he finally said something.

[undergroundlife13]

After my ex ignored me for 2 months, i lost it and i blew up his phone because i needed closure.

 

He finally texted me

 

"leave me alone. We broke up like 3 months ago. i dont wanna be with you. lose my number"

 

I replied "thanks for letting me know. ill never understand but ok"

 

Im happy i got my answer after being dissapeared on but it hurts so damn bad.

 

Im officially done contacting as i got my answer.

 

Im just so hurt. I really love him and he said he loved me.

 

If he ever changes his mind, i will not be able to accept.

 

Its done for good and it kills me.

 

I guess i just needed to vent. Please dont give me a hard time, im hurting enough as is.

[Type4]

This might be hard to hear, but it's only as terrible as you tell yourself it is. You're still alive, and you still have endless possibilities for finding a new love.

[scorpio1978]

No hard time given. I know it hurts. I wish I could say something to make you feel better, and I am not sure how much blowing up his phone was required for him to send a text like that, but it was mean. Maybe you irritated him and pissed him off, but for him to be in a state to write that to you, you have your answer no matter how he said it. Many people don't get closure. You have it, You have no choice but to move on, so you need to do everything in your power to do just that. Maybe you never will understand it, but it will get better. Time is never on your side when you're hurt. Go through the stages you need to go through and heal from this.

[Simon Phoenix]

Yep, no grey area or breadcrumbs there. Now you know and now it's time for you to move forward in your life.

[undergroundlife13]

You know i went from super depressed and cried my eyes out but i reached a new realization.

 

I was the best gf i could be, the issues are within him not me.

 

One day hell realize and ill get the upperhand cause im done.

 

One day ill find my soulmate but hes not it

[travelbug1996]

So you don't know why he started ignoring you?

what was the last conversation like? Were you fighting?

[undergroundlife13]

He told me he wanted me back, missed me and didnt deserve me.

 

Theres more to it but thats the gist

 

then disappeared

[travelbug1996]

Don't let men disappear on you even once. One shot they're OUT. You gotta have firm boundaries with this kind of behavior. I had one to ignore me.

 

That is not acceptable and don't allow yourself to be treated that way. You have a responsibility to protect you mind body and soul from people like this.

 

People need to learn how to communicate.

[undergroundlife13]

Nope. They're platitudes. He doesn't want to date you any more. Stop looking for meaning in what he says. If someone wants to be with you, they'll be with you. If they don't, they won't.

 

I was simply stating what he said.

 

I know what is going as of now.

[undergroundlife13]

Don't let men disappear on you even once. One shot they're OUT. You gotta have firm boundaries with this kind of behavior. I had one to ignore me.

 

That is not acceptable and don't allow yourself to be treated that way. You have a responsibility to protect you mind body and soul from people like this.

 

People need to learn how to communicate.

 

I am not tolerating it, after what he said i am done.

[Leigh 87]

Ouch.

 

Well, at least learn something through this painful experience!

 

If an ex disappears and does NOT contact you again, it means THEY HAVE MOVED ON.

 

Trust me. If a dude is really in love with a girl and wants to be with her and work things out, he WILL make it clear.

 

Not reaching out to you should have been all the closure you needed.

 

My ex said he missed me like crazy and that he still loved me like crazy. He wanted to be with me again once I worked my issues out.

 

Guess what? Like you, my ex will also stop contacting me for good. Even men like my ex do not REALLY mean what they say, in a way that we should care about (they just mean they miss us and were once very close to us and they are very sad about ending it all).

[undergroundlife13]

After he dumped you, ignoring your terrorist texting for months didn't clue you in but him basically saying he is a step away from getting a restraining order did?

 

Next time when someone dumps you... Assume they mean it and walk away with your self-respect and dignity.

 

Really? You know nothing of the circumstance and i asked you not to be rude.

[scorpio1978]

After he dumped you, ignoring your terrorist texting for months didn't clue you in but him basically saying he is a step away from getting a restraining order did?

 

Next time when someone dumps you... Assume they mean it and walk away with your self-respect and dignity.

 

She made the mistake of aggressively contacting him, but is clearly recognizing her actions now. When a person is ignored, they run through many scenarios in their head because they just don't know. Yes, if a person wanted to talk to you, they would, if they wanted to be with you, they would be, but some people are very black and white. They need to hear it. It's part of the stage of healing- denial. Also shock. He told her he wanted her back and then disappeared, I would be a little confused too. It's easy for us to be the readers and have an opinion about it, but when it's you in those shoes, you don't think clearly all the time. Give her a break. She knows what to do now.

[Mack05]

Underground, Skidmarks Love is tough but I agree with everything he said. Whether you are a guy or a girl, if you ex behaves like they have completely lost control you run in the opposite direction..I recommend you buy the book 'Getting past your breakup'. I have quoted a few extracts from the book below and have done many times before on this site.

 

The road to Emotional maturity (and better future relationships) after being dumped are 1) Find your own closure/acceptance and inner peace 2) Learn to be genuinely happy in your own company 3) Don't be afraid to Embrace change if it is required..You complete those three tasks, your life will improve in everyway.

 

Getting past your breakup ->

 

 

I Must have Closure. You may have many questions, but you need to accept that some will never get answered. Even if you have questions that seem to drive you crazy, you must decide that the answers don't matter, probably won't make sense, probably aren't going to satisfy you and are not going to give you any sense of closure. It is your responsibility to accept that you may have to close this chapter without answers, explanations, and without input from someone else. It is not only possible for you to survive without the answers but it's necessary. Staying in the questions, repeating them and ruminating over the possible answers will only keep you stuck. Despite your fervent belief that somehow one final scene with your ex will lead to closure, it will not. You don't need to know what your ex thinks or why your ex did this or that, to move on. If you want closure, you need to do the grief work, intergrate the experience into your life and turn the page. That is how closure happens...FROM WITHIN..

 

I just need to make sense of it all" and I just have one more thing to say to you before I let go"...You may think that if you can just talk sense into your ex, then everything will be fine. You may have heard illogical or unreasonable explanations that left you stunned and speechless at the time, but now they go round and round in your head and you can think of a thousand rebuttals to them all. As you ruminate on the things your ex said, you come up with reasons your ex is wrong, and then you start to imagine how having a change to talk things out will resolve all the misunderstandings. It becomes your impassioned belief that you can have a conversation and turn the wrongheadedness around. If your ex dumped you and you think it was the wrong thing to do, he or she needs to figure that out. You can't be the one to "fix" your ex's thinking. The bottom line is that if your ex see's things in a cockeyed way now, he or she is going to continue to see things the same way whenever you are not around to correct this twisted prespective. It takes hard work and constant vigilance to keep someone "thinking correctly", and you don't want that kind of responsibility or control. The fact is you need to accept that you have been with someone whose approach to life is simply incompatible to yours. Perhaps it was evident that you thought in different ways, saw the world differently, and operated on irreconcilable differences but you chose to ignore it or worked hard to correct it. You can't ignore dissimilar viewpoints any longer. Accept the fact that you think differently and let it go so you can find someone whose way of thinking is compatible with yours.

 

I want to be available for reconciliation. Sometimes people don't acknowledge that they are staying in touch to keep hope of reconciliation alive. Examining your quest for contact and being honest about your real intentions will help you stop making excuses to make contact. Even if it is your fervent hope that you will reconcile, taking a break and going NC will help you regardless of what happens down the line. You both have been through a trying time, and you must face that a break will do each of you the world of good. Now is the time to reassess where you've been and where you are going, even if you are going there together. You will need to take stock of yourself and the relationship so that you can figure out what went wrong and what needs to go right in future. Until communicate ends (and it should end for at least 60 days and until your ex reaches out (you should never be the one that reaches out) it is impossible to do that. Even if you do reconcile, the relationship you knew has ended, so you must grieve for the relationship has passed and move on from what once was. Because if you do reconcile (and the odds are long against) it has to be different than it was before or it will just fail. Again.

[undergroundlife13]

This is exactly what your problem is. You IMAGINE your circumstances are different than they really are. Truth is, you only dated this guy 6 months but even still... Your circumstance are no different than anyone else here.

 

Your Ex dumped you because his feelings changed and he no longer wanted to be with you.

 

We tried to reason with you in this thread...

 

im-crazy-ex-girlfriend

 

and this thread...

 

my-best-friend-call-my-ex

 

and this thread...

 

i-need-closure-im-going-lose

 

You ignored us because your 6 month relationship and circumstances were different and we didn't understand. Like an insane person, you thought you were becoming more sane and everyone else around you was becoming more insane and just didn't get it.

 

After the first text and the first call... You IMAGINED he didn't get them because his phone provider had issues, he didn't pay his bill, he was in the hospital, he was trapped underneath something heavy, he had poor reception, right?

 

That's why you kept Terrorist texting and calling day after day after day after with no response and when that didn't work you even resorted to having a friend contact him.

 

When my Ex broke up with me, I respected her decision, went no contact, healed and moved on. It's 3+ years later and she still thinks the world of me, respects me for how I treated her and our relationship, how I handled the break up and still contacts me from time to time wanting a second chance.

 

You say your goal was to get him back or to get closure. However, you did EVERYTHING possible to make sure neither one of those things EVER happens.

 

So to answer your question in this thread... have-you-ever-had-ex-reappear

 

You lost all your self-respect and dignity, confirmed / justified the reasons he dumped you, scared the crap out of your Ex, is sure you are psycho, told all his buddies that you were the chick from Fatal Attraction and you made sure he will never want you back or talk to you ever again.

 

I knew he was ignoring me.

 

I know what i did was bad but i needed to know for my sanity regardless of the outcome

 

I didnt show up at his house

 

this couldve been avoided if he had said something earlier

 

i NEVER blew him up until now

 

im not saying it was right but now im free

 

theres no wondering.

 

You are really not helping me

 

i come here for advice and you bash me?

[undergroundlife13]

She made the mistake of aggressively contacting him, but is clearly recognizing her actions now. When a person is ignored, they run through many scenarios in their head because they just don't know. Yes, if a person wanted to talk to you, they would, if they wanted to be with you, they would be, but some people are very black and white. They need to hear it. It's part of the stage of healing- denial. Also shock. He told her he wanted her back and then disappeared, I would be a little confused too. It's easy for us to be the readers and have an opinion about it, but when it's you in those shoes, you don't think clearly all the time. Give her a break. She knows what to do now.

 

Thank you im glad you understand.

[Mack05]

Skidmark I see the points you are making, but this kind of 'help' isn't helping the OP. She knows she did wrong, she knows she needs to move on and learn from this experience.

 

Underground may I suggest you google 'Books on emotional Intelligence'. I can't recommend one in particular because this is such a grey area. I have read a few. Some I liked, some I didn't and if you read the reviews of these books you will see some people loving them and some people hating them.

 

Just do a bit of study and buy a book on the topic (emotional intelligence) that you feel works best for you. I guarentee you if everyone on this site read a book they liked on emotional intelligence, their success rates in every kind of relationships they have will vastly increase..

[undergroundlife13]

Why didn't that get through to you?

 

You need to figure that out and address this.

 

Considering this was only a 6 month relationship... When you are in a LTR (YEARS) and it ends, this issue is going to happen again but only 1,000 times worse.

 

 

 

He did when he dumped you and confirmed it a hundred times over with every text and phone call he ignored in the months following.

 

 

 

That is not true. You blew him up after the break up many times since then. You even had a friend contact him.

 

 

 

You were free when he dumped you.

 

 

 

What exactly were you wondering?

 

Did you think he dumped you and ignored you for months after you contacted him day after day after day because he wanted you?

 

 

 

I am not bashing you, I am trying to help you.

 

You feel your actions are justified and blaming EVERYTHING on your Ex. What you don't see is that your Ex didn't do a thing wrong. His feelings changed and he dumped you.

 

You need to look at your own behavior, why you did what you did and address it so it never happens again. The reason why... You have self-worth, self-control, self-esteem issues which are going to rear their ugly head and will burden men in future relationships. Not to mention, you will have several long term relationships (ones that last years) where you will be dumped... If you act this "crazy" over a silly little 6 month one, you are going to be 1,000 times worse when those LTR ones end.

 

I didnt contact hin everyday

 

yes i did it a lot

 

but i would wait 1-2 weeks inbetween texts and calls.

 

I gave him many opportunities

 

It might have been "just a six month relationship"

 

But it was a very serious relationship even discussing possible marriage

 

You seem to act like his behavior was fine

 

i will never act like this again UNLESS someone disappears on me

 

Yes i shouldve taken the hint, but it was hard always wondering

 

it consumed me EVERY day

 

im free now

[undergroundlife13]

And further more he told me he wanted me back THEN disappeared.he didnt just dump me and ignore me, we talked about this a lot that day...

[undergroundlife13]

He also told you he wanted to marry you but dumped you after only 6 months.

 

What this guy says and what he does are two different things. Therefore, you shouldn't believe anything he says.

 

Wow ok. he didnt do anything wrong?

 

Im done talking to you.

 

You seem to think im the bad person here

 

i gave him MANY oppurtunities to tell me to leave him alone

 

i loved him, love makes you do crazy things.

 

I was wrong too, i admitt that

but for you to say that he was not wrong is ridiculous.

 

He didnt lie to get in my pants

 

we were already doing that prior to the relationship.

 

"six months" can be serious its half a year

[undergroundlife13]

And furthermore i warned him about the dangers of hurting me

 

i actually let him off easy.

 

I was in an abusive relationship prior to him and he was aware of how unstable i can be emotionally.

 

Is it right? No but he was warned.

[undergroundlife13]

So him saying he wanted me back then dissappearing without letting me know he changed his mind is okay????!

 

Hope it happens to you so you can understand.

[undergroundlife13]

How dare you, theres nothing i can do about whats done.

Thanks for making me feel even worse.

[aloneinaz]

How dare you, theres nothing i can do about whats done.

Thanks for making me feel even worse.

 

Honey, you've got your blinders on and are not listening to the advice EVERYONE is giving you. You can't control others actions. What you CAN control is how you RESPOND to them. MILLIONS of people get dumped everyday. It's life. Most of us have dumped or been dumped in relationships.

 

Are you in any therapy? Are you reading any books that can help you get over this OBSESSION?

 

I guarantee you that if you read this thread a year from now, you'll realize how off kilter your viewing this relationship that ended a 6 months ago.

[undergroundlife13]

This is the last time i post here for advice