Inflikted Posted June 20, 2013 Share Posted June 20, 2013 I find myself getting to a point where thinking about dating and girls, and whatnot, just makes me angry. I've been nearing this point for a little while now, and I've now gone over the edge. When it comes to this subject, I'm just filled with feelings of bitterness and resentment. I know this obviously isn't a good/ healthy mindset to have, but that's where I'm at now. I guess I'm just wondering, is it possible to come back from this? Link to post Share on other sites
colejack Posted June 20, 2013 Share Posted June 20, 2013 It's good that you recognize this issue and want to nip it in the bus. My best advice is to realize that people are usually not as happy as they seem. You might be bitter and angry because you've felt unsuccessful in the face of people who appear to be far more successful than you with little effort. Just know that they have their problems too. I fully realized this a few years ago when one of the seemingly cockiest jerks I know who gets all the women called me up wasted at 3 am crying about all sorts of problems he was having. We're all living with a mask over our faces to some extent. Don't be fooled by others' masks. Don't even give them thought. That, and find the positive in everything you do. It sounds so cliche, I know, but it really makes you feel better when you know that you can salvage something good out of anything that comes your way. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted June 20, 2013 Share Posted June 20, 2013 I find myself getting to a point where thinking about dating and girls, and whatnot, just makes me angry. I've been nearing this point for a little while now, and I've now gone over the edge. When it comes to this subject, I'm just filled with feelings of bitterness and resentment. I know this obviously isn't a good/ healthy mindset to have, but that's where I'm at now. I guess I'm just wondering, is it possible to come back from this? Is it possible to come back? Yes, and I'm doing it now. How? I found a girl that likes me. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted June 20, 2013 Share Posted June 20, 2013 that doesn't happen for everybody Nope. I got very, very lucky. Granted I'm 31 years old, and while we don't have BF/GF titles yet, this is the closest I've ever been to being in a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Pompeii Posted June 20, 2013 Share Posted June 20, 2013 Is it possible to come back? Yes, and I'm doing it now. How? I found a girl that likes me. It's a shame that's the point it has to go to. I'm not talking about you in particular, just in general. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Inflikted Posted June 20, 2013 Author Share Posted June 20, 2013 Okay, so... What does this mean for me, then? Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted June 20, 2013 Share Posted June 20, 2013 Okay, so... What does this mean for me, then? That it is possible to get over the bitterness and anger. The main key is to not show it to anybody. If this girl knew of what was going in my head she would not be with me right now. Also what's even more important is to keep trying. I have failed over and over again, which while it increased my bitterness, it finally paid off. All I can say is, hide it, and don't give up. Link to post Share on other sites
Maleficent Posted June 21, 2013 Share Posted June 21, 2013 It's a shame that's the point it has to go to. I'm not talking about you in particular, just in general. I agree. Your degree of hapiness should not depend on someone else. You can't expect to make someone else happy if you can't make yourself happy. Well not you YOU but you know what I mean... Link to post Share on other sites
Nistan Posted June 21, 2013 Share Posted June 21, 2013 Be angry and bitter. If that is what you feel. There isn't any type of hidden human power where people can "feel" others intents. They can probably guess. But most of the time. People are clueless. The best way of not feeling these emotions is to get good at dating/sex/relationships. People will say that it is the other way around: You get your emotions in order and you will get dates. But I have rarely seen this in real life. Link to post Share on other sites
hppr Posted June 21, 2013 Share Posted June 21, 2013 I find myself getting to a point where thinking about dating and girls, and whatnot, just makes me angry. I've been nearing this point for a little while now, and I've now gone over the edge. When it comes to this subject, I'm just filled with feelings of bitterness and resentment. I know this obviously isn't a good/ healthy mindset to have, but that's where I'm at now. I guess I'm just wondering, is it possible to come back from this? How old are you, what do you look like, and what sorts of girls do you like? I'm gonna guess you are early to mid 20s, male, and mediocre in looks/dress but that is just a guess. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Inflikted Posted June 21, 2013 Author Share Posted June 21, 2013 How old are you, what do you look like, and what sorts of girls do you like? I'm gonna guess you are early to mid 20s, male, and mediocre in looks/dress but that is just a guess. Yeah, you're pretty much spot on. As far as girls, eh, that's sort of the tricky part. I seem to have a hard time finding girls I actually like enough to want to flirt with, ask out, etc. I've only ever encountered a very tiny handful that I was really interested in. I don't really care about looks, so it's not as though I only pursue "supermodels". What I'm most attracted to is someone with a lot of the same personality traits as me. Same level of intelligence and maturity, same sense of humor (this is a big one, as I want to be with someone I can laugh with), same general outlooks, etc. I'm really more interested in finding someone that I have that kind of "chemistry" with. Unfortunately, as I said, I don't find very many girls like that. And the ones I do find always reject me and end up dating the "cool guy" types that are more charismatic and better looking than I'll ever be. Link to post Share on other sites
hppr Posted June 21, 2013 Share Posted June 21, 2013 more charismatic and better looking than I'll ever be. Yeah that's what I used to think to but it's BS. Sort of. First of all good looking has a lot to do with physical fitness, grooming, and clothing choices, all of which are under your control to a certain extent. Second of all trying to 'date yourself' is a mistake. What you want to do is date someone who is complementary to you. Also many times the girls you think that you are attracted to aren't your type per se. Thirdly, 'charisma' has a lot to do with their reaction towards you. If they are attracted to you then they will laugh at your jokes, be friendlier, more enthusiastic about talking to you and in turn you'll be more 'charismatic'. Once you realize this stuff dating should become a bit easier. PS - have a good attitude. Don't expect anything. Be friendly, flirt with em, talk em up but don't put any pressure on it. Really wanting it, or feeling like it's make-or-break with some girl you really like, that works in the movies but not real life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Inflikted Posted June 22, 2013 Author Share Posted June 22, 2013 First of all good looking has a lot to do with physical fitness, grooming, and clothing choices, all of which are under your control to a certain extent. Maybe, but my lack of "physical attractiveness" has a lot to do with things that are out of my control. Mainly, I'm only 5'1", and I have a very young-looking face. And no matter how I dress, or groom, or any of that, people tend to mistake me for being around the age of 12 or 13, and let's be honest, no girl is going to want to date a guy that they mistook for being that young. Second of all trying to 'date yourself' is a mistake. What you want to do is date someone who is complementary to you. Also many times the girls you think that you are attracted to aren't your type per se. Well, I mean, I look for that, too. Having a lot of personality similarities is what draws me in, but at the end of the day, yeah, I'm looking for someone that's similar to me, but different in a few key areas. I don't want someone that's the complete opposite of me, but there are certain traits I don't have that I would like a partner to have. So I do look for that, too. Thirdly, 'charisma' has a lot to do with their reaction towards you. If they are attracted to you then they will laugh at your jokes, be friendlier, more enthusiastic about talking to you and in turn you'll be more 'charismatic'. Hm. I dunno about this. I can recall a decent amount of times (most notably, last year, with the last girl I was really into) where I wasn't going out of my way to pursue or "impress" a girl at all, and yet she seemed drawn to me; however, if I would then try to ask that girl out, they'd say no, get weirded out, and disassociate themselves from me. Like last year; this girl I've known for a little while (but never really talked to) suddenly started giving me a lot of attention. I didn't think anything of it, so I was just going with the flow. She would constantly come find me to talk or joke around, she always seemed to enjoy my jokes and my sense of humor, etc. The more she kept popping up in my life, the more I started realizing that she had pretty much all the traits I've ever wanted in a girl. So, I asked her out, she said no, then she started feeling uncomfortable around me, and started hanging out with other guys instead, and started dating one of them. That's kind of the story of my life, really. Even when I connect with someone really well, for reasons unknown to me, I'm not worth dating. Don't really understand it, and it becomes more frustrating every day. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Inflikted Posted June 23, 2013 Author Share Posted June 23, 2013 There is really no way to tell the difference between a single woman that just wants attention, and likes you giving her attention vs a single woman that actually likes you, and is hanging around waiting for you to ask her out. Eh. Unfortunately, this will cause me to forever assume that it'll always be the former. I almost assumed that with that last girl, and I almost didn't ask her out at all. I was on the verge of just assuming the worst, but I convinced myself to ask her out because I really believed she'd say yes. I was never more sure of anything in my life. And now, after she turned me down, I've went over that edge, and I've basically "given up" completely. It sucks, because having someone in my life is one of the top things (if not THE top thing) I've always wanted in life, and it's hard to change what you want that way. But having the complete lack of any kind of success my entire life, I've hit a point where I legitimately don't believe I can ever have that. I have no doubt in my mind that I'll spend the rest of my life alone. I've found that to be a very sad, depressing thought, but like I said, now instead of feeling sad, I feel angry about that fact. Infuriated, even. Link to post Share on other sites
El Brujo Posted June 23, 2013 Share Posted June 23, 2013 Basically the way to avoid becoming bitter and angry is to work on yourself, find something you want to accomplish with your life... write novels, compose symphonies, invent a new wildly popular gadget, then get rich, get your s. totally together, and the opposite sex will start pursuing you so much that it will be a problem. Then when the ball is 100% in your court, you'll know you've made it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Inflikted Posted June 23, 2013 Author Share Posted June 23, 2013 Basically the way to avoid becoming bitter and angry is to work on yourself, find something you want to accomplish with your life... write novels, compose symphonies, invent a new wildly popular gadget, then get rich, get your s. totally together, and the opposite sex will start pursuing you so much that it will be a problem. Then when the ball is 100% in your court, you'll know you've made it. Heh, well, to be fair, though, very few people actually go on to do something "major" with their lives, and honestly, I don't anticipate I'll ever be "rich and famous". I mean, I'm working towards finding a solid career for myself, but I'm not going to be a millionaire, or anything. Plus, it's going to take some time for me to get where I want to be. It just sucks that, in the meantime, I have to watch everybody else date and whatnot, while I have to continually jump through hoop after hoop before I'm "qualified" enough to be worth dating. Link to post Share on other sites
Revolver Posted June 23, 2013 Share Posted June 23, 2013 Like a starving human with food, the only way to fix this is sex and dating success Link to post Share on other sites
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