LilGirlandOW Posted June 17, 2013 Share Posted June 17, 2013 mariah, sorry this happened to you what is the background of your A? your position about your future with your MM and the relationship you have now. sounds alot like me. so im curious Link to post Share on other sites
Author mariah33 Posted June 17, 2013 Author Share Posted June 17, 2013 How many children do they have? How old are they? 2 kids, her and their 14 year old son Link to post Share on other sites
Author mariah33 Posted June 17, 2013 Author Share Posted June 17, 2013 do you yourself have any children? No I do not, I would like a family in the future, though Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted June 17, 2013 Share Posted June 17, 2013 I'm seeing visions of a spiffy BMW convertible driven by a 16 year old girl. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mariah33 Posted June 17, 2013 Author Share Posted June 17, 2013 What did you think was going to happen? I don't mean you should have expected what happened to happen...I'm just trying to understand what ran through your mind and how you thought the convo would go? I suppose you couldn't just lie and be like you're someone else , so she totally caught you off guard. Anyway, as the daughter of a serial cheater, I empathize with her. I suggest you inform MM of what transpired. How do you believe your relationship will proceed in light of the fact that his daughter knows you? I think a dday which will include the BW is on the horizon. Well, when I saw her, I tried to walk the opposite direction, head down, as fast as possible without seeming obvious I guess, but she caught up with me and it all went downhill from there Link to post Share on other sites
spice4life Posted June 17, 2013 Share Posted June 17, 2013 Wow, what an awful situation. I know you're looking for support, but holy cow, this kid is probably devastated and is deparately trying to save her family. Your feelings are secondary now because I think you are the verge of a d-day. Do you have kids? That poor kid. Of course she is going to be upset and lash out at you because she wants to protect her Mom from being hurt. Try to imagine how you would feel at her age if you knew this dark secret. Have some compassion for the pain this child is going through. It's not her fault and she is reacting in a way any 16 year old would in this situation. Don't delay...tell her father right away! He needs to BE a father and take care of the hurt he is causing his child. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted June 17, 2013 Share Posted June 17, 2013 At first I did want to tell her off but I thought that she might tell my MM and then it would make me look bad. I also didnt say anything cause I was just shocked that it even happened. I dont wish to be the OW forever, I plan on being his only woman, hopefully soon when he tells his wife. I know he isn't married to me, but his heart is with me, not wife, and he has told me this many times. I highly doubt that will be the case now that his daughter knows. You'll know just exactly what kind of man you're pining after once you find out whether he actually tells his wife or allows his daughter to carry the secret of his betrayal of his mother. If his wife is a doormat it's because he put her in that position which means he is a user. I wonder how much the daughter knows. Do you live in a state that allows alienation of affection suits? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mariah33 Posted June 17, 2013 Author Share Posted June 17, 2013 Mariah, how old are you, if you don't mind me asking, and how old is MM? I am 28, he is 45. Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted June 17, 2013 Share Posted June 17, 2013 I'm seeing visions of a spiffy BMW convertible driven by a 16 year old girl. That's funny! This kid sounds like she's a fixer, not a blackmailer! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mariah33 Posted June 17, 2013 Author Share Posted June 17, 2013 I am planning on telling him tomorrow. Do I just tell him that his daughter and I talked/ran into each other or tell him the details of what she said? Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted June 17, 2013 Share Posted June 17, 2013 I am 28, he is 45. *sigh* I could have guessed. How long have you been in the A and when did he say he'll tell his wife? Do you work together? How do you believe your relationship will proceed in light of the fact that his daughter knows about you? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Eggplant Posted June 17, 2013 Share Posted June 17, 2013 No I do not, I would like a family in the future, thoughKeep in mind that if you waste too much time with this MM, you may not get a family of your own. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted June 17, 2013 Share Posted June 17, 2013 I am planning on telling him tomorrow. Do I just tell him that his daughter and I talked/ran into each other or tell him the details of what she said? Tell the details. Don't make it sound like you all are friends and you just ran into her for a friendly chat . She confronted you...be honest about that. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Lillyfree Posted June 17, 2013 Share Posted June 17, 2013 I am planning on telling him tomorrow. Do I just tell him that his daughter and I talked/ran into each other or tell him the details of what she said? i don't think you are getting the seriousness of this situation. you didn't 'run into' his daughter. she CONFRONTED you over having an affair with her father, and told you to back off. this is pretty much a Dday in itself - the next step is involving her mother. 11 Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted June 17, 2013 Share Posted June 17, 2013 That's funny! This kid sounds like she's a fixer, not a blackmailer! Hopefully she's smart enough to fix herself up when her daddy explains it's not her place to fix his marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted June 17, 2013 Share Posted June 17, 2013 Hopefully she's smart enough to fix herself up when her daddy explains it's not her place to fix his marriage. Hopefully she will explain that it is his responsibility to protect her from harm and that she shouldn't have to carry the burden of his indiscretions or worry about protecting "her family". Wonder if she made him a special card for Father's Day! 6 Link to post Share on other sites
spice4life Posted June 17, 2013 Share Posted June 17, 2013 I am planning on telling him tomorrow. Do I just tell him that his daughter and I talked/ran into each other or tell him the details of what she said? Tell him all the gory details because he needs to know how serious the situation is. Don't sugar coat it because his daughter certainly won't. Yikes. I feel bad for all of you. Brace yourself because you're about to find out how he will handle a d-day. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted June 17, 2013 Share Posted June 17, 2013 Yea, somehow I dont think that's how that conversation is going to go. Likley, he will be trying his best to pacify his daughter. I see a huge dday in OPs future, and its probably not going to work out the way she thinks it will. Gonna get ugly. OR she's one of a series and tho it's unraveling his daughter the marriage has survived many a challenge. Could be any number of outcomes. Link to post Share on other sites
TheGeek Posted June 17, 2013 Share Posted June 17, 2013 Well, come on now, you've jumped into a family unit. Expect the good and, now, the bad from the encounter you've entered into to. Sad for the young girl to even know this stuff so the father should know so he can take care of his daughter and you should be exiting so they can mend. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Artie Lang Posted June 17, 2013 Share Posted June 17, 2013 not at all surprised by this reaction..... you're f*cking her dad behind her mom's back. what did you expect? if you plan on staying with this man for the long haul, i say- BRACE YOURSELF! this girl is gonna make your life a living hell. 10 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 17, 2013 Share Posted June 17, 2013 Well I'm in shock because I didn't expect her to even know who I was, and secondly to treat me like that, I didn't deserve it. I havent told him because I didn't want to ruin his Father's day, and I don't want him to be upset that I even talked to her. I know his wife won't act like that, she's a dormat. I love my MM, so I can't just stop talking to him. He is my man, and I care deeply and love him very much. I know I'm gonna have to tell him soon. Did you expect her to give you a big hug and befriend you? Of course she doesn't like you, you're having an affair with her father. You are the enemy in her eyes. Sorry to be blunt there, but look at it from her point of view. Also, he isn't "your" man. It's an affair you're having with a MM who has a wife and a daughter. Sure to you he may be your 'everything', but he has a life built with wife and family. Sooner or later his wife will find out, be prepared for anything. And DO tell him about his daughter and the conversation you had with her. Don't put his daughter down or act like a victim. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 17, 2013 Share Posted June 17, 2013 At first I did want to tell her off but I thought that she might tell my MM and then it would make me look bad. I also didnt say anything cause I was just shocked that it even happened. I dont wish to be the OW forever, I plan on being his only woman, hopefully soon when he tells his wife. I know he isn't married to me, but his heart is with me, not wife, and he has told me this many times. You do know that most MM lie to their OW's. They tell them what they want to hear, give them just enough hope to keep them interested and hanging on. Your MM may be telling you sweet things, saying I love you and we're going to have a future together, but when D-day happens, be prepared for the fallout and more than likely losing him and the A ending. 9/10 this is the case when a BS finds out the truth. Oh and it isn't the BS begging for her husband to stay, it's the other way around. All I can say is, if you don't want to be the OW anymore, end it and tell him goodbye until he is officially divorced. End the A, no more sex, or anything. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
fllygirl Posted June 17, 2013 Share Posted June 17, 2013 I won't be surprise if they already had a d-day earlier today and this confrontation is a result of it. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 17, 2013 Share Posted June 17, 2013 I am planning on telling him tomorrow. Do I just tell him that his daughter and I talked/ran into each other or tell him the details of what she said? Tell him exactly what happened, word for word and details. Be honest. Why omit certain things? If you had the chance to actually have a conversation with her, what would you have said? Link to post Share on other sites
Journee Posted June 17, 2013 Share Posted June 17, 2013 I did a similar thing when I learned of one of my father's affairs (his last to my knowledge). I was a bit older but tried to take on the protector role too. I felt out of control but wanted the OW to know she wasn't fooling anyone and would never be a welcomed part of my life. I can't explain why I did it. I was not and am not a violent/cruel/rude/mean person but I was so hurt and disgusted for my mother I was not going to make it easy for anyone. Don't be surprised that she wants to let you know where you stand with her. She doesn't sound like the type that is just going to let things happen to her. She probably lost a lot of respect for her father and has zero for you. If you are going to bring your affair out into the light and have a proper relationship ,good luck. Right or wrong it happened. She owes you nothing and her allegiance certainly isn't with you. Get ready. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
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