a serial cheater finally comes clean

[aliveagain]

I don't think you get my point. The 5% didn't happen at one time, it happened at different periods in your life, my point is why you chose during those periods to compromise yourself, to go against your own beliefs because your actions didn't make things better. What I am saying is the 5% isn't you but by your actions you have made it a relevant part of you.

 

My only reference is myself. I was once engaged to a wonderful, beautiful, intelligent woman. A week after we were engaged she phoned me from Vegas crying, I had no idea she was out of town. She was there with a married man claiming that she wanted to see if she still had feelings for him, if marring me was the right thing to do. I was very in love with her, it didn't even occur to me at the time that she was there with a married man. Two days later she returned, we talked it out and after much mutual crying I agreed to give her another chance and we moved in together. Three years later we split up, I just couldn't marry her and at the time I never knew why. My point is that as much as I try, the infidelity takes precedent over all other memories when I think of her. I forgave her yet to this day that is my strongest memory of her even when I try to think of only happy times.

 

No, I don't see you as only the 5%, I just wonder why you haven't changed your coping method. If you and your husband are truly done maybe that isn't an issue anymore.

[janedoe67]

First, thank you for replying again. And I am very sorry you went through that, though I knew that the reason you feel as you do is because you had been through something of that sort.

 

The reason I ignored my values those times is both simple and complex. The simple part is that I was selfish and resentful, and my boundaries were so poor that I didn't protect myself from making such a rotten choice. The complex part was that I had spent so long trying to be good enough to "earn" affection and favor, I also let myself get to the point that outside validation was all that counted. I wasn't good enough to earn care from my h, so I must just not be good enough period. Someone please reassure me I'm good enough! Yeah, there is a psychobabble sound to that, but years and years of neglect by the one person who is supposed to cherish you....no matter what you do or say or how you try to improve yourself......after awhile you start to feel that you are just defective, unworthy of love, really. What I SHOULD have done was get myself into some good IC, go back to those spiritual foundations that I always had, and become strong enough IN MYSELF to say (and be willing to back it up), "Hey, this is a betrayal of your promise. This is not a marriage. We are in BIG trouble here and we have to fix it or I am leaving." That most likely would have meant a divorce years ago. But honestly, a divorce is better than cheating.

 

THIS time instead of just "stopping the behavior," repeating the mantras, and flaggelating myself while saying "I have no right to needs for 2-5 years," I really LOOKED at myself beyond the obvious outward behavior. I went to an IC and told her up front that what I was doing/had done was wrong and I needed help from someone who wasn't going to excuse it and who would help me be different. I didn't want some "find your inner happiness whatever that is" crackpot. I opened my Bible again, not just to point out my own sin, but to lead to redemption as well. I talked to my husband, I kept both eyes open.

 

The only way to scientifically prove that I will never cheat again is to come to the end of my life never having cheated again. Or go to a psychic? lol BUT I am different, not just in what people CAN see, but in what they CAN'T. I know my wrong choices, but I also know my value. See, that is the paradox of that philosophy some have that a cheater should be in a permanent state of being down a few rungs from "worthy society." As long as we think we are crap, guess what? We are more vulnerable to another affair.

 

I feel sorry that it took me so long to get that and to get some other things. I pity my former self because she chose to be stuck because there was a secondary gain. Just like I pity people who live in the secondary gain of unforgiveness and self-righteous projection. And no, that last part wasn't for anyone specific, though if it sticks in anyone's craw they might want to look at why.

 

Even if my husband and I are done, I still need to work on myself. I still need to strengthen myself. If I never share a meal or a bed with a man ever again, I still need to be an honorable person and woman.

[Steadfast]

Jane...stop being so defensive. You know 98% (oh no,,,now you have ME doing it!) of the people who read and post on your thread are behind you. FWIW, I think you're a beautiful example. Realizing you may just be blowing off steam, it seems very clear to me that you are not happy.

 

And you're not happy with the advice you're getting either.

 

If my ex was like you, ie: honorable and willing, I'd still be married. I'm both proud and a little perplexed when you jump to your husband's defense. Honestly? He sounds like a big, spoiled baby. I don't know what it's like to be asexual, but I know the folly of being self centered.

 

As for Jane, I believe you've self analyzed her enough. I believe when you say you won't cheat. I believe when you say you need him to meet you halfway. I get it! What now? Plow ahead? You seem undecided lately.

[aliveagain]

Jane...stop being so defensive. You know 98% (oh no,,,now you have ME doing it!) of the people who read and post on your thread are behind you. FWIW, I think you're a beautiful example. Realizing you may just be blowing off steam, it seems very clear to me that you are not happy.

 

And you're not happy with the advice you're getting either.

 

If my ex was like you, ie: honorable and willing, I'd still be married. I'm both proud and a little perplexed when you jump to your husband's defense. Honestly? He sounds like a big, spoiled baby. I don't know what it's like to be asexual, but I know the folly of being self centered.

 

As for Jane, I believe you've self analyzed her enough. I believe when you say you won't cheat. I believe when you say you need him to meet you halfway. I get it! What now? Plow ahead? You seem undecided lately.

 

 

Steadfast most of us are behind her and we all want her to succeed no matter what that looks like. I can tell you Jane, as a betrayed spouse reading some of the posts written by wayward spouse's can really trigger me even when I try to remain neutral. We know the difference between those that come on this site to brag about their affairs and those that are here to seek help. Jane the example I wrote about, my ex fiance was hard on me but not as hard as the 2 year affair my spouse had that resulted in an affair child that I believed was my son. I raised him for almost a year before I discovered the truth, a DNA test confirmed that he was O/M's. It was too much for me to deal with, I loved the child but couldn't handle having the POS O/M in my life as his biological father. If that anger comes through in my writing at times I apologize, I only try and give an honest betrayed spouse perspective in hopes that it helps you understand your husband and what he is feeling.

 

Jane your more than good enough, we can tell by your writing. Even as smart as you are sometimes you don't see the forest for the trees. Sometimes it's about recognizing a behavior, knowing the signs and dealing with it before it becomes a problem or maybe it's only about making the decision to deal with it.

[turnera]

Jane, we want you to prosper. That's why we're telling you to focus on the marriage now, and what would make it healthy. Learn THAT and focus on THAT. And if it still doesn't work out, you'll know you tried.

[janedoe67]

I'm being whiny. I know that. I'm just discouraged, and I don't want to....I don't know.

 

If I had just done all this cleanly. If I had just had more of a backbone years ago instead of coping by cheating. I just WISH I had not added insult to injury. All I did was disrespect myself, hurt my family, and muddy all the waters. This situation would be cut and dried if I hadn't mucked it all up by tossing in adultery.

 

Couple marries, couple has issues, one spouse won't meet needs, the other is too mousy, the mousy spouse tries really hard, they have conflict, nothing changes, it becomes unbearable, they divorce. It's still a sad story, but no one has to give themselves EXTRA torture. By cheating, I hurt him and bought myself more years of....inward death.

 

Boy, that was extra whiny. But that is what it feels like. That is why part of me was relieved when he said he was done. Because it is okay if he leaves. He doesn't need to put in extra effort because he didn't screw up. If I leave.....well, aren't I supposed to try harder because I cheated? I just don't know anymore. I don't believe all the voices in my head (no not those kind) who tell me I am forever inferior anymore, but I don't fully believe that I get to "get out of jail" as they say (you now, the old cheating is a get out of jail free card thing) because I messed up.

 

Then I step back and think, what a horrible way to be looking at my life and marriage. What are my kids learning? I can at least hope that by watching me take responsibility, be transparent, and apologize to them and to their dad that they can eventually get beyond the scars my cheating will leave. But what gets them beyond the picture of marriage they have grown up seeing?

 

If I were not in the situation but were just the close friend of the couple, I would be saying, "Look, you are both good people, but you're imperfect people, and you are making each other miserable. It's time to throw in the towel." And I generally hate divorce. It never entered my mind over 20 years ago that I would even consider it.

 

But I want....I'm just so tired. I don't think I have another "rally and be uber wife and say everything right and don't enable and get counseling and open yourself up to hope for the best" in me. I think if I opened myself up again and did all that and once AGAIN it didn't matter.....I don't think I'd survive it. Or maybe I would. But do I take that kind of risk AGAIN because of a "hey, maybe THIS time...." thought?

 

I admit this too. No, I have no contact with opposite sex people, nor do I want any. I can't think of a single person in the realm of any acquaintance that....bleck, no. But deep deep inside, there is a part of me that, before I die, would like to know what it is like to really REALLY be loved in an honorable and moral but also REAL love context. I don't want to die empty, in the midst of "giving it one more go"......And is that what I want for my hubby? He could be happy with an asexual woman who likes to work hard enough to be the main breadwinner and who is a better housekeeper and who is very even and moodless. Or he could find a nice man who is all of the above. Should HE have to go to his grave trying to please his high maintenance wife?

 

I just don't know.

[AlwaysGrowing]

Jane, you need to take off the remorseful WW hat. Jane is much more complex than she was while in the affair, and in the immediate days afterwards.

 

You can put down those burdens. You carried them, you know how they came to be, and your answers no longer lie there.

 

Jane, tried therapy, books, communication, having an affair, going back to therapy, books, communication, having an affair, therapy, books, communication......

 

See where that is going?

 

You are correct in that if, what you felt made you vulnerable to your affairs, still exist...then there is a risk for you to go there again.

 

You are not like most WS, most never look at the cost to themselves. And for me, that is the greatest cost. It is something that was self-inflicted. The ultimate betrayal. You recognize that. The fact that you want to ensure that you honour Jane from now on....is the most important key to never going down that road again. It is the greatest gift to give to yourself.

 

Jane, time to honour Jane. Whatever that means to you. That is your answer. Often doing the right thing, does not mean it is easy. Just that it is something that you can look back on, and KNOW that you did the very best you could.

 

Jane, you have many virtual strangers that think you are very much worth having the love that you want to work for. You just might need to accept that your husband is not the right person to help you achieve that goal.

[janedoe67]

It's over.

 

Yesterday was a definitive and somewhat traumatic.....well, it's just over. I can't share right now and I am sore. But it's a sad and weird relief as well as just bent sad.

 

Some things just can't be fixed

[AlwaysGrowing]

It's over.

 

Yesterday was a definitive and somewhat traumatic.....well, it's just over. I can't share right now and I am sore. But it's a sad and weird relief as well as just bent sad.

 

Some things just can't be fixed

 

Sorry that your marriage is ending.

 

Not sorry that you are now able to move forward with your self respect and integrity intact.

 

Not only can some things not be fixed...they shouldn't.

[janedoe67]

Without going into too many details, something dumb and ridiculous and small became big, the argument was in the car, words were exchanged, both at fault, he got mad and swerved in the rain, I grabbed his arm to try to stabalize, he pulled my hand off and twisted my fingers back, the car went out of control, we went off the road and into a ditch.

 

I said words in irritation I shouldn't have. So did he. It should never have resulted in our lives being risked. There's just too much water under the bridge.

 

We just don't care about each other. There's too much, and no one is willing to be vulnerable anymore.

 

I hate what I let myself be yesterday. And I wasn't cheating. I just feel like I have nothing left to lose.

[drifter777]

It sounds like a brief moment of rage on both of your parts - something that happens all the time in marriage. Why is this one so definitively final to you? You don't have to answer, but it might be something you need to answer for yourself.

 

Go back and read your original post. After you do that ask yourself what you would advise your best friend to do if this was her story. Ok, now end a marriage that has become a prison for you.

 

I hate that you decided to cheat instead of divorcing your H way back when you had your first A. Now you have to live in the present and accept the truth about you, your husband, and your relationship. You can't make it work and there's blame for you both. As you go forward in your life I hope you realize that cheating doesn't help anything.

[Fluttershy]

It sounds like a brief moment of rage on both of your parts - something that happens all the time in marriage. Why is this one so definitively final to you? You don't have to answer, but it might be something you need to answer for yourself.

 

Go back and read your original post. After you do that ask yourself what you would advise your best friend to do if this was her story. Ok, now end a marriage that has become a prison for you.

 

I hate that you decided to cheat instead of divorcing your H way back when you had your first A. Now you have to live in the present and accept the truth about you, your husband, and your relationship. You can't make it work and there's blame for you both. As you go forward in your life I hope you realize that cheating doesn't help anything.

 

I think, Jane, your signature should be "affairs are always wrong and a terrible choice" then people would stop acting like you don't know that. I've read a lot of your posts and it has taken some time. I can see you couldn't be more sorry for what you did. I also don't want to downplay what happened. I can honestly say in my marriage neither my spouse or I have been in a car accident over a fight. I don't know anyone who has been though it pops up on tv shows fairly often. I do know it happens but it definitely is a sign of serious problems. But then you already knew your marriage was seriously messed up.

There comes a time in everyone's life when they have to learn when to let go. Perhaps it is time for you to let go?

[janedoe67]

Drifter does have a point, and it is one of the myriad of complications and pain that an A brings. The biggest is just the plain fact that we have betrayed and lied in the relationship that is supposed to be the most intimate in our lives. We hurt the one adult in life we should protect.

 

Under that is all the ways we hurt ourselves by devaluing who we are when we lie, deceive, and choose to invite a stranger into a supposed-to-be-two-people-only relationship. And the way it affects the whole family - and it does. Not just my children, but my parents, his parents, our siblings. It's like a giant stone dropped into a pond, and the ripples spread.

 

But one of the things that happens when you choose to introduce infidelity into an already very dysfunctional ,lonely, platonic, stagnant marriage is this:

 

You add yet another layer of hardship and pain, and it colors every other hurt. Had I done everything I have done for over 20 years EXCEPT cheat, there would be no sliver of a question in my mind or heart, no retroactive excuse that he could give, no worry about my "right" to need or want, no tainted view of the non-affair facts in our marriage.....it would be clear, and even though ending a marriage is always hard, there would not be that element of.....who knows how great things could have been if YOU hadn't cheated. In a very real and practical sense, the dozen years I spent working hard and tying myself in knots and talking and writing letters and reading books.....is not relevant...because I cheated. It's like having an accident where there are a thousand tiny fractures all over the bones inside your body, fractures that will likely never heal....but all the layperson can see is the really big visible gash on your head.

 

This is not the first time there has been rage. It is not the first time there has been anger. It is not the first time I have felt like both an abusive partner and an abusive parent (because one of my children was there). I don't know how he feels, except that he did tell me that he never had a problem with his temper before we were married. And that he knows he should keep it together no matter how much I push him. And yes, I am so so much to blame for so many things. But this is the course of our talks I am wrong, and he is wrong too.....but only because my wrongness made him wrong.

 

Before I ever accepted a compliment from that OM years ago, my husband wasn't touching me for months. Before I ever had my first fantasy about what it might be like to be wanted by....someone else, we had gone through every cent of savings and severance while he played on the computer and found my biological family without my being okay with it. Before the first flirty email I had been invisible for years. None of that will ever justify the horrible atomic bomb I chose to set off in our marriage more than once.

 

All I can say that I believe that we have definitely cried an equal number of tears, and I don't have any more. I don;t have any more of the kind of love that can overcome the thousand cuts and giant gouges. He will never be able to be a man who wants his wife, and he should not have to fake his life. I will never be able to be alone together...alone, and even with my bad choices, I should not have to die inside.

 

It's just not going to work.

[Fluttershy]

Drifter does have a point, and it is one of the myriad of complications and pain that an A brings. The biggest is just the plain fact that we have betrayed and lied in the relationship that is supposed to be the most intimate in our lives. We hurt the one adult in life we should protect.

 

Under that is all the ways we hurt ourselves by devaluing who we are when we lie, deceive, and choose to invite a stranger into a supposed-to-be-two-people-only relationship. And the way it affects the whole family - and it does. Not just my children, but my parents, his parents, our siblings. It's like a giant stone dropped into a pond, and the ripples spread.

 

But one of the things that happens when you choose to introduce infidelity into an already very dysfunctional ,lonely, platonic, stagnant marriage is this:

 

You add yet another layer of hardship and pain, and it colors every other hurt. Had I done everything I have done for over 20 years EXCEPT cheat, there would be no sliver of a question in my mind or heart, no retroactive excuse that he could give, no worry about my "right" to need or want, no tainted view of the non-affair facts in our marriage.....it would be clear, and even though ending a marriage is always hard, there would not be that element of.....who knows how great things could have been if YOU hadn't cheated. In a very real and practical sense, the dozen years I spent working hard and tying myself in knots and talking and writing letters and reading books.....is not relevant...because I cheated. It's like having an accident where there are a thousand tiny fractures all over the bones inside your body, fractures that will likely never heal....but all the layperson can see is the really big visible gash on your head.

 

This is not the first time there has been rage. It is not the first time there has been anger. It is not the first time I have felt like both an abusive partner and an abusive parent (because one of my children was there). I don't know how he feels, except that he did tell me that he never had a problem with his temper before we were married. And that he knows he should keep it together no matter how much I push him. And yes, I am so so much to blame for so many things. But this is the course of our talks I am wrong, and he is wrong too.....but only because my wrongness made him wrong.

 

Before I ever accepted a compliment from that OM years ago, my husband wasn't touching me for months. Before I ever had my first fantasy about what it might be like to be wanted by....someone else, we had gone through every cent of savings and severance while he played on the computer and found my biological family without my being okay with it. Before the first flirty email I had been invisible for years. None of that will ever justify the horrible atomic bomb I chose to set off in our marriage more than once.

 

All I can say that I believe that we have definitely cried an equal number of tears, and I don't have any more. I don;t have any more of the kind of love that can overcome the thousand cuts and giant gouges. He will never be able to be a man who wants his wife, and he should not have to fake his life. I will never be able to be alone together...alone, and even with my bad choices, I should not have to die inside.

 

It's just not going to work.

 

My comment was in regard to drifter's last line. I should have cropped it down. Like you thinking affairs are okay was still on the table.

I think you need to forgive yourself. Big time. I assume you are a Christian by some of your posts and your photo. If so you know that you have been forgiven by God. Focus on that being enough. And don't let other people make you live in condemnation.

[AlwaysGrowing]

Marriages should never involve violence. We are supposed to protect our family from violence not expose them to it.

 

 

 

I see a beginning.

 

I see Jane finally being able to implement all that she has learned, all that she wants to be. The first and most important adult you failed to protect was yourself. If we all can just ensure our own emotional well-being, then all those around us benefit. Even if that means divorcing due to irreconcilable differences.

 

There comes a time, when we know that we have given our very best, did all that we can do. All that is left is to minimize the damage.

[janedoe67]

Thank you shutterfly. I know I am forgiven. I know I am not cheating. I also know that part of what I will carry is the fact that my infidelity was and is a part of the giant, icky equation.

 

I have a friend from gradate school who used to self harm. She chose to harm her own body. This happened before I met her, when she was in high school. It has been decades since she has harmed herself (showing my age here). Unfortunately, cutting yourself deeply over and over, even if you stop for decades, still leaves scars.

 

She could hide her arms and body and see the scars in the mirror and say 'I am a sad. sick, scared woman."

 

Instead, she wear sun dresses and swimsuits and talks to people who are bold enough to ask. She says "I WAS a sad, sick, scared girl. I stopped. I am a woman who survived."

 

I WAS a liar and a cheat. I was a deceiver and a selfish entitled wayward wife.

 

I AM a repentant, changing, aware, redeemed woman.

 

And just like some people will see my friends decades old scars and think she is still a danger, some people will read my story and still think I am a liar, a cheat, a deceiver, and a wayward.

 

But I know differently.

[AlwaysGrowing]

Also want to add:

 

Jane, you need to look at this as finally being able to do what you should have done all those years ago. Do not let your past take away the integrity you now possess.

[AlwaysGrowing]

The most interesting people are people who have walked in fire and came out a better person. It is scarred, in a good way to them. It is who they are. They have an understanding about life that others just don't get sometimes. They have a joy about them. They KNOW themselves. Eyes Wide Open.

[Journee]

I'm sorry you are hurting Jane. I have nothing to add aside from that and a hug (((Jane)))

[Steadfast]

We are redeemed when we are in The Body of Christ Jane. The rest; being honest, unselfish, etc, etc, are traits we must have as a foundation. Being 'a good person' isn't what we aspire to be, it is where we begin the fight.

 

Christ's words in Matthew 10:39 describe what the bottom line really is. He clearly states that not even family can come between us and the church:

 

"Those who find their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake will find it."

 

You can't be a wife to a man who does not want to be a husband Jane. No matter what you've done. He had the right (and choice) to divorce but he didn't. When he didn't, what else can you do but take that to mean he wants to remain married? If all of the words you've written are true, then you tried. He must love you enough to see to your needs. He must.

 

I will repeat what I have typed here many times; If my ex had your heart, soul and depth of caring I'd not only be married, but very happily so.

 

Breathe deep Jane. Day-by-day. Take your brain out of gear for awhile and let the dust settle. Don't worry about what others think. Nothing will change the mind of a person who wishes to believe what they wish.

 

Here for you.

[sidney2718]

Jane: I've read your total thread and have just reread a good chunk of it. My view is this: you were in a very bad marriage. Not because he was bad or you were bad, but you were very mismatched.

 

If there had been no cheating you very likely would still have hated your marriage, the lack of intimacy, the lack of affection. In fact there might be some truth to the idea that you had affairs so that you could blame yourself and so blame yourself for the problems in your marriage.

 

Just to pick on one thing, I can not envision you being happy in a sexless marriage. When folks advise you to fix yourself, they may mean for you to just accept a sexless marriage. I think that's as wrong as an affair, if not more wrong. In some states it is considered constructive abandonment and is grounds for divorce on the same level as adultery.

 

My wish for you is to accept that your marriage is over, though given your personalities it may not be. But accept it and move forward. You can find love and happiness and have the kind of life you have always wanted. It will take work and will be painful, but you are a strong woman and can do it.

 

My very best wishes to you.

[janedoe67]

I was an expert at shutting up for a dozen or so years. Then for five more.

 

I pulled the brake after we went off the road. We were arguing about the text my youngest had sent at my request to let him know we were running late. Autocorrect messed up a street name so the text didn't make sense to h. He wag upset that I had not then answered his texts. It was because I was driving. It was raining, and you are right, it was not the time to argue. You made another good point; he knew he was swerving, so he didn't need my hand on him. That was a stupid reaction on my part.

 

You're replying awfully fast with a seemingly inordinate stake in this. Almost all your 10 posts are to me. Not a good way to stay anonymous.

[janedoe67]

jan_may, I notice you also joined just a few days ago, but I will try to respond.

 

I am in IC, which is therapy. I am not sure if you meant I was evading the question of whether I was in therapy. I am.

 

H and I have discussed sexual abuse. He says he was not abused, that sex just isn't something he thinks about.

 

I have contributed much to out problems. Of course, the A's are the biggest. But even prior to that, I responded very badly to unmet needs at times. Reading His Needs Her Needs helped that thought process tremendously, but it didn't make a difference needs wise. When I went through post partem depression it frequently came out as anger, and I know that hurt our marriage as well. I was also impatient and instead of letting h take his time and way in leading, there were times I worried about the timetable and kind of just took care of things instead of waiting.

 

In short, I know that the state of our marriage prior to my A's was not just on him.

 

I do think that he would be better off without me; he has just never thought so and has asked me to stay before, promising we would work on things. I was wrong to not do the right things anyway.

 

This thread has certainly taken a turn, and looking at some other recent things, I think I understand why.

Edited December 1, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Steadfast]

I was a coward and then I became a cheater...and that changed everything forever. He has every right to feel anger, even bitter hate.

 

You've stated this ad nauseam Jane. He has the responsibility to love and support you if he wishes to remain married, or divorce you and move on.

 

We know cheating is cold hearted and cowardly, we know it was the wrong decision, and we know you made the same wrong decision time and again. I'm seriously wondering if you're masocistic because this zinger comes up every other post. Being a reformed cheater doesn't guarantee that others will see you differently, it means you have changed...or that you have a desire to change and are in the process of making those changes. Stating it over and over does not convince others you are sincere.

 

By staying in the marriage it was critically essential that your husband do everything in his power to support your efforts...even to the point of putting his needs on hold for a time. It isn't always equal Jane...it isn't always fair with issues and needs split down the middle. Love, real love, covers these gaps with understanding. A desire to be happy and whole must be at the core. It seems the desire to nipple-twist was there instead.

 

I don't know you. You might be a genuine pain in the ass. I can only base my responses on what you've written. But know you or not, a couple cannot reconcile if either has a desire to punish, administer justice or use the issues in the marriage as leverage to get what they want. Not love.

[dichotomy]

A couple of specific questions on sex.

 

You say your husband is asexual.

 

About how often do you have sex a year?

 

How has the sex changed if at all since you started having sex with him?

 

Has he discussed his sexual past with you?

 

Does you husband have erections? Particularly in the morning?

 

Does he masturbate?

 

What amount of sex (at a minimum) would you fulfill the basic minimum for you?

 

Does your husband feel any guilt over not taking care of your sexual needs?