About my Dad having an emotional affair.

[acapelo_dp]

So, I need some advice on this as I am really stuck on where to go from here or what to do. I am in my twenties and my father is 53, mother is 52. They have been married for about 20 years, unhappily. My mother is sick at the moment and is very bad to my father (spends a lot of his money, screams at him, threatens him, etc) and they are constantly fighting. They have been fighting my entire life growing up.

 

A couple months ago my dad confided in me that he had met a woman online who he was chatting with, from Russia. Who he says he is in love with. He has shown me pictures of her and he has sent her flowers, tells her he wants to marry her someday etc. All this was a pretty big shock.

 

Lately he has been talking about wanting to take a trip to see her within the next few months, and he wants me to go with him to meet her and her family. Now, this all makes me very uncomfortable. Firstly, I know he is unhappy in the marriage and he has a right to be happy but I don't think it is right what he is doing no matter how bad the marriage is or how bad my mother is to him. This is a man who has preached to me that cheating is extremely wrong all my life.

 

My dad is accepted to university in the fall and he wants to sell the house and is hoping that my mother gets put into care. He told me that he doesn't want to be a caretaker anymore, he hates his life and always has, and has a chance to be happy. Lastnight we got into a heated argument because I told him exactly how I felt, how he is cheating, this is unrealistic, and he needs to get a divorce if he was unhappy. He responded by screaming in my face telling me he has had a terrible life and deserves happiness.

 

Honestly, I really need to move out of the house. I have been working full time to get on my feet since graduating school, and the stress of all this is getting to me. I am beginning to become an angry person.

 

What should I do from here? I am so lost and feel terrible about everything.

[TaraMaiden]

You're not going to like this one bit, but - Mind your own business.

They're adults.

They make their own decisions.

 

All you can do is to do exactly what you plan.

 

Move out.

 

This si nothing to do with you, and providing your father does not abandon your mother and leave her penniless and defenceless, then you need to just keep well out of it.

 

Your father can scream, rant, rave and dream all he likes.

 

He has responsibilities towards your mother.

Providing he fulfils those, whatever else he may choose to do, is sadly, not up to you.

 

Move out.

[acapelo_dp]

You're not going to like this one bit, but - Mind your own business.

They're adults.

They make their own decisions.

 

All you can do is to do exactly what you plan.

 

Move out.

 

This si nothing to do with you, and providing your father does not abandon your mother and leave her penniless and defenceless, then you need to just keep well out of it.

 

Your father can scream, rant, rave and dream all he likes.

 

He has responsibilities towards your mother.

Providing he fulfils those, whatever else he may choose to do, is sadly, not up to you.

 

Move out.

 

I would mind my own business, but my Father was the one who came to me and confided in me about it. I didn't ask. I actually wish he never told me because now I am in this uncomfortable position, he told me "you are the only one I can talk to about this, I have no one else to confide in" so really, it's awkward.

[TaraMaiden]

Then you tell him:

 

"Don't talk to me about this.

You are my father, she is my mother.

This situation is inappropriate, and I don't want you to put me in this position.

This is unfair and unreasonable of you to do this.

 

I don't care what you do.

Do whatever you want, but don't involve me."