he finally said something.

[undergroundlife13]

You made yourself suffer. He didn't do a thing except break up with you. Just because you are hounding him with texts doesn't mean that he has to respond.

 

You have to stop blaming others. It was you that flipped out on him and you only. You need to stop scapegoating him for your poor behavior.

 

Telling me he wanted me back is fine?

 

I get i went overboard

 

but everyone keeps saying hes a good person and im not.

 

That is not a good person.

[BustedUpInside]

I know but he told me in our relationship he would never do this.

 

My mind drove me crazy

 

a decent person would not let this escalate for 2 months

Theyd say something right away.

 

Others might say that a decent person would not beat a dead horse and would stop stalking a guy that had obviously moved on from the relationship

[undergroundlife13]

I dont get why everyone thinks he merely broke up with me he disappeared

 

yes i shouldve walked away

 

ive said this

 

I would never do something so cold

 

he ****ed with my feelings and i lost it

 

am i in the wrong? Absolutely

 

but so was he.

[BustedUpInside]

Also, no one is saying that he was a good person, but just because he was wrong doesn't mean you were right. He behaved immaturely, but that doesn't warrant you harassing him into what you think is acceptable post-breakup behavior.

 

You are accountable for your own actions regardless of what he did.

[undergroundlife13]

Okay im a horrible person and hes mr wonderful

**** it you guys win

bye.

[Minneloa]

I dont get why everyone thinks he merely broke up with me he disappeared.

 

Disappearing = breaking up.

 

That's what many posters are encouraging you to see.

[undergroundlife13]

I never said i was right!

 

Im done here, so much for venting.

[Simon Phoenix]

Telling me he wanted me back is fine?

 

I get i went overboard

 

but everyone keeps saying hes a good person and im not.

 

That is not a good person.

 

No one is saying you are bad or he is good. But you reacted badly and he did not. As for "telling me he wanted me back", maybe he did and changed his mind when a) you kept bothering him with texts or b) for some other reason. People change their minds. Him not talking to you was an indicator that he changed his mind. Did you think that he was actually going to say "oh yeah, I still want you back" when you contacted him?

 

Plus, you don't understand the point. The point is that you have to take care of you and your child. The amount of time and energy you waste blaming things on your ex that you could have figured out yourself is time you could have spent improving yourself and setting yourself for future success. But you just are here blaming your ex for all of this when you could have easily solved it yourself.

 

And I doubt you would have said "oh all right, cool" had he told you right away that he wasn't feeling it. Don't buy it for a second.

 

But the main point this whole time is YOU CONTROL YOU. He does not. The more you try to blame him, the more you fail. Because you are focusing on all of the wrong things and you continue to in this thread.

[undergroundlife13]

What im saying here is i know i acted nuts.

I have to deal with this.

Nothing can change that.

He WAS NOT IN THE RIGHT for ignoring me.

I tried the best i could to stop my crazy behavior

and if losing it is what it took to get my closure so i can act sane again then so be it.

You all were not a witness of my relationship.

You dont understand how serious it was.

Yes it was "only 6 months"

But it was a great relationship.

I was a great girlfriend.

Id understand if i ****ed him over for him to give me this treatment

but i trusted him.

He told me he would never hurt me.

Yes people lie, but i completely loved him.

I realize the stupidity ive inflicted.

But to be told im completely in the wrong is not fair.

It should have never gotten to this point.

Bashing myself is not what im going to do.

I have closure

i will move forward.

Telling me my behavior was crazy WILL NOT help me.

I already know this.

It will make me spiral into a deep depression.

[Minneloa]

Also, no one is saying that he was a good person, but just because he was wrong doesn't mean you were right. He behaved immaturely, but that doesn't warrant you harassing him into what you think is acceptable post-breakup behavior.

 

You are accountable for your own actions regardless of what he did.

 

Boom.

 

OP, I know you feel attacked and defensive right now, but the post above is a very fair and succinct summation of the perspective many posters are striving to offer you here.

[undergroundlife13]

You all act like i dont know i ****ed up.

I do.

**** it, im just worthless and i deserved the break up.

[BustedUpInside]

What im saying here is i know i acted nuts.

I have to deal with this.

Nothing can change that.

He WAS NOT IN THE RIGHT for ignoring me.

I tried the best i could to stop my crazy behavior

and if losing it is what it took to get my closure so i can act sane again then so be it.

You all were not a witness of my relationship.

You dont understand how serious it was.

Yes it was "only 6 months"

But it was a great relationship.

I was a great girlfriend.

Id understand if i ****ed him over for him to give me this treatment

but i trusted him.

He told me he would never hurt me.

Yes people lie, but i completely loved him.

I realize the stupidity ive inflicted.

But to be told im completely in the wrong is not fair.

It should have never gotten to this point.

Bashing myself is not what im going to do.

I have closure

i will move forward.

Telling me my behavior was crazy WILL NOT help me.

I already know this.

It will make me spiral into a deep depression.

 

Ok, you still aren't quite understanding what people are saying here. You vented about him being bad, and what EVERYONE is saying is that it doesn't matter. We don't care about him. He is a non-entity. He is nothing. YOU are the important one in this equation. You are the one who needs help and so everyone here is spending literally hours trying to get you to admit to bad behavior and realize that nothing he did is justification for your actions. This is being done so that you can grow and be the best possible version of yourself in the future. Because we care! About you! Not him! You!

[Simon Phoenix]

What im saying here is i know i acted nuts.

I have to deal with this.

Nothing can change that.

He WAS NOT IN THE RIGHT for ignoring me.

I tried the best i could to stop my crazy behavior

and if losing it is what it took to get my closure so i can act sane again then so be it.

You all were not a witness of my relationship.

You dont understand how serious it was.

Yes it was "only 6 months"

But it was a great relationship.

I was a great girlfriend.

Id understand if i ****ed him over for him to give me this treatment

but i trusted him.

He told me he would never hurt me.

Yes people lie, but i completely loved him.

I realize the stupidity ive inflicted.

But to be told im completely in the wrong is not fair.

It should have never gotten to this point.

Bashing myself is not what im going to do.

I have closure

i will move forward.

Telling me my behavior was crazy WILL NOT help me.

It will make me spiral into a deep depression.

 

If what people say on a message board will spiral you into a depression, then that confirms everything we've been saying -- which is you keep on focusing on stuff you don't need to be focusing on. I mean, what the f--k?

 

The fact that he ignored you does not matter.

The fact that you turned into a Stage 5 clinger does matter.

Because all that matters is how you conduct yourself.

AND YOU FAILED.

It doesn't matter why.

It doesn't matter if you felt justified for it.

What matters is that you let yourself turn into a crazy.

That is what you need to work on.

People are going to wrong you. That's life.

But if you continue to let it bring you down, that's what's going to hold you back.

Instead of acknowledging this, you keep whining about this guy.

He doesn't matter

He's the past.

[Simon Phoenix]

You all act like i dont know i ****ed up.

I do.

**** it, im just worthless and i deserved the break up.

 

Are you intentionally not comprehending anything anyone has to say on here?

[flitzanu]

What im saying here is i know i acted nuts.

I have to deal with this.

Nothing can change that.

He WAS NOT IN THE RIGHT for ignoring me.

I tried the best i could to stop my crazy behavior

and if losing it is what it took to get my closure so i can act sane again then so be it.

You all were not a witness of my relationship.

You dont understand how serious it was.

Yes it was "only 6 months"

But it was a great relationship.

I was a great girlfriend.

Id understand if i ****ed him over for him to give me this treatment

but i trusted him.

He told me he would never hurt me.

Yes people lie, but i completely loved him.

I realize the stupidity ive inflicted.

But to be told im completely in the wrong is not fair.

It should have never gotten to this point.

Bashing myself is not what im going to do.

I have closure

i will move forward.

Telling me my behavior was crazy WILL NOT help me.

I already know this.

It will make me spiral into a deep depression.

 

i sadly think what you're missing here is only that YOU believing him "ignoring you" is totally "not in the right" when his behavior is his and his alone to choose. you can't dictate anyone else's behavior, just the same as none of us can dictate YOUR behavior. everyone makes their own decisions in life, and he chose to ignore and avoid you.

 

if you ignore and avoid a stranger or someone you don't want to talk to...does that mean YOU are in the wrong?

 

no...it means you are choosing not to interact with this person that you DON'T WANT TO INTERACT WITH. it's simple as that. there's no right or wrong about it. society and respect do not determine behavior and actions of people, and society definitely doesn't define "rules" as to how people are allowed to behave.

 

if you thnk ignoring you was a dick move, that's fine, it can be a dick move. but just because you disagree with it doesn't make you right and him wrong, it simply means YOU didn't like his behavior.

 

i don't like the fact that my ex was banging her old boyfriend for 3 months of the time i dated her. bad person? sure...it's bad behavior for a relationship but that's HER decision to act that way, and i can't control what she does.

 

you know what i can control? not talking to her anymore and IGNORING HER WHEN SHE CONTACTS ME because i don't want to interact with her.

 

is any of this making sense?

[undergroundlife13]

Okay look let me spell it out for you.

Was my behavior wrong? Yes

ive recognized this.

Was his behavior right? **** no.

Ive adressed this.

I know i was wrong.

I feel ****ty already.

But telling me hes right in his actions is pissing me off.

If you enter a relationship of any kind you tell the person its done.

You say his silence was enough.

NO ITS NOT.

YOU SAY THE WORDS.

yes i shouldve understood from his silence

but do i think im all at fault here? Nope.

[undergroundlife13]

Thats why im mad.

You all say he was fine and dandy.

Ive been destroyed over this.

You all attacking me does not help.

[BustedUpInside]

Okay look let me spell it out for you.

Was my behavior wrong? Yes

ive recognized this.

Was his behavior right? **** no.

Ive adressed this.

I know i was wrong.

I feel ****ty already.

But telling me hes right in his actions is pissing me off.

If you enter a relationship of any kind you tell the person its done.

You say his silence was enough.

NO ITS NOT.

YOU SAY THE WORDS.

yes i shouldve understood from his silence

but do i think im all at fault here? Nope.

 

Let me spell it out for you. Your behavior is ALL your fault. You are in complete control of your actions and so any resulting behavior is your responsibility.

 

You think that a person needs to say a relationship is over. Your ex feels differently. Another glaring example of why you two did not make it as a couple. I personally think that a break up should be done face-to-face because it is more respectful. However, had my ex decided to just drop off the face of the planet, I wouldn't have said it was his fault if I acted crazy. Was it right for him to ignore me? Maybe, maybe not. But, without a doubt, it is 100% wrong for me to act crazy and then blame it on another person's actions.

 

That would be like me saying that I slapped someone because your posts made me mad on the internet. I think what you've said here is wrong and the anger drove me to slap somebody and it is your fault because you should have just written what I wanted you to in the first place. That sounds ridiculous, right? See where I am going with this.....

[undergroundlife13]

Okay really?

You all are being ridiculous at this point.

Try getting disappeared on from the person you believed was your soul mate.

Its the cowards way out.

He did deserve this because he couldve prevented it.

He deserved much worse

BUT i know i shouldve handled it much more appropriatly.

I know i shouldntve done this crazyness.

Having someone leave you is very traumatic

let alone being disappeared on.

I know now to let go

theres no more wondering

 

If you had an ex messaging you for 2 months wouldnt you have put a stop to it sooner?

How hard is it to write a text and say "leave me alone"

Really????

[undergroundlife13]

I do not know how you guys are saying you are helping me.

You are putting me down and putting him on a pedestal.

 

Do you think im happy about this?

Do you think i can take my actions back?

No to both

 

Yes im crazy, i get it

im severely depressed and all of you attacking me is making it worse.

[BustedUpInside]

I have had the disappearing act pulled on me, and I have done it to another person.

 

I dated a guy for a few months in my early twenties. I wanted to take the relationship slowly. He wanted it to be intense right away. Talking about soulmates, marriage, and how we were going to be together forever. I internally panicked but out loud I was just sort of non-committal. Occasionally, I would even play along so that he wouldn't have a little tantrum about how I didn't love him like he loved me and how he was the best boyfriend and did so much for me and I should appreciate him.

 

One night, when I couldn't take it anymore, I just told him that we were over and left. He blew up my phone for almost a week before I answered. He laid a serious guilt trip on me and I said that maybe we could try again someday, but not right now. Apparently, he took that to mean that we still needed to talk everyday and he could act jealous all the time, so I started ignoring him. He harassed me for almost a month before finally giving up.

 

So, I believe that I can understand where your ex is coming from. He probably thought that any response from him would only encourage you to keep harassing him, because you would associate the bad behavior with getting what you wanted; his attention. He probably just wanted to be left alone and didn't feel like he needed to explain his actions because the result would have been the same either way. Whether he told you to leave him alone or just ignored you, you probably still would have harassed him for answers and he would still have to ignore you.

 

You are not a bad person, but your actions show a lack of understanding about what are your rights and reasonable expectations of other people.

[scorpio1978]

Vent all you want, love. But, people are going to have their opinions. I understand you feeling attacked. Some of the things being said are not nice to you. I sense a lot of frustration from others in the posts here and anger and denial from you. I haven't read through your posts about this situation, so maybe I am shooting from the hip with this new bit you've given us. I have to say that I agree that ignoring is just mean and in MY opinion, it is wrong, but not everyone is like you and not everyone will feel the same way. I would never ignore someone. I think it's cruel. Yes, say the words! But not everyone handles things the same way. You cannot expect a man just because he was with you for 6 months to speak the words you need to hear. You need to hear them, but he doesn't feel the need to say them. Get it? You're just both too different in that regard.

 

It took me a lot of soul searching to see my own faults and how I have handled situations. I've been in your shoes before. I have been ignored, but fantasized about why this person is ignoring me, romanticized it with silly fairytale thoughts about how he is just so hurt and just cares so much that he cannot bring himself to contact me and boy, was I ever WRONG. That's where I messed up. I have been guilty of blowing up somebody's phone and doing dumb stuff, so I understand where you're coming from.

 

You know that contacting him the way you did was not a good thing. In his eyes, what YOU did was wrong. You feel that him ignoring you was wrong. You both have strong opinions.

 

I don't want to ramble, but I had a man introduce me to family, set aside a drawer in his house for me, give me a toothbrush, etc. I don't do things like that unless my relationship was serious. That's just me. To him, that was no big deal.

 

So, lesson here, not everyone thinks like you do and feels the need to spell it out when breaking up. It seems like you have made some bad choices here, but we all do it. You know not to do it again. Please don't make the same mistake again. Move on, get your dignity back if you can and walk away, start fresh and leave him alone. Take some time for yourself and work on issues you may have.

 

Stop beating yourself up. The damage is done. Just be your own biggest fan, get it together, and heal. That's the best you can do.

[LovelyDaze]

 

I'm sorry, I don't blame him. He tried to send the clearest message that he could. Did he handle it badly? Probably. Does that make him a douche? Hell no! It makes him human.

 

 

undergroundlife13, WE all know the devastating heartache of being dumped. When I came on in here in '09, I got advice in all forms just as you are. Some of it was tough-love and some was a little softer but all of it is love.

 

Yes, it wasn't cool for your ex to give you mixed signals but to take a great post from metal_chick, exes leave because they WANT to. Our job as the dumpee is to keep our dignity by moving on from it.

 

The damage is already done that you tried contacting him multiple times but now you have a definitive answer of what he wants from you...which is nothing. Even if your ex comes back, I'd highly recommend ignoring him for good right back and spending time with YOURSELF for awhilw. Trust me, you think you know yourself but you will learn just how amazing and strong you are soon.

 

All in all, EVERY LS member is telling you to not look back. Your ex aid plain and simple that he does not see you as a person that is important to him in his life. That's a harsh and hurtful reality most of us had to realize. Grieve it and stay away from anything "HIM".

 

You said you have a child? Definitely get yourself into a place where you grieve these feelings then take steps into bettering yourself for you and your child when you're ready. The best revenge on an ex is you as the dumpee living a great life. When you have your act together and get back to a good place, the light and joy in you will shine and attract someone just as great as you are. Don't settle for anything less. KNOW YOUR WORTH.

 

Again, take the great advice ALL members like Skid Mark are giving you. They are taking time out of their day(and possibly their own hurt from their breakup) to help you analyze your issues with this. You are worthy of real love. Not physically or mentally like you have had. Someone who cares and will prove it. It took me a couple of years after my breakup but I found a wonderful man who has been treating me more than beautifully on a daily basis. Even if this ends, the lessons I learned here at LS after the last breakup will help. Tough love and all.

 

Talk it out here and with people in your life who love you. Walk through all of it and I know you will come out of the other side great. Definitely start by accepting what people are telling you. People can see a lot more on the outside looking in and soon, you will see it even better in hindsight.

[BustedUpInside]

I have left him alone since then.

I havent said a word and i wont.

I wish i knew sooner is all.

Love does not fade.

Believe it or not i was madly in love with him

up until yesterday.

Now i can move on.

 

I have no doubt that you are heartbroken and you are trying very hard to cope with the loss of a relationship that you really valued. I completely sympathize and empathize with those emotions and I really hope that your healing goes smoothly and that you are able to find a new relationship with a man that you see eye-to-eye with and that he treats you exactly how you want and deserve to be treated.

 

I have only written the things I have so that you start out the process on the right foot. I would hate for you to waste months focusing on the wrong issues when you could have been working on yourself and being happy so much sooner.

 

Please believe that attacking you and making you feel badly is not the goal here. The goal is for you to focus on what is really important. What is important is you! Vent as much as you want, but I would much rather hear about what you would like out of life from here on out. Where do you want to be in 6 months? What are you afraid will impede your progress? How are you coping day to day? These things are far more interesting than whatever your ex is doing or thinking, because he doesn't matter to me. You do......

[BustedUpInside]

I appreciate the advice and attempts at advice.

 

I stated in my topic to not be rude and put me down because i already feel so low

 

thats the reason i got so mad.

 

I already feel worthless.

 

Am i asking for people to side with me? No.

 

But im not asking to be attacked.

 

Disagreeing is not attacking, nor is pointing out flaws in your thinking. Attacking would be saying that you deserve to be sad and no one has said anything like that.

 

You have to accept that the majority of posters do not agree with your assessment that your ex is at fault. That does not mean that they are attacking you. It is just a difference of opinion.

 

I would say to you that if one or two people say something that it might just be an opinion or perspective, but if almost everyone has the exact same thing to say to you, it might be worth considering that it is probably the correct way of thinking. Maybe not, but at least worth thinking about.