M30USA Posted June 21, 2013 Posted June 21, 2013 (edited) Just to give some background, I've had this friend for almost half of my life. He was a main confidante during my divorce--which, if you know my story, was prettt nasty, including her being arrested for assaulting/injuring me and then her calling CPS on me (which was thankfully "ruled out"). Additionally, I was aware during my marriage that my ex-wife had a thing for him. I jokingly made a comment in passing which asked if she had a thing for him. She then starting crying and I was like, what? She gave me some kind of response which suggested that she felt awful that she is so transparent and that I could read her so easily (or something like that). I guess I was naive and figured, whatever, it's not a big deal. So a year after our divorce she has emailed him without my knowledge, asking a question related to her career (since they have similar careers). She ended email by saying: "I understand if you choose not to respond given the circumstance, thanks." I couldn't help but laugh by her generic use of phrase "the circumstance"--yea, you mean beating the snot out of your ex husband and falsely accusing him of child abuse? My buddy called me immediately to inform me. He said he wouldn't respond to her email. I think honestly that my buddy would have responded but he's not for 2 reasons: 1) he has recently also dealt with a borderline woman and knows their manipulative ways, and 2) my marriage wasn't a typical, civil one, but rather involved some pretty nasty tactics. What are your takes on this? Why do you think she is emailing my best buddy? What would you recommend? Edited June 21, 2013 by M30USA
lovemaynotbeenough Posted June 21, 2013 Posted June 21, 2013 Sounds like you have a good buddy. He told you about it and is not going to respond. She is probably trying to get something started with him with hopes of it hurting you. Recommendations: Do nothing. Your buddy sounds like a good friend and he should do nothing as well. Ignore her. He is not her friend he is yours. I am sure she could ask a co-worker the same question. She really doesn't need him. 4
Author M30USA Posted June 21, 2013 Author Posted June 21, 2013 Sounds like you have a good buddy. He told you about it and is not going to respond. She is probably trying to get something started with him with hopes of it hurting you. Recommendations: Do nothing. Your buddy sounds like a good friend and he should do nothing as well. Ignore her. He is not her friend he is yours. I am sure she could ask a co-worker the same question. She really doesn't need him. I can't imagine the lowness of trying to start something with an ex-spouses best friend.
lovemaynotbeenough Posted June 21, 2013 Posted June 21, 2013 I think honestly that my buddy would have responded but he's not for 2 reasons: 1) he has recently also dealt with a borderline woman and knows their manipulative ways, and 2) my marriage wasn't a typical, civil one, but rather involved some pretty nasty tactics. Unfortunatly it sounds like she would go there. Glad your friend is loyal to you and honest to tell you about it 1
Author M30USA Posted June 21, 2013 Author Posted June 21, 2013 I think honestly that my buddy would have responded but he's not for 2 reasons: 1) he has recently also dealt with a borderline woman and knows their manipulative ways, and 2) my marriage wasn't a typical, civil one, but rather involved some pretty nasty tactics. Unfortunatly it sounds like she would go there. Glad your friend is loyal to you and honest to tell you about it So what is the percent chance, in your opinion, that this was a truly professional career inquiry as opposed to a way of possibly starting something w my buddy? Secondly... What are the chances, in your opinion, that she's not interested in him but rather wants to get information about me from him? She previously had contacted my brother in a similar fashion, to which she also got ignored. My family and friends have different values than her family. They all get into each others business but my family and friends respect each other and, instead of communicating secretively and going around people, we encourage directness.
lovemaynotbeenough Posted June 21, 2013 Posted June 21, 2013 I think there is a 0% chance that it was a profssional inquiry. Maybe I am wrong about her trying to start something with him. But you did say that she kinda told you she had a thing for him. She could be trying to get info about you too though. I am glad you have a good support system. That is so important for you. And if I could ask you to read my story and comment. -why does my husband still want to sleep with me when he has another woman
ver13 Posted June 21, 2013 Posted June 21, 2013 Your doing fine right now without any contact whatsoever if you hit her up about the email she win's. To the EXW a response would proved that she still has some relevance in your life in some twisted way. Look IMO the last thing you want to do is waste your time on this person. Let it go and let her keep on going where ever she needs too as long as it's away from you. 2
Author M30USA Posted June 21, 2013 Author Posted June 21, 2013 I think there is a 0% chance that it was a profssional inquiry. That's what I thought. So bottom line is her intentions here are DEFINITELY NOT forthcoming and honest--which is consistent with her history. I will read your post as soon as I can.
Author M30USA Posted June 21, 2013 Author Posted June 21, 2013 Your doing fine right now without any contact whatsoever if you hit her up about the email she win's. To the EXW a response would proved that she still has some relevance in your life in some twisted way. Look IMO the last thing you want to do is waste your time on this person. Let it go and let her keep on going where ever she needs too as long as it's away from you. Yes, it definitely is twisted. I've heard that ex-wives, even after they remarry, still try to retain control over their ex husband. That's pathological.
Yasuandio Posted June 21, 2013 Posted June 21, 2013 Just to give some background, I've had this friend for almost half of my life. He was a main confidante during my divorce--which, if you know my story, was prettt nasty, including her being arrested for assaulting/injuring me and then her calling CPS on me (which was thankfully "ruled out"). Additionally, I was aware during my marriage that my ex-wife had a thing for him. I jokingly made a comment in passing which asked if she had a thing for him. She then starting crying and I was like, what? She gave me some kind of response which suggested that she felt awful that she is so transparent and that I could read her so easily (or something like that). I guess I was naive and figured, whatever, it's not a big deal. So a year after our divorce she has emailed him without my knowledge, asking a question related to her career (since they have similar careers). She ended email by saying: "I understand if you choose not to respond given the circumstance, thanks." I couldn't help but laugh by her generic use of phrase "the circumstance"--yea, you mean beating the snot out of your ex husband and falsely accusing him of child abuse? My buddy called me immediately to inform me. He said he wouldn't respond to her email. I think honestly that my buddy would have responded but he's not for 2 reasons: 1) he has recently also dealt with a borderline woman and knows their manipulative ways, and 2) my marriage wasn't a typical, civil one, but rather involved some pretty nasty tactics. What are your takes on this? Why do you think she is emailing my best buddy? What would you recommend? M30USA, What about this? It is entirely possible that the communique is simply a self-serving request for assistance in the career department, and that is all. That said, is it possible that any of your wife's movements tend to your get your imagination out of wack? Is it possible this has nothing to do with you? I would recommend that you stop "mind-reading" when this kind of stuff starts happening. That will help you move on. I have a similar situation - and can def relate to what you go through with this nonsense - that often makes no sense. You probably know about my protracted divorce that finially became final in September. Over the four years of separation during the extended ugly divorce process - a hundred weird things happened - that I tried to interpret - and upon reflection, see what a whate of time it was. Now, post divorce - such occurances have reduced in number, because for one reason - I no longer pay attention. Other matters he has designed to "yank my chain," such as NOT following "some" of the judge's orders. For instance, one of the payments he is supposed to send to me - he is sending to my old divorce attorney instead - to tick me off. I let go of it. He never paid the taxed on a property - I let go of it. There comes a point whee one has to get on with their life. AND THEN....the moment we start doing that, BOOM, there they are in the picture again. For you, your wife is reaching out to a friend of your's for adive (whether iti si meant to get at you or not). For me, just a few days ago, after my new little sofe was delivered, and as I chatted with the delivery men in the front doorway, BOOM, former husband does a drive-by. He had no reason to be in my sub-division. And immediatly, I was thinking kind of like you, what does this mean? Well, it is entirely possible that my former husband's drive-by has nothing to do with me. Our getting rattled over these things has everything to do with us! The day we can live in peasce no matter what movements our former spouses make - will be the day we have recovered. So -- what I am saying, M30USA, is that, when something happens like this, see about training your instincts, to first assume that it has nothing to do with you. Because it probably doesn't. If anything, it is all about them. You are not alone. I hope this helps. Yas 1
CarrieT Posted June 21, 2013 Posted June 21, 2013 So a year after our divorce she has emailed him without my knowledge, I'm confused. You are divorced -- is she required to tell you who she emails and for what reasons? What is it to you? What are your takes on this? What does is matter what anyone's "take" is on it? Why do you think she is emailing my best buddy? Why are you even giving this the energy of thought and reflection? What does it matter??? What would you recommend? I recommend you do nothing whatsoever. What are you inclined to do? You buddy told you and has washed his hands of the situation -- why can't you do the same? The real question is, "Is there a reason YOU are so wrapped up about this?"
Author M30USA Posted June 21, 2013 Author Posted June 21, 2013 this reply is funny. hahahahhahaha , but its such a great replay and its the same thing im thinking. So much worry about ex. ..... Life is to short to not move on. Yea, it's real easy to move on when your ex spouse marries your best friend, right? Yea, real easy. And it HAS happened, by the way. Without taking this the wrong way, you ladies do have a strong history of going after ex's best friends. As I've said, in the 4 relationships I've had with women, 3 of them went after my best buddy at the time when we broke up.
Yasuandio Posted June 21, 2013 Posted June 21, 2013 Yea, it's real easy to move on when your ex spouse marries your best friend, right? Yea, real easy. And it HAS happened, by the way. Without taking this the wrong way, you ladies do have a strong history of going after ex's best friends. "You Ladies" = I am a lady, you liked my post. As I've said, in the 4 relationships I've had with women, 3 of them went after my best buddy at the time when we broke up. Is this about "them" or is this about "you?" How long to you want to hold onto it? When your buttons get pushed, you are NOT in control. Uninstall the program, and there will be no buttons. Yas 1
Author M30USA Posted June 21, 2013 Author Posted June 21, 2013 (edited) When your buttons get pushed, you are NOT in control. Uninstall the program, and there will be no buttons. Yas I agree. I've been doing pretty well lately with blowing off her games. But this one is just ridiculous. It makes me remember why I couldn't deal with being married to her. She's refreshed my memory. Some love is just a lie of the soul A constant battle for the ultimate state of control And they may not want it to end But it will, it's just a question of when --Billy Joel Edited June 21, 2013 by M30USA 1
SuperGeek Posted June 21, 2013 Posted June 21, 2013 Good friends don't date or otherwise get involved with en EX WIFE. If he cared about your friendship he would politely ignore her emails and tell her NO. Maybe you need to evaluate if your best friends really are your best friends. I'm saying this ONLY if he ends up hooking up with her. He isn't to blame for just getting an email. This same situation happened to me as well and I'm no longer friends with a friend I had for over 15 years. The fling lasted 4 months and I hope it was worth it to him. He traded me for my ex. I've had the ex-wives of my friends hitting on me as well and I never ever allow that. It's a crappy thing to do and I follow a much better set of morals than that. Not to mention such a relationship is just filled with drama and stress. No thanks. Sometimes hooking up with friends of an EX is okay (i.e. after a few months of dating) , but after a divorce when everyone has spent years of time, money, and emotional investment? no way. When there is kids involved? No way in hell. SuperGeek 3
Yasuandio Posted June 21, 2013 Posted June 21, 2013 I agree. I've been doing pretty well lately with blowing off her games. But this one is just ridiculous. It makes me remember why I couldn't deal with being married to her. She's refreshed my memory. Some love is just a lie of the soul A constant battle for the ultimate state of control And they may not want it to end But it will, it's just a question of when --Billy Joel You'll be Ok, M30USA. It is going to take time for you and me both. Those "monkey wrenches are not going to disappear anytime soon. It is our response to them that has to be re-adjusted. Just keep coming here and post it. Each time - you appear a little less ticked and aggitated, in my opinion. I hope I do too. Yas 1
ver13 Posted June 21, 2013 Posted June 21, 2013 Yes, it definitely is twisted. I've heard that ex-wives, even after they remarry, still try to retain control over their ex husband. That's pathological. I wish my EXW wanted to retain some type of control I would hand her our bills and tell her to take care of them. If she didn't get the job done I would take her A$$ to court and sue her for fraud or embezzlement what ever suit's my whim at the time. I mean since I retained her as a financial consultant, really why else would she be involved in our doings. LOL:) :) The nerve of some people....
Author M30USA Posted June 21, 2013 Author Posted June 21, 2013 I wish my EXW wanted to retain some type of control I would hand her our bills and tell her to take care of them. If she didn't get the job done I would take her A$$ to court and sue her for fraud or embezzlement what ever suit's my whim at the time. I mean since I retained her as a financial consultant, really why else would she be involved in our doings. LOL:) :) The nerve of some people.... Too bad that doesn't work!
lovemaynotbeenough Posted June 22, 2013 Posted June 22, 2013 Surely you don't think its right to get with a friends "ex". Surely if you did that you would feel bad or guilty. Thats just not what friends do. I would never do that to a friend! An acquaintance maybe but not a friend. Ughh
Author M30USA Posted June 23, 2013 Author Posted June 23, 2013 Oh I misunderstood you. I thought you had a gay thing going on with your friend and were worried that your crazy ex was going to try to make him switch to the hetero side just out of spite. Go have a heart to heart with your dad and talk to me once you've resolved your issues, please. I don't know what your problem is but I don't even want to engage you since there's some serious crap going on in your heart.
lovemaynotbeenough Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 A "friend" getting with an "ex" is not a friend at all. I would be hurt. But not about my "ex" but about my " friend." Even if I was completly over the "ex" and wanted nothing to do with them i would still probably think it was s#itty. Thats just me. To each their own. 2
Author M30USA Posted June 23, 2013 Author Posted June 23, 2013 The only one with issues is you and all the other guys who have developed the fallacious idea that there is some imaginary restriction on who OTHER people are allowed and not allowed to have sex with just based on having been your EX. It is juvenile and immature for you to resent a friend for getting involved with your ex or your ex for getting involved with your friend. She is your ex and you have absolutely no right to assume such a restriction exists. Obviously you don't have to be friends with your friend anymore, that's on you, and it's silly, it's just being petulant and jealous that your friend gets to hit it and you will never ever get to do that again, ever. Pure immature and pointless jealousy and nothing else. Pick your women better or work harder to maintain that relationship and just maybe next time around you won't have to worry about what your "ex" does because she won't ever be your "ex." Worry about what you can and should control--YOUR relationships--not your ex's or your friends' relationships. I don't have a problem. You are the one with the problem. I don't know if I would use the world "controlling" since you don't have any control over what your EX or your friends choose to do with each other. I would say you have a huge amount of nerve and a completely unrealistic expectation to expect that your EX gives any kind of a damn about what you think as to whether or not they have sex with your friends nor should your friends care. It's not your pussy anymore dude, you lost your claim on it. It's long since time to get over it. Don't you think? Whether you get over it or not, all your immature petulance and jealousy and lack of good will (in fact you should be HAPPY if your ex and a friend are actually able to form a successful relationship, not jealous like a 13 year old adolescent) makes no difference. You lost that pussy forever, if you want to give up friendships over it too, that's your choice, you can cry and piss in the wind about it all you want. No one cares buddy. No one. Sounds like you've taken one of your ex's best friends and you're speaking to justify your own actions. Anyway, peace.
2sure Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 Next time you pick up the kids say " hey, mike mentioned you contacted him for career advice. That was a great idea. "
imtooconfused Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 Next time you pick up the kids say " hey, mike mentioned you contacted him for career advice. That was a great idea. " Next time you pick up the kids say " hey, mike mentioned you were hitting on him. How is that going?" 1
2sure Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 Next time you pick up the kids say " hey, mike mentioned you were hitting on him. How is that going?" Same thing, just said in high road speak. Also translates to: you bitch, have you never heard the term bros before hos? Either way, she will completely understand.
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