Capulets and Montegues-War of Families

[pplady]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years now and we love eachother dearly. The problem is about 10 months ago we had a huge blowout and decided to tell everyone we knew about it because we were bothso hurt!!! We eventually reconciled but people think we are nuts for continuing the relationship because of that fight!! Especially our families. God only knows what his parents think and I know that my parents wish he would just go away!!! We aren't youngsters, we're well into our thirties and shouldn't care what people think, BUT we do and it's affecting the relationship.We fight about it all the time!!!I want to get married and he says he does, but now I'm thinking the family thing is holding him back!!!! It drives me crazy!Any suggestions or similar experiences out there?

 

pplady

[Tony T]

So you are having fights with your boyfriend about your parents being upset about a fight you had??? Sounds OK to me.

 

You are right, it is none of the parents' business. But if your guy is going to be so easily influenced by his parents, you better give more thought to marrying him. If he loves you and wants to marry you, his emotional allegiance should be to you. As a matter of fact, that very mandate is part of many marriage ceremonies, where the couple vows to leave their parents and "cleave unto their spouse."

 

Frankly, I would issue a well written newsletter explaining your feelings about the matter, how it was resolved, and ask that everybody get behind this planned marriage. Make copies at work, if they will permit, or at a commercial copying shop, and give copies to all involved.

 

Or you could have a meeting of everyone, a press conference of sorts, issue a statement and take questions. The goal here is to neutralize the objections by educating the family on what happened, how it was resolved, and what's going on now.

 

Yes, my suggestions are somewhat ridiculous...but, then again, so is this whole matter. If you had the nerve to give great publicity to the original blowout you had 10 months ago, a follow up news story may very well be in order. I hope you've learned to keep your discussions about these kinds of matters limited to a very few close, trusted friends who can keep their mouths shut.

 

And stop the fighting between the two of you. That is so juvenile. If you can't act like grownups, wait until you can before you even think about getting married.

 

It would be nice if the rest of the family would grow up too.