Nick204 Posted October 13, 2004 Share Posted October 13, 2004 Alright, my girlfriend of just over one year and i have been extremely happy for our entire relationship. We have barely fought and if we did it was over dumb stuff cause we were mad we couldnt see each other for the most part (we lived a half hour away which isnt too bad but sometimes just too much). anyways, now that we're in college she has been a little weird. we are attending different colleges that are about 1 1/2 hours away and we see each other usually once a week or so. She has met a lot of people as have i, but the only people i hang out with are the other guys on my football team ( i go to a small liberal arts school with quite a few people that are, we'll say "different" from me). she has quite a few guy friends that she has met that makes me a little jealous when shes partyin with them but i can get over it. this past weekend a bunch of guys from her town went to party with her and her girl friends at her school. one of them was her ex-boyfriend. everyone was drunk and got back to the dorms and there were two rooms to sleep in. some of the guys slept in her room and some in her friends'. her ex went into her room and went straight to her bed. she says she decided to sleep on the floor but he wouldnt let her and pulled her to the bed. she said that they didnt even touch and they slept on opposite sides of the bed and nothing happened (which seems hard to believe with this guy because he is ALWAYS looking for a piece and whether a girl is taken or not or says no or not doesnt matter to him). So i tell her that i believe her after we talk about this for a while ( even though im still a lil skeptical but didnt feel like fighting). the other day now she is telling me her and her friends are going to a chippendales show (i dont know how bad these are but it didnt make me feel great). she is totally different now that we're in college and talks like shes so much hornier than she used to be. im worried that it might be over. i need some advice quick. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted October 13, 2004 Share Posted October 13, 2004 The Chippendales thing is no big deal. Those guys are spooky-gay. Tell her that regardless of whether there's contact or not, it's inappropriate for any girlfriend of yours to be sleeping in a bed with another guy, especially a guy with whom she has a history. Then explain that any attempt to force her into the bed, if indeed that's what happened, is assault, and shouldn't be tolerated at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted October 13, 2004 Share Posted October 13, 2004 Hello, The story with the ex-boyfriend seems pretty hard to believe. What would have been the point of forcing her into the bed to sleep with her if he did not want to be intimate with her? By the way, how do you think she would feel if the roles would have been reversed? Sleeping in the same bed while drunk with the ex-boyfriend is really insulting to you and your relationship. I would think about moving on and looking for someone who respects you and a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
babybear Posted October 13, 2004 Share Posted October 13, 2004 Being in a serious relationship when starting college (and different colleges at that) is going to be hard. I wasn't in one when I got to college, but I had a bit of a hard time deciding I wanted one once I got there. You're going out a lot, meeting new people, and CHANGING a whole lot. You can't EXPECT that your relationship will work through this, but you must expect her to be faithful to you while she if your gf, and to be honest with you if her feelings are changing. I would recommend being honest with her and telling her she appears distant, and before anyone does anything regretful, to pls. express herself. If things don't work out, at least you are preserving honesty and integrity. So...about sleeping in the bed. Well....I am guilty of the same. I have let an ex sleep in my bed before while extremely drunk. He has a gf, I have a bf, and not a thing happened. We rolled to opposite sides of the bed. So, I do have to say that it IS possible that nothing happened, though in her case, adn mine too, it really isn't an appropriate practice. Bb Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted October 13, 2004 Share Posted October 13, 2004 So i tell her that i believe her after we talk about this for a while ( even though im still a lil skeptical but didnt feel like fighting). How did you find out about this incident??? (this is important) the other day now she is telling me her and her friends are going to a chippendales show (i dont know how bad these are but it didnt make me feel great). she is totally different now that we're in college and talks like shes so much hornier than she used to be. im worried that it might be over. i need some advice quick. She's within her right to visit chippendales, but if you want an honest opinion, I think the writing's on the wall, bud. I think these are signs that she's putting some distance between you two, which is unfortunate but understandable given that you're leading two separate lives. College is such a transition for people at that age, a time of discovery and adventure. It's hard to control the part of her that wants to explore, and I think that's what you're running into here. I won't say call it off, because that's a judgment you have to make. But I would ask her point blank what she wants from you and the relationship. Be completely honest with your concerns here. Link to post Share on other sites
Cecelius Posted October 13, 2004 Share Posted October 13, 2004 Agreed with the above. 1) This goes for boys and girls under 25 (or older in some cases): college = cheating. No matter how good your g/f is, she's going to do something that would chill you to the bone, and that she would NEVER consider doing 10 years from now or would have 3 years ago. All the stuff you had to go through to advance your physical relationship with her over the last few years? Other guys will try to and will get farther, faster than you did. She'll be bombarded with requests for the same, and more than likely she'll give in. On that basis, it is strongly adviseable NEVER to be in love in a LDR in college. It's hard no matter what, but given all the Dawson's Creek introspection and American Pie desire to rebel and be free and sow you oats makes it impossible. 2) RED FLAG: Hand in the lion's mouth. No decent person flirts with disaster too much. In my book, sleeping in the same bed with someone is "something" that happened. Plus she was drunk... A lot of young people will test limits no matter what until they are older 2) RED FLAG: She slept in the bed because he MADE her? No, because her desire to be desired overcame her and her need for validation by receiving attention was to strong. And she was drunk. But, and this is classic for young people, she needed an out for why its not her fault: he MADE her. Whatever could she do, he MADE her? She could not possibly have said "I have a b/f and it's not you," or "Fine, be a gentleman and YOU sleep on the floor" or "No thanks, its plenty comfortable down here..." These were not options: the sheer force of his manly willpower compelled her to share her bed with her ex b/f... The writing is on the wall. She's not evil, she's just young and less able to be sympathetic to others' feelings. To her, its a contest of "who likes me and how much attention can I get." Personally, I would tell her you want to see other people but hang out casually when you are together. Then go after other girls until you find one with class and fidelity. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nick204 Posted October 13, 2004 Author Share Posted October 13, 2004 How did you find out about this incident??? (this is important) she told me about it the incident. i knew her ex was comin and figured he'd try something but she promised nothing would. she has denied doing anything at all and even has a witness (her friend that was there). i do believe her but i definately see the distancing thing. she still tells me how much she loves me and how im by far better than any guy shes ever met but it just seems so different. i will update after i talk to her about this all. thx Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted October 13, 2004 Share Posted October 13, 2004 At least she told you - that's good. Link to post Share on other sites
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