Going to a bar/club by yourself?

[Ed the 3rd]

So yeah I want to go and try to meet people but I have no one to go with. After a cold one or two I may muster the courage to talk to people but it just seems like social suicide to go by yourself.

 

Pubs are a bit more welcoming to single patrons but I've never met anyone in one.

[TheWhitestRice]

A really good way to meet people often is having them meet you!

 

Instead of a bar/club, do you have any hobbies? (Running, attending shows/concerts, going to the library, etc.)

 

Those probably aren't the best examples lol. My point is, it's much more likely that you'll meet someone with common interests as you if you meet them while doing something that you are interested in.

 

Don't get me wrong, you can still meet people anywhere; keep that in mind.

 

But it seems a lot more natural to strike up a conversation with someone that's doing something that you enjoy as well.

 

Something you want to avoid is approaching someone randomly and trying to force a conversation, when there is clearly nothing there.

 

Ask one of your friends what they're doing, see if you can tag along. Meeting friends through friends is always a good way to make connections. Find a wingman if you can

[todreaminblue]

So yeah I want to go and try to meet people but I have no one to go with. After a cold one or two I may muster the courage to talk to people but it just seems like social suicide to go by yourself.

 

Pubs are a bit more welcoming to single patrons but I've never met anyone in one.

 

when i was younger i used to go by myself....i never ended up by myself for long..i always found someone to dance with. meeting anyone in a bar and expecting it too last might be a mistake.....it isnt social suicide however i feel ...

 

 

social suicide is locking yourself up at home with popcorn and foxtel and watching serials and knowing all their names ...thats social suicide..........deb

[Feelin Frisky]

Bars/pubs are dead ends. Explore every other social venue and/or consider evening school to widen your social spectrum.

[todreaminblue]

You cant compare this situation between genders. Its totally different for a woman to go places by herself, and have men or even other women approach or interact with them than it is for a guy to garner the same results.

 

why is it different?......i am not being a smart alec.....why would it be any different?....deb

[Ed the 3rd]

why is it different?......i am not being a smart alec.....why would it be any different?....deb

Because typically guys approach women. And women seem to be more social with eachother. But thanks for sharing your experience.

[Justletgo]

Yea true, the main difference is that men approach women and not the other way around.

[Pisces13]

This might sound funny to some, but If you're solely looking to make more friends, I highly recommend a strip club. I went to a strip club by myself one night, and I made a couple of new friends out of it.

[colejack]

I go out by myself a lot because there's no one in this damn town that I know. Sometimes I'll meet someone new and talk to people, and sometimes I won't. It's not social suicide though, and if someone thinks it is, they're just too insecure to do it themselves.

[ltjg45]

Do bars/pubs ask for an entry fee or are they generally free to enter?

[Harradin]

I could never have the confidence to go out by myself, I'm far too shy!

[Ed the 3rd]

Do bars/pubs ask for an entry fee or are they generally free to enter?

You'll never have to pay a fee to enter a pub. A Pubs main source of income is the drinks and maybe food. With Bars it depends where the bar is located. If its inside a club you may have to pay an entry fee.

[Ryan9]

So yeah I want to go and try to meet people but I have no one to go with. After a cold one or two I may muster the courage to talk to people but it just seems like social suicide to go by yourself.

 

Pubs are a bit more welcoming to single patrons but I've never met anyone in one.

 

 

Clubs are bad period, even for us confident guys. Don't go to clubs, ever. Clubs exist for gatherings of people. They are about flash. They are not singles scenes. Never EVER go to a club as a single person. Ever. Total waste.

 

 

Bars and Pubs are where it's at.

 

 

Going out alone to bars takes socially transcending confidence. You must be able to transcend the eyes of every person there who loathes you because you can do this. This takes guts. But not the normal guts, socially transcending guts. Most popular, socialite types cannot actually do it, so they hate you when they see you in bars and pubs, because they immediately realize two fundamental things about you, based on the fact that they are socialites themselves:

 

 

-You are actually a transcending alpha. Whatever they have, they immediately know that by seeing you alone at this popular place with your confidence level, you could take what they have at any moment, and just might. They will resent that. Their eyes will show it. Their worried faces will really show it. More so because the girl they're with is looking your way absolutely shocked that you're doing this. Wow. Her guy could never do it. Yeah. I know. Is what your eyes say.

 

-They fully understand seeing you alone talking to girls that you don't follow their perceived social world rules and did not come up through those channels. You are the returned prince to the throne and the steward is not too thrilled about seeing you. Always remember this. You actually have full power when you go out alone. The road to Rome is yours. You radiate confidence by the very act and this is a very commanding thing if you can work it. People will respect you. They will buy you shots. The staff will become your ally. Everyone wants you to win. You've gotta be able to work that though, but if you can, it's amazing. You have to be able to maximize the "Damn, that guy has guts, I could never do that alone.. wtf he just comes here alone and these girls talk to him!!??..that ****." factor. Rock it. The popular kids are all little cowards is the truth. Transcend them. You have the high bridge when you go out alone. Again, it takes a transcending confidence but if you just walked into that pub in cargo shorts, sandals and a polo alone then you have that transcending confidence. Most people do not have this. This is a priceless thing.

 

 

Things to understand when you go out alone:

 

 

-Just because a guy is hanging all over a girl, rubbing up on her, talking to her, does not mean they are together. If they're together, trust me, you'll know it. You just will. Always remember, gorgeous women rarely approach because they don't have to so they're constantly being talked up by people they have no interest in and never looked at. Most often she is drunk as well as every fool had been buying her drinks, so you have to understand, she is drunk, she won't stop every idiot from getting close necessarily, but that does not mean she likes him.

 

-It doesn't matter if she smiles at you, if you smile at her. That's all bull****. What matters is, WAS she looking at you and I mean LOOKING? If she was looking at you, that's interest. Remember, she's not there alone. She's hot. She let you see her looking at you. That was not a mistake and by the look you need to be able to know this. If she was looking at you, not someone she's there with, that's a big "Get over here, idiot" sign. She isn't coming over to you.

 

-Never buy a woman anything in an alcoholic setting. Ever. You never buy. Ever. Remember, the morons are there for that. They've got that covered. They'll buy her drinks (and even buy you some, the fools!). You're going to capitalize on their investment. You don't want anything to do with a woman who wants you to buy her drinks. That means she has no interest in you. The truth is, the guys who buy the drinks aren't the guys getting the numbers and the dates. It's the guys that aren't and would never. (and she is privy to this, she's watching who's desp to buy her drinks and who's not).

 

 

-Dress casual smart. Never dress to impress because you're there alone and you're already impressive by that feat and people know it. Going out alone is like being the MVP. Everyone knows it upon realization that you're there alone. Nobody questions your confidence unless you give them reason to (overdressing).

[Ed the 3rd]

That's an interesting perspective

[colejack]

Yeah Ryan, that's a really uplifting perspective. I've been out alone, and there was a short period where I was doing well. Took one girl home one time. Another time I got a girl's number and saw her the following day. A few other times I just chatted up girls and it felt great. I haven't done that in a while, but I would love to get back in that mindset I was getting into during that good period.

 

It's difficult because when I go out alone I definitely feel the cold eyes of other guys. I never thought that they might be worried about me, though. Unfortunately, I don't feel the eyes of girls on me, but I think I might just be totally blind to girls showing signs. Back when I did well with those girls, I didn't pick up any signs but just decided to go for it anyway. They turned out to have noticed me. And when I confirmed that I was out alone, they all were impressed and said I had guts. You think that people would judge you, when it's actually the opposite.

 

I kinda want to go out alone now, but tonight for once I'm actually hanging out with a group, lol. Maybe tomorrow I'll try it. Thanks Ryan!

[L1ght]

I think movies have had a lot to do with young peoples false perception of going to a bar alone and hooking up with somebody and I say false because that's exactly what it is. The scene in the movie where the guy goes to a bar alone and orders a shot before staring into the eyes of some lady at the other end of the bar then taking her outside and whistling for a cab home is a complete myth. Its possible to go to clubs alone and hit the dance floor in search of potential partners as long as you're willing to let loose and bust out the moves but to be honest that's more of a young persons game and once you get over 30 clubbing doesn't really have the appeal it used to. The truth is that if you go to a bar and start drinking alone and you aren't the type of person that has excellent social skills and is very comfortable approaching strangers who will most likely be with a group of friends that they are comfortable with then you have no chance in hell of even starting some kind of dialogue never mind taking someone home. The best way to start dialogue with potential partners is through social interactions/situations where a natural flow occurs and you don't have to go out of your way to intrude upon whatever they are doing. So no.....drinking in bars alone is kinda sad and other groups will most likely just view you as an outsider which puts you on that back foot immediately. Always go out with friends to bars if you wanna meet new people cos then other groups will be more open sharing dialogue between groups.

[thatone]

I always preferred to go out alone.

 

If you want to go out and meet people, why bring a crutch? Go alone, talk to whoever you wind up next to.

[Emilia]

I always preferred to go out alone.

 

If you want to go out and meet people, why bring a crutch? Go alone, talk to whoever you wind up next to.

Yes I used to enjoy this too. I should really get back into it.

[Ryan9]

I think movies have had a lot to do with young peoples false perception of going to a bar alone and hooking up with somebody and I say false because that's exactly what it is. The scene in the movie where the guy goes to a bar alone and orders a shot before staring into the eyes of some lady at the other end of the bar then taking her outside and whistling for a cab home is a complete myth. Its possible to go to clubs alone and hit the dance floor in search of potential partners as long as you're willing to let loose and bust out the moves but to be honest that's more of a young persons game and once you get over 30 clubbing doesn't really have the appeal it used to. The truth is that if you go to a bar and start drinking alone and you aren't the type of person that has excellent social skills and is very comfortable approaching strangers who will most likely be with a group of friends that they are comfortable with then you have no chance in hell of even starting some kind of dialogue never mind taking someone home. The best way to start dialogue with potential partners is through social interactions/situations where a natural flow occurs and you don't have to go out of your way to intrude upon whatever they are doing. So no.....drinking in bars alone is kinda sad and other groups will most likely just view you as an outsider which puts you on that back foot immediately. Always go out with friends to bars if you wanna meet new people cos then other groups will be more open sharing dialogue between groups.

 

 

 

Yeah don't listen to this guy.

 

 

Nobody said "it just happens like in the movies". Whoever believes that deserves the world of hard knocks coming their way.

 

 

If you have the guts and social skills you absolutely can go to a bar alone and meet women. You don't go home with a woman that night simply because no woman worth having would do that. You get her number and set up a date.

 

If you can't make things happen one on one that's fine but you shouldn't tell others they can't make it happen, they can.

 

 

And you're wrong about women in bars. They're not there alone but they are single usually.

 

Something to consider always. Happy couples don't go to bars. Almost ever. Bars are meat markets. Happy couples don't want anything to do with a bar. When's the last time anyone talked to a happy couple that goes to bars often? Yeah. Exactly. Never. Most all women at bars are on the market. They're just there with friends. They're there to be noticed by guys.

 

 

I suspect you might be one of the "friends" that isn't too thrilled about the single guys at bars, lol.

[L1ght]

Yeah don't listen to this guy.

 

 

Nobody said "it just happens like in the movies". Whoever believes that deserves the world of hard knocks coming their way.

 

 

If you have the guts and social skills you absolutely can go to a bar alone and meet women. You don't go home with a woman that night simply because no woman worth having would do that. You get her number and set up a date.

 

If you can't make things happen one on one that's fine but you shouldn't tell others they can't make it happen, they can.

 

 

And you're wrong about women in bars. They're not there alone but they are single usually.

 

Something to consider always. Happy couples don't go to bars. Almost ever. Bars are meat markets. Happy couples don't want anything to do with a bar. When's the last time anyone talked to a happy couple that goes to bars often? Yeah. Exactly. Never. Most all women at bars are on the market. They're just there with friends. They're there to be noticed by guys.

 

 

I suspect you might be one of the "friends" that isn't too thrilled about the single guys at bars, lol.

Well I did say " if you go to a bar and start drinking alone and you aren't the type of person that has excellent social skills and is very comfortable approaching strangers who will most likely be with a group of friends that they are comfortable with then you have no chance in hell of even starting some kind of dialogue"

You were quick to shoot me down while ignoring the valid points I made about how it is possible. How many people are really confident enough to do that and actually have the charm to pull it off? Yes its possible........but possible for the average bloke who hasn't developed his social skills enough to emit an aura of extreme confidence? No of course not.

I also disagree about your view on women in bars. No they are not all single and many of them are simply having a girls night out and enjoying each others company while their partners are most probably doing likewise or are watching sports at home with friends and a few beers.

Also since when did happy couples never go to bars? That couldn't be more further from the truth as even in my group of friends couples get together and socialize along with everyone else that goes out on a given night along with the fact that I have seen the same old couples going to local bars and socialising with their friends in my town since the first time I ever started drinking. Bars are a place to socialise generally and the locals with always gravitate towards them.

Yes its possible if a guy has the charisma to pull it off while going to a bar alone but if he doesn't then it would take a lucky break for him to run into a situation where he ends up getting a girls number after standing alone and searching for someone to make eye contact with him but to count a random situation alone is kinda sad.

Socializing with friends and mingling with other groups is way more fun and has a higher rate of success.

[Southern Cal Dude]

Yea true, the main difference is that men approach women and not the other way around.

 

 

Get out more often and you'll see that women do approach.

[supaflyz]

I don't recommend going to the club/bar by yourself. I actually read your thread last night because I was home alone. I almost went to the club by myself because of it lol. Then my friends called me and I went with them. It was really awkward while I was there seeing other guys by themselves. They just look so out of place. Even though I was with a group of people, most of them have a significant other. I felt out of place myself because I was the only one single.