How should I approach this situation?

[Hiking]

Hello all thanks for reading.

 

So I have some concerns that my girlfriend has cheated on me. The back ground is that we have been dating for just under a year now. We are in our early 20s and are considering getting a place together. Though I have some serious concerns about her behavior.

 

First off she has had slept with many people, she has said has slept with 23 people. She has engaged in threesomes in the past, one night stands, and has had many friends with benefits. Though she has never had from my understanding a serious relationship to the degree we have. I too have had about the same past as her. I don't hold her past against her.

 

The first red flag I witnessed but over looked was when she invited me to hang out and meet with some friends of her's. Upon arriving a man answered the door and promptly embraced her. Within 5 minutes of arriving I noticed they both disappeared and didn't return for over an hour. I had decided to leave about an hour after that and she came along. Though I saw her text this guy,''I wish I didn't leave I would rather be having sex." They have a sexual history. But I told her that was a odd thing to be saying to someone causally. She stated it was nothing and they had stopped having sex long before she met me.

 

Second one was when I was out of town and a friend came to visit her. Her and my gf went to a party that night. Stayed the night there. When she lives within walking distance of that house she stayed at. Upon returning she slowing divulged this info to me. She spent the night cuz she was drunk and her friend was hooking up with a guy at the house. She told me she was simply "wing man" for her friend. When I told her that spending the night there made me uncomfortable without letting me know before hand, she was defensive and vague. I looked at her messages and saw one that read from a number "you're sexy, mind blowing and unforgettable." She didn't seem to respond. Another convo was without a doubt flirting. She said it was nothing to worry about and she was just friendly.

 

Then we went to a concert and again she invited one of her old partners. We were leaving when they held back and talked briefly. She caught back up and said she would be going home with him because he wanted to talk with her. I was speechless and offended. I simply said is it necessary? She said yes and left. She didn't contact me for a day afterwords. It was still early in our relationship and I felt I couldn't tell her she had an agenda that night. I've never believed for one moment they did not hook up that night.

 

Now we are here. She left for a conference and while she was driving there she called me and said it should be ok if she stays at her friends house for the night. Again they have sexual history.

 

There are so many of these instances were situation like this has happened. Bottom line is that I feel like I can't trust her. I've never caught her red handed but I feel certain she has slept with men other than me.

 

Now the other side is that I have admitted to her that I cheated on a girlfriend in high school and one early in college. I felt I should be completely honest so she knows. She says the ones who are most concerned with there partner cheating are the ones who committed the act themselves. My gult feeling is that she puts that on me to put up a fence when I ask her about these things. She is a completely different person when she is drunk. She has been intoxicated in all of these situations.

 

She returns tomorrow and I prepare to confront her completely at some point this week about this. How should I approach this? Am I out of line for considering that odd behavior?

[Keke1]

You're not out of line you're just naive it seems. The curb is where she would be kicked. There are other women. Stop putting up with her mess

[Geiss]

That's fcked up. Why didn't you tell her no. If she goes with him she can stay with him.

[Hiking]

At the time I trusted her and he was in a friend in need but I found out he has been her rebound guy since high school. I don't want to kick her to the curb but confront her to where she could be honest then go from there.

[Nescafe]

You're definately not in agood relationship, my friend. If you think you can put a patience on yourself, you can try to wait for improvement. But if you think you want to try another option, you can find another girl that more trustfully.

I think your gf now still have her bad habit and still need to learn about honest relationship with you. Be honest with her what you didnt like, and if she is still do what you didnt like then you know what to do.

[gateway865]

Hey, read your post and MAN!!!!! How did you keep so calm about all that??? Well one I am going to say there is a fine line between trusting your partner and your partner being disrespectful towards your relationship. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES should your gf be spending the night with another guy in my opinion unless your with but then that's very questionable.

 

 

The incident where she chose you over another guy no matter what the person may have been having is wrong. If it was just talking then she could of left with you and talked with him on the phone correct???

 

Honestly she may really like you and have feelings for you but she isn't ready for a committed relationship. A little questionable on your part about not being faithful to your own partners in the past but i see it as the past is the past. She just isn't ready to let hers go yet.

 

Just talk to her and let her know how you feel about everything. If she gets defensive just walk away man.

[umirano]

She keeps you around, not the other way around, it seems to me. Why do you do that? Why expose yourself to her whims? She can get rid of you anytime she feels like. Take care of your well being and get into a more leveled and equal RS.

[Darren Steez]

Hello all thanks for reading.

 

So I have some concerns that my girlfriend has cheated on me. The back ground is that we have been dating for just under a year now. We are in our early 20s and are considering getting a place together. Though I have some serious concerns about her behavior.

 

First off she has had slept with many people, she has said has slept with 23 people. She has engaged in threesomes in the past, one night stands, and has had many friends with benefits. Though she has never had from my understanding a serious relationship to the degree we have. I too have had about the same past as her. I don't hold her past against her.

 

The first red flag I witnessed but over looked was when she invited me to hang out and meet with some friends of her's. Upon arriving a man answered the door and promptly embraced her. Within 5 minutes of arriving I noticed they both disappeared and didn't return for over an hour. I had decided to leave about an hour after that and she came along. Though I saw her text this guy,''I wish I didn't leave I would rather be having sex." They have a sexual history. But I told her that was a odd thing to be saying to someone causally. She stated it was nothing and they had stopped having sex long before she met me.

 

Second one was when I was out of town and a friend came to visit her. Her and my gf went to a party that night. Stayed the night there. When she lives within walking distance of that house she stayed at. Upon returning she slowing divulged this info to me. She spent the night cuz she was drunk and her friend was hooking up with a guy at the house. She told me she was simply "wing man" for her friend. When I told her that spending the night there made me uncomfortable without letting me know before hand, she was defensive and vague. I looked at her messages and saw one that read from a number "you're sexy, mind blowing and unforgettable." She didn't seem to respond. Another convo was without a doubt flirting. She said it was nothing to worry about and she was just friendly.

 

Then we went to a concert and again she invited one of her old partners. We were leaving when they held back and talked briefly. She caught back up and said she would be going home with him because he wanted to talk with her. I was speechless and offended. I simply said is it necessary? She said yes and left. She didn't contact me for a day afterwords. It was still early in our relationship and I felt I couldn't tell her she had an agenda that night. I've never believed for one moment they did not hook up that night.

 

Now we are here. She left for a conference and while she was driving there she called me and said it should be ok if she stays at her friends house for the night. Again they have sexual history.

 

There are so many of these instances were situation like this has happened. Bottom line is that I feel like I can't trust her. I've never caught her red handed but I feel certain she has slept with men other than me.

 

Now the other side is that I have admitted to her that I cheated on a girlfriend in high school and one early in college. I felt I should be completely honest so she knows. She says the ones who are most concerned with there partner cheating are the ones who committed the act themselves. My gult feeling is that she puts that on me to put up a fence when I ask her about these things. She is a completely different person when she is drunk. She has been intoxicated in all of these situations.

 

She returns tomorrow and I prepare to confront her completely at some point this week about this. How should I approach this? Am I out of line for considering that odd behavior?

 

Well at least she asking you if she can stay the night with people she sleep with. As long as you know then everything is alright.

 

*I'm being sarcastic, you're essentially a cuckold*

 

Why don't you dump her? Can't you? The day she left you to go with this dude was the day she knew she could do what she wanted and you would do nothing.

 

You get to a party, she disappears, you find that message and what do you do? Sputter over your milk and go back to eating your cookies.

 

She says she's sleeping over at an ex and still what? Nothing?

 

You accept disrespect, that's exactly what you keep receiving. I really don't have sympathy for you bro.

[therhythm]

Doormat license acquired!!

There is people who would put up with almost anything to stay with a determinate person... I don't get it... You need to have your self esteem under minimums to keep this happening to you.