Please help: My relationship is nearly finished

[mikezone13]

My wonderful relationship of the past two years is close to ending and I don't know what to do.

 

We have been living together for the past 8 months and 2 weeks ago the love of my life moved back to her parents place. I'm 24y/o and she's 22y/o.

 

We have been drifting slowly apart over the past few months as both of us had stopped properly comunicating with one another, but since she has moved out we've been talking all the time on the phone and our strong friendship and communication that we once had has begun to rise to the surface again.

 

The main problem is that we still see each other and go out for dinner or to a movie and we both have a great time and laugh and hug and hold hands and talk, but then when she goes back to her parent's place and we talk again she says that she made a mistake by going out with me.

 

I feel like I'm being pulled close and then thrown away again. It seems like she is scared to let her feeling s for me show and she has told me that she's scared if we try again it may go down the same path.

 

How can I help her to understand that by us trying again she's not being weak and is in fact being strong because she's willing to fight for the love and strength of the relationship that we once had together??

 

Please help because I'm hurting so much here

[Nic]

i'm a strong believer in giving things a second chance if the relationship is worth it, and especially if you know where you went wrong before.

 

your best chance is to set aside time when you are not tired, and have an honest talk together about your goals for yourselves as individuals and as a couple - be sure to look at the next few months and years (not just the long term), and to be specific about what you want. then try, together, to understand just what the lack of communication whilst living together was really about. she may feel she's in over her head, or fear getting hurt - only she can tell you that.

 

sometimes relationships work so much better the second time around because you know where you went wrong and it can make two people stronger. there's every chance you won't go down the same path again and she needs to understand that it's irrational to fear something that may not even happen.

 

on the other hand, maybe she needs more time on her own to realise what it is she wants. this will be very hard for the both of you, but with less pressure, an understanding will be reached a lot sooner, hopefully. you know what they say, "you never really know what you have until you don't have it anymore".

 

and if things don't work out, as painful as it is, you will have to cut your losses and eventually move on. at least you will be able to say you tried to make it work.

 

good luck to you

My wonderful relationship of the past two years is close to ending and I don't know what to do. We have been living together for the past 8 months and 2 weeks ago the love of my life moved back to her parents place. I'm 24y/o and she's 22y/o. We have been drifting slowly apart over the past few months as both of us had stopped properly comunicating with one another, but since she has moved out we've been talking all the time on the phone and our strong friendship and communication that we once had has begun to rise to the surface again. The main problem is that we still see each other and go out for dinner or to a movie and we both have a great time and laugh and hug and hold hands and talk, but then when she goes back to her parent's place and we talk again she says that she made a mistake by going out with me.

 

I feel like I'm being pulled close and then thrown away again. It seems like she is scared to let her feeling s for me show and she has told me that she's scared if we try again it may go down the same path. How can I help her to understand that by us trying again she's not being weak and is in fact being strong because she's willing to fight for the love and strength of the relationship that we once had together?? Please help because I'm hurting so much here

[Tony T]

The surest way to get this gal back is to stop seeing her...except once in a while. Stop talking to her so much. This girl is looking for some sparks. A 22-year-old female wants a challenge, a run for her money.

 

If you cool your jets and stop caring so much which way this goes, you will have her eating out of your hands. My bet is that she got bored with the relationship, not scarred. People don't leave realtionships they are happy with or challenged by. The get out of them because they are not fulfilling or they are boring.

 

Sorry, man...I didn't plan this stuff out. We are talking human nature here. If you can't ease on out of her life for a while, talk to her rarely, cease going out with her but on very rare occasions, you can kiss this one goodbye. If you can pull that off, you will have her dying for your company and your heart. Trust me!!!

[mikezone13]

Thanks for your reply,

 

We've got a talk on the phone planned for tonight and I'm going to tell that I feel OK with her going away for Chritmas with her parents.

 

The time apart will be good and hopefuly while she's away from me she'll begin to "find herself" again and we can try a second time around.

 

All I want is for us to at least try so we don't look back and fell terrible about never giving it a great chance.

 

Once again thank you

i'm a strong believer in giving things a second chance if the relationship is worth it, and especially if you know where you went wrong before. your best chance is to set aside time when you are not tired, and have an honest talk together about your goals for yourselves as individuals and as a couple - be sure to look at the next few months and years (not just the long term), and to be specific about what you want. then try, together, to understand just what the lack of communication whilst living together was really about. she may feel she's in over her head, or fear getting hurt - only she can tell you that.

 

sometimes relationships work so much better the second time around because you know where you went wrong and it can make two people stronger. there's every chance you won't go down the same path again and she needs to understand that it's irrational to fear something that may not even happen. on the other hand, maybe she needs more time on her own to realise what it is she wants. this will be very hard for the both of you, but with less pressure, an understanding will be reached a lot sooner, hopefully. you know what they say, "you never really know what you have until you don't have it anymore". and if things don't work out, as painful as it is, you will have to cut your losses and eventually move on. at least you will be able to say you tried to make it work. good luck to you

[Nic]

these things can be really tough, especially when you really love somebody. but i can guarantee you, no matter how things work out, she will really appreciate you understanding that she needs time on her own. she seems very confused and it's probably the best thing for her right now.

 

she knows you love her, she knows where you are and she will be more inclined to miss you and want things to work with you if you sit back and play it by ear and give her some space.

 

i hope you'll still enjoy your christmas. try not to think about things too much (i know, easier said than done). you'll hear from her soon enough and will learn where you stand. and you can always come back here to get things off your chest!

Thanks for your reply, We've got a talk on the phone planned for tonight and I'm going to tell that I feel OK with her going away for Chritmas with her parents.

 

The time apart will be good and hopefuly while she's away from me she'll begin to "find herself" again and we can try a second time around. All I want is for us to at least try so we don't look back and fell terrible about never giving it a great chance. Once again thank you

[mikezone13]

Thanks,

 

I had kind of already decided to give her breathing space, but I find it hard when her parents don't talk to her about things and just act as nothing happened, I think because of this she may forget me if she spends too much time with them.

 

BUt after her trip away for Christmas hopefully she'll have seen the light and realise that what we had was too good to just throw away like that.

The surest way to get this gal back is to stop seeing her...except once in a while. Stop talking to her so much. This girl is looking for some sparks. A 22-year-old female wants a challenge, a run for her money. If you cool your jets and stop caring so much which way this goes, you will have her eating out of your hands. My bet is that she got bored with the relationship, not scarred. People don't leave realtionships they are happy with or challenged by. The get out of them because they are not fulfilling or they are boring. Sorry, man...I didn't plan this stuff out. We are talking human nature here. If you can't ease on out of her life for a while, talk to her rarely, cease going out with her but on very rare occasions, you can kiss this one goodbye. If you can pull that off, you will have her dying for your company and your heart. Trust me!!!

[Deejette]

She won't forget you! She probably thinks about you a lot throughout the day. But something is keeping her from getting back with you again. You will just have to let her figure it out. If she is right for you, she will come back to you. If she is not, you are still young and time will heal the hurt that you feel now.

Thanks, I had kind of already decided to give her breathing space, but I find it hard when her parents don't talk to her about things and just act as nothing happened, I think because of this she may forget me if she spends too much time with them. BUt after her trip away for Christmas hopefully she'll have seen the light and realise that what we had was too good to just throw away like that.

 

[jenn]

hi, let me tell you, i am going through almost the same thing. if you need to talk, email me at <e-mail address removed>

 

but i asked alot of people and they all say that you dont know what you have till you lose it. so let her realize that. dont call her and if she calls, let the machine get it. no matter how hard it is. i always took my boyfriends love for granted because no matter what we argued about, he always pleaded with me to go back to him. recently, he got tired of the fighting and stopped calling me and said he doesnt want a relationship. it makes me want him back more than ever. i cry every day about it. maybe it will help to talk to someone with the same problems so youshould email me. dont call her for a month and even if she calls you either dont answer or act like you are on your way out. keep her guessing. dont act available. seriously, this may do it.