What do you think of this article?? "Trapping" men into pregnancy

[ltjg45]

Ok I can understand that but men need to be a little more considerate of our biological clock. If I have a decent job and so does he, and we live together and we are happy and I want a baby then dammit it is time to make a baby!

 

If you want a baby and he doesn't, why don't you just leave him and find a guy who does want one?

[Woggle]

If you want a baby and he doesn't, why don't you just leave him and find a guy who does want one?

 

That would make too much sense.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

If you want a baby and he doesn't, why don't you just leave him and find a guy who does want one?

 

I mean if I invested a lot of years in a person I am certainly not going to just end it and start from scratch, especially not at 30

[Eggplant]

I mean if I invested a lot of years in a person I am certainly not going to just end it and start from scratch, especially not at 30

You CANNOT make a man be your baby-daddy against his will. Period. End of story. It's morally repulsive.

[ltjg45]

I mean if I invested a lot of years in a person I am certainly not going to just end it and start from scratch, especially not at 30

 

This is why you ask at the start of the relationship. Get it out of the way.

 

My recent contact with a woman (which was only 3 minutes long), we actually covered this very topic. I told her that I'm neutral and I'm willing to have no more than 2 kids tops. She wanted to have kids.

 

If I were to speak to her again, at the least that was covered from the get-go.

 

I don't know why you didn't think about that after years of being in a relationship with him if that were to happen.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

This is why you ask at the start of the relationship. Get it out of the way.

 

My recent contact with a woman (which was only 3 minutes long), we actually covered this very topic. I told her that I'm neutral and I'm willing to have no more than 2 kids tops. She wanted to have kids.

 

If I were to speak to her again, at the least that was covered from the get-go.

 

I don't know why you didn't think about that after years of being in a relationship with him if that were to happen.

 

I mean I usually talk about it early on but being that I am 22 most men my age aren't jumping into babies. I am dating a 20 year old now who has made it clear he wants kids way later, as of now I can accept that but in 2 years if we are together I won't accept it.

[Eggplant]

Date a man at least 5 years older.

[Eggplant]

This. 'Trapping' an irresponsible player type guy with pregnancy doesn't work. Even if the kid is born and he turns responsible he will be responsible with another woman, not the one who lied to him to get pregnant.

They will take child support directly out of his paycheck.

[ltjg45]

I mean I usually talk about it early on but being that I am 22 most men my age aren't jumping into babies. I am dating a 20 year old now who has made it clear he wants kids way later, as of now I can accept that but in 2 years if we are together I won't accept it.

 

You need to get more specific with him on that matter then.

 

"way later" is a cop out on his part. You need to find out how late he is willing to wait before having kids.

 

As for me, my answer would be vague at the start but if she were to ask for more details, I would give it some thought and then tell her. I can understand why she wants me to be more specific in her views.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

Date a man at least 5 years older.

 

I usually do, and I try to date guys with kids so they are already into it and it is an already made family.

 

I do like the person I am with so we will see how it goes, we just started dating so I am not quite thinking babies YET

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

You need to get more specific with him on that matter then.

 

"way later" is a cop out on his part. You need to find out how late he is willing to wait before having kids.

 

As for me, my answer would be vague at the start but if she were to ask for more details, I would give it some thought and then tell her. I can understand why she wants me to be more specific in her views.

 

We JUST started dating, I feel like even mentioning it would make me look insane at this point. We aren't even "in a relationship" yet just exclusively dating.

[sweetkiwi]

I actually read somewhere that that doesn't work because sperm don't live outside of the body or something idk? Or it isn't for long. Anyways how would you put a condom into you whowho? seems like too much work to me.

 

In ideal conditions sperm can live up to three hours exposed to air. Fortunately many condoms have spermicidal lube, which greatly lessens this lifespan.

 

I personally know women who have done this kind of fhucked up **** to men they were with. It's really a sad thing that they lied and tricked someone into having a child.

 

On the flip side, my ex tried getting me pregnant. Crazy knows no gender.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

In ideal conditions sperm can live up to three hours exposed to air. Fortunately many condoms have spermicidal lube, which greatly lessens this lifespan.

 

I personally know women who have done this kind of fhucked up **** to men they were with. It's really a sad thing that they lied and tricked someone into having a child.

 

On the flip side, my ex tried getting me pregnant. Crazy knows no gender.

 

if it would have happened would you have kept it?

just wondering

[MissBee]

That is understandable, but what about if you are with that person for years and are in a happy relationship you just do it to push things a little faster?

 

On one level I can understand, men shouldn't get to operate on their own timeline because they can have kids until 105 where as women only have about 15 good quality years, if that.

 

You wouldn't need to do that.

 

A woman in a happy, healthy relationship won't have to manipulate her boyfriend by getting pregnant to trap him or "speed things up". Period. In good relationships things happen naturally and at a pace BOTH people agree with.

 

Only in problematic relationships with desperate people do you find people being so anxious and insecure that they resort to scheming and being manipulative to get their way. No thanks. I don't want that.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

Why would what you want be more important than what he wants?

 

 

 

Exactly.

 

Because my eggs are the ones drying out not his sperms.

I'm not saying I would do this.. hopefully I am never in the position to have to,I am saying I can understand why someone would want to do it.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

You seem to get these ideas in your head and most of them have only a sliver of truth. Many, many women have successful and healthy pregnancies into their late 30s and even 40s these days. If you are that concerned about it, freeze some of your eggs. Problem solved.

 

Aside from that, just because it's what YOU want from a relationship doesn't mean it's more important than what HE wants from a relationship. If you always have to win or get your way, you are going to lose at relationships every single time.

 

I know it could happen that I am 40 and get pregnant and it would be successful but I don't want that, that is way too old to become a parent for the first time. I don't want to be like my kids grandma how embarrassing for them lol. Does it cost a lot to freeze eggs now?

 

I mean I know what I want isn't more important but it kind of is because I am the one who only has 2 years left of my peak and then after that like 11 years. Also early hysterectomies happen in my family, my mom had to get one at like 45

[Balzac]

Because my eggs are the ones drying out not his sperms.

 

Recent research published in fact indicates that sperm from aged men is in fact a risk factor.

[Eggplant]

Recent research published in fact indicates that sperm from aged men is in fact a risk factor.

Yes -- having an older father makes you more likely to have schizophrenia, for instance.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

I had to get one before I was 30. The cost to freeze eggs will vary depending on your location. Call a fertility center and ask.

They'll be happy to help you.

 

It isn't more important. You say you know that, but then you say "but it kind of is" No. It ISN'T. Relationships are PARTNERSHIPS. You work together to meet each others needs.

 

Ideally you'll be with a guy who wants the same thing as you, but you'll never know that unless you talk to him. Trying to trap a guy is a scummy thing to do, I'm glad to read that you said you don't think you'd do it, but the fact that it even crosses your mind is a little alarming.

 

I compared it to rape and I'm going to expand on that.

 

Let's say some guy decides he wants to get laid, (because his needs are more important than his dates) so he slips something into her drink, because he knows that she won't notice and by the time she does, it'll be too late anyway, and you know that erection he has... it's not going to wait til tomorrow! He has needs he needs taken care of now! He isn't going to talk to her about it, because that might be embarassing and what if she says no? This way he's controlling the whole situation to get what he wants and taking her choices away from her.

 

Do you think that's ok? It's not right?

It's the same thing.

 

(My apologies for making guys sound like slime in the above comparision, I do realize that most guys do not act like that but it does illustrate my point)

 

I understand the comparison and I can see its wrong I have a younger brother and I would kill his girlfriend if she did that to him to make him stick around (which is something we really thought she was capable of at one point) but then I think about it like me and Im like, god I can't imagine dating someone for more than 2 years with marriage not being on the table. I can't imagine getting to thirty and being like wow I have no baby and a man who isn't trying to commit it seems like a dire situation to me. Right now I'm worried about it with the guy I'm with but he is 20 he is so not thinking about a baby yet, and I probably shouldn't be since I have no job. :/ I don't think I would date him for a while if he wasnt into eventually having kids.

[Balzac]

I'm sure your enlisted Marine serves alongside MANY who are young parents.

Uncle Sam is a comfy harbor of benefits and regular pay check.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

I really appreciate this thread! I think I'll print it out for my son to read. My daughter is 25 and has a lot of guy friends because she works in a male dominated field. In one year this has happened to about five of them.

 

We have all preached to my son about this and he's been present while one duped friend was falling apart at our home. This girl didn't want a child as much as she wanted someone to marry her and get her out of her parents home. I told him to call her and tell her that he was getting back together with his exfiance and that his dads attorney wanted a paternity test as soon as it would be possible and that his would sue for custody. The girl thought because his family had money she and her child would be well taken care of. It turned out she didn't want a baby so much after all.

 

I'm glad to hear you say you'd never do that. It would be akin to your partner slipping the morning after pill in your coffee after you'd had sex while pretending to want a pregnancy. Someone who really wants to be a great parent doesn't bring a child into a a situation built on lies and deceit!

[Els]

Uh, if you genuinely think kids are guaranteed to make men stick around when they don't want to be, I feel very sorry for what will happen to you. If you do this, and the guy is a decent guy with a job and a conscience, he'll leave you and either pay child support or take joint custody, so you'll be a single mother... 50% of the time. If you do this, and the guy is ruthless and wants to screw you back as you have done to him, he'll simply leave and default on child support as so many have done, and you'll be a single mother 100% of the time. Either way, you'll be a single mother, period.

 

Not that that is necessarily a bad thing, but putting yourself in that position solely for the misguided purpose of 'trapping a man' really doesn't sound like the best of ideas.

Edited June 17, 2013 by Elswyth

[Eclypse]

Have you thought about IVF sperm donor? Why wait! Get it tomorrow, while you're in your "prime"

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

Have you thought about IVF sperm donor? Why wait! Get it tomorrow, while you're in your "prime"

 

That's like a billion dollars

[Eclypse]

I think that's a bit over the top. I don't know the exact details but I can't imagine it costing more than 20-30,000. That's a bit pricy, but not really. And it's a hell of a lot less than paying child support for 18 years. If you're living with parents a years salary should comfortably cover that. I have literally no expenses apart from my car so I'm sure you could easily save up or get your parents to help you.

 

Or would it be easier to just trap a guy?