signal Posted June 22, 2013 Share Posted June 22, 2013 I am 26 years old male and have been with my girlfriend for 7 years. Last week we were on holiday aboard catching some sun. My girlfriend was using her mobile a lot and one evening I went to check the time and saw text messages from a guy saying 'Goodnight gorgeous xx and she had replied 'good morning gorgeous xx.' I was like huh? I had a quick read through and realised she had been telling this guy she was on holiday with a girlfriend. I did not want to argue on holiday so decided to leave it until we got home however one night I had a bit too drink and my girlfriend stayed up watching a film. I woke up and she said she was up until 2 am watching a good film. I decided to check the time again on her phone and just as I did a message came up saying 'I cant wait to bite your lips' from this guy. My gf had deleted everything prior to this message so I was unable to see how it led to a message like that. On the last day I confronted her, asking her why? She just cried and apologised and said she must have a problem. She said he is just a friend. I shouldn't have looked at her other messages but she was telling a girl mate how they have met up for dinner, hes cooked for her and invited her to a friends wedding abroard. Last summer she dumped me as she wanted to date other guy then she got back with me 6 months later, so shes been messaging other guys a lot then. Throughout the holiday she kept telling me she wants to get married next year. I need advice, is she getting it all out of her system before she marries me? It would be easy for most of you to leave her but I have nobody else in my life, no real friends as I left them all behind to be with a girl who I thought loved me. Imagine this girl is your best friend, your soul mate... what would you do?? Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted June 22, 2013 Share Posted June 22, 2013 What I would do is decide if I can accept knowing that I am the one my potential wife 'settled for'. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted June 22, 2013 Share Posted June 22, 2013 Why are you still there? Link to post Share on other sites
Southern Cal Dude Posted June 22, 2013 Share Posted June 22, 2013 Even if she hasn't cheated physically, she has emotionally. She needs to go. Nothing good will come out of this if you stay with her. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted June 22, 2013 Share Posted June 22, 2013 I'd get rid of her. If she hasn't cheated (I'm pretty sure she has), she's going to. She lied to this guy about who she was going on holiday with. That's a huge red flag among a group of huge red flags. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author signal Posted June 22, 2013 Author Share Posted June 22, 2013 Thanks all. Honestly don't know why I am still here. Afraid of being alone I guess. Really is a **** position to be in 1 Link to post Share on other sites
tds Posted June 22, 2013 Share Posted June 22, 2013 I think.. she just wants to be wild. Your probably boring her. Sure she might love you but that's only because people bond with time. It's ok to think with all your different emotions, ( anger, shame, fear, etc.. ) but the only one to really act on is reason. Otherwise you would regret it.. be your reasonable self. Don't act unless you cycled through your reasonable self and check to see what that part of you thinks. To be realistic you have to take everything into consideration. And you should have been Asking yourself what would Jesus do.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Keke1 Posted June 22, 2013 Share Posted June 22, 2013 1st you probably should refer to her as our girlfriend. She's definitely not just yours. This would've pissed me off beyond belief. I've been in the same exact spot you are in. It led to me checking her phone and not trusting her ever again. If you can let this go stay if you can't leave and save yourself the heartache of digging and finding out more possibly. She isn't ready for marriage if she still does things like this. I've wrote this before and it's so true. (Let it go or let her go) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted June 22, 2013 Share Posted June 22, 2013 I think.. she just wants to be wild. Your probably boring her. Sure she might love you but that's only because people bond with time. It's ok to think with all your different emotions, ( anger, shame, fear, etc.. ) but the only one to really act on is reason. Otherwise you would regret it.. be your reasonable self. Don't act unless you cycled through your reasonable self and check to see what that part of you thinks. To be realistic you have to take everything into consideration. And you should have been Asking yourself what would Jesus do.. Pretty sure Jesus wouldn't be in a romantic relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
gateway865 Posted June 23, 2013 Share Posted June 23, 2013 WOW you took her back??? Should of took time for you to recover and piece your life back together man. What happened is that things didn't work out with the other guy and she came back to "safe house" being you. I know it may sound like a ego thing. NEVER be a second option to any person in a relationship. If they had you and left thinking they can do better forget them. I hope you left but gave it all away for this girl and things came crashing down. Sorry man it sucks but plenty of good women out there. Reconnect your bonds with your friends and family first. Sounds like the girl really tore you down. Build up your self-esteem man and know your self worth. When you do and realize what you bring to the "table" so to speak in a relationship...you will find someone WORTH spending your time with. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sazerac Posted June 23, 2013 Share Posted June 23, 2013 Thanks all. Honestly don't know why I am still here. Afraid of being alone I guess. Really is a **** position to be in I had a friend, a good friend once, who told me "a terrible known is far better than a wonderful unknown." He was terrified to take a risk to find happiness and stayed in a horrible, abusive, unproductive relationship. That friend is now dead. He committed suicide four years ago last Thanksgiving. I'm still not over it. When you settle for something out of fear, fear bounds back on you. Don't be like my friend was. Know that you are worth more, and take a risk to find your happiness. It isn't with this person - she has no more respect for you than she would a cockroach. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author signal Posted June 23, 2013 Author Share Posted June 23, 2013 Thanks for everyone's feedback. It's been a few days since we have been back from holiday, I have been civil replying to her texts but feel like a mug taking her back. I know she's still texting other guys. I'm thinking to write her a letter and tell her how I feel and how low this relationship has made me. I could write a letter and give it face to face or just email hwr, I don't know Link to post Share on other sites
NJtoDC Posted June 23, 2013 Share Posted June 23, 2013 I need advice, is she getting it all out of her system before she marries me? It would be easy for most of you to leave her but I have nobody else in my life, no real friends as I left them all behind to be with a girl who I thought loved me. Imagine this girl is your best friend, your soul mate... what would you do?? She is not just getting it out of her system. Marriage is about trust and faithfulness, among other things. She lacks these qualities. Why would she be faithful and trustworthy later? She's showing you what her character is. This best friend and soul mate is the GF you perceive her to be. She has been showing you what she wants you to see. The best friend you thought you had was a lie. As for being lonely and not having anyone else. It's hard, I know. But if you compromise and reconcile you will most certainly be back here later, but with much more invested. If you marry her and have kids with her and then she leaves or cheats again you will wish you were just a lonely single man once again. The writing is on the wall. It's a tough pill to swallow, but don't allow her to hurt you further. She will be glad to oblige you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted June 23, 2013 Share Posted June 23, 2013 Friend, she told another guy that she was on a holiday with a girlfriend, you only lie like that to someone you are interested in. The comment about biting her lips tells me they are pretty comfortable with each other, this girl is shopping to upgrade. Bet she thought she had upgraded when she broke up with you last summer to date someone else, she found out he wasn't an upgrade and came back to you. This seems to be a pattern, she gets someone interested in her, dumps you, dates new man and finds out he isn't what he said he was, she comes back to you. Your best predictor of your future together is to look at your past history together. You can do better then a cheating liar, being alone is way better than sharing her with other men. Run friend, run. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
NoMoreJerks Posted June 23, 2013 Share Posted June 23, 2013 Friend, she told another guy that she was on a holiday with a girlfriend, you only lie like that to someone you are interested in. The comment about biting her lips tells me they are pretty comfortable with each other, this girl is shopping to upgrade. Bet she thought she had upgraded when she broke up with you last summer to date someone else, she found out he wasn't an upgrade and came back to you. This seems to be a pattern, she gets someone interested in her, dumps you, dates new man and finds out he isn't what he said he was, she comes back to you. Your best predictor of your future together is to look at your past history together. You can do better then a cheating liar, being alone is way better than sharing her with other men. Run friend, run. Yeah, this. So sad to hear your story. I know exactly how you must be feeling. Rage, sadness, rage, feelings of inadequacy, more anger, just a whole bag of ****ed up feelings. Hang in there, and I'd say, let go of her, and never take her back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author signal Posted June 23, 2013 Author Share Posted June 23, 2013 Friend, she told another guy that she was on a holiday with a girlfriend, you only lie like that to someone you are interested in. The comment about biting her lips tells me they are pretty comfortable with each other, this girl is shopping to upgrade. Bet she thought she had upgraded when she broke up with you last summer to date someone else, she found out he wasn't an upgrade and came back to you. This seems to be a pattern, she gets someone interested in her, dumps you, dates new man and finds out he isn't what he said he was, she comes back to you. Your best predictor of your future together is to look at your past history together. You can do better then a cheating liar, being alone is way better than sharing her with other men. Run friend, run. Powerful truth written there, thank you for the advice Link to post Share on other sites
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