Did she fall for me/is she falling for me?

[Teknoe]

Or are we just two friends who happen to be docking the same boat?

 

Bascially, I'm trying to forget about a girl friend of mine who is taken but left many doors open for me to think she might actually like me. I have a big crush on her, and we've been going out 1 on 1 a lot lately, particularly last month.

 

My other girl friend, who I do find attractive but don't have any real feelings for, romantically, at the moment anyhow, just got out of a funky relationship.

 

So we've been talking the last week about our "exes" although hers is real and mine is moreso a taken girl I can't do anything about.

 

Anyway, this friend and I have talked a bit over the years, but I have always contacted her. We have not seen each other in real life since 2010 BTW.

 

The last 2 nights she initiated contact with me and it just seemed... odd. She's never been one to talk to me FIRST... so I'm left wondering have our intimate talks revealed a different side of me in her eyes? Has her heart grown attached to mine? Last play by play I told her about my crush she called me a gentleman, and that she was proud of me that I didn't confess to the taken girl my feelings.

 

Tonight during our talk she invited me to a gig tomorrow night, which if I attend, will mark the 1st time we've seen each other since 2010.

 

I just find her contacting me to be intriguing. Wondering if somehow she is seeing me in a light she never has before.

 

I'm probably overanalyzing again, though, haha. But I will admit the thought of her liking me is a pleasant one, and wouldn't hurt my chances of quickly getting over the taken girl friend... although I know I need to learn how to heal on my own instead of relying on a new love interest. I don't wanna be codependent, either.

 

Right now, I'm gonna take her initiating contact with me 2 days in a row as a sign of her just being a good friend. I don't think she's actively interested in me, but maybe during the past week somehow along the lines of our intimate relationship talks she saw more into my character and saw me in a different light.

 

Oh yeah, I also emailed her a potential guy for her to meet. I met him over the weekend and immediately tried to play matchmaker. She was very appreciative of me looking out for her, but told me she wasn't interested in him.

 

Maybe I've just watched one too many rom coms where two people in the same boat just fall for each other, lol.

 

*shrug*

[OtakuGirl]

I think you should go to the gig - things will be a lot more obvious then!

[Els]

 

Maybe I've just watched one too many rom coms where two people in the same boat just fall for each other, lol.

 

Oh, it has happened. But in this case, though, you say you have no feelings for her? If you haven't felt it already after all this time and talking, I doubt you will.

 

Shouldn't you be more interested in how to enforce your boundaries so you don't string her along, rather than in her motives, in that case?

 

Note that if YOU potentially had interest, my answer would be to just go for it and stop analyzing.

[Teknoe]

Oh, it has happened. But in this case, though, you say you have no feelings for her? If you haven't felt it already after all this time and talking, I doubt you will.

 

Els, let me quote from my original post

 

My other girl friend, who I do find attractive but don't have any real feelings for, romantically, at the moment anyhow, just got out of a funky relationship.

 

I will admit the thought of her liking me is a pleasant one

 

Oh I *DO* like her. When I first met her in 2009 I thought she was a definite cutie. Right now though, I don't have a crush on her, because I've been so wrapped up on that taken girl. However, if this single girl starts showing an interest like she has been, I could easily crush on her, based on the fact that I like her as a friend, but could easily like her as more.

 

She is definitely cute, and definitely shares my spiritual beliefs. Those are all pluses. I think I will go to the group thing tonight. Hopefully I play it cool and we can just continue our connection. I'm not getting my hopes up though. She's a cute friend but like I said, we're probably both just currently docking in the same boat. Nothing more, nothing less.

 

On a side note, she does have the looks of a woman I have always seen myself marrying. That's why when I first met her in 2009 I was immediately attracted to her. She reminds me a bit of my ex GF, except she's actually spiritual.

 

I guess we'll see how tonight goes.

 

As for the taken girl, I'm doing a pretty good job at no contact. Everyday it gets a bit easier.

[Teknoe]

just got back. update.

 

so i went to the gig. she came late, and i didn't see her slip in so when I was introducing myself I said "My friend invited me but she's not here..." and then I hear her go "I'm here!" Kind of a cute funny moment.

 

Then we split into smaller groups and she sat next to me. It was a Q&A and I shared two stories which were well received and made the people laugh. I try not to think about it but I think I came off as being "interesting."

 

Then everyone was chilling, and we decided it was late time to go home. I walked her out and we talked on the way out. She thanked me for coming and asked what I thought of the evening. It seemed like a good way to end things. Dunno if I'll come back next week but it was good to see her again. I guess I'll see how she contacts me this next week (or if she doesn't). I don't have high hopes or high expectations because I don't want to get ahead of myself yet again.

 

So, we'll see!

[Teknoe]

HUH!

 

So, I logged onto my email and she sent me an email, asking if she could come visit my church this Sunday since hers is off.

 

I then IM'ed her and saying of course, that would be cool. And that I'll send her the church address.

 

Then she writes back "Yeah and your # too so I can text you when I get there."

 

Wow, I was thinking about her # too... because a few times over the years I tried to get her number, but for whatever reason she always gave me the roundabout. One time she said something ridiculous like she left her phone at home and didn't memorize her cell number off the top of her head. It was such a bizarre answer. So that's why I've always felt like we were just "online buddies" who I would initiate conversations with her, but once we get talking, we do tend to talk for 45-60 minutes. She was always in a relationship the past 3-4 years though, so maybe she was just protecting herself, which I can understand. Maybe she didn't want to give me any wrong ideas and saw no need for me to have her #, since we were not attending the same church at the time.

 

Now she seems very open to me and even... can I use the word interested? I dunno what's happened... but this shift has been intriguing and welcoming.

 

So I'm seeing her Sunday, and she will be texting me so that means I'll have her number. I don't know if this will go anywhere, but it's nice at the very least for a diversion in the healing process as I fight to get over my current crush on the taken girl, who isn't even Christian or in a mentally stable place. I guess I just like the broken girls who I feel like I can help (fix). I dunno.

 

Still trying to keep my expectations low with this single friend of mine, but the daily contact so far has made things interesting to say the least. Who knows, I feel like the shift happened when I emailed her and told her about the guy I met at the wedding who I think might be a good match for her. Maybe she saw that I was being thoughtful, courteous and helpful that she saw a new side of me for the 1st time? Like "Aw that's so sweet he would think of me to set me up with a guy. Hmmm, that's the kind of man I wouldn't mind dating...." ???? Who knows right. It could be a few hundred different things, lol.

 

But since that email, she seemed touched and started contacting me and acting much friendlier than ever before, even though she was always friendly with me. She just seems more "GF open-y" to me in the way she talks??? Does that make sense?

 

Saying things like "its funny how you like X but I like Y" and we recently talked about how opposites attract.

 

i dunno. Maybe God is opening her eyes to me? Maybe I'm overanalyzing again for the 10000th time? LOL. Maybe our docking in the same boat has somehow shifted her eyes onto me in a way she never thought possible?

 

One thing's for sure, I love God! LOL. Just when you think you're down and out, He somehow comforts you in His own unique special way. This situation is at the very least giving me hope that the light at the end of the tunnel is bright and good... rather than an incoming freight train lol

[Tinie]

Arg she likes you it's so obvious!

 

I don't know why you keep saying "I'll keep my expectations low" and "I'm overanalyzing" etc. Stop it, otherwise you might push yourself to do something irrational that will hurt her.

[Teknoe]

Arg she likes you it's so obvious!

 

I don't know why you keep saying "I'll keep my expectations low" and "I'm overanalyzing" etc. Stop it, otherwise you might push yourself to do something irrational that will hurt her.

 

Likes me as a friend. Why do you say she "likes likes" me and that it's "so obvious" ?

 

Over the last 4 years she hasn't shown much, including not giving me her cell phone number on at least 2 times I've asked. Granted she was taken then, but now she's suddenly more open.

 

I guess I'll see how tomorrow goes, and go from there.

 

BTW, what do you mean when you said I might push myself to do something irrational that will hurt her? Can you give me concrete examples of what you mean by that?

[Teknoe]

well today she seemed very odd. i can't read her.

 

she texted me that she was coming 30 minutes late. so i got her number, finally. that was good.

 

when she came she tapped me on the shoulder and walked over to sit next to me. so far so good. girls initiating contact when they don't necessarily have to = good thing.

 

she mentioned she went to bed late and was super exhausted.

 

after service we went to the refreshment area and i asked her if she wanted to check out the sunday class as we originally agreed on. She was wish washy, saying she was kind of tired, but didn't give me a definite no. I told her I'm going to check out where the class is, and I went to find its location. When I came back out, she was gone. I called her and she said she decided to head home. It was kind of awkward because I don't know if she misinterpreted me when I said I was going to check out the class location, or if while I went to check it out she thought to herself "Yeah this is a good time to check myself out."

 

Either way you shake it, it was an awkward ending. Granted, she was super exhausted, but better communication on her part would have been appreciated. Just a simple "Hey so I'm tired so yeah, gonna check out. Have a good one!" is much better than just walking away and I had to call her to see if she left or went to use the restroom.

 

So yeah, goes back to my theory of she only sees me as a friend. Damn, from intriguing potential to cold stark reality?? I'm kind of bummed out, but thankfully not super because I didn't fall for her yet... whew.

 

Guess I'll lay low and see if she contacts me this week.

[Teknoe]

Update: I will never ever understand women, ever. Never. Ever, lol.

 

I might have short changed myself with her. We just spoke for about an hour and connected pretty well. Turns out she is an introvert and was just too damn sleepy. It makes sense. I didn't notice before how awkward she is around groups of people. Somehow, it makes me feel more masculine lol. I always assumed her to be an extrovert because silly me thinks attractive people automatically must enjoy being around others, because as the saying goes "flaunt it if you got it."

 

I actually notice that she isn't particularly GOOD looking... I mean, I do find her attractive, but it's more cute than beautiful. I also noticed today that she is indeed very quiet and very reserved. She is actually kind of awkward in public. I never noticed it before because I always thought about how cute she looks, lol.

 

She compared our viewpoints again today. Apparently, we are kind of opposites, and she did make a point a week or so ago about how opposites attract. She interpreted the sermon from God's viewpoint while I interpreted it from the narrator's viewpoint. It made us laugh because we got totally different things out of the same message, but it was pretty cool.

 

Anyway, after understanding her better, it explains why she left early and awkwardly.

 

In reality, maybe she's using me as someone she can connect with, and maybe I help her in the healing process over her ex as I am using her as someone I can connect with and she's helping me in the healing process with my crush.

 

Being in the same boat leads to some interesting moments, for sure.

 

So, final verdict: think she's open, but not yet ready to jump back into the dating scene. If I hang around for a bit though and stay in touch, who knows? Maybe I can ask her out formally on a date. I do finally have her cell. It also makes sense why she never gave me her cell before. She's been in relationships the last 5 years and is introverted, so she didn't need a single yappety yap guy like me contacting her... she said she can only deal so much with people.

 

Call me crazy but I actually quite dig that. I don't want my spouse/partner to be too social/extroverted... it would exhaust me out. I think I want someone leaning on the introverted/homebody side... because that's who I really am.

[Teknoe]

update: she doesn't like me romantically.

 

met her today over coffee and basically asked her to clarify our friendship. she said just friends, so I know now for sure.

 

LOL so much for "dude she totally digs yoU!"

 

Goes to show you a girl can seem like she shows interest, but until she kisses you or tells you she digs you in that way, you have no damn clue.

 

she fooled me good. her body language, time spent talking with me, getting my cell, initiating invites, coming to church with me... all things you might think "more-than-friends" do. but turns out just a friend.

[free_radicals]

What a terrible feeling isn't it? I'm gonna have to clarify on my end in a few days myself. Are you both OK as being friends?

[Teknoe]

What a terrible feeling isn't it? I'm gonna have to clarify on my end in a few days myself. Are you both OK as being friends?

 

The quicker you do it (i.e. before your heart is tangled up with theirs), the less terrible it is, though.

 

I'm OK being friends.

Based on her word, she's happy being just friends.

 

I am able to accept it for what it is and move on!