Getting older and "settling".

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

You just have the wrong attitude.

 

Really, those single women are single because they are nitpickers and no man wants that unless he has zero options on the table. So don't base your dating ideas off of them. They are worthless.

 

If you want to meet cute girls and date them then hang around with guys who do that and figure out what they are doing. Those guys will probably be able to give you advice and insight as to why you are having trouble as well.

 

/thread

 

There's nothing important to see here before or after this advice. This is all you need, OP.

[NGC1300]

Since you said your criteria for women is mostly about looks, are you even attractive enough both looks and personality wise to attain such a lady who is so smokin' hot?

 

I think pretty much all men feel they settle in looks when it comes to women because very few men can attain insanely hot women that they think are the most valuable.

 

I'm not conceited, but I know I'm good looking. I also work out regularly and know I have a far better body than most guys. I know this sounds vain, conceited, etc, but I know it's true.

 

Personality, that I need to work on. I'm getting better; it's a day by day thing.

[NGC1300]

Women's looks starts to fade in their 20's and are almost gone completely by their 30's (if you find an older woman attractive, you're actually attracted to her makeup).

 

This is why your strategy of going after just looks will fail. Personality matters just as much (probably more) than looks. Because when her looks fade (and they will fade sooner than you think), you have to make sure you can tolerate being around her. Otherwise, your marriage will fail.

 

I do agree with most of what you say.

 

Funny thing is, I have always been attracted to older women. I'm talking 35+.

 

Not to say there aren't young ones who are pretty as well.

[NGC1300]

I'm 45 and I'll tell you something, Junior... don't lower your standards unless you want to get your heart broken a bunch of times in a row. I'm still waiting for "her" to come along, but I'm not sweating it. I'm accomplishing something with my life alone, and I'm about probably just over 1/2 on the road to having my s. totally together.

 

Let people call you "anal" for having a laundry list... after all it's YOUR life, so don't let others tell you how to live it.

 

Thank you sir.

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

Uhh.... You sure about this?

 

Yes, I'm sure.

 

Looks fade regardless of age. It has to do with how well you take care of yourself.

 

This is true. However, for whatever reason, if a guy takes care of himself, he CAN look better when he's 40 than when he's in his 20's. I've seen it before.

 

I've yet to see any girl look better older without a massive amount of makeup.

 

 

I'm 29 and am hotter than I was years ago. Im like wine, only getting better with age and I don't sense a decline anytime soon.

 

Give yourself a few years.

 

Also post pics when you were 18-20 and a pic now. We'll be the judge.

 

I've seen close to 40 year olds who look fantastic and 25 year olds who are wrinkling gray and balding.

 

It sounds like you're talking about guys here, in which case I agree.

 

This is not a blanket statement that women decline in 20s so I'm really not sure where you pulled this from. Take a walk in NYC and tell me that the 20s/30s are ugly. Betcha can't.

 

It's a general statement.

 

I lived in New York City for the first 25 years of my life. I walked there often. So, yes, I can say that. They wear gobs and gobs of makeup to look halfway decent. When they take their makeup off, they look like totally different people.

 

I'm also "shallow" if you will. I need to be attracted to the person I'm going to date and I need to be attracted to be passionate about you. I wouldn't settle ever, and I don't even dream of settling even when my mother tries to tell me that all my eggs are drying up.

 

A lasting relationship isn't going to be the one in which you have to convince yourself to be with the other person. It's going to just develop organically and naturally and you're going to be attracted from the get go.

 

This advice coming from......someone that hasn't had a successful relationship.

 

[BradJacobs]

Women's looks starts to fade in their 20's and are almost gone completely by their 30's (if you find an older woman attractive, you're actually attracted to her makeup).

For the majority of women that may be true, especially with obesity on the rise in the US.

 

However, the hottest woman that I ever slept with was in her late 30s. Beautiful eyes, slender build, great +2s and a natural look of beauty. She's the only woman that I ever got caught just staring because I definitely knocked it out of the park with her.

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

For the majority of women that may be true, especially with obesity on the rise in the US.

 

However, the hottest woman that I ever slept with was in her late 30s. Beautiful eyes, slender build, great +2s and a natural look of beauty. She's the only woman that I ever got caught just staring because I definitely knocked it out of the park with her.

 

Yes, but your story is anecdotal and very far from the norm.

 

Just out of curiosity, was she a white American woman?

[kaylan]

I just turned 29. I know it's an arbitrary number, but let's face it, the next 10 years will go by in a flash, and I'll be a middle-aged man.

 

My biggest problem right now, is that I've always had this highly idealized version of what kind of woman I want. I know it's shallow, maybe even reckless, but it's mainly about physical attributes. I would never dismiss personality, but I have to be physically attracted first.

 

I was recently thinking, is it really worth "holding out" for the idealized woman that may never come?

 

A girl at work is kind of sending me vibes, but I'm really on the fence about her being attractive. I just don't know, and I hate to get involved when I don't know, especially with someone in the workplace. However, there is this little nagging voice that says maybe I should give it a go.

 

Anyway, have any of you felt a compulsion to "settle" as you get older, realizing time is running out?

 

Part of me still feels like I'd rather die alone than settle for anything.

You need 3 parts attraction to be completely happy in a relationship in my opinion. Sexual, mental, and emotional compatibility are ALL important.

 

Dont settle, dont rush. Sometimes you meet sexy girls whose personality you dont click with, and sometimes you meet great girls you click with who you dont find attractive.

 

It happens...but keep your head up.

[Eggplant]

Women's looks starts to fade in their 20's and are almost gone completely by their 30's (if you find an older woman attractive, you're actually attracted to her makeup).

 

While I agree that younger women are far more attractive, to say that a woman's looks are "almost gone" by her 30's... She's still fertile ... It seems an exaggeration.

[kaylan]

As you get older, you become less physically attractive, and while you're busy looking for the BBD, the awesome women who aren't physically perfect but make for awesome wives will get swooped off the market... and you'll be alone.

God forbid a man want a woman hes attracted to. Yes looks fade, but they will always matter to both men and women. Relationships are about sexual attraction too ya know.

 

Saying "looks fade" all the time, is no different from me telling people "sex drive declines with age....so just get any mate to have kids with....the chemistry part wont matter down the line". Its all just silly.

[Eggplant]

OP -- you should not settle. Imagine settling, and then afterwards meeting a woman of your dreams. Then you won't be able to have that dream woman because you'll be taken.

 

And women, by the way, do not want to be with men who are settling for us. I'd never be with a man who was settling for me -- rather be alone. You wouldn't be doing this girl any favors.

 

And as a man, you do have more leeway in terms of age. That's just a fact of life.

 

What you do need to start doing, if you want this ideal woman, is to start pursuing. You said you didn't want to pursue. Well, did you pursue your current job? Think of it as a job interview. You apply and apply and get rejected until the right one comes along. You're going to have to get rejected and take risks to get what you want. Women are attracted to men who take risks.

[thefooloftheyear]

God forbid a man want a woman hes attracted to. Yes looks fade, but they will always matter to both men and women. Relationships are about sexual attraction too ya know.

 

Saying "looks fade" all the time, is no different from me telling people "sex drive declines with age....so just get any mate to have kids with....the chemistry part wont matter down the line". Its all just silly.

 

Yes, but hold on a minute....

 

I understand what you are saying...When I was a senior I went out with the hottest girl in HS...She was perfect..But she was the biggest pain in the ass it wasnt funny...Weak, clingy, insecure...dumb as a box of rocks, too..

 

So what do you have?

 

As I have gotten older my tastes have shifted. I am a very fit guy and would only settle for shapely women...Now, I dont care if she has a few pounds on her...Frankly, at my age(40's) they practically ALL do. A woman in her 40's that is 20 lbs overweight is considered slim and shapely...Its extraordinarily rare to find a woman at this age that is considered "ideal " weight..

 

I look for what is between the ears, as well...Sure a nice ass and a great pair of tits always work, but I dont want to be with a moron...If that means I am settling..so be it!

 

TFY

[xxoo]

Attraction is necessary. Chemistry is necessary.

 

Needing a conventionally hot partner is not normally necessary to have attraction and chemistry. Nor is it normally necessary to have a very specific "look".

 

If an individual is having a difficult time meeting or attracting women he is attracted to, that's an issue. Is it a matter of unreasonably narrow attraction? Or is it a matter of social isolation or awkwardness? Or something else?

[insomniax]

I am at the same point as you op, 29 and single. I am not really worried about it, i am working on my career and my own life. I have lots of good things going and i will find my ideal woman. I dont feel like having to settle either, why should i? I can still get younger and attractive women fairly easily but i want one who hears the song i put out so to speak. Know what i mean?

[PJKino]

God forbid a man want a woman hes attracted to. Yes looks fade, but they will always matter to both men and women. Relationships are about sexual attraction too ya know.

 

Saying "looks fade" all the time, is no different from me telling people "sex drive declines with age....so just get any mate to have kids with....the chemistry part wont matter down the line". Its all just silly.

 

Especially coimng from one of the more shallow people on this site in SG

[EasyHeart]

Anyone who thinks that they are "settling" by being with another person is asking to be miserable. And they'll make their partner miserable, too.

 

Attraction is completely subjective; a happy relationship is one in which both people think they are dating/marrying up.