Want to give her space but living next door

[Zantalalia]

Help! the Friday before last my gf told me a she "needed space", this woke me up to the fact that I had been being clingy and I know it's something I need to deal with. I said ok as long she wasn't just chickening out of dumping me. She said no, because we've always been able to talk to each other. I know she's also stressing about other things at the moment.

 

For 2 days I was really stupid and being emotional in her presence, then Monday night I told her she was right we needed space. Thursday night we'd already aranged to go out and we had a good time, I said good night and went in. She came over Friday morning because I'd told her I was going away for the weekend, we talked and she kissed me briefly.

 

So I went away over the weekend, Monday no contact, last night I went to see her because I know she's going through a rough time and she said she was going out with her mates, which she usually does on a Tuesday. She still wasn't back when I went to work this morning. So I don't know if she got drunk and stayed over there or whether she went on a date. Can't really get out of seeing her this Thursday as it's her birthday and all arranged.

 

Anyway, problem is I want to give her space, but it's kind of hard living next door. I know I can just shut the front door but it's not giving me space when I always know if she's in or not. I can't keep going away and we also sometimes work together. Also do I mention last night or not.

 

If we've got a chance I want to take it, but I won't be jerked around.

[responder]

You are probably done with this woman, but clinginess is usually a sign of insecurity and lack of trust. A cry for space is at worst a desire to date others; at best an attempt to gain a sense of independence. Whether best case or worse case, a cry for space comes back to how you treat others. Certainly, if it's only from neediness and fear of loneliness, you are relying on your partner to be your security, hobby and entertainment. This is unfair and adds a lot of stress to the relationship, but is fixable by you simply getting a watch dog, a hobby or some combination of external interests in your life to fill the emptiness you feel when your partner is not around. But, if clinginess is out of lack of trust, insecurity about the relationship, or a need to control and micro-manage the relationship, you are guaranteed to repeat this with all of your partners. This is because there is no void to fill, and you are not looking to modify your own behavior, only that of your partner's. So, my recommendation is to analyze your own motivations! Ask very tough questions of yourself: Are you a control freak? Are you paranoid about losing her to another lover? What are you afraid of when you give up control? Are you afraid no one else can love you? Why do you think you are unloveable? If you think you are loveable, why are you afraid to lose love if you are so loveable? ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS TRUTHFULLY! The deeper you can probe and figure out "this is why I'm afraid"; and "that is why I feel I am unloveable"; then you can begin a path to correct those feelings and perceptions you have about yourself. In the meantime, leave your girlfriend alone!!! Stop stalking!!! What the hell is so wrong with your life that you have to keep looking at someone else's life control?