Knock down dragged out fighting, I am begging you all please help me!

[innocent]

My bf and I are fighting. We have been fighting alot lately, over the stupidest stuff.

 

In our fight a few days ago he told me that this was the last few months that he was going to do this, and that if we didn't work out then that was it.

 

Yesterday was our biggest fight yet. He told me all day that he would call me. He was traveling to his mom's to pick up her old car that she said he could have. He told me that he would call me back several times, but didn't so I called him.

 

Later that day I again called him because it had been a while since I had heard from him, and called him. I felt bad because he was spending time with his family and did not want to just keep calling him while he was in the middle of doing something. He was cooking food this time. So I asked if he would call me when he got a chance and told him that he should spend time with his family.

 

Well this time I waited until he called, watched tv and did my homework (I'm in college). He called me several hours later. MAD because I didn't call. I explained that he had told me that he would call and that I didn't want to bother him. But that was NOT good enough for him.

 

It made me MAD that he was so upset about it. So then of course I had to make things worse by bringing up a fight we had a week ago, on the phone outside of one of my classes. He said something about who was in the classroom and I said I don't know because I don't talk with anyone in there, and I don't just talk my head off and flirt with guys like I did in high school.

 

Well then he hung up on me after he said that, called right back and said that it was f*#ked up that I had said that and hung up again. I called him right back, and he didn't answer. Then I called him several times after each one of my classes, no answer and once he just picked up the phone and hung up!

 

 

Well 6 hours later he calls me and is fine and is wondering why I sound upset (because I had been crying and upset about it). And tells me that he was busy out with his roomate trying to find classes for his roomate to get his GED. Well I believed him and everything was fine.

 

So anyway I tell him last night that he hung up on me and then said those words to me and hung up on me again. And that it hurt me because I spent the whole day upset about it and he calls me and is fine.

 

He says that I hung up on him! I told him that I know I didn't. I wouldn't have been so upset if it was my fault for being mean. Well I have a hard time remembering things, which he knows, and the things that I always remember he says that I don't and that it didn't happen that way,

 

well we continue to argue. And I attempt to stay calm and not just get mad and yell things that I don't mean which I always do.

 

He says that I hung up on him, I say no

 

he calls me a baby and I called him and a##H*$e and tell him f*#k you and hung up.

 

Well as soon as I hung up I realized what I had said and called him back to tell him that I didn't mean that last part, but that he was being an A##h*&e. But he wouldn't answer his phone.

 

Now I have not called him all day and I have just been torn up all day and all night. I really do love him so much, we just need to work on some issues and our biggest problem is that he believes that it is all me that needs to be fixed and I agree that I need to change some things, but he never lets me talk when we argue and when I do get to say to words he has pressed my buttons so much that i just get really mad and say hurtful things that I don't really mean. I don't know what to do.

 

I am so upset mad and scared that he will hate me or break up with me. I love him so much he is my everything, my best, truest friend, and has always been there for me but we have never really worked out our issues. And I don't know what to do.

 

Please help me I am begging you all...

 

I don't want to lose him.

[hugznkisses21]

Sounds like he needs to grow up!

 

He is very immature...why would he get mad if he said he was going to call...and turn it around say why didnt you.

 

This guy sounds like he has some major insecurity issues as well.

[innocent]

I love him so much we have never fought this much, I cannot live without him. He is my everything. I don't know what else to do. I have tried calling him but he is not answering hi s phone. That is the only way that I can talk to him.

 

I the last thing that I said to him was so cruel he never deserved that. I am in so much pain, I think that I may have lost him forever. I love him so much... I can't stop crying.

[Merin]

Originally posted by innocent

I love him so much we have never fought this much, I cannot live without him. He is my everything. I don't know what else to do. I have tried calling him but he is not answering hi s phone. That is the only way that I can talk to him.

 

I the last thing that I said to him was so cruel he never deserved that. I am in so much pain, I think that I may have lost him forever. I love him so much... I can't stop crying.

 

You know as much as it hurt's you CAN live without him...

 

And just from what you've said in your orginal post it could be this way of thinking that is causing so many problems in the relationship to begin with...

 

It seems that it's all about what HE SAYS and what HE WANTS. You seem to walk on eggshells trying not to make him unhappy at the expense of your own... this isn't okay for any relationship.

 

Stop calling and calling.. he knows you didn't mean it and he knows why you've been blowing up his phone as well... to tell him that you're sorry... now how sad is it, that he can't be grown enough to accept that?

 

Time to dig down for some courage here girl... my thinking is... when you're wrong, say your wrong and apologise.. but when someone else is wrong, while there isn't need to rub it in thier face... there also isn't reason to accept responsibility for thier actions or words and apologise just to keep the peace... eventually it sneaks up on you (just like when you brought up the previous fight) because you never really feel validated or heard.

 

Give him time to come around... he will call you.

[innocent]

Thank you Merlin2

 

I know that I can live without him, but I don't want to.

 

I will try my best to be strong, but I am still falling apart.

 

Thank you for your advice. I just wish that I all of this could just disappear if I could talk to him. But I know that maybe now is not the right time I guess...

 

It is so hard to go through this, he is my first true love, and I have been with him since high school.

 

I am so shaken up I don't even know if I am making sense.

 

Thank you again for your reply.

[Merin]

Originally posted by innocent

Thank you Merlin2

 

I know that I can live without him, but I don't want to.

 

I will try my best to be strong, but I am still falling apart.

 

Thank you for your advice. I just wish that I all of this could just disappear if I could talk to him. But I know that maybe now is not the right time I guess...

 

It is so hard to go through this, he is my first true love, and I have been with him since high school.

 

I am so shaken up I don't even know if I am making sense.

 

Thank you again for your reply.

 

You're Welcome:)

 

I know you're upset right now... but try to focus on something else... He will call.

[innocent]

He CALLED ME!!!!!!!

 

HE CALLED ME!!!!

 

He just asked about my day and how I was doing.

 

But we have not even talked about last night and our fight.

 

I can't just let it go like all of the other fights that is our biggest problem.

 

I have to talk to him

 

But how do I bring it up? Ijust want him to know how I feel and that I love hims and we both have issues to be worked out.

 

But he is so stubborn I don't want to start another fight I just want to talk about things.

 

 

I don't know please help!!!!

[Sukotto]

Well first get him over, he'll find it harder to avoid the situation when your a few feet away.

 

It sounds like you guys basically have to sit down and discuss whats causing all these arguments and maybe even just come out and say what your problems are with each other. A relationship should include mutual respect for each other and pointing out flaws shouldn't be considered nasty but a way of showing that you care and how they can improve themself.

 

Though make sure you word it correctly, my ex asked if I thought she was fat and being the honest type I said "you have a little bit of excess" it didn't go down well. Though regularly we'd just talk about what was bugging us in the relationship, things like I wasn't telling her my feelings often enough and that at times i would be a bit condescending depending on the topic of conversation. These things I improved on and it made a huge difference.

 

My ex's problems were usually regarding her feelings, she wouldn't open up to me about some stuff and it took a while for her to decide that I was trustworthy, she also had this problem of shouting when she was talking and it bugged the hell out of me.

[InThisSkinAgain]

FIRST, avoid childish behaviors - start with you. Namecalling and hanging up on folks is just bad manners. Don't lower yourself to that level. The sooner you stop engaging in toxic behavior the quicker you'll lower your tolerance level for it from him.