Dangerous side to an Affair .. obsession & addiction

[TheOW]

Throughout my Affair i can now see how very much "on the edge" of becoming mentally unstable I was, I am still not fully recovered, far from it and there are days when my emotions take complete control and I feel like I cant go on any longer.

 

Obsession: I never realised how obsessed i was/am over this older married man, I have never been obsessive and find i struggle with these feelings. He was constantly on my mind, day/night and even in my dreams, I would sit by my phone all day and await a text from him, I got extremely sad and upset if he did not text within a 3 hour period. I found myself obsessing of ways to get closer and make him love me more.

 

Dangerous: When the Affair was discovered my mind went into overdrive and I went full scale bat ass crazy, I destroyed my home, smashing and kicking things, after a few confrontations with his wife I literally had to barricade myself in my apartment because givin the chance I think I would have hurt her. I thought of ways to ruin her life I wanted to so much.

 

Competitiveness: The sex was great, why ? Because I made it so, I went out of my way to please him I was competing with his wife and I won, I gave him pleasure he had never experienced before (and also myself) I researched sexual positions and how to fully please a man (obsessed) She had no chace she didnt know how crazy I was for him.

When he and his wife had small disagreements I was there to tell him he was right (even though in my mind I know he wasnt) I was always competing.

 

Addiction: I was addicted to his crumbs, the small texts where he called me the most beautiful girl in the world or he was thinking about me made me soo happy and on a high. It was the best drug in world.

 

Now I wish I could take a drug to forget him.

 

Please note I am not in this frame of my mind anymore I am far from recovered but im finally starting to get my emotions under control once more and keep my mind occupied as not to obsess about him. What I find absurd in all this is how easily I became a crazy person over an old married man, I had lots of male attention and I was not interested in anyone except from him.

 

The mind boggles indeed

[Got it]

(((((TheOW))))))

[LilGirlandOW]

Wow theOW, this is just like me, feels like you read my mind with this post. I'm sure alot of OW feel like this. Thanks for sharing and *hugs*

[Pierre]

Throughout my Affair i can now see how very much "on the edge" of becoming mentally unstable I was, I am still not fully recovered, far from it and there are days when my emotions take complete control and I feel like I cant go on any longer.

 

Obsession: I never realised how obsessed i was/am over this older married man, I have never been obsessive and find i struggle with these feelings. He was constantly on my mind, day/night and even in my dreams, I would sit by my phone all day and await a text from him, I got extremely sad and upset if he did not text within a 3 hour period. I found myself obsessing of ways to get closer and make him love me more.

 

Dangerous: When the Affair was discovered my mind went into overdrive and I went full scale bat ass crazy, I destroyed my home, smashing and kicking things, after a few confrontations with his wife I literally had to barricade myself in my apartment because givin the chance I think I would have hurt her. I thought of ways to ruin her life I wanted to so much.

 

Competitiveness: The sex was great, why ? Because I made it so, I went out of my way to please him I was competing with his wife and I won, I gave him pleasure he had never experienced before (and also myself) I researched sexual positions and how to fully please a man (obsessed) She had no chace she didnt know how crazy I was for him.

When he and his wife had small disagreements I was there to tell him he was right (even though in my mind I know he wasnt) I was always competing.

 

Addiction: I was addicted to his crumbs, the small texts where he called me the most beautiful girl in the world or he was thinking about me made me soo happy and on a high. It was the best drug in world.

 

Now I wish I could take a drug to forget him.

 

Please note I am not in this frame of my mind anymore I am far from recovered but im finally starting to get my emotions under control once more and keep my mind occupied as not to obsess about him. What I find absurd in all this is how easily I became a crazy person over an old married man, I had lots of male attention and I was not interested in anyone except from him.

 

The mind boggles indeed

 

You are npt alone, tjat is the way it is for many women. At least you have insight and can recognize the pathology. Others see themselves as normal and act irrationally. Affair sex is all about trying to be the best in the world because it brings me massive validation.

 

 

I always admired your ability to reason.

[Pierre]

Wow theOW, this is just like me, feels like you read my mind with this post. I'm sure alot of OW feel like this. Thanks for sharing and *hugs*

 

Yep, that is correct. But, most OWs think they are doing just fine.

[ComingInHot]

TheOW,

Your story, and the way you shared it here, w/honesty & openess, is what I consider to be a true testiment of the catastrophic mess the A situation can easily become.

 

I just want to thank you for your story. It may come across that I'm "happy" that the story went this way. I'm Not. I just wanted you to Know how grateful I am personally for the raw honesty you have written with from your first post until now.

 

It has helped me, by following your story & growth, to see that you are not just some uncaring, angry, competetive, defensive, souless OW out to bad mouth your, or any/all Wives that had a H stray. Sometimes reading here, I easily forget that some OW's are also Wives, Mothers, In-law, Daughters, professionals, community volunteers, Cheerleaders, doing all these other things that truly make up Who you really are. The A that may be happening is just another aspect and one that may or may not be a lasting extension of the person you are.

 

Hey TheOW, have you yet gone back & read some of your first postings here?!

 

I personally think you have come a loooong way*

 

And lastly, have you (after reading this post) noticed any more or different things about how you felt, acted (as you've written here*), noticed about your H, children or MOm?

 

And lastly, lastly have your thoughts/feelings changed or expanded on how you view BW's as a whole not just based on you particular BW?

 

Note: It's Really always been nice feeling Like I can ask you something and believe whether you agree or not, that you won't attack me.

Thanks for that!

You matter More than you may think**

CIH

[skywriter]

Throughout my Affair i can now see how very much "on the edge" of becoming mentally unstable I was, I am still not fully recovered, far from it and there are days when my emotions take complete control and I feel like I cant go on any longer.

 

Obsession: I never realised how obsessed i was/am over this older married man, I have never been obsessive and find i struggle with these feelings. He was constantly on my mind, day/night and even in my dreams, I would sit by my phone all day and await a text from him, I got extremely sad and upset if he did not text within a 3 hour period. I found myself obsessing of ways to get closer and make him love me more.

 

Dangerous: When the Affair was discovered my mind went into overdrive and I went full scale bat ass crazy, I destroyed my home, smashing and kicking things, after a few confrontations with his wife I literally had to barricade myself in my apartment because givin the chance I think I would have hurt her. I thought of ways to ruin her life I wanted to so much.

 

Competitiveness: The sex was great, why ? Because I made it so, I went out of my way to please him I was competing with his wife and I won, I gave him pleasure he had never experienced before (and also myself) I researched sexual positions and how to fully please a man (obsessed) She had no chace she didnt know how crazy I was for him.

When he and his wife had small disagreements I was there to tell him he was right (even though in my mind I know he wasnt) I was always competing.

 

Addiction: I was addicted to his crumbs, the small texts where he called me the most beautiful girl in the world or he was thinking about me made me soo happy and on a high. It was the best drug in world.

 

Now I wish I could take a drug to forget him.

 

Please note I am not in this frame of my mind anymore I am far from recovered but im finally starting to get my emotions under control once more and keep my mind occupied as not to obsess about him. What I find absurd in all this is how easily I became a crazy person over an old married man, I had lots of male attention and I was not interested in anyone except from him.

 

The mind boggles indeed

 

 

The OW,

 

In some ways I can relate to what you've described.

 

Looking back now, once I gave into his advances, the chase was over, so he relaxed and let me make the effort to be involved with him.

 

If and when I'd make comments about him not making any effort to get together, he'd step up his game long enough to get me back to doing all the work again.

 

I'd say, the constant push/pull is definitley crazy making. It's like, "you do, you don't", "you will, you won't". Ahhhh, who needs it? I don't.

[Nattie]

The OW,

 

In some ways I can relate to what you've described.

 

Looking back now, once I gave into his advances, the chase was over, so he relaxed and let me make the effort to be involved with him.

 

If and when I'd make comments about him not making any effort to get together, he'd step up his game long enough to get me back to doing all the work again.

 

I'd say, the constant push/pull is definitley crazy making. It's like, "you do, you don't", "you will, you won't". Ahhhh, who needs it? I don't.

 

Omigoodness, this is MM and I. Although he makes most of the effort, he will come on strong for a few days, enough to pull me back in just when I'm thinking it's fading out and I can make a quiet escape. "Step up his game long enough to get me back" I can 100% relate...

[TheOW]

TheOW,

Your story, and the way you shared it here, w/honesty & openess, is what I consider to be a true testiment of the catastrophic mess the A situation can easily become.

 

I just want to thank you for your story. It may come across that I'm "happy" that the story went this way. I'm Not. I just wanted you to Know how grateful I am personally for the raw honesty you have written with from your first post until now.

 

It has helped me, by following your story & growth, to see that you are not just some uncaring, angry, competetive, defensive, souless OW out to bad mouth your, or any/all Wives that had a H stray. Sometimes reading here, I easily forget that some OW's are also Wives, Mothers, In-law, Daughters, professionals, community volunteers, Cheerleaders, doing all these other things that truly make up Who you really are. The A that may be happening is just another aspect and one that may or may not be a lasting extension of the person you are.

 

Hey TheOW, have you yet gone back & read some of your first postings here?!

 

I personally think you have come a loooong way*

 

And lastly, have you (after reading this post) noticed any more or different things about how you felt, acted (as you've written here*), noticed about your H, children or MOm?

 

And lastly, lastly have your thoughts/feelings changed or expanded on how you view BW's as a whole not just based on you particular BW?

 

Note: It's Really always been nice feeling Like I can ask you something and believe whether you agree or not, that you won't attack me.

Thanks for that!

You matter More than you may think**

CIH

 

Hey CIH

 

Yes I have and I realise how obsessed and self centred I was, I have good and bad days (usually when I see him) the impulsiveness is still there to text/call him ... but i wont because I know we will be back to my first post again.

 

 

ExH and I are still on speaking terms, he's very hurt and resentful which i fully understand and sometimes it makes things difficult (if i want to go on a night out etc he makes it hard, makes excuses for not taking kids etc)

My kids are doing great now they have their mummies full attention.

 

As I said somedays the urge still consumes me and I sit and cry over him for hours.

 

BW - Im not sure how I feel about her, none of this was/is her fault, never was but its still hard to feel for her when you have been hurting for so long yourself. She deserved better than what we did to her i understand that but I think it will be a long time before the jealousy and resentment goes away :-(

[TheOW]

The OW,

 

In some ways I can relate to what you've described.

 

Looking back now, once I gave into his advances, the chase was over, so he relaxed and let me make the effort to be involved with him.

 

If and when I'd make comments about him not making any effort to get together, he'd step up his game long enough to get me back to doing all the work again.

 

I'd say, the constant push/pull is definitley crazy making. It's like, "you do, you don't", "you will, you won't". Ahhhh, who needs it? I don't.

 

Yes i forgot to mention this point, sometimes i pulled back almost to get a response from him, or sometimes I just got fed up. He always came after me with a passion for a few days, reeled me back in then he would back off and i would do the chasing for a while ...

 

J'adore - Its not love its obsession love is between 2 people not 3

[F.U.D]

Well, the thoughts and feelings are exactly the same for a OM. Perfectly described....and the more isolated you become the more the feeling teeters on insanity. Luckily, I have people that I can talk to that pose no threat to disclosure but have taken their time to walk me through this. The worst part for me is the mind movies that occur, wondering if they are really telling you the truth or not...knowing damn well you can never validate what they say. I guess that is the same with any relationship, but knowing a H of OW has papers to do it makes it worse..

 

Thank you

[Goodbye]

Thank you for sharing your very honest interpretation of the "dark side" of your affair. It was very interesting and I will take a look at some of my own behaviors during my intense affair with this in mind. It is amazing how we can become someone so very different from our true selves in this situation.

[TheOW]

I would also like to say

 

Life on hold: I ALWAYS waited around for him, I would go out of my way to see him even if it wasnt suitable for my own family to do so. If he cancelled on me I would become so deeply distressed and shut everyone out and im sad to say even my children. It was always when he could see me never when I wanted but ofcourse when he thought he was losing me he would do everything in his power to see me.

 

Yo-yo'ing indeed.

[Goodbye]

I think this post can also be enlightening if trying to understand the "bunny boiler" behavior that is the cliché of the jilted OW. I have felt complete rage I've NEVER felt before during the R with the exMM. I think it is because the R generates these crazy intense emotions, and then you are shut off to deal with them on your own. You don't have the normal access to the other to be able to talk through things...so you stew and become irrational. I once hurled my IPhone across the room and smashed it when I realized my exMM "forgot" to call me during the night as promised (in reality I'm sure he was in bed with his W and the opportunity to be sneaky never presented itself). I had irrational emotions and behaviors that I'd never had before. And while I acted on very few...even the thoughts scared me given that I am a mental health professional and a mother of 3. These situations are truly "crazy making."

[TheOW]

I think this post can also be enlightening if trying to understand the "bunny boiler" behavior that is the cliché of the jilted OW. I have felt complete rage I've NEVER felt before during the R with the exMM. I think it is because the R generates these crazy intense emotions, and then you are shut off to deal with them on your own. You don't have the normal access to the other to be able to talk through things...so you stew and become irrational. I once hurled my IPhone across the room and smashed it when I realized my exMM "forgot" to call me during the night as promised (in reality I'm sure he was in bed with his W and the opportunity to be sneaky never presented itself). I had irrational emotions and behaviors that I'd never had before. And while I acted on very few...even the thoughts scared me given that I am a mental health professional and a mother of 3. These situations are truly "crazy making."

 

Ditto

 

I think its the secrets and lies that make the mind go crazy, you have no-one to vent to, no-one to tell you how crazy you are behaving ... no-one.

 

I understand the rage you have described it is scary indeed, you work yourself up over silly little things that IRL wouldnt even stir you. I had seen myself get so angry I punched a whole right through my door, where i got that amount of strength from i will never know but it was scary.

 

Is it his fault ? No its not its our own fault for getting ouselves into this mess in the first place, we all think we can handle it, we cant, there comes a point where the triangle must become 2 again and 9 times out of 10 the OW is not in that 2

[TheOW]

You barricaded yourself in your apartment in order to prevent yourself from physically hurting another? What did you think you would do? Are you in therapy for this, I cannot imagine wishing to hurt another physically over relationship problems.

 

If you havent been there then you wont understand.

[F.U.D]

I think this post can also be enlightening if trying to understand the "bunny boiler" behavior that is the cliché of the jilted OW. I have felt complete rage I've NEVER felt before during the R with the exMM. I think it is because the R generates these crazy intense emotions, and then you are shut off to deal with them on your own. You don't have the normal access to the other to be able to talk through things...so you stew and become irrational. I once hurled my IPhone across the room and smashed it when I realized my exMM "forgot" to call me during the night as promised (in reality I'm sure he was in bed with his W and the opportunity to be sneaky never presented itself). I had irrational emotions and behaviors that I'd never had before. And while I acted on very few...even the thoughts scared me given that I am a mental health professional and a mother of 3. These situations are truly "crazy making."

 

WOW. This is one of the most infuriating situations....wait on the "promised" call. How many times have I stayed up or rejected doing things with others JUST so I can talk in private for a few minutes. Then, no call....no text...the internal struggle to prevent yourself from texting or calling...do I wait or do I go...the anger then depression, then shutting everyone out, then finally knowing that the other person made a choice for whatever reason...

[Goodbye]

Was asking to understand. Never thought many women were capable of such rage and violence until the Jodi Arias trial.

 

 

Why don't you instead ask the woman your husband was secretly leading on? See how she is doing now?

[TheOW]

Was asking to understand. Never thought many women were capable of such rage and violence until the Jodi Arias trial.

 

Look if you are here to start an argument then p*ss off cause I cant be bothered with it, I have stated how I felt during my A, I never hurt his wife and I wouldnt now, I was angry and i let my anger consume me for a while.

 

It is gone

[Goodbye]

Was asking to understand. Never thought many women were capable of such rage and violence until the Jodi Arias trial.

 

 

oh, and it must be convenient for you to think your H was boinking someone like Jodi Arias instead of an educated, attractive, successful woman who actually has heart and soul and genuinely CARED about the person who was misleading her.

[Goodbye]

I never had a husband who cheated on me; I was an OW. I can imagine being heartbroken...and have felt that in life, but never rage or wishing to physically harm another.

 

 

Ok, so do you think you could MAYBE pose the question differently instead of making references to Jodi Arias? Geez.

[TheOW]

How am I trying to start an argument by asking you a simple question about what you posted. You posted you had to barricade yourself in your apartment in order to prevent yourself from harming another. Your thread title says dangerous side...I do not make this stuff up. You shared it.

 

ok fair enough, i apologise

 

Have you read my story ? from the beginning ? How we were caught, how his wife pushed past my kids in my own home to get to me, how she tried to bribe me into moving away to a new town ?

 

I wont lie I had infuriating moments before we were discovered but I was not myself I let this man be the only thing in my life, he consumed my thoughts day and night and when plans were scrapped because of his wife then yeah I got mad. Not her fault at all it was husband after all she didnt know what was going on.

[whichwayisup]

Throughout my Affair i can now see how very much "on the edge" of becoming mentally unstable I was, I am still not fully recovered, far from it and there are days when my emotions take complete control and I feel like I cant go on any longer.

 

Obsession: I never realised how obsessed i was/am over this older married man, I have never been obsessive and find i struggle with these feelings. He was constantly on my mind, day/night and even in my dreams, I would sit by my phone all day and await a text from him, I got extremely sad and upset if he did not text within a 3 hour period. I found myself obsessing of ways to get closer and make him love me more.

 

Dangerous: When the Affair was discovered my mind went into overdrive and I went full scale bat ass crazy, I destroyed my home, smashing and kicking things, after a few confrontations with his wife I literally had to barricade myself in my apartment because givin the chance I think I would have hurt her. I thought of ways to ruin her life I wanted to so much.

 

Competitiveness: The sex was great, why ? Because I made it so, I went out of my way to please him I was competing with his wife and I won, I gave him pleasure he had never experienced before (and also myself) I researched sexual positions and how to fully please a man (obsessed) She had no chace she didnt know how crazy I was for him.

When he and his wife had small disagreements I was there to tell him he was right (even though in my mind I know he wasnt) I was always competing.

 

Addiction: I was addicted to his crumbs, the small texts where he called me the most beautiful girl in the world or he was thinking about me made me soo happy and on a high. It was the best drug in world.

 

Now I wish I could take a drug to forget him.

 

Please note I am not in this frame of my mind anymore I am far from recovered but im finally starting to get my emotions under control once more and keep my mind occupied as not to obsess about him. What I find absurd in all this is how easily I became a crazy person over an old married man, I had lots of male attention and I was not interested in anyone except from him.

 

The mind boggles indeed

 

Fantastic OW!

 

Emotions and the mind (thoughts!) are a really powerful thing so be proud of yourself that you've worked through all this and come out even stronger and wiser.

 

Never rely on ANY man to make you feel good about yourself, or to make you feel more complete.

[waterwoman]

Hi TheOW,

 

you sound so much clearer and stronger. Good for you xx

[TheOW]

Fantastic OW!

 

Emotions and the mind (thoughts!) are a really powerful thing so be proud of yourself that you've worked through all this and come out even stronger and wiser.

 

Never rely on ANY man to make you feel good about yourself, or to make you feel more complete.

 

 

Thanks whichway

 

I am just trying to point out that most Ow were once very stable just a normal everyday woman. And how an A can affect her very spirit and soul and make them (me) become unstable and almost crazy all in the name of love.