he finally said something.

[Simon Phoenix]

I am at fault for MY actions yes.

 

What he did drove me to this

 

yes i shouldve had self control

 

yes i shouldve done it differently

 

i hope you get what im saying here

 

im hurting enough as is, i do not want to beat myself up over this.

 

What you are saying doesn't matter. By blaming him in any way for how you conduct yourself you continue to give him power. You need to stop that. If you want to move on, move on -- stop playing the blame game.

[undergroundlife13]

You just said it today less than 5 hours ago on post 29 of this thread.

 

 

 

Dating / Relationships are not Marriage where you make a vow in front of family, friends and God and promise to love, honor, cherish one another till death due you part.

 

Therefore, he can break up with you whenever he wants and for whatever reason he wants. He isn't obligated to you by a court of law to file for a break up or to get your approval or blessing or have to present it in court and have a judge decide.

 

Furthermore, he did the right thing and broke up with you. That's far more than most people got on here. Many were cheated on, left for someone else, dumped for an Ex, etc. Hell, you should be thanking you lucky stars that he did it the right way and left you alone.

you seem to KEEP avoiding the fact that he disappeared on me, that he wanted me back and DISAPPEARED

 

he didnt just break up with me.

 

Damn

[undergroundlife13]

I want to win the lottery but never buy a ticket. Do you think I am going to win?

 

Do you think a guy who said he wanted to marry you within 6 months of knowing you, then dumping you, then disappearing, then saying he missed you once and disappearing and not responding to tons of texts / phones calls all throughout that for months... Really wanted you back and meant it?

 

I don't see how that is possible.

 

Most people on here give up after the first few letters, emails, text messages and phone calls where they are ignored. You continued... Sending messages / Calling many times one after the other with no response and would then do it again the next day and even months later.

 

Most of us are dumped in much harsher ways and get breadcrumbed daily, weekly, etc. for weeks and months on end. You got one response in months and months of you chasing the guy and inodating him calls and text messages.

 

If he ever really was serious about that second chance... You made sure that he thought you were the "crazy Ex-GF" and would never want it. The very thing you wanted the most, you made sure you wouldn't get. That's self-destructive and that's not normal or healthy.

It wasnt just once

 

we exchanged several texts, and talked on the phone

 

then he said hed call me back

 

then disappeared.

[Simon Phoenix]

you seem to KEEP avoiding the fact that he disappeared on me, that he wanted me back and DISAPPEARED

 

he didnt just break up with me.

 

Damn

 

It happens. A breakup is a break up. Doesn't really matter how it's done -- the result is the same. In fact, he did you a favor by disappearing instead of stringing you along by giving you hope and breadcrumbs.

 

You need to stop focusing on the process and embrace the result -- it's over and it's time to move forward. Right now you keep getting distracted by insignificant details.

[undergroundlife13]

Okay im done here

 

you are an *******.

[undergroundlife13]

It happens. A breakup is a break up. Doesn't really matter how it's done -- the result is the same. In fact, he did you a favor by disappearing instead of stringing you along by giving you hope and breadcrumbs.

 

You need to stop focusing on the process and embrace the result -- it's over and it's time to move forward. Right now you keep getting distracted by insignificant details.

 

I know.

 

He isnt making me feel any better hes putting me down and stating things i already know

 

i killed all hope its my fault ect.

[Simon Phoenix]

I know.

 

He isnt making me feel any better hes putting me down and stating things i already know

 

i killed all hope its my fault ect.

 

If you want him to stop, then stop justifying it. He has his opinion, you have yours. He's trying to make you realize that the ex doesn't matter, that it's you and how you present yourself that matters at this point. He is being harsh, sure, but it's meant to help.

 

But yeah, if you want the conversation to end, stop talking about what your ex did or didn't do. He's the past, he doesn't matter. You matter, your kid matters. That's the focus now.

 

The goal isn't to feel better this second. The goal is to put yourself in position to feel better permanently in the future.

[undergroundlife13]

It happens. A breakup is a break up. Doesn't really matter how it's done -- the result is the same. In fact, he did you a favor by disappearing instead of stringing you along by giving you hope and breadcrumbs.

 

You need to stop focusing on the process and embrace the result -- it's over and it's time to move forward. Right now you keep getting distracted by insignificant details.

 

I know.

 

He isnt making me feel any better hes putting me down and stating things i already know

 

i killed all hope its my fault ect.

[undergroundlife13]

Okay look skid mark.

 

My abusive situation did **** me up in the head

 

and yeah it was a bad spot to be in

 

but i left

yes i didnt handle things appropriatly but its not the worst thing i couldve done

 

i was a great gf and never deserved this treatment

 

I never lost my mind on him till he did this.

 

Yes i have issues

 

im sure you do too, im human and i will learn from this

 

****

[flitzanu]

After my ex ignored me for 2 months, i lost it and i blew up his phone because i needed closure.

 

He finally texted me

 

"leave me alone. We broke up like 3 months ago. i dont wanna be with you. lose my number"

 

I replied "thanks for letting me know. ill never understand but ok"

 

Im happy i got my answer after being dissapeared on but it hurts so damn bad.

 

Im officially done contacting as i got my answer.

 

Im just so hurt. I really love him and he said he loved me.

 

If he ever changes his mind, i will not be able to accept.

 

Its done for good and it kills me.

 

I guess i just needed to vent. Please dont give me a hard time, im hurting enough as is.

 

i'm just curious what other type of reply you expected after him not speaking to you for 2 months?

[undergroundlife13]

Okay i know

 

but i needed it

 

so whats done is done

[undergroundlife13]

I think it's important to now take this experience and remember it for next time. I would bookmark this thread if possible.

 

There's something else I want you to consider. We tell ourselves when a relationship ends, that we want a person to give us reasons, and respect, and all this other stuff, but none of it makes us feel better. I said the other day, there was a thread running around all about the 'proper' way to break up with someone. To provide reasons and not cut contact straight away, allow them to call and etc - it's all bulls--t. There IS no proper way to break up with someone, except to make it as quick as humanly possible. No reason, no amount of respect, no amount of rational debate, will make you listen beyond the "We need to talk" bombshell. And I think when an ex is 'nice' about it, it only makes it harder to get over.

 

He made himself abundantly clear when he started ignoring you. You're 21, so you're excused for not seeing this for what it was. And it was his first serious relationship - you're expecting him to be good at it? Cut him some slack! You've learned an extremely valuable lesson. The next time a guy does this to you (and he will), you'll be better prepared. You'll walk away and not fight it, and maintain dignity. It's a powerful thing. Silence says everything that words cannot.

 

I have provided reasons in the past for dumping someone, and even if I have clearly explained everything, they will still call and carry on, trying to get 'closure'. It's an obsession about something that I think is a bit like a unicorn - it doesn't exist. We must accept when we are dumped, that the oher person is simply not feeling it. There is no other reason, our break ups are not unique, they're all pretty much the same. We break up with people because we don't want to be with them anymore. No matter what reason they give us, or we give them, there is only one.

i know i will learn from it

im not expecting people to think what i did was ok

i will take this as a learning experience

thank you

[undergroundlife13]

If you want him to stop, then stop justifying it. He has his opinion, you have yours. He's trying to make you realize that the ex doesn't matter, that it's you and how you present yourself that matters at this point. He is being harsh, sure, but it's meant to help.

 

But yeah, if you want the conversation to end, stop talking about what your ex did or didn't do. He's the past, he doesn't matter. You matter, your kid matters. That's the focus now.

 

The goal isn't to feel better this second. The goal is to put yourself in position to feel better permanently in the future.

 

I understand my faults

i was wrong

ive said this countless times

but for skid mark to say my ex did nothing wrong is ludacris

he couldve told me to leave him alone at any time

i needed to hear what he said

and i will heal now in time

[flitzanu]

There is no other reason, our break ups are not unique, they're all pretty much the same. We break up with people because we don't want to be with them anymore. No matter what reason they give us, or we give them, there is only one.

 

 

^^^ THIS ^^^

 

people don't want to believe life is just so simple...but it IS.

[undergroundlife13]

Beating myself up isnt going to help me move forward

 

ive been doing this for months

 

i was worried that something mightve happened to him

 

He told me he was forcing himself to get over me

 

i wanted to make sure he wasnt doing that

 

i got what i needed to hear.

 

Now there will be no more contact

 

ill never truly understand

 

but i do understand now that he wants nothing to do with me

 

yes i shouldve known

 

but now i have no excuse not to.

 

So now i must move on in the best way i can.

[undergroundlife13]

Ok, but he did tell you. He told you through silence. You were stubbornly refusing to read the signs. Always assess a person on their actions, not their words.

 

He DID tell you. And most of us, at one time or another, do this.

 

For example - I met this bloke for a date and it wasn't a very good one. He seemed nice, but I wasn't attracted to him, and then he attempted to get very 'fresh' with me after walking me home.

 

When he texted the next day, I ignored him. He texted again. And again. I gave it a couple of days and when he texted for a fourth time, I politely told him that I did not wish to see him again.

 

3 days later he texted me again, wanting to be friends. I ignored a few other attempts he made, before he FINALLY got the message.

 

6 month relationship, at his age, trying to navigate these tricky waters - he did the best he could. He did not do anything wrong. He was not obliged to spell it out for you with words, because he did it with ACTIONS. His silence said everything. Like I said, you might not have been cluey enough to read it the first time. But now you will. Stop trying to blame him for breaking up with you, how most men in your life will probably dump you. And how at some point, you will dump a few men.

 

We all do it. I've done it, most people on LS have done it, and at some point, you will do it too. You say you won't. You'll tell yourself you'll be the best, the most repsectful, breaker-upper ever. And then you'll get a glimpse of how emotionally draining it is to kick someone in the crotch like that, and you'll want to be as over with as soon as possible. Because ignoring a person, rather than confronting them, is so much easier.

 

I get that i really do.

But you told the dude you had no interest and he kept persisting

 

after one date you told him you werent interested

 

after a 6 month relationship he couldnt tell me he changed his mind?

 

Do you see what im saying?

I have broke up with many people, i never dissappeared on them

i told them i was no longer interested.

Thats why it was so hard to accept.

 

I stupidly believed he was my soulmate.

 

It was really difficult to process.

[Simon Phoenix]

I understand my faults

i was wrong

ive said this countless times

but for skid mark to say my ex did nothing wrong is ludacris

he couldve told me to leave him alone at any time

i needed to hear what he said

and i will heal now in time

 

You still don't really understand what anyone is telling you.

[undergroundlife13]

You still don't get it.

 

You are going to think the next guy who dumps you is wrong too and you will do this all over again.

 

Why is it the dumpers responsibility / burden to make you do what you should for yourself?

 

Why not deal with the issues that prevent you from doing this on your own instead of losing all your self-respect, dignity and embarrassing yourself?

 

I would be mortified and totally humiliated if I keep calling and texting day after day without a response or it ever getting to the point where an Ex had to say what yours did to me. My pride and ego alone would stop me from doing that. Why didn't yours? That's what you need to figure out.

 

okay what you are not understanding is i am mortified

 

i am

 

seriously. i know what i did

 

i couldnt control myself though sadly.

 

Yes ill be hurt, but not anything ike this if im told straight up and not disappeared on.

 

Damn.

[undergroundlife13]

You still don't really understand what anyone is telling you.

 

Yes i do!

 

Im crazy okay i get it!

[undergroundlife13]

I understand. But his silence did tell you. I had a guy do the same thing to me. We had a few awesome dates and then I went on holiday for a few weeks. He was attentive, nice, he made all these plans for when I got back, I got back, and... nothing. I texted once when I got home, got no reply, so I left it and never heard from him again.

 

It happens. And yes, maybe he could have said something. But the fact that he didn't doesn't make him a bad guy.

 

Not everyone breaks up the way you do. All you have to do is read the signs. If someone wants to be with you, they'll move heaven and earth. Hell, my dad was engaged to another woman when he met my mum. He wasn't going to let her get away, so he dumped his fiance and married her instead. They will always find a way.

 

If all you're getting is radio silence, then it's safe to assume that it's over. Even if something have happened and he was injured or dead, someone would comb through his phone notifying everyone in it. There are ways and means.

 

I'm sorry, I don't blame him. He tried to send the clearest message that he could. Did he handle it badly? Probably. Does that make him a douche? Hell no! It makes him human.

 

No he didnt.

He couldve said this right away

he made me suffer until i lost it.

He knew all i wanted to hear was something like this based on my texts

he chose to ignore me.

[Simon Phoenix]

No he didnt.

He couldve said this right away

he made me suffer until i lost it.

He knew all i wanted to hear was something like this based on my texts

he chose to ignore me.

 

You made yourself suffer. He didn't do a thing except break up with you. Just because you are hounding him with texts doesn't mean that he has to respond.

 

You have to stop blaming others. It was you that flipped out on him and you only. You need to stop scapegoating him for your poor behavior.

[undergroundlife13]

I agree.

 

I dated and passed on / dumped 100+ women easily in my twenties for the most insignificant reasons you could possibly imagine. Hell, many of them I'm sure I made up.

 

At your age...

 

Nobody knows who they are, nobody knows what they want and nobody has a clue what love is. So have fun, enjoy the ride, all the drama, make lots of mistakes (but learn from them) and don't take anyone seriously or things personal.

 

Okay then.

[BustedUpInside]

No he didnt.

He couldve said this right away

he made me suffer until i lost it.

He knew all i wanted to hear was something like this based on my texts

he chose to ignore me.

 

ignoring you is a clear message. It is saying that he doesn't have anything to say to you and hopes that you will go away. I know this seems mean from your perspective, but he probably thought that it was nicer than saying mean things to you in order to accomplish the same goal.

[undergroundlife13]

You made yourself suffer. If you'd just said "Well, he's a dick for ignoring me. Hope he's dead!" and moved on, you would have saved yourself the trouble.

 

He's not to blame for you being too dense to interpret 'ignoring' as 'breaking up'. That's a universal break-up rule. No communication = relationship over.

 

I know but he told me in our relationship he would never do this.

 

My mind drove me crazy

 

a decent person would not let this escalate for 2 months

Theyd say something right away.

[Simon Phoenix]

I agree.

 

I dated and passed on / dumped 100+ women easily in my twenties for the most insignificant reasons you could possibly imagine. Hell, many of them I'm sure I made up.

 

At your age...

 

Nobody knows who they are, nobody knows what they want and nobody has a clue what love is. So have fun, enjoy the ride, all the drama, make lots of mistakes (but learn from them) and don't take anyone seriously or things personal.

 

Same. I stopped calling girls because they lived on the other side of campus, because they interrupted me while talking, because they ate their salad in a strange way, etc. Hell, my last ex faded out on me and I'm glad she did to be quite honest, allowed me to move on much quicker than I would have otherwise.