Will space make her realize?

[Simon Phoenix]

ya me too, dont know whats going on here at all.

 

No need to figure it out. Keep on keeping on.

[fancy feast]

Just ignore it. If she's got something so important to say, she'll say it eventually. This is how you sort out the bullsh*t.

[jerryh]

Yup your both right, i deleted the text and remain NC but found that very hard. why is she annoying me!!

[DresdenKing]

The common mistake, and one I just made and got dumped for, is exuding the impression you need the woman in your life. As soon as you do that, she will look down on you, get disinterested/bored, and leave you cold to start pursuing someone else who keeps her challenged. Stop being weak and sensitive, and go live your life.

[jerryh]

The common mistake, and one I just made and got dumped for, is exuding the impression you need the woman in your life. As soon as you do that, she will look down on you, get disinterested/bored, and leave you cold to start pursuing someone else who keeps her challenged. Stop being weak and sensitive, and go live your life.

 

yup agreed she used to tell me she loved me for being such a man but i know i lost it last few months, she always wanted me to be jealous or tell her i miss her or want her around, and towards the end i just started doing and saying those things even though it werent me.

On a lighter note, i thought I would update, i got chatting to a girl in work, got on very well and asked her on a date next week so nice to do something fun again.

[jerryh]

And i thought i would update everyone on how things went with my friend. She seems to be keeping her guard up and to be honest unfortunately i dont think she has any interest in even being friends now, the connection isnt what it was like a year ago and i suppose i only have myself to blame for the way i was a year ago.

[MrE_UK]

And i thought i would update everyone on how things went with my friend. She seems to be keeping her guard up and to be honest unfortunately i dont think she has any interest in even being friends now, the connection isnt what it was like a year ago and i suppose i only have myself to blame for the way i was a year ago.

 

 

Have you apologised to your friend? Often, asking for forgiveness can make things better...tell her how you felt when you broke contact and why you did, show her you realise it was a mistake, show you've changed since then, and ask for forgiveness straight out. When you ask, buy her something she likes, which isn't romantic!, and give to her. Worth a shot if you valued her friendship. She's guarded to protect herself from being hurt again...if she forgives you, don't ever hurt her again!!

 

As for the ex, if she texts again, I would either ignore, or just say, "What is it exactly you'd like to talk to me about?" Her answer will tell you all you need to know... Remain emotionally detached at all times. Remember: she dumped you. She may be looking for closure, and to make herself feel better. Don't arrange to meet, be short and to the point - let us know.

 

Also, get yourself into some relationship counselling - talk about the past, find out what you did wrong and how to change that for the future. Be a new you! It can be quite liberating...

 

Just as an interesting aside: Old relationships die. All relationships in the future must be new, positive, mutual, and different. It's not "I" or "YOU", but "WE."

Edited August 24, 2013 by MrE_UK

[jerryh]

Have you apologised to your friend? Often, asking for forgiveness can make things better...tell her how you felt when you broke contact and why you did, show her you realise it was a mistake, show you've changed since then, and ask for forgiveness straight out. When you ask, buy her something she likes, which isn't romantic!, and give to her. Worth a shot if you valued her friendship. She's guarded to protect herself from being hurt again...if she forgives you, don't ever hurt her again!!

 

As for the ex, if she texts again, I would either ignore, or just say, "What is it exactly you'd like to talk to me about?" Her answer will tell you all you need to know... Remain emotionally detached at all times. Remember: she dumped you. She may be looking for closure, and to make herself feel better. Don't arrange to meet, be short and to the point - let us know.

 

Also, get yourself into some relationship counselling - talk about the past, find out what you did wrong and how to change that for the future. Be a new you! It can be quite liberating...

 

Just as an interesting aside: Old relationships die. All relationships in the future must be new, positive, mutual, and different. It's not "I" or "YOU", but "WE."

 

I have stupidly apologized when drunk and she said for what and i basically ignored it, i know after all the drunk texting my ex put me through i really should have known better, so i dont think she took it serious or for that matter know what was going on. Im going out tonight and i know a few of her best friends are so good chance she will also be out. if then i will apologize for everything properly if not ill leave her be, she may want her ex back for all i know and i dont want to interfere in anything even as her best friends, all i want.

 

My ex hasnt in over a week now, maybe she got the hint from me ignoring her? but no im going to keep ignoring her i think she doesnt want me, only wants me for comfort maybe to relieve her guilt which isnt fair to me, i deserve better i feel. yes i genuinely would be interesting in counselling to fix any problems i have i want to be as close to 100% as i can be for myself, for my family and friends, and maybe for her or someone new. Interestingly enough my friend told me tonight he really disliked my ex, thought we werent compatible and that i could do better, i felt angry that he thought this but cooled down now.

 

And yes i agree we are on a path, who knows whats ahead but all we can ensure that we are the best person we can be to the best of our own ability.

 

On a note, im going out now with my two best friends, something interesting has happened every night i have been out lately so lets see what happens tonight. its a small town so will probably run into my ex since she is out all the time. all this ahead of my date on monday, wish me luck!

[Kimmie80]

Good luck!! I love reading forums from the dumpee's side when they are doing so well! I looked back at when you first posted, and you have come so far! Its amazing how you wanted her to reach out but she didn't and now that you have picked yourself up and moving forward, she is contacting you! It looks like thats the way it usually happens lol. Good for you for moving forward! I really hope I can get where you are at. Right now I am still stuck in the phase where I would do anything to have him reach out and see how I am doing. Anything. Have fun tonight and good luck on Monday! Cheers

[jerryh]

Good luck!! I love reading forums from the dumpee's side when they are doing so well! I looked back at when you first posted, and you have come so far! Its amazing how you wanted her to reach out but she didn't and now that you have picked yourself up and moving forward, she is contacting you! It looks like thats the way it usually happens lol. Good for you for moving forward! I really hope I can get where you are at. Right now I am still stuck in the phase where I would do anything to have him reach out and see how I am doing. Anything. Have fun tonight and good luck on Monday! Cheers

 

i was a wreck two months ago I wont lie i love the girl so much. But after all the begging pleading and so on, i woke up one morning after a few days of no contact and i realized and said to myself, she dumped me, she got rid of me, nothing i can do to fix that and so came to the acceptance stage i feel. I feel when you get to this stage you will be a lot more happier and not be waiting for him to contact you. But i still hope a small bit that she will come back and you will too and i suppose thats only natural. How long have you been broken up? Its weird when they initiate no contact, is that happening with you? She started it with me now its her texting me and me ignoring her, giving me somewhat little power. Not until i hear them words will i respond anymore, its all or nothing i dont want anything in between or settle for friendship and neither should you, we both deserve better. And believe me he will reach out to you for some reason, could be because he misses you, wants you back or even just want to be friends then it will be your decision but live your life to the fullest now, thats when they come snooping around again.

 

My night out wasnt the best to be honest My friend told me though that a few years back he was convinced i was going to leave my ex for my friend and that a few of my friends thought that. I genuinely dont know how they thought that, i must have been giving off horrible signals to her. Her friend was out last night and kept badgering my friend ( she is mad about him) so that was pretty much our night, not eventful, met no-one and all i have for it is one big hangover

[Kimmie80]

For me, he never really came out and initiated NC. I had said something hurtful to him and he walked. I apologized through 4 emails and over the phone. The last email I sent was a half a page long expressing my sincere apology, how much I missed him, how I really hope he will forgive me and for one day we can at least be friends. He was there for me through a very difficult time in my life. He responded back with "I do forgive you, but everything happens for a reason. Im sure our paths will cross again someday". And that was it. I decided that there really wasnt anything left to say. He knows exactly how I feel and what I want. I never emailed him back. That was July 18th. I sit here everyday praying that when I check my email that there will be one from him asking how I am doing. Thats all I want at this point. Just for him to check in. Then I know that I am on his mind and he hasnt forgot about me. I know he cares about me. I just wish he didn't walk away for good. And now I have to live with the guilt

[jerryh]

For me, he never really came out and initiated NC. I had said something hurtful to him and he walked. I apologized through 4 emails and over the phone. The last email I sent was a half a page long expressing my sincere apology, how much I missed him, how I really hope he will forgive me and for one day we can at least be friends. He was there for me through a very difficult time in my life. He responded back with "I do forgive you, but everything happens for a reason. Im sure our paths will cross again someday". And that was it. I decided that there really wasnt anything left to say. He knows exactly how I feel and what I want. I never emailed him back. That was July 18th. I sit here everyday praying that when I check my email that there will be one from him asking how I am doing. Thats all I want at this point. Just for him to check in. Then I know that I am on his mind and he hasnt forgot about me. I know he cares about me. I just wish he didn't walk away for good. And now I have to live with the guilt

 

As long as you offered a sincere apology, there is nothing you can really do, only offer him space. did you show him you changed and wouldnt do the same thing again? sometimes actions speak a lot louder then words. He knows that you are deeply sorry and i suppose you just have to give him the space to think now. Maybe in a few weeks you could initiate contact, get a feeling for the situation and if its not what you like, could go no contact for good then. Dont live with guilt, we all make mistakes, he surely did stuff which you let slide, thats the way i feel with my ex. go out, meet friends, hang with family, keep yourself busy, do something you always wanted to do when you couldn't with him. My date is tonight and i think im going to cancel, poor i know. I just have kept thinking about my ex for the last two days and dont think its fair to anyone including myself.

[HarleyBrown2]

Good luck!! I love reading forums from the dumpee's side when they are doing so well! I looked back at when you first posted, and you have come so far! Its amazing how you wanted her to reach out but she didn't and now that you have picked yourself up and moving forward, she is contacting you! It looks like thats the way it usually happens lol. Good for you for moving forward! I really hope I can get where you are at. Right now I am still stuck in the phase where I would do anything to have him reach out and see how I am doing. Anything. Have fun tonight and good luck on Monday! Cheers

 

Kimmie80 you'll get there in time, I never ever thought I'd get over my ex, I thought I loved her more than anyone/anything, but in time you start to focus more on the faults, than being blinded with thinking everything was perfect, in time you heal and start to slowly move forward, you'll get there... I'm on day 72 of NC and I feel great, I'm nearly back to the old me stay strong!

[Kimmie80]

Jerry, no, I have no way of showing him I have changed. We live in different towns, although he does come here everyday to pick up his boss, but I dont see him. We do not have any mutual friends, we are not friends on facebook or any other social media. So, there really isnt anyway for him to see that I learned from my mistakes and made it better. And its smart for you to cancel your date tonight. If your heart is still caught up on someone else, than it wouldn't be fair to either one of you!

 

HarleyBrown, did your ex reach out to you during your NC? Im assuming she ended it? And good for you for going 72 days! I can't wait to feel the way you are feeling! Thats what gets me through this; knowing that it will get better and I will get my old self again!

[jerryh]

my date, went against my gut and delighted i did. it went very well and she is a lovely intelligent funny girl. She is moving to my hometown next week however to work so mightn't see her again because i rarely go home, but it still was nice

[jerryh]

I'm not going to pursue the girl, was nice to get out but just want time alone from girls, not ready at all.

[lylat333]

interesting you say so, jerryh. I've been on online dating for a couple of weeks now (don't do the bar scene) and it wasn't until yesterday I initiated contact for the first time. (ignored a grand total of 3 messages so far) Sent a message to a girl that seemed intelligent and fairly cute even though like every other woman out there, I really can't picture myself with them.

 

It was nice to put something out there (a simple joke) but I felt sick to my stomach doing it. I too felt like, "damn, I know I'm not ready for anything." But if I got to go out on a date with a respectable young woman it would be a little consolation.

[jerryh]

well been a week since i have been on here, been very busy with work and so on. There has been no contact now for 3 weeks coming up to 3 months broken up. I can feel myself growing stronger everyday and forget her more and more as the days pass. Im left facing a big obstacle, our would be anniversary is this friday and im finding it really hard to concentrate and not give in on friday and make communication, so i could just do with words of encouragement and/or all your thoughts! Thanks guys!

[jerryh]

interesting you say so, jerryh. I've been on online dating for a couple of weeks now (don't do the bar scene) and it wasn't until yesterday I initiated contact for the first time. (ignored a grand total of 3 messages so far) Sent a message to a girl that seemed intelligent and fairly cute even though like every other woman out there, I really can't picture myself with them.

 

It was nice to put something out there (a simple joke) but I felt sick to my stomach doing it. I too felt like, "damn, I know I'm not ready for anything." But if I got to go out on a date with a respectable young woman it would be a little consolation.

 

i totally get you, its nice for the comfort and the confidence but i think its best for now that we remain alone and single and just hang with friends and family. have you still been dating?

[Simon Phoenix]

well been a week since i have been on here, been very busy with work and so on. There has been no contact now for 3 weeks coming up to 3 months broken up. I can feel myself growing stronger everyday and forget her more and more as the days pass. Im left facing a big obstacle, our would be anniversary is this friday and im finding it really hard to concentrate and not give in on friday and make communication, so i could just do with words of encouragement and/or all your thoughts! Thanks guys!

 

Well, since you are broken up, it's not your anniversary. The day lost all meaning when she left. You are doing well, don't slip up out of a moment of weakness.

[jerryh]

Well, since you are broken up, it's not your anniversary. The day lost all meaning when she left. You are doing well, don't slip up out of a moment of weakness.

 

thank you very much, your right i just see it maybe as my last big hurdle to leave all this where it belongs, the past. my life has improved in every single area since the breakup so i must keep trying to focus on those i suppose.

[Simon Phoenix]

thank you very much, your right i just see it maybe as my last big hurdle to leave all this where it belongs, the past. my life has improved in every single area since the breakup so i must keep trying to focus on those i suppose.

 

If it's really screwing with you on that day use the money you would have used on an anniversary present for her to treat yourself to something.

[lylat333]

i totally get you, its nice for the comfort and the confidence but i think its best for now that we remain alone and single and just hang with friends and family. have you still been dating?

 

Yeah, I wonder if I should have even re-activated it... I figured it would do no harm but if I didn't say this already here one of her roommates visited my profile hours after I re-activated it and I'm not sure if that will have a positive or negative impact on potential reconciliation. I don't want it to give her the green light to do whatever she wants and have her assuming I'm dating when I'm not. I also told her when we were together that if I ever became single again I wouldn't ever want to get back on online dating, but I did... :|

 

I haven't been dating at all, I sent the one 2-line message and that's it. Tonight I'm playing Scrabble w/ my best friend's mom (best friend has moved away)... that's a thing I used to do but now it's been close to a year since I've been there so that's nice. Getting back and doing the things you used to enjoy. My best friend's sister will also be there and it would be cool if she tagged me in a status or something. My ex came over one time to play and it was really cool.... good, clean fun. I want her to be reminded of the kinds of things we used to do together that she won't get from most guys.

 

Also, you have all my support for the upcoming anniversary. Don't break NC, and if it's any consolation, anniversaries and holidays can be very difficult for the dumper as well. Crazy story - last year I was getting really close with the girl who is now my ex. She invited me to come up to spend Thanksgiving with her family which was an honorable, exciting step. However... damndest thing... right after I packed my bags and was about to head to her place for us to carpool to her hometown I started crying out of the blue. I started missing my ex before her - for no apparent reason! No particular memory that triggered it, just the thought of the holidays we spent together killed me. I called up my original ex's best friend still in tears to tell her how guilty I felt for the way things ended, and I know my original ex ended up finding out about it. Looking back I can't believe I did that, but there is power in those days.

 

I hear a lot of stories about dumpers/dumpees breaking NC on special days. But if you're in NC because it's the best thing to do, don't break it... I will probably cry when Halloween/Thanksgiving/Christmas comes because I look back on those days as ones where my bond was deepening with my ex. Meeting her family on Thanksgiving, on Christmas we were fixing light strands, decorating my Christmas tree, listening to Christmas songs and wrapping presents together. I don't think she will forget either, but I feel silence is the loudest thing I can do. I know in my case she needs to be the one to start fighting for "us" again or it will fall apart.

Edited September 3, 2013 by lylat333

[jerryh]

Your single so you dating shouldnt bother her at all, our exs made the decision and should have to live with it. But maybe avoid getting in anything serious for now, need to keep a clear head and dont want to hurt anyone else. Seems like your enjoying your free time, doing things you enjoy and meeting good friends, keep it up, we need to learn how to be happy alone first before anything else.

 

im actually now going to a massive match with good few friends on friday so be bitta crack. im very bad today, keep thinking of things just a few weeks before breakup where i get thick and said stupid stuff and she really didnt want to lose me and how much she loved me, weird how it can all change yano? suppose its regrets. funnilly enough my exex and what would have been our anniversary is the exact same date, we only lasted a year, i really liked her and broke her heart, feeling really regretful now and realized i think she was my first love not my ex, but i dont know what to do anymore, sigh!

[Simon Phoenix]

Your single so you dating shouldnt bother her at all, our exs made the decision and should have to live with it. But maybe avoid getting in anything serious for now, need to keep a clear head and dont want to hurt anyone else. Seems like your enjoying your free time, doing things you enjoy and meeting good friends, keep it up, we need to learn how to be happy alone first before anything else.

 

im actually now going to a massive match with good few friends on friday so be bitta crack. im very bad today, keep thinking of things just a few weeks before breakup where i get thick and said stupid stuff and she really didnt want to lose me and how much she loved me, weird how it can all change yano? suppose its regrets. funnilly enough my exex and what would have been our anniversary is the exact same date, we only lasted a year, i really liked her and broke her heart, feeling really regretful now and realized i think she was my first love not my ex, but i dont know what to do anymore, sigh!

 

Stop these crappy trips to negative town. She broke up with you willingly, you weren't a forced dumper. You've been doing well jerry, don't go back to being that guy you were when this thread started. I mean, your growth over this thread has been awesome. I mean, you should go back and read your responses then and read what you've been posting lately. You are doing well -- don't slip up.