OtakuGirl Posted June 20, 2013 Share Posted June 20, 2013 Hi everyone, I've been reading the forums for a lil while and know that I can get some good advice. I'd love to hear any thoughts on this scenario; my key Qs are: A) Is it likely he's interested in me? B) Is this worth pursuing or could he be too much effort? This may be a little long - I appreciate you reading! I've been acquaintances with a guy for years; we have mutual friends. We always get along well if we run into each other at events (platonic) but he or I would always be dating other people. I came out of a relationship several months ago. I don't know what his current r/ship status is; when I last saw him at a party he appeared to be on his own. (It's not on his Facebook profile either.) After this party I decided "hell, I want to take the plunge and get to know him better, even if it's just a friendship". So I added him on Facebook and asked him some Qs about some study I'm genuinely interested in (he works in the field I want to study). He accepted my request within a couple of hours and wrote a lengthy reply - in it he included his phone number and indicated we could talk over coffee if I'd like. I was thinking "woh!" this was a lot more than I expected. I read that as a very positive sign. I took him up on the offer and we caught up about a fortnight later. We had drinks after work; he had to reschedule this a couple of times (push it a bit later in the night) but was very apologetic. He notified me of the need to resch. earlier in the day. We seemed to get along well and were discussing study. I also talked a little about myself, as he seemed interested to hear about me, but he gave very little away about himself. I felt there was a bit of a barrier between us and it was coming from him. (He has a pretty serious job and it was almost like he was still in "work mode".) Anyhow, he insisted on paying for all my drinks (I offered to pay for alternate rounds), and on hanging out with me till another friend I was due to meet arrived (we intended to only catch up briefly, you see). This confused me as I didn't see it as a date, just friends at this stage. A few days later I texted him to say I enjoyed the catch up, appreciated his time with the study Qs, and let him know to feel free to get in touch anytime should he want to catch up again. He replied a few hours later, saying that it was "great" to catch up and that he'd like to do that again, but in several weeks as "things are hectic". Huh? I figure that if he was keen he'd arrange something sooner than later. Coincidentally, we may run into each other at a mutual friends birthday in a fortnights time. I'm thinking I should keep things platonic from my side till I can suss out more about him. Thoughts? Thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
Leegh Posted June 20, 2013 Share Posted June 20, 2013 I think it is too early to tell. A few weeks is not really that long of a time frame for him to get back in touch with you. He knows you're interested so it's really up to him to make a move now, and I'm sure he will. It is an excellent sign that he paid for your drinks, as there is nothing worse than a cheap guy! If you and he go out again, I would let him pay for you, as that signals to him it's more of a date, than a friendship. I've had guys that have taken sometimes more than a month to call for a date, upon meeting them. Sometimes these guys are the best ones, as also I've had guys that want to out the next night after meeting, and then they lose interest very quickly. I guess patience is the key in your situation. Good Luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author OtakuGirl Posted June 20, 2013 Author Share Posted June 20, 2013 Thank you Leegh. I'll wait and see what happens! I agree, the ball's in his court now. I'll post an update in due course (for better or worse!). Link to post Share on other sites
Author OtakuGirl Posted July 6, 2013 Author Share Posted July 6, 2013 UPDATE - we did bump into each other at the mutual friend's birthday. I was being my regular self and talking to lots of ppl and so was he... He bought me a drink and we chatted for a little while but that was it. We didn't actually get a chance to say goodbye at the end of the night either! Having said that, we did have a good chat though so I was happy. So hmm I think I'll certainly continue to leave the ball in his court and wait to hear from him BUT won't be holding my breath. I think, for whatever reasons, he is someone who takes things sloooowly. Link to post Share on other sites
vanhalenfan Posted July 6, 2013 Share Posted July 6, 2013 I would say he is somewhat interested and is definitely keeping you in his sights...But not ready to really date at the moment for whatever reason. Definitely interested to some degree, though, in my opinion. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author OtakuGirl Posted July 13, 2013 Author Share Posted July 13, 2013 Thanks vanhalenfan, I agree with you! If anything interesting happens, for better or worse, I'll update this thread. One thing I forgot to mention earlier - at this 2nd catch up of sorts he did mention as a bit of a side comment at one point that a few of his ex girlfriends were there (it was a very big gathering for a mutual friend, and he isn't the kind of guy that's a player or anything like that)... I think that may've put him off a bit too from making any further moves (if our roles were reversed I'd have felt uncomfortable with my exes around). Link to post Share on other sites
JDPT Posted July 13, 2013 Share Posted July 13, 2013 I'm not certain that you are both on the same page and you may be overanalyzing this as you like this man. It appears to me, based on what you've disclosed that he likes your company, enjoys chatting with you and he is pretty content with only that. I would let things be for now, and wouldn't wait around for him to ask you out. Sounds to me more like a crush, be patient and give it time, only time will tell. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author OtakuGirl Posted July 14, 2013 Author Share Posted July 14, 2013 Thanks JDPT, I think you make a fair point. I'm sitting back to see what happens (which may well be nothing) and do not have "blinkers" on - I'm keeping my eyes open to other guys who may be potential dates. At the end of the day, an underlying thought I had (which led me to start this thread) was "gee if he was interested he'd make a more direct move". So I'm 80% sure nothing will happen and accept that. Hehe yes I do have a bit of a crush on him! Link to post Share on other sites
Author OtakuGirl Posted July 31, 2013 Author Share Posted July 31, 2013 (edited) Hi Everyone! As promised, an update on the situation. I decided to ask a good mutual friend of his discreetly for some inside info (this friend has known both of us for many years & was the host of the birthday event). It was interesting as 1) he indicated that he believed this dude was single and 2) that he thought we could be really good together - he wanted to try and set us up LOL (this mutual friend is married and has a good heart, ha!). However - boo - the next day my friend got in touch with me to advise that he'd just heard from this dude and that he has just got into a new relationship, as in, the very weekend I asked (ironically?). My conclusion? I think at best, he'd been keeping his options open and was possibly interested in me but also other girls at the same time. At worst, he only ever saw me as a friend and was just "being nice". I'm glad I talked with the mutual friend as I am no longer wasting any more time on this one. Time to move onward and upward! Edited July 31, 2013 by OtakuGirl Link to post Share on other sites
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