Watercoulour Posted June 22, 2013 Posted June 22, 2013 Hello, I am nearly 17 and entering my senior year of high school. My boyfriend is one year older, 18, and going to be going to college 4 hours away. I live in Riverside and he's going to Santa Barbara. I know high school sweethearts generally don't last and people change drastically. I was prepared to break up in August before he left in September. However he surprised me by saying he wants to try, he doesn't want to break up. I'm not sure what to expect and I don't want to start worrying about it until August. Relationship Info: We got together in January/February, in August it will be 6 months. He asked me out, and I'm the first person he genuinely liked and wanted (before, as awful as it is, he used to accept people's confessions out of pity for fear of hurting them with rejection when he was younger) and sought after. Honestly, he loves me a lot more than I love him (I love him a lot but you can see he's attached more). I wasn't planning on getting attached, honestly ( we're different in that i only date people I *really* like but decided to give him a chance and it grew from there). We've been through a lot and we've done a lot. I have an incredible amount of family problems - both my parents have cancer, my sister became suicidal, we took in a stray dog, me and my dad only have licenses but he's at work etc. so I take care of all of them and he's always been my main support beam (a lot of this happened near the beginning of when we were dating). I do like to think I'm mature, but I'm not sure how much experience I'll have. Issues: The issue in this relationship centers around jealousy. He has a huge issue about cheating (his mother died 2 years ago and his dad has started dating which disturbs him) and when I talk about other guys in the wrong way or long enough he'll get hurt. He isn't controlling at all, but he tells me when he's upset (he tries not to act on it). I do have some jealousy issues too, he has a few ex-girlfriend stalkers or sometimes he'll talk about a girl nonstop for days etc. I don't get jealous easy, but when it hits, it hits hard. I trust him completely to be loyal (since he despises cheating so much) though I sometimes wonders if he trusts me. He's scared to death of losing me where I've found myself to accept he might leave. I've done a long distance relationship before, with a guy in college in the Missouri (we live in California) and we did perfectly fine (it burned in flames because of something we couldn't control though) but our communication was spot on. Long phone calls, skype, love letters, messaging etc. But with my boyfriend now, I sense this could be an issue. He's not really fun or interesting when messaging and skyping or talking with him is fun but could be pricey or not have enough time. So the relationship could fizzle. He's going to visit once a month back home for a weekend, and he lives 15 minutes away from me so we'll see each other. He won't have his car since parking is an ungodly amount of money, but I can drive. I'm sure I could visit once a month if I could somehow stay the night somewhere (I don't mind driving). We both have jobs so travel fees won't be too much. Or we could meet midway in Los Angeles. Which isn't bad either. I'm not sure how I'm going to deal with this, but I'm up for giving a try. I know many couples don't last because one can't drive, commitment or communication issues, or just getting bored and wanting to explore. I told him him I didn't want to keep him from enjoying college but he says he doesn't care too much, he's never been super involved (don't get me wrong, he's brilliant, 4.4 GPA, just a little lazy) and his bes tfriend is going there with him so he'snot worried about getting lonely. He's worried about me, but I'm sure I can be okay, I've done it before. If this lasts, then the next issue is when I have to go to college, I'm applying to his school but there's a chance I may go out of state or even the country. What do you guys think? Will we do okay? Should we give a shot? Or am I just a naive girl with no experience in a serious relationship? Sorry it's long, I'm a little worried.
justwhoiam Posted June 22, 2013 Posted June 22, 2013 (edited) I live in Riverside and he's going to Santa Barbara. It's a 2.5 hour drive or slightly more than an hour if you meet half way in LA. Many people's daily commute lasts longer. It's not really a LDR. You can meet up every week if you wanted. I was prepared to break up in August before he left in September. However he surprised me by saying he wants to try, he doesn't want to break up. I'm not sure what to expect and I don't want to start worrying about it until August. That was your intention, but it looks like your worries have already started. And it's June. he used to accept people's confessions out of pity for fear of hurting them with rejection when he was younger What does that mean? Does that mean he was only taking advantage of girls who had a crush on him and never picking a girl he was genuinely interested in? If it's so, what does that tell you about his personality? Honestly, he loves me a lot more than I love him This is the core problem. i only date people I *really* like but decided to give him a chance and it grew from there Have you ever had the guts to tell him this? I sort of sense you didn't, and if you did, he wouldn't be so after you anymore. Which would be the end of your problems (at least regarding your love life). I didn't get the issues about jealousy. He's scared to death of losing me where I've found myself to accept he might leave. Well, this was very clear early on in your post. You have mild feelings - if any - for this guy, and this relationship doesn't seem to stand a chance. More so if you experienced more passion before him, so you should know what it feels like when you're really in love. And even then, given your young age, that might be like a 10th of your potential, there's still room for passion to hit you hard and then you will know what it feels like. He's not really fun or interesting when messaging and skyping or talking with him is fun but could be pricey or not have enough time. So the relationship could fizzle. I don't think you should provide us with any more reasons not to be head over heels in love with him. It's evident you are not. And you shouldn't hide it to yourself anymore, and to him either. He doesn't deserve it. You'd be leading him on and waste his time. Sorry for being this crude. I'm not sure how I'm going to deal with this, but I'm up for giving a try. That's up to you. But tell him your feelings for him are very mild. He might make a U-turn, break up and start dating girls in college and go on with his life. I know many couples don't last because one can't drive I don't know where you heard that, but I've been reading about LDR for months and this is a new one for me. No, I don't think couples break up because one of them can't drive. BS. I told him him I didn't want to keep him from enjoying college but he says he doesn't care too much You shifted the core problem to something else, making it seem you don't want him to miss out on other things because of you... Be direct and tell him the truth. What do you guys think? You're not in love with him and I don't see a reason for a LDR with him. Will we do okay? If you're willing for it to be OK. Until you can't take it anymore. Until when you realize you'll be missing out on dating other people you're attracted to really bad. Edited June 22, 2013 by justwhoiam
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