We broke up....

[Holly]

Well this is a follow up to the message I posted a couple day's ago. Last night my boyfriend and I went out, and I told him I was unhappy with him and the relationship and that I needed more etc. He basically told me that he didn't want to continue in the relationship. okay so I know deep down that this is the best for me, but I am still really hurt and feeling terrible. (and we have done this before and sure enough I will go crawling back to him in a couple weeks and we will start all over) What I need to know is how do I prevent that from happening, how can I move on once and for all. Other point I should make is that he told me he wanted to still be friend's and hang out. How are we suppose to just be friends now??? and one more thing I am suppose to be spending Christmas with his family and he said he still wants to follow thru with that..he say's his family is looking forward to seeing me. Plus I have bought presents for all of them and everything. Bottom line is he isn't a bad guy, but he is not right for me... but that still doesn't stop me from going back to him..I think it is because I just want to date someone or that need to always be in a relationship.....please help...thanks....

[Tony T]

Don't spend Christmas with his family. Either take the presents back or give them to someone to take to the family. You really don't need to be in such an awkward situation on Christmas...you are better off alone.

 

Stay away from him. Don't be friends and hang out. That's not what you want and it will only hurt you more, especially when he announces he is seeing other women.

 

You have to get a grip on yourself, have some self control and don't communicate with him any longer. You know the situation isn't right and you are wasting your time. Take some time to heal from the relationship and move on to something for productive and fulfilling for yourself. You are going to have to experience the hurt at some point so why not get it over now so you can get on with your life.

 

It is a bit wacky to be repeatedly going back to someone who, by your own admission, is not right for you. Albert Einstein defined insanity as doing the same thing repeatedly but expecting a different result each time. Think about it.

[Pat]

Dear Holly;

 

Feeling insecure after a relationship ends is very normal. I think the way to stop yourself from going back is going to take some planning.

 

Planning is the key;

 

Use your head. Remind yourself often why you are better off without him.

 

Do things for yourself. Keep very very very very busy. Do stuff to your house. Spend more time at work. Do things with your girlfriends.

 

WE only get out of life what we ask for. So if all you want is a mediocre relationship then that is all you will get.

 

The first few days will be the hardest. But if you can get through one month, you will be fine.

 

As far as being friends; That just won't work right now. He just wants you "around", for his ago. And knowing that you are there while he is scoping out other women.

 

Use your head.

[ichthyo_guy]

This is very similar to the relationship I have had for the last year and a half. I gave up someone I really cared about for something that ended in a deadend. It happens. I hate to sound cold or uncaring but, other people are out there. You are probably really young, just a thought. There are so many people that you don't even know you are going to meet. Don't let this get you down.