Should I tell his wife (again?)

[HonestNeurotic]

I post this not to be judged or anything at all in that realm. It has to do with my previous AP, that was truly just sex - but it lasted for a little over four years. He's been married 25 plus years - they have never had children. He is a serial cheater. He found someone new - and really, we weren't that suited for anything other than friends. He was CONVENIENT for me - there were never any romantic ties. He had a boat in a marina, his wife hated it, and I enjoyed the mini vacations. There wasn't even that much sex. I used him just to be out. Not proud of that - just stating the truth. I frustrated the heck out of him. I always knew he wanted someone else. He was also very disparaging to his wife. She was a real hot lady when he married her, and she had gotten really heavy. He drinks to excess quite frequently. I did always rather feel bad for her, she truly should have had someone that could really love her. He was a serial cheater - starting when they were bf/gf, engaged, and married.

 

His affairs lasted 6 months, mostly a year or two at most. The only reason we lasted as long as we did was because I, unlike his previous partners, was not looking for him to leave his wife and be in a relationship with me full time. All of his other AP's were single. We had extensive conversations on this subject - sex and relationships. I'm an emotionally detached person and really good listener. People feel good to confide in me, as I am not judgmental. Anyways - I was his 7th affair - not including any one night stands he had when he was younger and more attractive and not such a drunk. Yes. That really is rather at the root of his problems.

 

So he found another - we got kinda pissy at the end. I found out through a mutual acquaintance that his wife caught him. All those years - all those women - he never got caught. This person knew of our affair, knew that Boat Guy always had someone on the side, and though he never said anything, now that he had been caught he asked if I would tell his wife. Because she was taking it as a first time thing. So I wrote a brief email letting her know nothing detailed - but enough so that she knew I was sincere and not lying when I said we carried on that way for four years and I know that there were others before me. I gave her my email address and phone number if she ever wanted to talk. She was floored, but said thank you. Again, this was done through our mutual acquaintance - a person that knows this couple as they do couple things together occasionally. I DID try to get boat guy to see that he should just be single. Again - not justifying my behaviour.

 

Anyways. After he got caught last October, they were trying to reconcile. That's about the last I heard of him. A few times since then, I received some sexual text about getting together - which I just ignored. The last one being in January. So I had forgotten all about him. Then, last Friday, he starts blowing up my phone with texts. Well, not blowing up - but I am not big on texting, so 5 a day is a lot to me. This has continued every day. It's weighing on me - i.e., should I contact our mutual acquaintance to send a note from me to his wife? Or should I just ignore the whole situation? I've not responded, nor do I intend to. I could have remained friends with him - in fact, I am good friends with a few of my previous lovers (before I was remarried) but he was just a huge jerk at the end and there was nothing to keep me interested in maintaining a friendship. Outside of sitting on the boat in the summer. The sex was never really very good - but as I am in a sexless marriage, he was "safe".

 

I'm also thinking I should block him. Ignoring texts are fine to me - but does the person that is being blocked get a message on texts like they do on a phone call? If not, then there is no point - as I would do it only so that he knows not to contact me again. I can't forgive him for a few things he said/did.

 

For those of you that do not know - I am now in an open marriage - though it's still "don't ask/don't tell". This is a second marriage for me, we have no children, and we're very content with our living arrangement. We both have friends and activities that are independent of one another. Though I never came clean about Boat Guy - until I decided to start another affair. I knew that it would be a sexless marriage, but thought I was okay with it. I'm not worried about any fallout over my husband knowing about Boat Guy - I'm more worried about Boat Guy's wife.

 

Part of me says to just let it go. Part of me says that she needs to know.

[MissBee]

Since it's through a mutual friend you could probably let her know what he's up to with relatively little fallout and drama for you, then also block him. He won't receive a message saying he's blocked from texts, you'll simply not receive the messages he sends.

[canuckprincess]

I say let it go, you don't owe his wife anything. She already knows and if she chooses to live in denial, that is her choice. Trust me she knows who she's married to.

[HonestNeurotic]

Well. Surprise surprise surprise!

 

They got divorced. As of February. That was awfully fast - though they didn't have any children. She took his boat! She made three times what he did - gave him the house and he has a few other items. She HATED that boat.

 

He got laid off. His OW left him. But I hear that he's actually turning around, finally got a new job. Good for him. Good for her. I sincerely mean that.

 

Of anyone that I ever thought should not be married - they were it. Even if he had never cheated on her. I am so glad for them.

 

I sent him a text saying to not contact me anymore. It shouldn't be a problem. My friend will also put a word in.