he finally said something.

[undergroundlife13]

And i cant believe you said my abusive relationship is my fault.

[undergroundlife13]

AND I LEFT.

 

i went into a domestic violence shelter with my not even one month old daughter.

 

Someone mustve hurt you really bad to just want to put people down like this.

[crazy1234]

Let him go for good this time..if only u hadn't calld him or talked to him..not knowing woudnt hurt as much knowing that the other person doesnt wanna be with you.I dont know how u'r taking it,but i guess u wanted this,you asked for this bitter truth.Take it easy and soon u will be fine and its not going to hurt as much.We are all with you.Dont wurry.It'll be fine soon.

[undergroundlife13]

I'm sorry you feel like I put down. That was not my intent. I'm just pointing out where your logic, point of view and how you react to your feelings, your Ex and being dumped are very unhealthy.

 

You said yourself that you were "the crazy ex-gf" and you were unable to control yourself or stop it.

 

Don't you want to know why that is and fix it so you don't feel / think / behave like this again when you are dumped in the future?

 

In the future it will be different.

 

Disappearing on me was wrong, he couldve just been honest with me.

 

If he had broken up with me and never came back things wouldve been different.

 

He told me he loved me too when he broke up with me so it was unclear.

 

Yes i shouldve taken the hint

 

am i saying im not at fault here?

 

No i am.

 

But so is he

 

i needed to know the truth because i continued believing one day hed come back and it wasnt letting me heal.

 

Now i can heal and learn from this experience.

[undergroundlife13]

Let him go for good this time..if only u hadn't calld him or talked to him..not knowing woudnt hurt as much knowing that the other person doesnt wanna be with you.I dont know how u'r taking it,but i guess u wanted this,you asked for this bitter truth.Take it easy and soon u will be fine and its not going to hurt as much.We are all with you.Dont wurry.It'll be fine soon.

 

Believe me its killing me.

 

But not knowing was worse.

 

I lived in denial.

[aloneinaz]

You keep getting stuck on him leaving you by disappearing. Who cares how he ended it. Many folks don't like confrontation or drama. They take the easy way out of ending a relationship. It's THERE choice how the end it.

 

You also are stuck on him telling you he loved you. Do you read other threads on this site? How many people who got dumped where told they were loved or they were the loves of their lives, I want to marry you only to be dumped that day or the next? It happens ALL THE TIME.

 

My recent ex told me I was the love of her life. She cried when she told me this she was so emotional. We broke up two weeks later cause of her temper. We got back together off/on for several months more w/break ups in there. The last (and final) time she broke up with me, she came over to me from behind and hugged me and told me she loved me before dinner. Earlier in the day on the phone she said we were life partners, I'm stuck w/her, etc. She broke up with me an hour after hugging me and telling me she loved me because I'd tired of her being grouchy and talking to me poorly when she was tired and stressed and I had the audacity to point this out to her.

 

My point.. IT HAPPENS all the time, people say things because they feel its appropriate at that time or maybe they meant it. But, clearly, they are allowed to change their feelings and go the other direction.

[Simon Phoenix]

In the future it will be different.

 

Disappearing on me was wrong, he couldve just been honest with me.

 

If he had broken up with me and never came back things wouldve been different.

 

He told me he loved me too when he broke up with me so it was unclear.

 

Yes i shouldve taken the hint

 

am i saying im not at fault here?

 

No i am.

 

But so is he

 

i needed to know the truth because i continued believing one day hed come back and it wasnt letting me heal.

 

Now i can heal and learn from this experience.

 

You aren't going to learn from this experience if you keep denying what you did was wrong. Was he wrong in fading on you? Yes. But had you just left it at that, then it would reflect poorly on him alone. But your behavior was just as bad, if not worse, than his and makes you look like crap.

 

You can't control how others treat you. You can only control how you react to it. And you failed big time in your reaction. Adults do not act in the way you did -- children do. But until you realize that, you'll be stuck in this pattern.

[undergroundlife13]

You aren't going to learn from this experience if you keep denying what you did was wrong. Was he wrong in fading on you? Yes. But had you just left it at that, then it would reflect poorly on him alone. But your behavior was just as bad, if not worse, than his and makes you look like crap.

 

You can't control how others treat you. You can only control how you react to it. And you failed big time in your reaction. Adults do not act in the way you did -- children do. But until you realize that, you'll be stuck in this pattern.

 

I do realize though.

 

Im not saying i wasnt wrong.

 

Now i can move on knowing that this relationship is completely over.

 

Yes i shouldve done things differently.

 

Yes i shouldve known.

 

But whats done is done.

[destroyed4sho]

Looks like Skid Mark is a troll.

You can block him out by going to your ignore list.

 

I think that what your ex did was wrong, leaving you hanging after he said he wanted to get back with you. That would make anyone angry and want to find out an answer.

How rude and immature of him, he is a total COWARD and then to act like you did not have the right to ask him either for an answer.

Im sorry this happened to you, give it time.

[undergroundlife13]

Looks like Skid Mark is a troll.

You can block him out by going to your ignore list.

 

I think that what your ex did was wrong, leaving you hanging after he said he wanted to get back with you. That would make anyone angry and want to find out an answer.

How rude and immature of him, he is a total COWARD and then to act like you did not have the right to ask him either for an answer.

Im sorry this happened to you, give it time.

 

I was thinking he was too, i didnt really understand his logic at all.

 

Thank you,

This is how i saw it too.

It hurts but im glad i now know.

[Simon Phoenix]

I do realize though.

 

Im not saying i wasnt wrong.

 

Now i can move on knowing that this relationship is completely over.

 

Yes i shouldve done things differently.

 

Yes i shouldve known.

 

But whats done is done.

 

Then learn from it instead of defending it. That's pretty much all people want, at least most of us.

[undergroundlife13]

Care to point out where I said that being dumped isn't difficult, disappointing, upsetting and can't make one feel angry or hurt?

 

Have the rest us of on here who were dumped not felt the same way as the OP?

 

 

 

The issue isn't how the OP felt or how he broke up with her, it's how she responded to it.

 

Many of us were in much longer relationships and dumped in much harsher ways and then breadcrumbed too death. Most of us didn't resort to terrorist texting / calling an Ex for months when they don't respond.

 

How months, how many texts and how many phones calls does an Ex have to ignore before a dumpee is suppose to put two and two together? For many us on here, it isn't anywhere close to what the OP did.

 

Which is why in all her other threads we were trying to get her to stop because she was coming off as needy, desperate, pathetic and losing all her respect, dignity and hurting herself.

 

 

 

We all feel that way for the OP... Some of us want her to learn and grow from this experience so she doesn't do it again. Not pat her on the back and encourage her to continue to be unhealthy and be that "Crazy Ex-GF" the OP couldn't stop herself from being even though she knew it was wrong.

 

Am i asking to be pat on the back?

 

No

 

but i came here to vent not to be attacked

 

what i did was bad, but its not the worst thing i couldve done

 

im trying to move forward not beat myself up over something i already did.

[undergroundlife13]

Then learn from it instead of defending it. That's pretty much all people want, at least most of us.

 

Agreed, but im not completely at fault here.

 

I dont want to dwell on i want to move forward

[youngnlove89]

I think Skid Mark is very insightful. Albeit, It's hard to see it when you are in pain. He isn't being rude to you at all, he is giving you constructive criticism and offering a lot of his time to help you see that. Some people can't handle the straight facts because they can be painful to bare. Don't worry, I couldn't either on my ride here at LS. It was hard to wake up and smell the coffee, but when I finally looked my fears in the eyes, I was able to work on myself, my fears and my emotions. This isn't your fault. You are feeling a lot right now, but try to be open minded when people give you logical advice.

 

We can baby you, tell you how sorry we are for you, say how wrong your ex was, but that isn't going to help you grow as a person. The validation you are seeking cannot be found here on LS or from your ex. You need to find it within yourself. Work on your self-esteem. Your worth. Your dignity. You don't deserve any of this.

 

Right now your heart aches and you are trying to analyze where things went wrong. You are painting your ex black so you can feel justified being dumped by a loser. He did this wrong, he did that wrong. He said he loved you then left you. What a jerk! You are right. But you need to put the obvious aside now. What you need to focus on is how you can let this go and move on. No more making contact. It's reared it's ugly head.

 

You then burn every chance to the ground by texting/calling/stalking/hounding him so you ruin every opportunity to get him back so you no longer have to face rejection.

 

Because every second, minute, hour, day that goes by and he doesn't contact you or want you back...you feel as though you are being rejected and dumped all over again. It's a constant rip to your heart. By instinct, you burn it to the ground, make sure your ex would never want you back so you can end the second by second rejection you so solemnly feel.

 

Not you or anyone else is entitled to an answer or closure from the ex. You can seek, you can pick, prod, poke, push for an answer, but it will never suffice. Your answer is that they left you. Anything else is just salt to the wound.

 

Learn from this. Focus on yourself and how you can better yourself in these types of situations in the future. It's a learning experience. You are fine. You will be more than fine months from now.

 

"Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead."

[undergroundlife13]

I think Skid Mark is very insightful. Albeit, It's hard to see it when you are in pain. He isn't being rude to you at all, he is giving you constructive criticism and offering a lot of his time to help you see that. Some people can't handle the straight facts because they can be painful to bare. Don't worry, I couldn't either on my ride here at LS. It was hard to wake up and smell the coffee, but when I finally looked my fears in the eyes, I was able to work on myself, my fears and my emotions. This isn't your fault. You are feeling a lot right now, but try to be open minded when people give you logical advice.

 

We can baby you, tell you how sorry we are for you, say how wrong your ex was, but that isn't going to help you grow as a person. The validation you are seeking cannot be found here on LS or from your ex. You need to find it within yourself. Work on your self-esteem. Your worth. Your dignity. You don't deserve any of this.

 

Right now your heart aches and you are trying to analyze where things went wrong. You are painting your ex black so you can feel justified being dumped by a loser. He did this wrong, he did that wrong. He said he loved you then left you. What a jerk! You are right. But you need to put the obvious aside now. What you need to focus on is how you can let this go and move on. No more making contact. It's reared it's ugly head.

 

You then burn every chance to the ground by texting/calling/stalking/hounding him so you ruin every opportunity to get him back so you no longer have to face rejection.

 

Because every second, minute, hour, day that goes by and he doesn't contact you or want you back...you feel as though you are being rejected and dumped all over again. It's a constant rip to your heart. By instinct, you burn it to the ground, make sure your ex would never want you back so you can end the second by second rejection you so solemnly feel.

 

Not you or anyone else is entitled to an answer or closure from the ex. You can seek, you can pick, prod, poke, push for an answer, but it will never suffice. Your answer is that they left you. Anything else is just salt to the wound.

 

Learn from this. Focus on yourself and how you can better yourself in these types of situations in the future. It's a learning experience. You are fine. You will be more than fine months from now.

 

"Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead."

 

Okay i see how he couldve been trying to help but he said my ex "did nothing wrong" then proceeded to put all the blame upon me

 

i came here to vent like i said not to be attacked.

[youngnlove89]

Nobody is attacking you. I think you should be able to tell the difference since your ex was the one who attacked you and treated you awful. We are here spending our time to help you see what you choose not to see.

 

In therapy, you face your fears. They ask you questions that make you think, they come so close to pushing you over the edge that you have to watch your step, take a deep breath and remind yourself to take a step back. Realization can be frightening. It's uncomfortable. Takes you to a place you rather avoid. You become vulnerable to the cold hard truth, the answers you already know. You learn to face it. You learn to breathe it. And it hurts, my god does it hurt. But to push that denial out of the way and make room for growth, that's an experience I would live my life over for.

 

You are in denial. You haven't faced your fears yet. You will over time. What we are doing is simply picking at your brain to make you think harder. Make you open to the fears you can't face right now. Your mind is closed. We are simply turning that bright light on you, open your eyes!

[Simon Phoenix]

Agreed, but im not completely at fault here.

 

I dont want to dwell on i want to move forward

 

You are completely at fault for your actions. You are not at fault for the way he broke up with you, but it is your fault that you allowed yourself to go crazy. You need to get off of that though -- it doesn't matter. What matters is moving forward, as you said. But stop justifying your behavior with his behavior -- he doesn't matter. The sooner you grasp this, the better this whole thing will go for you.

[undergroundlife13]

You are completely at fault for your actions. You are not at fault for the way he broke up with you, but it is your fault that you allowed yourself to go crazy. You need to get off of that though -- it doesn't matter. What matters is moving forward, as you said. But stop justifying your behavior with his behavior -- he doesn't matter. The sooner you grasp this, the better this whole thing will go for you.

 

I am at fault for MY actions yes.

 

What he did drove me to this

 

yes i shouldve had self control

 

yes i shouldve done it differently

 

i hope you get what im saying here

 

im hurting enough as is, i do not want to beat myself up over this.

[undergroundlife13]

Nobody is attacking you. I think you should be able to tell the difference since your ex was the one who attacked you and treated you awful. We are here spending our time to help you see what you choose not to see.

 

In therapy, you face your fears. They ask you questions that make you think, they come so close to pushing you over the edge that you have to watch your step, take a deep breath and remind yourself to take a step back. Realization can be frightening. It's uncomfortable. Takes you to a place you rather avoid. You become vulnerable to the cold hard truth, the answers you already know. You learn to face it. You learn to breathe it. And it hurts, my god does it hurt. But to push that denial out of the way and make room for growth, that's an experience I would live my life over for.

 

You are in denial. You haven't faced your fears yet. You will over time. What we are doing is simply picking at your brain to make you think harder. Make you open to the fears you can't face right now. Your mind is closed. We are simply turning that bright light on you, open your eyes!

 

honestly im not trying to bring myself down more

 

my mind was a prison for months

 

its finally free

 

sucks it had to go to this extent and im ashamed for it

 

but at least i know.

 

Skid mark told me my ex did nothing wrong, called me crazy and said my abusive relationship was my fault

 

thats not helping, thats trying to make me have a nervous breakdown

[youngnlove89]

honestly im not trying to bring myself down more

 

my mind was a prison for months

 

its finally free

 

sucks it had to go to this extent and im ashamed for it

 

but at least i know.

 

Skid mark told me my ex did nothing wrong, called me crazy and said my abusive relationship was my fault

 

thats not helping, thats trying to make me have a nervous breakdown

 

 

How old are you? How old is your ex?

[undergroundlife13]

Only you can allow yourself to have a nervous breakdown. You control your emotions, not us.

 

How old are you? How old is your ex?

 

Im 21, so is he.

 

I was his first relationship.

 

First "love"

[undergroundlife13]

He didn't. He broke up with you. There is nothing wrong with dumping someone you no longer want to be with. You are also not obligated to talk to them again either. You don't believe / accept that so I'm not even sure why I even say it. I guess it's for the other people on here.

 

 

 

You called yourself the "Crazy Ex-GF" and it was title of your own thread you created. I just quoted you.

 

 

 

You are wrong is not dealing with, threatening your Ex with with it and using it as a crutch to justify your "Crazy Ex-GF" behavior with it.

 

Below is what you said...

 

 

 

There isn't a healthy man on the planet that is going to date you when you tell / behave / burden / threaten them like that. Not to mention, no guy wants to pay for crimes he didn't commit.

 

Why not get the help you need and take the time to address and fix whatever issues you have from the abusive relationship so you can be emotional stable. Your handling of this break up is another sign you still have some unresolved issues.

 

That's all I have been saying over and over... Yet either deny it, say I am attacking you or blame your Ex.

 

 

 

You haven't solved the problem. already have another thread asking if Exes contact you

 

that was old look at the date.

 

Youre being a dick in saying he did nothing wrong.

 

Bye.

[youngnlove89]

Im 21, so is he.

 

I was his first relationship.

 

First "love"

 

 

Do you have children?

 

When I was really young, I went CRAZY over an ex. Probably just as bad, or even worse than you. I was a wacko. And I did it in the name of love. I was pathetic. And he kicked me to the curb so fast and hard that I would be embarrassed to ever reach out to him again.

 

He never talked to me again, and it's been YEARS. I don't blame him either. But the main point is, I don't even think about him. He is a cheater, liar and an imbecile. I'm better off without him. Yes, I went crazy. I learned from it though and I have never been like that again.

 

He hurt me very bad and I acted out from it. The craziness was equal to the pain I felt.

 

You will survive from this and next time you will know your limits.

[undergroundlife13]

Do you have children?

 

When I was really young, I went CRAZY over an ex. Probably just as bad, or even worse than you. I was a wacko. And I did it in the name of love. I was pathetic. And he kicked me to the curb so fast and hard that I would be embarrassed to ever reach out to him again.

 

He never talked to me again, and it's been YEARS. I don't blame him either. But the main point is, I don't even think about him. He is a cheater, liar and an imbecile. I'm better off without him. Yes, I went crazy. I learned from it though and I have never been like that again.

 

He hurt me very bad and I acted out from it. The craziness was equal to the pain I felt.

 

You will survive from this and next time you will know your limits.

 

I have one kid from my prior ex who was abusive.

[youngnlove89]

I have one kid from my prior ex who was abusive.

 

 

I'm sorry you had to be in an abusive relationship. Nobody deserves that. I'm glad you got out of that. Good for you!

 

Take care of you and your child now. You guys deserve a lot of love.