Dealing With It- What can I do to help myself get over and past the Affair?

[ThumbingMyWay]

Have you ever brough up the Double Standard part with her? Or is that NOT important to her? Just wondering:cool:

Oh sorry about the Hijacking the thread thing

 

 

yes I bring it up everytime I feel the double standard comes into play.

 

and yes, she is quite aware of it and I believe it is important to her. She says she is trying to change that, and I see in her actions she is changing it....but she slips sometimes.

 

overall, she has come along way from how she used to be prior to and during her affair. But she struggles with the double standard and her alone time that she likes.

 

just last night, we had a tinge of jealouosly come up. I take my daughter to kids group at chruch. There is a VERY beautiful women who has 5 kids and helps with the kids group too. I always talk to her cause she is a really cool, down to earth woman. And she talks to me too, is there an attrachtion, well of course, on both sides???, I dont know. But my wife notices it on my part and I think she gets jealous at times. The thing is, its mostly the moms that help with the kids group at chruch and seldom are the dads there. I am there everytime. I assume my wife feels that these woman there SEE that me as a father help out and participate with my kids ALOT while there husbands dont. I think my wife feels that these other woman may like me becasue of my invovlement because there husband dont.

 

This woman there approached me and showed me pictures of her new puppy. We chatted a bit, no big deal. Well I told my wife about it, and I can feel the jealously in her tone. NOTHING would ever happen, no way I could ever do that to my wife, let alone with a married woman from chruch. But my wife see the attrachtion and she dont like it. She knows that I am attrached to humble women who are totally family oriented. I mean this woman is a stay at home mom with 5 kids and I hardly ever see the husband at church. and I think my wife is scared that someone like that may be attrached to me because they see that me as the DAD is involved with his kids too.

 

I dunno....day by day....

[ThumbingMyWay]

I would be hard-pressed to believe she's bulletproof when it comes to flirtation.

 

 

I have that fear. I know the exact type of man she is attracted too. And I fear that someday one will come along again and tempt her.....of course I think that is some insecurity and trust on my part....but I still fear it could happen again.

 

I tell her that when she is flirtatious, she opens her self up to temptation....and why put yourself in that position.

 

When I feel tempted...I RUN....cause I dont even want to have to process those feelings and thoughts.

 

dam, shes got a good man here......and she knows it....thats why she has some jealously when I step out of my box and act like her when it comes to interaction with the opposite sex. She knows the game, I dont, and she dont want me too....cause she knows its easy to fall off the path.

 

BUT rest assured....I am way too convicted to my values and bounderies.

[Ladyjane14]

I have that fear. I know the exact type of man she is attracted too. And I fear that someday one will come along again and tempt her.....of course I think that is some insecurity and trust on my part....but I still fear it could happen again.

 

I know you already know this...but I'll say it anyway.

 

"Fear" is not you friend. You've been living with it for a long time now, and it feels familiar to you, that's all. Your wife hurt you before, and you have no guarantee that she'll never do it again. But fear becomes self-fulfilling prophesy in that it's counter to the kind of confidence you need to be an attractive mate.

 

You've already been through the worst. It sucked. And it was painful. But you're still here. So....what's she gonna do? Hurt your feelings?

HAH!! You've been there and done that. And if need be, you'll pick yourself up, dust yourself off and move on....same as I would if it happened to me.

 

Let the insecurities go. She's lucky to have you. Give her the benefit of believing she has enough intelligence to know it.

[ThumbingMyWay]

I know you already know this...but I'll say it anyway.

 

"Fear" is not you friend. You've been living with it for a long time now, and it feels familiar to you, that's all. Your wife hurt you before, and you have no guarantee that she'll never do it again. But fear becomes self-fulfilling prophesy in that it's counter to the kind of confidence you need to be an attractive mate.

 

You've already been through the worst. It sucked. And it was painful. But you're still here. So....what's she gonna do? Hurt your feelings?

HAH!! You've been there and done that. And if need be, you'll pick yourself up, dust yourself off and move on....same as I would if it happened to me.

 

Let the insecurities go. She's lucky to have you. Give her the benefit of believing she has enough intelligence to know it.

 

:love: for LJ

 

you always make sense to me.

 

you are exactly right. drop the leash and grab the wheel

[whichwayisup]

When I feel tempted...I RUN....cause I dont even want to have to process those feelings and thoughts.

 

That's a very healthy and strong way of handling it.

 

I really believe though, she isn't going to let the flirting get out of hand. Honestly? She has waaaaaaay too much to lose if she did and allowed something to 'happen.' So because of that, I highly doubt she is going to do anything that will jeopardize you, the marriage and your kids.

 

LJ, you DO give amazing advice and have such insight to share!

[Ladyjane14]

:o :o Geez.... my face is red as my shirt from blushing! But thanks for the compliments.

 

I'm adding your quote to my signature TMW... I love it!!!

[Sup]

I read most of your thread Thumb (LONG!) Anyway, did you ever tell OM wife? To me there is NO set time limit to tell, To me it's like Murder. There's NO statute of limitations on murder. If you had found out about this 30 years later, that would NOT stop the pain, or reduce it. It would still be fresh pain, like it happened yesterday. I have heard of things like this. OM should have been fired for using his position to do this, cause this is illeagle. He is most likely doing it again now to someone else. Remember, like MURDER, this has NO statute of limitations. It's NOT too late. It's time to tell OM's wife.

[StrivingtoSucceed]

I question your double standard thing with the drink ...

 

If she is with a group of women and a man buys them a drink and she accepts, there isn't anything wrong with that. The GUY is buying them drinks. She is so confident that nothing is wrong with that because she is secure in knowing that it isn't going to go anywhere for her.

 

Now, if YOU were to buy a group of women drinks, yes it would be wrong. The only reason why you would buy drinks for a group of women would be to get to know one of them.

 

She isn't the one buying the drinks, you would be, so I have to agree with her thought process on this one and say this isn't a double standard. However, if SHE was the one buying a group of guys drinks, then I can see where this would be a problem.

 

My H has been out with friends where women has bought them all a pitcher of beer ... doesn't bother me. HE wasn't the one buying.

 

BTW - I am like your wife. I can talk to anyone, anytime, anywhere. I travel for work, I'm in sales and work a lot of trade shows. My H hates talking to anyone new and never talks about anything personal with anyone ... he doesn't even talk about personal issues with friends he has had for ages. I have had drinks bought for me, it doesn't bother me as I know it will never go anywhere. I acknowledge the drink and ignore the guy the rest of the night. No, I'm not a b****, but it wouldn't serve any purpose for me to talk with him, or acknowledge him after that ... I'm not interested, nor would I be even if he were my type of guy.

 

I can see from your point of view though how it probably bothers my H and yes, he has made comments about it here and there. More so about my travel and that, since I am in sales, there are times that when the client wants to go out ... we go out. But, I haven't ever done anything to make my H question my fidelity though.

 

Anyway, just wanted to give you my opinion about the drink thing and if you were to buy drinks (remember, she isn't the one buying) ... to me, if my H were to ever do that I would really fly off the handle.

[whichwayisup]

Now, if YOU were to buy a group of women drinks, yes it would be wrong. The only reason why you would buy drinks for a group of women would be to get to know one of them.

 

She isn't the one buying the drinks, you would be, so I have to agree with her thought process on this one and say this isn't a double standard. However, if SHE was the one buying a group of guys drinks, then I can see where this would be a problem.

 

What if it was a group of women buying HIM a drink? Same thing as a man buying for a man? You're assuming that Thumbs would be 'wanting' to get to know those women! So, if that is the case, then those men are wanting to know his wife.

 

And what does it mean that she accepted the drink?

 

HE wasn't the one buying.

 

So he says. I mean, maybe the group of guys buy a round for the girls. Never know as you're not there at the bar with the boys.

 

BTW - I am like your wife. I can talk to anyone, anytime, anywhere. I travel for work, I'm in sales and work a lot of trade shows. My H hates talking to anyone new and never talks about anything personal with anyone ... he doesn't even talk about personal issues with friends he has had for ages. I have had drinks bought for me, it doesn't bother me as I know it will never go anywhere. I acknowledge the drink and ignore the guy the rest of the night. No, I'm not a b****, but it wouldn't serve any purpose for me to talk with him, or acknowledge him after that ... I'm not interested, nor would I be even if he were my type of guy.

 

See, even accepting the drink, leaves the door open a crack for that guy buying the drink. You're smart and give the guy the coldshoulder.

 

Problem is, because of Thumb's wifes past behaviour, it's harder for him to fully 100% trust her at times, and she is putting herself IN a situation where she'll have to say "no." It's just easier to not PUT yourself IN the situation. I do hope those thoughts go through her head when men buy her drinks.

 

And yeah, I'm sure it's flattering and all, but is it fair to the spouse at home??

[mopar crazy]

oh yes she knows what it does to me. But she says its the way she is...which is true and I respect that...she can talk to anyone male or female....its the fine line I am talking about....

 

and that leads me to double standards.

 

For instanst, she can accept a drink from a guy at a bar, her excuse is, "hes the dumming whos buying it...I tell them i am married, but they do it anyway." I tell her dont except it....which she does on occation. But still if she is with a group of women and a guy buys them all a picther of beer, they accept it....again no big deal....

 

Now if I ever bought a woman a drink...she would be livid, she even says so. She says theres no reason for me to do that, what would the purpose be other than putting myself out there. You see the double standard in this.

 

Also a double standard in talking to women. Like I said, she talks to men and women all the time, anywhere. But when i have converstions with women...its always, i saw the way you smiled at her or the way she smiled at me. hahahahaha.

 

its OK for her but not for me.....and when I do the same things she does, I can see a little jealously in her....which is good, casue after talking last ngiht, she can feel my side of when she does it. And she admitted she dont like it when I am flirtatious or when women take notice of me.

 

BUT is ok for her....LOL.

 

sorry to thread jack Owl....

 

Hi Owl and Thumbs! Glad to see things seem to be going pretty well for you both. I can understand how you are feeling the way you are right now about certain things (Owl w/ the online gaming w/ the man, and Thumbs for the drinks ect).

 

It's been almost 3 years since H's A. At this time he was involved w/ the exOW and I was packing my children's and my belongings to move back to my hometown. I hate this time of the year. It should be a happy time b/c it's our Anniversary and our daughter's bday and I need to start blocking off the stupid A. Wish the A never happened but I guess if it didn't I wouldn't be where I am today and in away I'm kind of thankful for it. It still hurts when I think about it so I try not to. But as the years go by the pain lessens but it will never go away. Still don't feel all my ?'s are answered and still confused why and how he could do this to me even though he has told me why.

 

Thumbs, your reply above had me thinking. I've had men buy me drinks all the time in the past and I've told H about it. Yes it upsets him. He has never asked why I accepted it though. I figured it was a free drink and less money I had to spend. The guys who've boughten me the drinks know that I'm M. Just the other weekend we went to a wedding and I seen several guy friends that I hung out w/ b4 I met H. Two of them bought me a beer, and H wasn't upset about it at all. One was an ex, the other was just a old beer drinking buddy. It would be different if HE were buying some woman a beer if she wasn't in our group of friends. I wouldn't care if he bought my GF's drinks, but if he bought some woman in the bar a drink it would be different. If some woman bought him a drink that wasn't a friend of ours, I wouldn't be mad at him but I would certaintly question her motives.

[fisher-man]

She knows the game, I dont, and she dont want me too....cause she knows its easy to fall off the path.

 

BUT rest assured....I am way too convicted to my values and bounderies.

 

TMW - be CAREFUL!!! I also had very strict values and boundaries, and I wandered into something and was immersed before I knew it. Don't (I repeat, DON'T) let down your guard. Don't flirt, don't tease, don't tell yourself, "we're just friends". It's a dangerous road, especially when you are in a vulnerable space, as you are. What you are wanting/thinking about may not be even REMOTELY what the woman you are flirting/teasing/joking with is wanting/thinking about.

[whichwayisup]

After what Thumbs wife did to him, and the type of person Thumbs is - How he's presented himself and his thoughts here on LS, I highly doubt he's ever going to put himself IN a tempting situation. He's one of the good guys here, and very loyal to his wife.

[StrivingtoSucceed]

I was up late, rambled and wasn't quite clear on what I meant. Let me try to clarify:

 

What if it was a group of women buying HIM a drink? Same thing as a man buying for a man? You're assuming that Thumbs would be 'wanting' to get to know those women! So, if that is the case, then those men are wanting to know his wife.

 

Actually, a group of women has bought my husband and his friends drinks. And, in all honesty it did bother me a little, b/c in that case it was obvious that all/most of the women were wanting to talk to all/most of the men. But, the one that tried talking to my H was put off by his responses... she was flirting with him and said something about big hands, big feet ... does that really mean what I've heard. His response was that well, my WIFE says ..... she didn't talk to him after that, and that was his goal.

 

And what does it mean that she accepted the drink?

 

Well. In my case, it didn't/doesn't mean anything. I understand though where you are going with this ... she has crossed the line before and knows her H doesn't like it. So ... in that case she should always politely refuse the drink.

 

Quote:

HE wasn't the one buying.

 

So he says. I mean, maybe the group of guys buy a round for the girls. Never know as you're not there at the bar with the boys.

 

Your right, I'm not there. But, I believe him. Besides, I hold the purse (his choice) and know everything he spends, and he hates spending money at bars and if he gets involved in buying "rounds" limits it to no more than two ... it actually pisses him off b/c not all the people getting the round participate in the purchasing of them. And, his "bar" attendance might be once a year if that. Usually he just goes to a friends home and they drink in the garage until 2/3 in the morning and he is ready for me to pick him up.

 

Yes, I pick him up everytime. I drop him off and I pick him up. Doesn't matter what time it is, he calls and I pick him up. It was an agreement we both made when we first started dating ... my ex was an alcoholic and had numerous DUIs, his best friend as well ... neither of us will ever drive after we've been drinking (even a few) and we won't drive with anyone who has been drinking either. We have way too much to lose. He could stay the night at his friends, yes, but would rather be home in bed with me ... so I pick him up, and he tells me all about the night.

 

All in all though, what I meant by not thinking it was a double standard was this:

 

A person accepting = nothing

A person buying = interest

 

So, IMO it isn't a double standard for her to get upset if HE were to buy someone a drink. HOWEVER, if the woman/man accepting the drink then allows it to go ANY further than I think it is wrong.

[Ladyjane14]

Actually, a group of women has bought my husband and his friends drinks. And, in all honesty it did bother me a little, b/c in that case it was obvious that all/most of the women were wanting to talk to all/most of the men. But, the one that tried talking to my H was put off by his responses... she was flirting with him and said something about big hands, big feet ... does that really mean what I've heard. His response was that well, my WIFE says ..... she didn't talk to him after that, and that was his goal.

 

I'm curious.... Did he feel like a million bucks when he got home?

 

I think everybody enjoys receiving a little recognition now and then. It's good for the ego. When it's only your spouse who treats you like your attractive, it's like your MOM telling you you're pretty. Of course, your Mom thinks you're all that. She's your Mom!

 

I'll tell you a little story. Years ago, I was working in a retail environment. One of the clerks there was a full-time teacher supplementing her income. Great lady. She was a teacher down in the inner city, and had one of the most wholesome, optimistic, and outgoing personalities of anybody I ever met. She was fairly average looking, and by no means vain at all. I don't believe I ever saw her wear make-up even.

 

She didn't drive though, and on the nights she worked, her husband would pick her up. Now....here was a love match.

He wasn't an attractive looking man by any stretch of the imagination. And they both worked in an academic environment...so I think they were each mostly attracted to the more cerebral qualities of the other.

 

So, I remember a conversation that I had with this lady, and I remember it clearly because it seemed a bit incredible to me that this guy should be receiving female attention at a party, (read...other ladies flirting with him. ), because in my 'not-so-humble-at-age-26' estimation...he was homely as a mud fence.

 

But his wife was soooo cool with it.

I had been married for a few years by then, and I couldn't begin to imagine being okay with other women flirting with MY husband. In her shoes, I'd have been having a hissy-fit. And here this lady was...telling me how great an experience it is to get that kind of validation, and how it pleased her so much that her husband was receiving it. Then going on to cite other instances when she, herself, had a 'flirting' experience, and how great THAT was for the relationship.

 

Now...I have to admit, I sort of nodded my head like I could comprehend WTH she was talking about...but it didn't make sense to me back then. Not really.

 

These days, I 'get it'.

 

We can't fulfill EVERY possible EN for our mate. There's just no way to do it. And when it comes to the need to feel like we're attractive to the opposite sex, to validate us in out vanity....our spouse's opinion counts about as much as our Mom's. It's not that we think our spouse is STUPID or BLIND....it's just that we trust they love us enough not to be hypercritical of us. It's like asking your husband, "Do you think my ass looks fat in these pants?" Well, of course HE thinks it looks fine. What the heck else is he going to say.

 

Anyway, at some point after a case of infidelity, there comes a time when our relationships must be normalized. It feels GOOD to get a little outside validation every once in a while. That's an EN that our spouse can't really meet. And I have to admit, it worried me awful to think that other women were meeting that need for my husband. I had trouble initially trusting him to put it in context.

 

I remember a guy guessing my age a few years back who had it wrong by a DECADE. Man!....that felt great!!! And it was perfectly innocent, just a random customer at work.

 

So, who am I to fuss if my husband has a validating experience now and then? Hey...as time marches on, they're fewer and further between, right? It's just wonderful actually that he shares them with me, and that I get to be the recipient of how good he's feeling inside when his ego has had a nice boost.

 

THIS is normal....our relationship has normalized, and a 'flirting' situation no longer requires a reaction to something bad that happened before. I don't have to go to pieces over it anymore. I can just reap the benefits of a man who's feeling pretty darn good about himself.

[whichwayisup]

I think everybody enjoys receiving a little recognition now and then. It's good for the ego. When it's only your spouse who treats you like your attractive, it's like your MOM telling you you're pretty. Of course, your Mom thinks you're all that. She's your Mom!

 

Holy moly, that is true!

 

It feels nice to be looked at and desired by others. Doesn't mean you wanna act upon it, but it's those little things that make the day brighter and give you positive energy. Makes you feel good about you. Just because one is married or in a relationship, doesn't mean you're dead and not allowed to enjoy abit of attention once in a while.

 

I think it's healthy too, and as long as you know NOT to take it out of context, or get used to having to have that flirting to make you feel good.

 

But, with that being said, for those who have been cheated on, it makes it harder for the BS to see that the 'harmless' fun in flirting is just that when it comes to their spouse.

[Ladyjane14]

I think it's healthy too, and as long as you know NOT to take it out of context, or get used to having to have that flirting to make you feel good.

 

But, with that being said, for those who have been cheated on, it makes it harder for the BS to see that the 'harmless' fun in flirting is just that when it comes to their spouse.

 

Yeah...I agree. I was lucky to be able to identify my husband's low self-esteem and my own inattentiveness as causal in the EA. I was able to have ALOT more confidence after addressing those issues, so for me.... TRUST is a verb these days. And it's easier to make myself treat it as such, because I feel like the problems have truly been resolved.

 

But you have a GREAT point in that those folks who need this outside validation in order to get by, are some REALLY troubled folks. For most of us, it's something we enjoy every once in a while, and it meets our EN for validation like a cherry on top of our sundae. But it's not something that's required for personal happiness.

[jonesgirly]

But, with that being said, for those who have been cheated on, it makes it harder for the BS to see that the 'harmless' fun in flirting is just that when it comes to their spouse.

Isn't that just TOTALLY the truth?

 

I worked hard to boost my husbands self-esteem (for HIS benefit), including pointing out to him that it was easy to be 'nice' to others (store clerks, etc.). I showed how it really does a lot for ones' OWN self-image to bring niceness (as opposed to grumpiness) into someone elses' world.

 

He has only recently shared with me that the increased self-confidence I gave to him probably contributed to his starting an EA with a 24 year-old co-worker. I had, indeed, suspected this to be a contributing factor, but didn't expect him to recognize it.

 

Nothing like creating a monster, huh?

 

So, NOW........I 'get' to have that good ole' feeling of insecurity and 'wondering' EVERY time he chooses the flirty/niceness approach to others. And I don't mean the guys.

[Ladyjane14]

He has only recently shared with me that the increased self-confidence I gave to him probably contributed to his starting an EA with a 24 year-old co-worker. I had, indeed, suspected this to be a contributing factor, but didn't expect him to recognize it.

 

I dunno, Jonesgirly.

That looks like a fairly obvious blame-shift to me. Why doesn't he blame it on his mother instead? I'm sure she probably taught him to be nice to people waaaayyy before he ever met you.

 

Don't let him buffalo you.

[jonesgirly]

That looks like a fairly obvious blame-shift to me. Why doesn't he blame it on his mother instead? I'm sure she probably taught him to be nice to people waaaayyy before he ever met you.

 

Don't let him buffalo you.

Yeah, you're probably right...I don't know if he'll ever actually accept responsibility for the 'things' he's done. And because I'm attempting a new, non-naive approach to listening, there's very few things he says that appear to be actual remorse. Most of it is just 'guilt' instead. I don't want to H/J this thread, think I'll start a new one on learning how to tell the difference.

[StrivingtoSucceed]

I'm curious.... Did he feel like a million bucks when he got home?

 

Hello, LadyJane.

 

Yes & No. I think he enjoys telling me things like this when they happen (he’ll tell me when the lady at the drive-through, or clerk at the 7-Eleven say anything more than “hi” to him, or he thinks they were “extra” nice to him), and I think he enjoys the feeling that someone else is interested in him, but I don’t think he really takes the compliment to heart.

 

For instance - he’ll tell me about the occurrence, usually with a smile on his face. He waits for my reaction, and the typical reaction (even before the EA) was I want to know all the details ... sometimes he makes up the details, before he tells me the actual details ... I’ve learned that his goal here is to get me jealous.

 

Yet, when I say something positive about how else can they not be attracted to you, etc., he comes back with “yeah, right” and lists his faults. So, while I think it makes him feel good, it only does so for awhile. I also think that when I show I am jealous, that is what validates to him that I see through all the flaws that he sees in himself, that he is afraid would turn someone else away.

 

Make sense?

 

Interesting enough, since the EA - I’m not as jealous as I used to be. I now realize how fragile his self-esteem really is and can now appreciate the attention he gets. Additionally, I also now realize that he needs my attention/affection and as long as he gets it and is secure that I love him, then there is nothing for me to worry about.

[Mz. Pixie]

Hi Owl- glad to see you are still in recovery.

 

Thumbs- I loved your explanation of the kite and the rock- how beautiful.

 

I think your wife may feel a bit like me with my H. I know how easy cheating comes- and it seems I'm always on the look out for subtle signs that something is straying from friendship area into something else! Doesn't mean I don't trust him, I'm just alert!

 

Yesterday at lunch I met one of my H's coworkers at his second job. He said, "Mr Pixie is always talking about his wife, but I never knew she was this pretty" when he came over to speak to me. He was staring. Wierd little man with adorned glasses- and I thought he was gay because of them, but apparently not. So, then later he tells my H like twice "I never knew your wife was so pretty" and although H acted like to me he was pissy about it, I could tell he secretly liked it. He likes to feel like other men think I'm pretty but that they can't have me!

 

I can see however in the case of a BS/WS situation it might feel differently.

Isn't it sad how one little action can change the course of so many lives??

[Owl]

Well...thought I'd bump this, since I'd just realized this was right around our 5 year "d-day anniversary".

 

All I can say is that things couldn't be more different now than it was back then.

 

Figured I'd resurrect my old post so that those of you who know me from my posts might see my original thread from waaaaayyyy back in the day.

[reservoirdog1]

Different in what way? Where do things stand between you and her?

[Dexter Morgan]

So many things will trigger me to think about what happened, and it all feels like it happened yesterday.

 

and there will be things that will probably trigger your memory years from now, but hopefully when the triggers hit, the pain is greatly diminished.

 

 

Part of the problem is that I don’t even know what it is that I want her to do to help me get over this.

 

there is nothing she can do really. I mean you may get over this in time, but you will NEVER forget. the only thing she can do is be an open book, but nothing she does will erase it from your memory...you just will get to a point where you don't think about it on a daily basis.

 

 

Our counselor says that what I’m going through is very common, and that it will get better. The “waves” of depression will shallow out, and begin to fade. I believe that, but I’d like to ask for any advice or suggestions that you all might have for us to work things out and recover from this. I know that you may not consider this an A considering that there was no physical contact, but I feel that the emotional betrayal still makes it every bit as much of an A, regardless.

 

make no mistake about it, if she found herself alone in a hotel room with this guy, she would have done him.

 

 

In some ways, it almost feels like it was worse than if she’d JUST had a physical relationship with someone. Please, any advice or suggestions here would be greatly appreciated.

 

honestly, as far as I'm concerned, the only way to make the memories insignificant is to make a cheating spouse insignificant..in other words...divorce. Which is what I did.

 

But I know that is probably the furthest thing in your mind. So I can tell you that you are going to have to carry on with even some small level of suspicion about her from now on. No more loving blindly. I'm not saying you have to be a prison guard, but she now requires some sort of oversight. No, that doesn't mean be controlling...that means keeping your eyes and ears open and not be played for a fool again.

 

You may be able to recover, but you can't go back to the way things were....she screwed that up.

[angie2443]

Well...thought I'd bump this, since I'd just realized this was right around our 5 year "d-day anniversary".

 

All I can say is that things couldn't be more different now than it was back then.

 

Figured I'd resurrect my old post so that those of you who know me from my posts might see my original thread from waaaaayyyy back in the day.

 

I've read your old post before, but it was a while ago. You've been an inspiration to those of us trying to make our relationships work after an EA. I hope everything continues to go well for you and your wife!