Mariposa10 Posted November 3, 2013 Share Posted November 3, 2013 We were nearly 5 years together and 5 months broken up, said she has been thinking about me every day and hasnt fallen out of love but i dont think i can forgive Can't forgive her because she made you go through hell when she broke up, or did she cheat on you?? My main concern here is that how can you be sure if they are being honest? What if they (dumpers) do it again? That's one of the biggest problems. How can they be trusted again? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jerryh Posted November 3, 2013 Author Share Posted November 3, 2013 Can't forgive her because she made you go through hell when she broke up, or did she cheat on you?? My main concern here is that how can you be sure if they are being honest? What if they (dumpers) do it again? That's one of the biggest problems. How can they be trusted again? no she didnt cheat i was just having a terrible time in other areas of my life and she just cut me off, agreed whats to stop her the next fight we have to run again? i like being single more time for myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Mariposa10 Posted November 3, 2013 Share Posted November 3, 2013 no she didnt cheat i was just having a terrible time in other areas of my life and she just cut me off, agreed whats to stop her the next fight we have to run again? i like being single more time for myself. Yeah, it is kind of nice to be single. Also, if you want more feedback from others, I would advise you to summarize this thread. I bet it's kind of scary (because of how long it is) for some people Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted November 3, 2013 Share Posted November 3, 2013 Jerry, I think you are looking at this pretty rationally. I have no real advice here except to hang back and see how serious she is. And if she continues to pursue, then I leave it up to you. It's up to you if you can look past this and give her another chance. If you can't or don't want to, don't force it because of history. Think long and hard and go with your gut. Either way, you got the power now. It's amazing what NC can do -- gives you perspective and, in this case, the upper hand. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jerryh Posted November 3, 2013 Author Share Posted November 3, 2013 texted me this morning saying she meant it, has been trying for last 2-3 months to get me back but i wouldnt respond Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted November 3, 2013 Share Posted November 3, 2013 texted me this morning saying she meant it, has been trying for last 2-3 months to get me back but i wouldnt respond Jerry, I get where you are coming from. Time changes feelings, and NC helps you be objective. Some dumpers think you can simply press the reset button, but it doesn't work like that. It would devalue all of the hard work you have done to move on with your life. It's extremely arrogant to think that you could simply take her back so easily. I think the best thing to do is to tell her (over email or text, I wouldn't go in person) that you need some time and space to sort out your feelings, and you will contact her when you are ready. The last thing you need is to get sucked down into the emotionally charged drama that happened earlier. You have come a long way on this thread, and you have done a good job. Give it some more time without her, and see where your feelings land. You are in the driver's seat now. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted November 3, 2013 Share Posted November 3, 2013 texted me this morning saying she meant it, has been trying for last 2-3 months to get me back but i wouldnt respond Also, remember that it's easy to say she means it. Is she willing to show she means it? If so, then she will be willing to give you time and space, and she will respect NC if you choose that again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jerryh Posted November 3, 2013 Author Share Posted November 3, 2013 fully agreed i do think i need time i just dont know if i want to be together anymore, feels like its ruined and forced now, no contact is the only tool and i owe it to everyone here for keeping me to it, gives power back sadly though i dont think i want the power. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted November 3, 2013 Share Posted November 3, 2013 fully agreed i do think i need time i just dont know if i want to be together anymore, feels like its ruined and forced now, no contact is the only tool and i owe it to everyone here for keeping me to it, gives power back sadly though i dont think i want the power. I understand. During NC, you develop different feelings towards the ex and the relationship. It makes me sad because I used to love my ex so much. I'm still trying to reconcile my feelings and mourn the relationship. It doesn't yet make me happy they I feel the way I do, it's better than depression, but it's odd. It's like I couldn't go back to that relationship at this point. It doesn't make me happy to feel this way, but I'm trying to work through it. It's a double edged sword to hold the power. It forced you to be somewhat of the dumper after being dumped. Like your hand is forced, but you never wanted this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted November 3, 2013 Share Posted November 3, 2013 fully agreed i do think i need time i just dont know if i want to be together anymore, feels like its ruined and forced now, no contact is the only tool and i owe it to everyone here for keeping me to it, gives power back sadly though i dont think i want the power. Don't keep it for us, keep it for you. I think BC is on the right track -- tell her that you need time and space to fully consider this. And if you decide you don't, then tell her exactly that with no grey area. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jerryh Posted November 5, 2013 Author Share Posted November 5, 2013 thank you everyone for all your kind advice, i asked for space and she agreed just to see can we get over everything and if things have changed enough to start a new healthy relationship, tbh i dont think it has but will wait a few more days, sometimes love on both sides just aint enough i suppose. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted November 5, 2013 Share Posted November 5, 2013 thank you everyone for all your kind advice, i asked for space and she agreed just to see can we get over everything and if things have changed enough to start a new healthy relationship, tbh i dont think it has but will wait a few more days, sometimes love on both sides just aint enough i suppose. I think it would take several months to see where you stand. I wouldn't just take a few days to think it over. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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