Social anxiety is starting to annoy me.

[Ed the 3rd]

I've tried really hard. I've turned my life around when it comes to my fitness. I'm not bad looking. My problem is my social anxiety. It makes things so awkward I can't stand it. Its like I can never be myself unless I'm drunk in which case I'm too impaired to feel social anxiety. Its never going to get better either, I've gone to the SAS (social anxiety support not the actual SAS) and all I hear is stories of how people in their 40's have not had any success.

 

I have standards just like everyone else. Every time I go for someone I find attarctive I'm never taken seriously. I fear I will be alone for the rest of my life unless I compromise on my standards which I'd rather be alone then do.

 

I'm sorry for venting but I really just wanted to talk about it I've tried every possible resource and nothing helped. I should also mention I have no friends either because of my SA. I know I'll probably be told to **** off and stop whining but I'm not in a very good place right now.

[shexy]

I'm sorry you're dealing with that right now, social anxiety is not easy to deal with when trying to date and meet new people. And if anyone tells you to **** off and stop whining about this, please don't pay attention to them.

 

Have you talked to a counselor about it before to see if you could get any tools to help you deal with it?

 

Do you try to meet women in public places, (bars, restaurants, etc.) or do you do online dating?

[kazuma]

I feel you. What helped me was joining a meetup for shy and/or people with social anxiety (even better if it's for singles). We go hangout and have fun together. It helps because everyone is in the same boat -- there is even no need to speak about your issues unless you really want to.

 

Being able to socialize is very important even if it's just "being there" and not talking. I'm shy and have poor conversational skills but my social anxiety with the general public is almost gone -- women that I find attractive is a whole different game though!

[Feelin Frisky]

Never self-medicate when there is real medicine that delivers solution to this exact problem. Drinking is a gross massive blanketing of the central nervous system. We can now use medicine upstream of the central nervous system to help keep the flood of "fight or flight" adrenaline from flooding our nerves. I didn't set out to do this myself, I just realized it to be the case as I overcame my blushing entirely. And what this kind of breakthrough confidence leads to is a realization that everyone else is experiencing their own private worries about how they are gong to be perceived, and illusion aside, no one is devoted entirely to judging you. This is something of a fundamental you will keep coming back to faster and faster. How to think and feel and sort out quickly under the gun and exude confidence. It can be done. But not while you are being held hostage by your own extreme chemistry.

[Ripnet]

If you're masturbating and watching porn you need to stop because it can cause anxiety. Also eating habits will help. Eating plenty of fruits and vegetables, stay away from soda, alcohol, coffee and chocolate.

 

I've notice anxiety started going away from I Increased my fruits and vegetable consumption and avoiding other drinks (alcohol and coffee is the worst for me) other than water and limiting processed foods.

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

I've tried really hard. I've turned my life around when it comes to my fitness. I'm not bad looking. My problem is my social anxiety. It makes things so awkward I can't stand it. Its like I can never be myself unless I'm drunk in which case I'm too impaired to feel social anxiety. Its never going to get better either, I've gone to the SAS (social anxiety support not the actual SAS) and all I hear is stories of how people in their 40's have not had any success.

 

I have standards just like everyone else. Every time I go for someone I find attarctive I'm never taken seriously. I fear I will be alone for the rest of my life unless I compromise on my standards which I'd rather be alone then do.

 

I'm sorry for venting but I really just wanted to talk about it I've tried every possible resource and nothing helped. I should also mention I have no friends either because of my SA. I know I'll probably be told to **** off and stop whining but I'm not in a very good place right now.

 

Your problem is that you care too much about what people think. I find that most people with social anxiety have this problem.

 

Get out of your comfort zone and push yourself. That's the only solution. Get some experience.

 

Once you do that, you'll find that most women (and most people in general) are not worth stressing over this much. The ones that are worth stressing over won't cause you this much stress.

 

Sorry man, but there's no magic pill or easy solution. You have to put your nose to grindstone and get out there.

[Ed the 3rd]

Have you talked to a counselor about it before to see if you could get any tools to help you deal with it?

 

Do you try to meet women in public places, (bars, restaurants, etc.) or do you do online dating?

I've talked to a few but none have helped. Meds have not helped either. Most of them just try to convince you that the fear isn't founded or are only capable of helping you based on your interaction with others which works great for a guy like me with almost none of it.

 

I've tried pursuing a couple I liked in real life. Neither took me seriously like I was some kind of joke to them and while many woman have simply ignored me I talked to one and it went great until we met. I thought it went well all things considered but apparently she didn't deciding I'd make a better friend. Again not taken seriously.

I feel you. What helped me was joining a meetup for shy and/or people with social anxiety (even better if it's for singles). We go hangout and have fun together.

That sounds great. Its a shame no such events exist near me.

 

Never self-medicate when there is real medicine that delivers solution to this exact problem. Drinking is a gross massive blanketing of the central nervous system.

And also unfortunatly the only way I can be myself.

 

As for the last guy I do eat pretty good. My anxiety is caused by very bad experiences in school, over controlling parents and going to a all boys school.

 

Honestly I don't even think I'm that bad around girls. I just come off as very sweet. Something that's apparently even more of a turnoff for women then hitting them and being an ass.

[melodicintention]

Maybe this annoyance with your anxiety is what you need. Maybe by getting irritated at it you will learn to get past it. I got sick and tired of being sick and tired and now I am have overcome all of my social issues after basically quitting caring about all the things that once tripped me out. It's kinda like in the movie Fight Club, I stopped trying to be perfect and then I didn't have to worry anymore about pleasing anyone, thereby the anxiety lifted.

 

I think you are on the right path and about to come a new point in understanding yourself, you might be about to make a breakthrough. Keep up the momentum!

[SJC2008]

I have SA too I could of had my first gf when I was a sophomore in HS but I was too shy. I got my first gf at 17 and got dumped for being two shy. I haven't had a real gf in my life and I'm 31. I've grown out of it a lot but my anxiety is very physical so at times I can be very tense and make jerky, hesitant movements.

 

How bad is your SA? Do you get tense like me?

[aliceinthebox]

I had SA in elementary and middle school and the way I got past it was a mixture of HoneyBadgerDontCare and melodicintention. You got to stop caring and also push yourself. Eventually you will find people that care about you and that it isn't as hard as you once believed. The other thing is, no is looking at you or judging you and even if they are it is a split second and they are busy doing something else. Do you judge others? I'm guessing not and that goes for you as well.

[Ed the 3rd]

How bad is your SA? Do you get tense like me?

Yes. Its like I'm about to bungee jump when I'm picking up the phone. Its a very very physical thing I can't control. I know nobody really cares and I don't have much to be insecure about. I don't just lay down and cry about it either when I see a girl I like I at the very least give it my best shot. Either I come off as too sweet or too rigid I don't know but they have never taken me seriously.

 

That does hurt the most because when girls I like can't even fathom me being a love interest because of how I am it makes me feel like less of a man.

 

The prospect of being alone till 31 unless I compromise on my standards honestly makes me want to set myself on fire.

Edited June 17, 2013 by Ed the 3rd

[Pisces13]

Never self-medicate when there is real medicine that delivers solution to this exact problem. Drinking is a gross massive blanketing of the central nervous system.

 

This, 100%. I've learned this the hard way, and let me tell you it isn't good.

 

I suffer from a bit of social anxiety, I'm not too bad, like I can go in to public places and not feel like my world is caving in, but like say for example I talk to someone at the counter at the Supermarket, I usually keep my head down, or look away a lot. A lot of times I stutter and forget what I'm trying to say mid sentence too when talking to people I'm not comfortable with. I'm a pretty confident person too, and I still deal with social anxiety.

 

When I go out to a bar or nightclub, obviously this plays a big factor. I think it actually gets worse since these are usually quite tense environments to be in, with drunk and a sometimes aggressive people scattered about the place, making me feel even more uncomfortable. So as a result, with alcohol being so readily available in these places, I drink. And drink. And drink. And then drink some more, until I'm past the point of feeling or caring about anything, which has led me to doing some real stupid things over the last 2-3 years especially. I now live my life with a lot of regret because of it.

 

This is something I'm really putting a lot of focus in to now though, becoming an even more confident, care free person, because I've decided to lay off the alcohol for good now, so I will need to if I'm to meet new girls or whatever. I won't have that "security blanket" of alcohol to aid me anymore. I'm actually really excited about it though

[Pisces13]

I've notice anxiety started going away from I Increased my fruits and vegetable consumption and avoiding other drinks (alcohol and coffee is the worst for me) other than water and limiting processed foods.

 

I've also found that Green Tea works quite well for me, I've been drinking a lot of it lately because I've been so anxious over my breakup, but it has really helped to calm me down when I'm feeling like that.

[SimonSerenade]

I'm the same, when I was a kid I was just harmlessly shy, now im older and it's turned into something else entirely, I have zero confidence talking to women, even people I try to talk to in shops, conversations go nowhere, words are there but they just don't come out, hard to believe I've even had a relationship to begin with, even harder to believe I'll have another once there over.

[Ed the 3rd]

At least you have them I guess. I kinda just want to go to a bar and be a drunken deviant. Even if I get slapped at least I was taken seriously.

[SpiralOut]

I have SA too. The more I force myself to get out there, the more comfortable I start to feel around people. I find it helpful to remember that we all have flaws, and most people are willing to overlook our flaws and focus on the good they see. I grew up with a critical, controlling parent and I think that I internalized some of that, becoming very critical of myself and expecting criticism from others. I have had to "unlearn" most of that and I still struggle to show myself compassion - the same sort of compassion we would show someone else. I think that learning self-compassion what we need to do to in order to stop caring what other people think.