Franziska Posted October 13, 2004 Share Posted October 13, 2004 Hey everyone, I found this web-site while browsing, and decided to register. Yesterday I found out that my friend slept with a girl from a strip club. I'm not sure if you can consider that a prostitute. He had gone out with his good mate on Saturday night. His friend had been feeling down, due to a break up with his girlfriend. I guess he just wanted to get his mind off it, so he asked my friend if they could go out. They had planned to go to Utopia, but ended up going to Kings Cross. While they were there, they went to 3 strip clubs. They stayed at the second one because they thought it was the best of the 3. Both drank, my friend had 6 Bourbon and cokes within 2 and a half hours. He said that he had been half drunk. There were a few girls walking around in the club, looking for guys willing to pay them for sex. My friend and his mate were asked on numerous occasions, each time they had said no. While they continued to drink and time passed, a girl that had asked him earlier, asked him again. This time he agreed, as she was keen to get him into a room. His friend followed, and also went with a girl. He described to me vividly what happened when he was with her. He said that most of it is a blur to him, because he had been half drunk at the time. When he first told me, I couldn't believe it, he had lost his virginity to a stripper or whatever you want to call her. He had felt so ashamed to tell me, but eventually did to get it off his chest. He had felt annoyed at himself for ever doing such a thing. I was very angry with him for what he had done. One of the reasons for this was because he had told me that he loved more than anything else in this world, he had wanted to be more than just friends. I, however, did not want this, I wanted to stay friends. He knew that, and he finally accepted it over time. Maybe I just went off at him because I needed a reason to be angry at him, I'm not sure. We've both had so many great times together. Sure we argue sometimes (over stupid things). We mainly used to argue because he felt more for me, more than friendship that is. He just couldn't understand why I didn't like him more than a friend. We have talked about what happened a few times now, I guess I wanted to put this message on here to see what people think. I want to continue my friendship with him, he means a lot to me, and is one of the very few people that really understands me. I'm very different in many ways to many people, I have always tried to be myself, and not someone else. Well it feels good to be able to talk about what is on my mind on here, it really helps to get it out. I hope that people will read this, and tell me what they think. Any comments are welcome. Hoping to hear from you soon. Franzi :-D Link to post Share on other sites
Papillon Posted October 13, 2004 Share Posted October 13, 2004 He's the one who has to live with his decision. What's done is done. I suggest he has himself tested for STD's and then try and put this behind him. Link to post Share on other sites
InThisSkinAgain Posted October 13, 2004 Share Posted October 13, 2004 I understand that you just can't bear the thought of what he did - on many many levels. It's hurtful, and surprising. However, with single guys and sex - expect the unexpected. And if, he is not with you, then he is NOT WITH YOU. If you have a commitment, then it's a totally different matter. IF you were considering a commitment to him, and have since changed your mind because of this - well, there you go. People change their minds all the time anyway. Maybe he does feel bad about it, but I bet he loves getting a reaction out of you. Meanwhile - it was drinks, striperrs, friends and a shag - he had a good time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Franziska Posted October 13, 2004 Author Share Posted October 13, 2004 Hey again, I just wanted to say that I am quite surprised at the quick response that I have received to my advertisement. Thanks, Fran :-P Link to post Share on other sites
zara Posted October 13, 2004 Share Posted October 13, 2004 okay, i'm going to leap to the defence of my profession here, that was not a strip club and that was not a strip club, i think the words you are looking for are brothel and prostitute. Dancers at a strip club do not have sex with customers - they dance. End of story. It is unfortunate that your friend has behaved like many foolish young men over the years and choose to sleep with a prostitute - it is up to you how this makes you view him. If you feel that you can forgive this as a stupid mistake that many young men make in a bid to rid themselves of threir virginity and still wish to pursue a relationship with him it is VITAL that he is tested for STD's before you get intimate with him. If you view this as a fundamental difference in his value system which makes him incompatible with you then reduce your focus on him, stay cordial but busy yourself with other friends and interests and find someone more mature. Link to post Share on other sites
GirlDown Posted October 13, 2004 Share Posted October 13, 2004 i've been to many strip clubs with boyfriends (ironically some of the best times i've ever had, actually) where some of the girls (not all, of course!) were offering extras...maybe it's not right, and maybe it speaks badly for the ones that don't, but some definitely do. they weren't obvious about it; most of the time it was when a guy was already in the back with a girl and she asked if he wanted her to "keep going." sometimes they do want it, sometimes they don't. but it has been offered many, many times. regardless of whether some dancers think its okay or not, it happens. that doesn't mean all dancers are out looking for sex from customers though, and you speak well for your profession, zara. you must be one of the decent ones. Link to post Share on other sites
zara Posted October 13, 2004 Share Posted October 13, 2004 Girldown - thankyou, there are a lot of us i assure you. And yes, there are girls who offer extras but asking "Would you like me to carry on?" is not an unusual question, it means "would you like me to carry on dancing?" (once you have them there some guys will happily spend money on another two dances at once) but some guys get the wrong end of the stick - i get propositioned a lot more by customers than customers do by dancers. Link to post Share on other sites
zara Posted October 13, 2004 Share Posted October 13, 2004 i'm usually quite good at sticking to the matter at hand. So how do you feel about your friend - has this changed your whole view of him and his values? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Franziska Posted October 13, 2004 Author Share Posted October 13, 2004 Hey all, Zara, I don't think my views have changed on him. We are best buddies, I mean it's not like we are going out. I was just surprised when I found out, I so did not expect something like that from him. I guess he was vulnerable because he was drunk, like so many others. He was surprised at himself for doing it. I will definatly stay best buddies with him. Fran :-) Link to post Share on other sites
Stone Posted October 13, 2004 Share Posted October 13, 2004 Why do people assume that strippers/ dancers are prostitutes! Did he pay her for sex? If so he was acting like a John so it's just as disquisting for him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Franziska Posted October 13, 2004 Author Share Posted October 13, 2004 HOWDI, Yes, he told me that he had paid her. Some people are so not reading what I wrote earlier. Take your time, and read things slooooowly, that way you don't miss anything. FRANZI Link to post Share on other sites
Papillon Posted October 13, 2004 Share Posted October 13, 2004 Typing with CAPS LOCK on is considered shouting, ie. rude. I'm not calling you rude at all, just, that's the way netiquette works Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted October 13, 2004 Share Posted October 13, 2004 Um......Mrs Moose knows about this so I think it's ok to tell you guys, but......back in my college days before I was married, dancers would take me home all the time. These were nice places too. They had great reputations, the bouncers wore tuxes, they served full course meals, they were all very ritzy places. They had to be discreet in meeting up because they'd get fired if found out, and just in case you're wondering, I've NEVER paid for sex!! I'm not saying that all places are like this, stoneheather, but most of the gentleman clubs here that I've been to have dancers that would ask me if I'd like a date later in the evening. Not for more money either. Link to post Share on other sites
zara Posted October 13, 2004 Share Posted October 13, 2004 Moose - in which case these girls were not prositutes and you must simply be a very nice, good-looking guy! Dancers can be attracted to people too you know, just like regular women!! It's just the same as if you frequented a retuarant and the waitresses asked you out for a date, it is considered unprofessional to step out with a customer but that doesn't mean people don't, however, this is totally different to having sex for money! Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted October 13, 2004 Share Posted October 13, 2004 It happened more frequently at gentlemen's clubs than at the restaurant or gym or grocery store.....although, I've gotten a few dates from those places too.....hehe Link to post Share on other sites
zara Posted October 13, 2004 Share Posted October 13, 2004 I'd put the frequency at a gentleman's club down to the fact that dancers are probably more confident than most women who might work in other places in approaching you. You handsome devil you... Mrs Moose is a lucky woman Link to post Share on other sites
Stone Posted October 13, 2004 Share Posted October 13, 2004 I agree with zara Moose you must be a hottie!! because I find that rare. I met my b/f in a gentleman's club, he was a customer of the club but never paid or recieved lap dances, we hit it off and ended up dating and I am glad we meet peirod it dosn't matter where it was. I think you should give mrs. moose a treat and give her a lap dance! Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted October 13, 2004 Share Posted October 13, 2004 Me, give her a lap dance???? People would pay to see that one!!!! True story: My Dad got drunk at a strip bar once and was dared to put on these bikini briefs that resembled an elephants head, you know, it had a place to but his prick in, (gross, but). Anyway, when he came out of the restroom, he jumped on the bar and started to dance around......everybody was dying on the floor.....my Dad thought he was something else because all of these people were laughin' and clappin'....what he didn't realize is that he forgot to put his prick in the trunk sleeve.....it was friggin' great!!!! Back to the original subject.....I agree with you stoneheather, it doesn't matter where you meet, as long as you find the, "one". I met Mrs. Moose one night coming back to our dorm, she was with my roomie playing cards, we fell for each other on the spot!! Out of respect for my buddy I refused to go out with her until my roomie gave me the go ahead. But I don't know if I could get serious with a dancer....I guess I'm too jealous that way. Link to post Share on other sites
Stone Posted October 13, 2004 Share Posted October 13, 2004 I quit shortly after we started a committed relationship, I didn't want to disrespect him in any way. Good story about your dad Link to post Share on other sites
GirlDown Posted October 14, 2004 Share Posted October 14, 2004 Originally posted by zara Girldown - thankyou, there are a lot of us i assure you. And yes, there are girls who offer extras but asking "Would you like me to carry on?" is not an unusual question, it means "would you like me to carry on dancing?" (once you have them there some guys will happily spend money on another two dances at once) but some guys get the wrong end of the stick - i get propositioned a lot more by customers than customers do by dancers. oh, yeah, i know "would you like me to keep going" could mean keep dancing and most of these "dances" are not dances, they are basically simulated sex... i used "keep going" as a nicer way of saying "keep going" as in "would you like sex now" so it didn't sound so crass! sorry for the confusion Link to post Share on other sites
zara Posted October 14, 2004 Share Posted October 14, 2004 oh, yeah, i know "would you like me to keep going" could mean keep dancing ... - not just could but often does mean just that! Like i said, it's the guy who gets the wrong end of the stick and then goes out and tells his friends that a dancer propositioned him! and most of these "dances" are not dances, they are basically simulated sex most of? that's a bit unfair! Trust me, if i tried to have sex like the way i dance it'd be most unsuccessful! It seems as though you have a big downer on lapdancing but if it's done properly then it's good clean fun and not nearly so seedy as people are eager to believe! Link to post Share on other sites
GirlDown Posted October 14, 2004 Share Posted October 14, 2004 i think you might be misunderstanding what i am saying... i am talking about my personal experiences with lapdances. i certainly don't have a problem with them, i've even had quite a few myself, to be honest. they're fun. i'm not personally attacking you, i promise. i think you seem like a nice normal girl who happens to have a job with an unfair stigma attached to it--which is not your fault. i am simply talking about things that i have seen and things that i know have happened to people, as i have friends in this particular industry, and friends that have been customers. i don't know why you assume i am down on lapdances, i have said several time that i'm not. i've seen dancing onstage (and wow, some of these girls can MOVE!) but when it comes to behind the scenes, it's more of a "sitting on a lap and grinding" kinda thing rather than dancing. to me there is a difference. and i said most of them because well, that's what i've seen. maybe you don't do that, i don't know. i haven't said anything meant to be derogatory, and i said that "most" of these "dances" seem this way because that is what i myself have seen. i wasn't saying you do these things this way, but i have yet to see otherwise from any other dancer...i'm from pennsylvania, so maybe things are different or "lapdance" means something different where you are. but even in other states, i have never seen a lapdance consist of playing music and standing in front of a guy watching you actually dance--if that's what you mean... in any case, please know i was only speaking out of experience, and i'm sorry if you were insulted, that was not my intent. every case is different where different people are concerned. and i definitely don't see it as seedy, nor have i called it that, even seeing what i have seen. it's a job. end of story. Link to post Share on other sites
GirlDown Posted October 14, 2004 Share Posted October 14, 2004 oh and p.s. i just noticed you are in england... i will be studying in the summer at the University of Sussex! i'm so excited! i am hoping to catch a glimpse of robert smith!!! (wishful thinking, i know, but this has been a dream for nearly 20 years!) Link to post Share on other sites
zara Posted October 15, 2004 Share Posted October 15, 2004 GirlDown - sorry if i seem defensive. i admit that an actual lapdance is more up close and personal, but it should still be a tease rather than a dry hump if you know what i mean, and i think you are right - things may well be different here in England. Enjoy your time in england - although i'm not sure Robert Smith even spends much time here any more! (although Jude Law does which is more than enough to keep me happy ) Link to post Share on other sites
clayrains Posted November 15, 2004 Share Posted November 15, 2004 Originally posted by zara It is unfortunate that your friend has behaved like many foolish young men over the years and choose to sleep with a prostitute ... it is VITAL that he is tested for STD's before you get intimate with him. Yeah we all know that its impossible to get an STD from sleeping with a total stranger for free?!?! Link to post Share on other sites
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