Author jerryh Posted September 4, 2013 Author Share Posted September 4, 2013 Thanks mate you right and i really respected your opinions, your one of the best posters here. true im much stronger bad day today saw my exex just wanted to apologize, chat maybe but let it be! Link to post Share on other sites
lylat333 Posted September 4, 2013 Share Posted September 4, 2013 After thinking about it more, I don't think making myself available will hurt anything. Anything a dumpee can do to move on show they are moving on is going to be positive. I have no concerns about hurting anyone else, I'm very aware of where I'm at and don't see myself getting wrapped up in anything that's going to cause me or anyone else problems. Yes, it can change so fast. 2-3 weeks before my ex ceased contact with me she was telling me about how she talked it over with her sisters and she came to the conclusion she loved me and wanted to be with me, while I was still working on getting out of limbo. Soon we did a role reversal. I can say I had a GREAT time last night playing Scrabble! Got to eat pizza, drink some soda... spend time with people and it was definitely the most time I've ever been able to spend without her crossing my mind, being able to go 10-15 min. without continuing to dwell/ruminate is new territory for me. I thought I would spend a lot of the evening going over the whole thing again like I have with so many other people, but I never even talked about it. I just laughed and had a good time! Do stay strong Jerry, we're all out here thinking about each other. It's still a rollercoaster sometimes but I think I've gone 2-3 days now without checking my ex's FB. That's big for me and I have no desire to look at it at all today. It helps that my desktop is all unplugged at home for the next 12 days so I will not be going on and trying to look at nasty little details like who she has friended recently or what she has been doing. I keep it very clear in my head that NC is the only sensible thing to do and I find it helps to affirm to myself that with each passing moment, things shift to my favor in the grand scheme of things. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jerryh Posted September 6, 2013 Author Share Posted September 6, 2013 todays the day, it sucks already thinking about the past, full of regrets and empty promises. least i have the match later. Link to post Share on other sites
Tiggerific Posted September 6, 2013 Share Posted September 6, 2013 I've been reading your thread and all I have to say is hang in there. It will get easier, even if it doesn't seem that way. A long time ago my BF of 4 years broke up with me for another woman. I was devastated. We tried to stay friends on and off but it was torture. So there was NC...for over 2 years. Then one day clear out of the blue he called my folks, got my information, and contacted me. I wasn't seeing anyone and I was thrilled to hear from him. So we started dating and it didn't take long until we were talking about getting married. But that's when I started to put everything into perspective. Everything that had been wrong with our relationship the first time was still there. And I had changed a lot in the 2 years we were separated. So I broke up with him. He was shocked at first but I think we both realized nostalgia is a powerful thing. It's so easy to look past all the bad parts sometimes. And we realized that while we both cared about each other we just weren't meant to be together. And we were able to stay friends this time. He even stood up at my wedding. I don't know if you and your GF will ever get back together. But you keep moving on. Life does. And things will happen even if we're not locked in our room waiting for them to. And painful thoughts sometimes given enough time will turn into pleasant memories. Today will be tough. But you can get through it. Have fun tonight. Don't text her no matter how much you want to because it will only make you feel worse. And listen to Simon. He gives pretty darn good advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jerryh Posted September 7, 2013 Author Share Posted September 7, 2013 Thank you very much for your response it was nice to see a similar story and see how much you had changed that you didnt want it anymore. No contact for two years is so impressive but its the only thing that helps us heal, i feel much better, but even if she texts and i dont contact her back it just drags all the feelings back up. I had a great time last night and didnt contact her at all, neither did she. maybe that was the last block to full healing now, no contact and positive thoughts and should be fine. i was doing perfect but last week has been hard with the date approaching i feel. thanks for your kind words and your story, it offers me hope not that she will come back but hope that there is true happiness still out there, and yes simon is one of the best on here, he urged NC at start i didnt listen and got burned now i did and things going much better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jerryh Posted September 10, 2013 Author Share Posted September 10, 2013 Well my life has hit a dead end in recent days. Losing my job as my company has made record losses, so first in first out. Losing my brand new apartment located right in the city centre and now moved home with my parents who are berating me to do further study in college which i really dont want to, so back to square one now. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted September 10, 2013 Share Posted September 10, 2013 These things would make anyone fell terrible. The only way to look at this is to think of it as an entirely fresh start in life. Like total clean slate. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jerryh Posted September 10, 2013 Author Share Posted September 10, 2013 I suppose your right, just when things were looking up, everything collapses on me, just not a happy situation at all here now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jerryh Posted September 16, 2013 Author Share Posted September 16, 2013 been a week or so, things were going well then i came across a picture she drew of us on my laptop and a document saying how much she loved me and how she never wanted to lose me, never saw it before, must have been wrote a few months ago, funny how small things can drag ya down. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jerryh Posted September 25, 2013 Author Share Posted September 25, 2013 just back here to vent i suppose, heard my ex is telling me she "binned" me and gave me the "red card", whilst also letting out a very personal secret of mine. just really hurt to hear the type of person she now is and just looking for some encouraging words, kind of downtrodden at the moment. Link to post Share on other sites
lylat333 Posted September 25, 2013 Share Posted September 25, 2013 My encouragement is there is a silver lining to her showing her true colors - easier to see it's not someone you want to be with. I don't know what the nature of the secret is, but if it was in poor taste for her to share it, chances are the people around her are not going to respect her for letting it out. Maybe she feels she has to overcompensate to convince herself she's right for not being with you. (losing strategy) Block her out of your life and don't let her or her friends dictate how you feel. You're going to rebuild your life and come out on top. Don't be too hard on yourself, know that it's going to take some months but piece by piece things will start to fall into place. When you meet someone else to fall in love with again, none of this is going to matter. Thinking of you, man. Link to post Share on other sites
Mariposa10 Posted September 25, 2013 Share Posted September 25, 2013 just back here to vent i suppose, heard my ex is telling me she "binned" me and gave me the "red card", whilst also letting out a very personal secret of mine. just really hurt to hear the type of person she now is and just looking for some encouraging words, kind of downtrodden at the moment. My ex just showed his true colors too, turns out after all he's a disgusting pig, so don't feel too bad. Let's not let these pigs have so much control over our emotions. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jerryh Posted September 25, 2013 Author Share Posted September 25, 2013 My encouragement is there is a silver lining to her showing her true colors - easier to see it's not someone you want to be with. I don't know what the nature of the secret is, but if it was in poor taste for her to share it, chances are the people around her are not going to respect her for letting it out. Maybe she feels she has to overcompensate to convince herself she's right for not being with you. (losing strategy) Block her out of your life and don't let her or her friends dictate how you feel. You're going to rebuild your life and come out on top. Don't be too hard on yourself, know that it's going to take some months but piece by piece things will start to fall into place. When you meet someone else to fall in love with again, none of this is going to matter. Thinking of you, man. It was a very personal family problem who really did anyone to know at the time, but i was drunk one night and it was really weighing on my mind and told her, she knows how much it meant to me. Ya i dont get the point of it and for using the harsh terms, its like she wants to delay my progress of moving on maybe. to be honest all my friends, our mutual friends and even one or two of her friends all thought i deserved better. she was kind of boring, terrible sense of humor and most the time just not a very nice person especially to some close friends of mine which caused tension. although she was much better looking and i was punching above my weight at the time, funnily enough no one else found her good looking though so i dont know lol just feel my life would be much better had i never met her, could be happy with someone else, saved some of the friendships i lost and somewhere along the way i lost all my ambition regarding my career and health, which im slowly rediscovering again. yes i know your right, im just scared i suppose afraid ill never fall in love or if i do that it will all blow up again. three and half months on and i feel way better just small things like this that drags me back down. My ex just showed his true colors too, turns out after all he's a disgusting pig, so don't feel too bad. Let's not let these pigs have so much control over our emotions. what did he do? im very sorry to hear this, no one should be subjected to bad treatment from our exs especially after the breakup. im just afraid she will say more about me and i suppose im in a very weak position regarding this. she is a little bit on the spur of the moment crazy side so afraid she will throw me further under the bus. just seems to bring back all old feelings. I have removed the remaining photos and memories of her from my house in a rage, deleted and blocked her number and all social networks and will ask friends not to mention anything back to me, just seems sad she feels the need to talk about "binning me" more than three months on. on another note, the girl who was my old friend has upped and moved country without saying a word to me, realizing all the regrets i have, wished i left my ex for her a few years back, ah hindsight! our back story was, me and my ex went out for five years and maybe two years ago i got cold feet, kinda gigs, then a friend told me my best friend wanted to date me. my ex was suffering from depression so thought was only fair and to cut the other girl out of my life and give us a chance. the other girl dated someone else for a year, i ignored her contact and basically she forgot about me. everyone said she was perfect for me, brought out a better side of me even just as a friend and i blew it, been a poor week. sorry about the long ramble Link to post Share on other sites
Author jerryh Posted September 26, 2013 Author Share Posted September 26, 2013 funnily enough there has been no contact with my ex for five weeks now and i just got a text right now saying sorry for ringing you last night i shouldnt have. the funny thing is she didnt ring me? i deleted it straight away. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mariposa10 Posted September 26, 2013 Share Posted September 26, 2013 funnily enough there has been no contact with my ex for five weeks now and i just got a text right now saying sorry for ringing you last night i shouldnt have. the funny thing is she didnt ring me? i deleted it straight away. She sounds so immature Link to post Share on other sites
Mariposa10 Posted September 26, 2013 Share Posted September 26, 2013 How are you doing, OP? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jerryh Posted September 27, 2013 Author Share Posted September 27, 2013 yes she really is being immature, it was one my friends bdays so she knew i would be out drinking, maybe hoping for a response or just too ruin my night. but im good life moves on, met new friends going to a big event tonight so should be fun! Link to post Share on other sites
Author jerryh Posted September 28, 2013 Author Share Posted September 28, 2013 she just walked by my house now, there is absolutely no need to, nowhere near anything or anyone she knows and she lives 20 minutes drive away. am i overreacting or is she playing games now? Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted September 28, 2013 Share Posted September 28, 2013 Sounds like she is play games to get your attention. First, a text about a fake phone call. Now, walking by your house. This is very immature. Don't give her any attention because that's what she wants. Then, when you give her attention, she is going to bolt again and restart this immature cycle. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jerryh Posted September 28, 2013 Author Share Posted September 28, 2013 Sounds like she is play games to get your attention. First, a text about a fake phone call. Now, walking by your house. This is very immature. Don't give her any attention because that's what she wants. Then, when you give her attention, she is going to bolt again and restart this immature cycle. thank you i intend on keeping my no contact, its just getting kinda childish and freaky, what could she possibly achieve from this? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jerryh Posted September 29, 2013 Author Share Posted September 29, 2013 she texted me again asking did she do something? apologized again for ringing even though it didnt happen? and asked why i removed her of a social network she never uses even though she got rid of me on the one we always use. then had the cheek to say thought we could be civil with each other but its grand. what is she playing at? do i keep ignoring? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jerryh Posted September 29, 2013 Author Share Posted September 29, 2013 am i overreacting or am i right to be furious? what is she at? Link to post Share on other sites
Mariposa10 Posted September 29, 2013 Share Posted September 29, 2013 am i overreacting or am i right to be furious? what is she at? You should just ignore her.... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jerryh Posted September 29, 2013 Author Share Posted September 29, 2013 You should just ignore her.... thanks i will sorry was just really angry, would she not just leave me alone like Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted September 29, 2013 Share Posted September 29, 2013 Let her be the one that's angry, don't let her suck you into her vortex of negativity. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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