Emotions I wasn't expecting - Repost..

[saltygirl01]

I left my ex at the beginning of April. We were together 3 years - we lived together 2.5 and I have realized I was a victim of mental and emotional abuse due to a functioning alcoholic. Let me quickly describe him:

 

Conflicted, drinking problem, low self-esteem, momma's boy, 31 and his mother handles his bank accounts, buys his underwear, makes his phone calls, does his resume, gets his jobs. childish, bought a house (his mom bought it and gave it to him and even picked it out) slightly crazy.

 

Our relationship was fun but full of drugs and drinking at first (on his behalf) I saw all the red flags, but I hung out - yes, I am a healing co-dependent. I wanted the idea of a happy home and love and marriage so I pushed for it to work. When we met he was living at his moms, unemployed (had been laid off) drunk daily. OK Fast forward - we had spurts of good times, weeks of sobriety here and there - he moved in within 6 months. (this was a year before his house was purchased and I moved in with him)

 

Things I experienced with him:

 

Black outs, calling me names, kicking my purse, breaking my camera, smashing my iPhone, flipping the couch, saying he wants to commit suicide, begging for me to not leave him, ditching me on my birthday because it wasn't what he wanted to do, constant panic attacks, mental breakdowns, breaking things and finally a hole he punched through our master bedroom door.

 

That was my final straw - I left. And he kicked me out before i was done packing and put all my things outside. I felt so good once I was out, but I never lowered myself to his fighting and I never said negative things. I only said I was so sorry this had to end this way and I would never hate him I only wanted him to be happy and healthy. For the first 8 weeks he called me every few nights from 12 am - 3 am, repeatedly CRYING, begging, pleading saying he was sorry - always HAMMERED. All I asked for was for him to meet me sober so we could talk and apologize. He always found a way out of it. Finally, about 2 months later, he just started ignoring me. I was glad the midnight craziness had ended, but I still wanted closure, I guess? I asked him to meet me and his response was "I don't have any drama toward you anymore and I almost don't want to bring up old sh*t - the stuff that happened" and he just completely started ignoring me.

 

I am glad it is over, so please do not harp on me for still hurting. I think those that have been involved with an alcoholic of some sort will understand. We are still friends on social media (BAD IDEA) and that is definitely driving me nuts. Simple answer - delete him, I know. I just didn't yet. He has never been the type to be so overly positive and lately he is constantly posting "Blessed to have had such a great weekend!" "GREAT NIGHTS MAKE FOR GOOD MORNINGS!!"

 

I am like wait, what?! I did it again! I was the bigger person, the one who did not say I hated him. I even lied when he asked me if I was dating someone new (which I am and he is amazingly kind, happy and responsible.. and understands what I am going through and accepts it) but I lied to save his feelings of hurt.

 

I guess I just want to hear that there is no possible way he is healed and happy and normal so soon. And I am hurt that he never publicly announced how happy he was with me - unless he was really miserable all that time..

 

His mother is still begging me to go to lunch with her - etc etc. I wish I could just forget everything and not care. But I guess that happens with time..

 

I sincerely appreciate your words of courage, hope and understanding and maybe insight too..

 

Thank you loveshackers!

 

Oh and as a side note - I sent him a nice long text and said I forgave him for everything, because I have and I truly want to move on and not feel hatred - which he ignored and did not respond to. He is also flirting openly with a woman he works with that has a child - things he always swore he would stay away from, work dating and children (another reason I realized we wouldn't work because I want children and marriage and he always said he was incapable of being a mature father)

 

It is all quite hurtful.. to think he has magically morphed into the man I wanted in a short matter of weeks.

Edited June 21, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
left some things out.