sunshinepuppy Posted June 18, 2013 Share Posted June 18, 2013 (edited) I recently left my fiancé. We were together 2 years and engaged for 1 year. I would like advice on what was wrong with him; I never experienced someone like him and it bothers me that I couldn't figure out what was wrong with him. He was 46 years old, and had an incredibly bad temper. His temper usually stemmed from insecurities relating to my past relationships. He was extremely obsessed with my past relationships. He was so obsessed, he put a tracker on our shared computer and logged into every old email account he could find of mine, dating back 4 years. He contacted every person I had emailed with (from dating sites or friends) and acted like me, trying to figure out if I ever met them and what did we do together sexually. He also went so far as to call my old boss (who he thought I had an affair with), acted as an FBI agent claiming I went missing, to see what he knew about me and when was the last time he saw me. After he logged into all my old accounts, he wrote a fake email to himself, saying that someone from my past who hated me sent him an email telling him all my secrets. I knew it was him who wrote this email, as the only way he could have gotten the info was from my old facebook emails, which I saw he was logged into on his phone (which he always denied but I saw it twice with my own eyes). He did this about 1 year ago, but recently as 3 months ago he reopened an old email of mine and contacted my ex who I dated for only 6 weeks. He pretended to be me, and asked for pictures of my ex, and wanted details about our sex life. I only found out he did this because I used his computer one day and saw pictures of my ex on there that I had never seen. Is his obsession with my past a part of Bipolar Disorder? Also, it seemed like every 4 weeks (almost like a menstrual cycle) he would blow up at me and bring up my past relationships. I was shocked when he went 5-6 weeks without bringing up my past, and he even said he was acting like the perfect fiancé, but then 1 week later he snapped. I asked if I could look at his texts from this woman he had been texting, and he went crazy. He said No I couldn't look at the texts, just like I wouldn't let him go through my old email accounts (he always wanted me to log into them but I said no, they didn't matter). He didn't talk to me for 3 days straight. Then yesterday he asked me if I had taken a shower (how nice) and then if I wanted to go view a business with him. I was really annoyed that he asked me if I had taken a shower, since that was the first thing he asked me or said to me in 3 days, so I said no, view the business yourself and I'll take another shower. He then went crazy. He screamed at me saying, "he can't wait to move on with his life, that he's finished with me, that I treat him like **** and he's sick of it, he called me a bitch, an *******, and that I needed to make arrangements for my life." Then he slammed the glass door so hard it almost broke. Is he bipolar or just obsessed with my past and have major anger issues?? Edited June 22, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Add paragraphs Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted June 18, 2013 Share Posted June 18, 2013 Welcome to LS. Your question is an oxymoron. What you need to be asking/focused on is what was your motivation to maintain such an abusive relationship? Nobody cares what his diagnosis is. Future potential partners for you will want to know about your "why's". Link to post Share on other sites
M30USA Posted June 18, 2013 Share Posted June 18, 2013 People who do that kind of stuff (extreme manipulation) always feel like it's justified. YOU have a past history, so he just "naturally" is finding ways to "come to terms with it". It's strange but I normally have lots to say on this subject. I guess I'm kind of making peace with things and I don't have as many comments as I used to. Sorry! Link to post Share on other sites
Author sunshinepuppy Posted June 18, 2013 Author Share Posted June 18, 2013 So he was just extremely manipulative? I never dated anyone who did the things he did so I am trying to understand things. I stayed mainly because I had no where else to go. I'm in a hotel right now. Link to post Share on other sites
M30USA Posted June 18, 2013 Share Posted June 18, 2013 So he was just extremely manipulative? I never dated anyone who did the things he did so I am trying to understand things. I stayed mainly because I had no where else to go. I'm in a hotel right now. Mistake #1 is trying to even understand a person like this. It's a black hole where no matter how much you try to understand and love them, it's never enough. And the whole while, in the process, you will most likely be called the selfish one 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sunshinepuppy Posted June 18, 2013 Author Share Posted June 18, 2013 Mistake #1 is trying to even understand a person like this. It's a black hole where no matter how much you try to understand and love them, it's never enough. And the whole while, in the process, you will most likely be called the selfish one true. thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
vegaslady Posted June 19, 2013 Share Posted June 19, 2013 Welcome to LS. Your question is an oxymoron. What you need to be asking/focused on is what was your motivation to maintain such an abusive relationship? Nobody cares what his diagnosis is. Future potential partners for you will want to know about your "why's". BINGO. Let it go, please read the book "Love Addiction" to shed light on your issues. He is a wacko and I have been through similar but the sooner you learn self love and respect and understand why you tolerated it, the better. These people are evil to the core and do not care about you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
hayewils Posted June 19, 2013 Share Posted June 19, 2013 Honey, the time you had together with that kind of behavior and abuse is enough. you do not want to marry and have to put up with that any longer than you already have.. One word... RUN!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Downtown Posted June 22, 2013 Share Posted June 22, 2013 I would like advice on what was wrong with him....Is he bipolar?Sunshine, perhaps he is bipolar. But that is not what you are describing. Rather, the behaviors you describe -- i.e., the temper tantrums, rapid flips between Jekyll and Hyde, verbal abuse, inability to trust, strong fear of abandonment, and controlling behavior -- are some of the classic traits of BPD. Having lived for 15 years with a BPDer (my exW) and a bipolar sufferer (my foster son), I wrote a description of 12 differences between the traits of those two disorders in my post at http://www.loveshack.org/forums/mind-body-soul/self-improvement-personal-well-being/380507-calling-all-those-bpd-14.html#post4754080. If the BPD traits described in that post sound very familiar, I suggest you read my more detailed description of those traits in my post at http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/separation-divorce/275289-crazy-i-think-but-i-love-her-anyway#post3398735. If that description rings some bells, I would be glad to discuss them with you and point you to good online resources. Take care, Sunshine. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted June 22, 2013 Share Posted June 22, 2013 As the thread starter logged out shortly after starting this thread and hasn't returned, I'm going to close it for now. They can alert moderation if they wish to add/solicit further comments. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
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