacting her the next day about a second date. She responded with something along the lines of, you like me? I said well if I didn't I wouldn't have planned on asking you out on a second date, and she just responded with a happy face. So I vaguely mentioned that we could do something Wednesday / Thursday, with plans on getting back in contact with her Monday to set a day / time in stone. I guess I'm kind of a big texter. This woman rarely texts me, at all. For instance, after she mentioned she thought I didn't like speaking to her because we hadn't spoken much (about 2 days) after the date, she assumed I wasn't into her. Now I've sent the last 4 messages with no response. I know she may be busy and all that stuff, but am I to just wait until she actually responds to something or is she waiting for me to call her? I don't want to feel like I'm smothering / nagging her. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted June 16, 2013 Share Posted June 16, 2013 letting back in contact with her Monday to set a day / time in stone. I guess I'm kind of a big texter. This woman rarely texts me, at all. For instance, after she mentioned she thought I didn't like speaking to her because we hadn't spoken much (about 2 days) after the date, she assumed I wasn't into her. Now I've sent the last 4 messages with no response. I know she may be busy and all that stuff, but am I to just wait until she actually responds to something or is she waiting for me to call her? I don't want to feel like I'm smothering / nagging her. this is where it gets toey huh........you get told so many conflicting stories of what to do what not to do ....text often, dont text often.....play games, be distant...dont play games be affectionate.......be totally honest.....dont be honest...hide your feelings show your feelings.....and it becomes one huge massive mess of indecision....... i havent dated in a long time...and this does not make me look forward to dating.....at all.... i used to just be honest when i dated.......if i wanted to call a guy i called him.......if he wanted to call me he called me...there was no ambiguity...just communication.........now its classed as clinging....how is it clinging simply communicating? if a person is busy they should feel comfortable enough to say...hey call you back or i am busy i will talk to you soon...i am not talking constant communication........where you have 67 messages on your phone at the end of the day.......but normal communication...... dotn feel you are smothering her.....i think you know you arent...listen to your heart.........and have fun dating.....the fun has been sucked out of dating...everybody is so unsure of what to do today....when it is just meant to be getting to know someone...by yes communicating and spending time together....is that too simple....probably.....deb..... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AKisBaked Posted June 17, 2013 Author Share Posted June 17, 2013 Lol if I didn't have a crush on her i totally would. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AKisBaked Posted June 17, 2013 Author Share Posted June 17, 2013 She's rude. Delete her number. Lol.. if I didn't have a crush on her then I totally would. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AKisBaked Posted June 17, 2013 Author Share Posted June 17, 2013 I read your threads, this could be a long shot here but i might be right. Have you ever told her you liked her? Have you asked her on dates? Maybe she cant figure YOU out, and thinks you just want to be friends, so is pulling back. I suggest letting her know how you feel, unless youve done so already Undergroundlife13 you could be on something.. Maybe she's doesn't want to make any moves and see if I will do anything first. No i haven't let her know how I feel.. and the most times that i've asked her out was like last week. This week we've hung out but with a group of friends.. its a bit hard to get alone time with her. Plus I don't want to discuss this stuff in front of friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AKisBaked Posted June 17, 2013 Author Share Posted June 17, 2013 I agree with underground.....when you cant read a guy and you arent dating him you need to keep it casual ...and maintain a bit of distance because friendship has distinct boundaries from dating............have you told her yet that you like her? have you asked her out if you have what was her reaction?...deb No i haven't done any of those that you mentioned. I find it difficult to talk to her about that because first of all. we haven't TECHNICALLY gone out on "DATE" they've all been just HANGOUTS. I've been keeping my distance now from her because everytime that I see her now i've been getting cold vibes, as though she doesn't want to see me or anything.. sucks.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AKisBaked Posted June 17, 2013 Author Share Posted June 17, 2013 Get with one of her friends and make sure she finds out about it. Women love men that are desired by other women. Most women get off on these types of games. After I read your post, I am actually considering doing just that. But it's tought because im not close with any of her friends and they all have a bf:( Link to post Share on other sites
undergroundlife13 Posted June 17, 2013 Share Posted June 17, 2013 Tell her you like her, trust me. If she doesnt return the feelings then youll spare yourself from future heartbreak. The fact that shes holding back, means somethings bothering her. Youre the guy, you need to make a move or you are asking to be friendzoned! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AKisBaked Posted June 17, 2013 Author Share Posted June 17, 2013 undergroundlife13, thanks for the feedback, appreciate it. Now I have figure out how to get her alone with me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
undergroundlife13 Posted June 17, 2013 Share Posted June 17, 2013 Youre welcome, hope everything works out! Link to post Share on other sites
Author AKisBaked Posted June 17, 2013 Author Share Posted June 17, 2013 UPDATE Well wasn't this quick? I maybe just be jumping the gun out of assumption but I'm a bit disappointed with this girl because earlier today I saw her, again she was with a friend... and I asked her if she wanted to go riding with me (motorcycle riding) in the evening. She came out with me to ride for the first time. She just sits on the back but it's all good. Anyways, she replied to me ( and I knew she was going to decline the offer, but gave it a shot anyways because what is there to lose?) and she said that she's been on only 3 hours of sleep since last night and everything and she's exhausted. So I respond to her saying, " no worries maybe we'll go next time, your my riding buddy." This is all through via whatsapp. So I just checked my phone and I looked at her contact and she's on whatsapp constantly! SO, pretty much she just lied to me and made up an excuse saying she couldn't come out because she's too tired and she needs to sleep, but instead she's on the damn messenger... I know this is ridiculous to get upset about but, I hate when people cant just be up front about things. Like I'd rather you be blunt instead of me finding out what your really up to and you just made up a storey to cover your ass.. Plus I shouldn't be angry at her anyways because first of all we're not together, but as a friend why do you need to make up stuff for? Just needed to rant... Link to post Share on other sites
Author AKisBaked Posted June 17, 2013 Author Share Posted June 17, 2013 UPDATE #2 (THIS IS A LONG POST HOPEFULLY YALL WILL READ IT) I wouldn't say this is a love triangle but it sure does feel like one.. Im just going to name the guy as " A" and the girl as "J". I've known A for a while longer than I have known J. I met him when I worked at the gym cuz he worked there also. We both don't work there anymore but we both go to the gym and hang out time to time. So its not that I don't see him. I see him quite often. I've known J for a while too but never spoke to her much until A formally introduced me to her, since she also works and uses the gym. So I would bounce into her most of the time when I go. Since I started to talk to her and get to know her better, it was really great she seemed interested in getting to know me by asking lot of questions about myself, we hung out together a few times (just me and her) and all the stuff I mentioned in my previous threads about her, like me touching her and her being really easy going about it. She showed alot of interest. Pretty much it's been just us 3. We all usually hang out together when we get a chance because we're all friends. But, this is where it gets complicated. A and J have known each other for a long time, around 3 years ? And J has become attached to A. They both flirt with each other all the time. J clearly stated that she has a crush on A. But, when I asked A directly what's going on between you and J, he says there's nothing going on. He refuses to escalate their relationship to more than what it is already. He see's J as more like a sister and not as a GF. J has informally hinted to A, a couple of times for sex, pretty much she wants FWB with A. A declined J's offer because he sees that if he agreed to be FWB, one of them will end up getting hurt and it will ruin their relationship and potentially they will never speak to each other again if something like this happens. I've directly asked J too about what she thinks of A. Her response was, there's nothing going to happen between him and her. She clearly outlined that they do FLIRT back and forth with each other, but in the end they are just going to remain friends. And here is where I stand. Im the middle between these two. Even though they both have said to me that there is NOTHING going to happen between them two, I have a weird feeling that they are having a "secret" relationship where they don't want others to know about. For me, i'm pretty much kept in the dark and labeled as a third wheel. Clearly, I've developed feelings and become more attached to J because lately its been just me and her hanging out and talking to each other alot. For the past week, A was out of town and obviously J didn't see him nor did I. So within the week A was gone, i got to really bond with J. But ever since that A has returned back home, J has become really distant from me. She doesn't talk to me as much as she did when A was away, she spends alot more time with A whenever he goes to the gym. And when we go out with a group of people J would always laugh at A's jokes (which aren't even that funny, there more annoying than as a joke) and tease him. Overall, A and J are tight, no question about it, however if I were to make a move on J, I would have to tell A, because he told one time, as an example that if one of our friends tried to get at a girl that he knows he implied that they should tell him that they are pursuing her, and not secretly do it behind his back. So if I were to pursue J, I would have to tell A... But I don't see a reason why I should need to tell him anything at all since he has already placed a firm line between him and J. I feel like if I don't tell him he will think that I am being sneaky and trying to steal his girl, which is not the case because they were NEVER together in the first place to begin with. Also, if he gets jealous or upset at me for trying to get at J, I will still find that ridiculous of him to act that way towards me since he lost his chance with J multiple times. Pretty much if I don't tell him he will be upset, and if say, things do go well with me and J and he finds out, he will still be upset. I don't see where I can win in this kind a relationship between these 2. Its like he gives her some hope that there is potential between him and her but then takes it away and firmly says there is no chance. Whereas, she clearly wants to make things work out with him but she's trying to hard to pursue him. She knows he won't accept her but she keeps trying. Its like that saying, women like the challenge, they will try to get what they can't it. He's pretty much toying with her, he's making him the prize which is fine, but its your friend, not some girl you barely know. It's a tough situation and that's why it's been hard to make a move on this girl because really it comes down to this guy. I do not hate the guy whatever, I actually do like him ( not in a gay with duh:laugh:) but he makes the situations more difficult for me to get close to J. I just dont know whether its worth it to make a move on her anymore or just leave it as what it is and go find another girl to pursue. I've been away from the dating game for awhile and I thought J was someone who I thought I could really connect with. But there are significant signs that she's losing interest and now showing disinterest towards me and putting all her attention back to A. Thanks for reading guys.. sorry for the long post. But that's the FULL outline of what's going on with this specific girl. Hopefully there will be no more new threads about this for awhile unless something new comes up. FEEDBACK is always appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
undergroundlife13 Posted June 17, 2013 Share Posted June 17, 2013 In that case i would move on...you dont want to be a backup plan Link to post Share on other sites
Author AKisBaked Posted June 18, 2013 Author Share Posted June 18, 2013 In that case i would move on...you dont want to be a backup plan I'm thinking of doing so but its just too soon to determine everything to cut all ties with her so quickly.... ill wait it out for a bit more time.. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted June 18, 2013 Share Posted June 18, 2013 this is where it gets toey huh........you get told so many conflicting stories of what to do what not to do ....text often, dont text often.....play games, be distant...dont play games be affectionate.......be totally honest.....dont be honest...hide your feelings show your feelings.....and it becomes one huge massive mess of indecision....... i havent dated in a long time...and this does not make me look forward to dating.....at all.... i used to just be honest when i dated.......if i wanted to call a guy i called him.......if he wanted to call me he called me...there was no ambiguity...just communication.........now its classed as clinging....how is it clinging simply communicating? if a person is busy they should feel comfortable enough to say...hey call you back or i am busy i will talk to you soon...i am not talking constant communication........where you have 67 messages on your phone at the end of the day.......but normal communication...... dotn feel you are smothering her.....i think you know you arent...listen to your heart.........and have fun dating.....the fun has been sucked out of dating...everybody is so unsure of what to do today....when it is just meant to be getting to know someone...by yes communicating and spending time together....is that too simple....probably.....deb..... This is so well said you have no idea....Thanks for posting! TFY 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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