HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted June 22, 2013 Share Posted June 22, 2013 I've become rather jaded since my last LTR ended about a year ago. The break-up was mutual, but it was still a painful and emotionally draining experience. It takes a lot out of a person when someone you love so much slowly turns into an enemy, all the love replaced with resentment and bitterness. Based on the experiences of most people I know, as well as my own, I've concluded that romantic love is largely an illusion. It seems like no matter how amazing things are in the beginning of a relationship, the love fades and the passion dies. Very few people are willing to stick by someone through hard times (financial problems, mental health issues etc). I think part of this has to do with the fact that many people expect someone else to complete them, instead of finding emotional fulfillment through personal development. People like this become hostile and bitter when the honeymoon stage ends or when problems arise. This applies to men and women equally. It just seems like people use each other to satisfy their emotional and physical needs, and once they feel those needs aren't being met to their satisfaction, they look elsewhere. This is what makes romantic love different from the type of unconditional love that exists between parents and children. This is why I'll never get married. I don't want to sacrifice my freedom and independence for woman when there's a pretty good chance the relationship will fall apart once she realizes that real life is very different from fairy tales or romantic comedies. So what do guys think, am I too jaded and pessimistic? Do you believe romantic love can last forever in this day and age? I don't believe that romantic love is an illusion. I do believe that our society both overtly and subtly discourages it though. Unfortunately, these days, romantic love is more the exception than the rule. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted June 22, 2013 Share Posted June 22, 2013 It's to the point where I can't even look at people getting married with a straight face. Ask yourselves how many people truly in love and happy couples do you know. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted June 22, 2013 Share Posted June 22, 2013 if she doesn't have butterflies there won't even be a second date. some even tell me this, no butterflies so no second date. not true.......butterflies can happen with getting to know someone, in my mind you never know someone just after a first date takes more than that one date for butterflies to take flight............deb Link to post Share on other sites
KungFuJoe Posted June 22, 2013 Share Posted June 22, 2013 I'm not depressed at all, just cynical and pessimistic when it comes to marriage and serious relationships. My outlook isn't based on my experience alone. It's also based the experiences of many people I know, including friends and members of my family. You're depressed and you're down big time. That much is obvious. Having been where you've been before (devastated after a bad breakup) I have empathy for you. But, at the same time, I can tell you that it looks a LOT different from where I'm sitting than from where you are. You're too caught up, emotionally, to think logically. It's psychology 101. When you're happy, you think positively. When you're down, you think negatively. I'm happy now, so of course I'm going to say that true love is possible. You're down in the dumps so of course you will vehemently disagree. Which one of is right? Who knows...but I think logic would dictate that your ONE experience and the handful of hearsay stories you've heard hardly make up even .00000000000000000000000000000000000000001% of the possible relationship opportunities out there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrRightNow Posted June 22, 2013 Author Share Posted June 22, 2013 KungFu, I am thinking logically. About 50 percent of marriages end in divorce, and many people who remain in their marriages do so out of convenience. My views aren't based on just hearsay or my own experience. And I'm being honest when I say I'm not depressed. My life is pretty good, 100% drama-free. I do whatever I want with whoever I want. There's nothing like the freedom and independence that comes with being single. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrlonelyone Posted June 22, 2013 Share Posted June 22, 2013 It's to the point where I can't even look at people getting married with a straight face. Ask yourselves how many people truly in love and happy couples do you know. I concur with this. Especially with the young set of college age people I've been around. I have been around such people long enough to know that most of those relationships won't pan out. More like 75% of them end in divorce. Why? Because people rush into getting married right out of college at 22, when they dont' have jobs, or independent real life experience. Then they are getting married to someone with no job, no resources, no connections, and no real life experience as a fully independent adult. They marry eachother so as not to be left out of being married and out of fear of being alone, or out of lusty limmerant horniness. Then when it dosen't work they come on boards like this and write about how odd those of us wise enough not to get married until we were truly ready to make such a commitment are. They call it a red flag that we aren't divorced like they are. (Ok I'll admit a little bitterness about that). To the point. I believe true love exist. It comes in many forms. It is romantic, or comfortable and committed, it is lusty and when it really last it's built on friendships, common values, goals and beliefs. True love can last a month or it can last a life time. I'll bet if we all just give ourselves a break and focus on the good parts of the relationships we have had, that at least once we have had true love even for a day. MrRightNow, As someone who has been mr right now way more than I have been mr right.. I feel where you are coming from. Independance and freedom are really nice. However, as we age we all want someone to be there when we want to settle down. Link to post Share on other sites
KungFuJoe Posted June 22, 2013 Share Posted June 22, 2013 KungFu, I am thinking logically. About 50 percent of marriages end in divorce, and many people who remain in their marriages do so out of convenience. My views aren't based on just hearsay or my own experience. And I'm being honest when I say I'm not depressed. My life is pretty good, 100% drama-free. I do whatever I want with whoever I want. There's nothing like the freedom and independence that comes with being single. 80% of small businesses fail. So people should never start a business? Nothing worth having is completely without risk. In fact, the opposite is true. The greater the reward, the higher the risk. Yes, most relationships fail...but the beauty of it is that you get to try again and again until you get it right. You can either give in to "statistics" (aka fear) and live a somewhat satisfying, yet unfulfilling life, or you can throw caution to the wind and go out make your life the best it can possibly be. I chose the latter and after a HORRIBLE break up from my first gf that left me feeling like a zombie and a pretty tumultuous relationship with another girl, I finally found the woman of my dreams and have been living a life I never imagined could be possible for over 13 years. Link to post Share on other sites
Eggplant Posted June 22, 2013 Share Posted June 22, 2013 In my opinion, true love is very natural and is designed to last long enough to raise children. I wish I didn't believe in it -- then I wouldn't be so sad that it didn't work out or I wasn't finding it. If true love wasn't such a great thing after all, that would make everybody who didn't have it feel better. Link to post Share on other sites
Ami1uwant Posted June 22, 2013 Share Posted June 22, 2013 KungFu, I am thinking logically. About 50 percent of marriages end in divorce, and many people who remain in their marriages do so out of convenience. My views aren't based on just hearsay or my own experience. And I'm being honest when I say I'm not depressed. My life is pretty good, 100% drama-free. I do whatever I want with whoever I want. There's nothing like the freedom and independence that comes with being single. My own theory on why divorce rates are higher...... People et into relationships driven by sex/attraction and not long term relationship/partnership reasons. If the sex is great it clouds the judgement so the relationship is geared around the great sex. Eventually (usually after marriage) where life starts the sex just dies down and you realize who you are with. With some they learn to love them agqin and develop the emotional connection....and understand living together. Others cant and it ends in divorce. An added factor is children. some stay in the marriege for the kids. After they have grown they get divorce. Link to post Share on other sites
BluEyeL Posted June 24, 2013 Share Posted June 24, 2013 Eventually (usually after marriage) where life starts the sex just dies down and you realize who you are with. In my marriage sex NEVER died down!!! Kept at a constant level/frequency for the entire duration of the marriage. I'm hearing this everywhere, makes me worried that sex "dies down" in marriages/long relationships. Hope not true to such a large extent. Link to post Share on other sites
KungFuJoe Posted June 24, 2013 Share Posted June 24, 2013 I've been with my wife for almost 14 years and will have been married for 11 this August. Our sex life was amazing right from the getgo and there have been some slight "down" periods after each child was born, but currently, we are having the most and best sex of our lives. I'm talking over twice a day in terms of frequency (and yes, I do keep track). Our secret? Besides obviously being right for each other...neither of us ever stopped trying to "court" the other. The honeymoon phase basically never ended for us. Link to post Share on other sites
Pompeii Posted June 24, 2013 Share Posted June 24, 2013 I don't think love is an illusion but I doubt most people will find it in their lifetime. Link to post Share on other sites
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