ncguy34 Posted October 13, 2004 Share Posted October 13, 2004 First-let me give some background information. I have been engaged to beautiful and smart women for over 3 months. We have lived together for over 9 months. I have noticed for a while maybe the last 7 months that she has lost interest in sex. To be more specific I am the one that initiates sex or else it does not happen. She no longer touches me in the fun zone either except after I have a chat telling her that she does not show sexual interest in me. This is causing a real blow to my ego-I am so attracted to her yet she does not seem interested in me other than for kisses and hugs. I have not researched it but can only speak for myself but men need to feel sexually attractive. I have looked at many web sites for advice and found one in ask men. Com. The expert is a guy named doctor love (yeah I know horrible name). Anyway his premise is that women lose interest in men when we are no longer a challenge. His belief is that in order to be more attractive we have to remove ourselves emotionally and physically. Let her contact me, let her initiate affection and sex. I have started it the last couple of days and will see how it plays out. But it does bother me a lot. I am an attractive smart guy but am not feeling like I sexually turn on my fiancé. Link to post Share on other sites
Papillon Posted October 13, 2004 Share Posted October 13, 2004 Maybe she wants to save it for the wedding night. who knows? She's a woman. Better luck understanding quantum physics. Whatever it is, you HAVE to get to the bottom of this, because lemme tell you - that kind of thing is to a marriage what an 18-wheeler is to a rose garden. Link to post Share on other sites
Leila.J Posted October 13, 2004 Share Posted October 13, 2004 Well I know that I move in phases... I have had phases in my life where I'm not interested in sex, and phases where I am SUPER interested. Women are funny like that... I know that the 'not interested in sex' phase, has neve really been down to the person I'm with, but some issues within myself and when they are resolved... hmmmm look out Link to post Share on other sites
Cecelius Posted October 13, 2004 Share Posted October 13, 2004 Doc Love is not bad. I would also point you to other sites that can help with approaches to this kind of thing. Most of them are going to give you horror stories (she's getting it somewhere else, she's just waiting to let herself go, you're not doing your job right, etc.) Frankly, talking about it explicitly isn't going to get anywhere IMHO. You need to seduce her and bring back the early fire (and don't talk about bringing it back with her, just do it). And make sure that when you are together in that good way, you absolutely slay her with your best effort. Love her kindly and break her in half without mercy and you'll be in good shape. Link to post Share on other sites
crazycatwoman Posted October 14, 2004 Share Posted October 14, 2004 i had this problem with my fiance , u need to treat her special..... spend time with her, talk, maybe take a trip together........ but dont do it to get in her pants.....do it because you love her....... woman can sense when men are after it ........ if we are not in the mood it can totally turn us off and make us feel unappreciated, unloved......... unless you two have some problem you didnt list......this should help ......maybe she wants more then sex........maybe she just wants attention with nothing else expected........... Link to post Share on other sites
zara Posted October 14, 2004 Share Posted October 14, 2004 Women, believe it or not, are not on the lookout for a "challenge" - we would actually like a straightforward life - lord knows we get enough challenges along the way - just read this forum, it's full of challenged people and do they sound happy to you???? - point made. u need to treat her special..... spend time with her, talk, maybe take a trip together........ but dont do it to get in her pants.....do it because you love her....... woman can sense when men are after it ........ if we are not in the mood it can totally turn us off and make us feel unappreciated, unloved......... unless you two have some problem you didnt list......this should help ......maybe she wants more then sex........maybe she just wants attention with nothing else expected........... This is actually great advice. Make an effort for her, not too much talking, let your actions do the talking and see what happens. Link to post Share on other sites
hotgurl Posted October 14, 2004 Share Posted October 14, 2004 I have the same problem just opposite.my bf isn't in to it. I have tried letting him make the first move but we never have sex that way. Let me know what you figure out. I am slim and keep in shape always dress nicely no sweats and am very sexy and sexual adventurous. so what gives? Link to post Share on other sites
Kelebek Posted October 15, 2004 Share Posted October 15, 2004 Originally posted by crazycatwoman woman can sense when men are after it ........ if we are not in the mood it can totally turn us off and make us feel unappreciated, unloved......... This is COMPLETELY true. My boyfriend and I are going through a rough patch just now because I've been preoccupied (my mum was in hospital, uni work stress ETC...) and I haven't really been interested in sex. However, this is slightly (!) different because it's only been for a couple of weeks...but still. I wasn't paying attention to him because I was thinking about other stuff, and worrying, and whenever I get like this, he thinks I'm pulling away from him. My theory is that to try and convince himself that I still love him, he tries to have sex with me to prove to himself that I still want him. Which is obviously the worst thing he could do, cos it's the last thing I'm interested in right now and this makes him feel worse because he thinks I've 'rejected' him. It puts horrible pressure on me because I feel like I HAVE to sleep with him, and I'm really not in the mood. I am very attracted to him but sometimes I just don't feel like having sex...it doesn't mean I'm not attracted to him, or don't want him anymore. You men have to stop equating the fact that if a woman doesn't feel sexual right then, it means she doesn't want you/isn't attracted to you/doesn't love you. That is simply NOT TRUE. It could be any other number of things besides that. Sigh. What does she say when you ask her how she feels? Is she stressed or depressed? Cos bearing all my opinions in mind....7 months IS a long time to have these problems. Maybe that was the honeymoon period ending? Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
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