Genevieve741 Posted June 22, 2013 Share Posted June 22, 2013 (edited) Hey everyone, The fact that I am even posting here should give me some kind of answer that I should move on, but here's my story. Been dating this guy for 6 years now, we were 18/19 when we started talking. I was away at college in DC while he was back in NYC, our home city. Not a very long distance but still not right there. We had our bumps in the road but worked through them and really got more serious when I finished school three years ago and came back to NY. Our bumps consisted of him saying inappropriate things to female friends or associates, like what are you wearing, or you should come over- which if they said ok he would make up an excuse why they couldn't. And he was an a$$ and no previous girlfriend would check him on his stuff. His friends told me that from the beginning, but of course I think I'm different and so did his friends cause they saw him changing- and didn't like it so much cause they still wanted to be immature together. We addressed it a few times with me finding inappropriate comments via fb or me randomly asking if there were convos in his phone that I would be upset about and his reaction would tell me so- I wouldn't have to look in the phone cause he would just fess up when I would ask. So now to the present after a conversation with other couples when we were alone I asked a hypothetical question of if he would be upset if I got his phone records. And again his reaction told me of course and he admitted to it. Saying slick/perverted things to females. The previous weekend we were talking about the next step of being more serious and moving in together and possibly an engagement because something hit him while I was babysitting my toddler niece and he's never seen me be motherly before- which he claims made him look toward our future and he wants kids with me. (I think it's BS) But the issue is he kept lying saying he was going to stop the comments to these females, which I know most he hasn't seen or hung out with because either they are not in our city or he's always with me or work (which is at my father's company and I log the hours for employees there) but he obviously hasn't. Two years ago was our biggest issue with his comments and we did get over that, but I'm 24 now and feel like yes I did want a future with him but I don't know if I should believe this time is really different. And we did break up last year for a few months, but he seemed to have stepped up his game and matured and now with finding out he really didn't is frustrating. He's been crying, begging for one last chance, and been an emotional wreck ( his mom called me crying that he's not eating, but throwing up, and sick, crying- which she's obviously worried about as his mom. And his friends are worried about his suicidal talk if things don't work out- which I don't know whether that's him being drastic and trying to manipulate the situation or whatever, but I am numb to feelings right now). Can guys really grow up and change their personalities when they see themselves having a future with someone? I don't even feel as if he deserves another chance but there were so many more good times and his good actions than the bad its clouding my judgment. Sorry for the long story but any other views would be appreciated. Thanks. Edited June 22, 2013 by Genevieve741 Link to post Share on other sites
imfine Posted June 22, 2013 Share Posted June 22, 2013 His behavior is typical of a man that's busted. I seriously doubt he developed a conscience just because he saw you in a different light. Yes people can change but it's a gamble & the odds are not in your favor. Link to post Share on other sites
gateway865 Posted June 23, 2013 Share Posted June 23, 2013 Well after reading this post I personally would say your a good one for sticking with him as long as you did. He was WAY WAY WAY out of line to be flirting with other females but making sexual comments that's just low. ( sorry just my honest opinion ) So know he feels his world turning upside down and know is begging for you to forgive him. His mom and friends telling you how miserable he is for everything he put you through. Remember you already gave him chances, he did what he did.. you questioned it and he CONTINUED to do it. If he was that sorry he wouldn't of kept doing it correct? It just seems like he is ready for what you are ready for. It is possible for him to change his ways and this could be an eye opener for him. Though in my opinion things will only get worse. I truly believe that one day he isn't going to make up an excuse for one of those girls to not come over. Well if you honestly believe that he and your relationship with him is worth it then i wish you all the best. 6 years with a person can develop deep attachment but just remember that there are others out there that do respect boundaries of a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted June 23, 2013 Share Posted June 23, 2013 He couldn't get it together and stop in SIX YEARS. he's a creep. he's not sorry. You haven't ever experienced adult life single...you need to. he needs to go. Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted June 23, 2013 Share Posted June 23, 2013 What I don't see in your story is comment about what his activities were during your time in school. Was he too involved in education, living out of his parent's home? It's easy to draw the conclusion that he's immature and only now, when you're moving on, does he realize that he's faced with his lack of commitment to personal development. You don't have an additional 5 years to devote to the high risk "chance" that he embraces change. Link to post Share on other sites
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