Can you blame people who don't want to commit?

[sweetjasmine]

I just tell it like it is.

 

No, you tell it how you personally see it.

 

Not the same thing.

 

Just look at this forum or the comments on anything pertaining to male/female relationships.

 

Exactly how many times do people have to point out confirmation and selection bias? Seriously, I alone have probably pointed these two things out to you a million times over the past several years on this forum, but you never get it.

[Woggle]

No, you tell it how you personally see it.

 

Not the same thing.

 

 

 

Exactly how many times do people have to point out confirmation and selection bias? Seriously, I alone have probably pointed these two things out to you a million times over the past several years on this forum, but you never get it.

 

Are you saying there is not a lot of gender hatred on this forum and on the internet as well? Just look at the comments on a board like Daily Mail or any other board.

 

A female poster agreed with everything I say so she can see it as well so I am not the only one who sees it this way.

[sweetjasmine]

Are you saying there is not a lot of gender hatred on this forum and on the internet as well? Just look at the comments on a board like Daily Mail or any other board.

 

A female poster agreed with everything I say so she can see it as well so I am not the only one who sees it this way.

 

head+desk

 

For the millionth time, yes, there is hatred on this board and on garbage sites like the Daily Fail. There's garbage on 4chan and Reddit and pretty much any forum. There's animal abuse videos. There's kiddie porn. There's pure and utter filth out there.

 

But just because people are posting animal abuse videos online doesn't mean it's logical for me to conclude that EVERYONE ON MY STREET is abusing animals in their living room and making kiddie porn and selling meth to middle schoolers and beating people of other racial and ethnic groups with a wrench and secretly plotting to overthrow the government. Because I understand that the people who post that garbage on those garbage sites are a self-selecting group of twisted freaks and that what you see on the internet is not a reflection of reality.

 

And I'm sure I've made this analogy before. What you're doing to yourself is the same as looking into a dumpster and screaming, "OH MY GOD, THE WORLD IS FULL OF TRASH!". Yeah, no sh-t, you just stuck your head in a dumpster. What did you expect to find? The crown jewels and teddy bears?

 

NOW do you get it?

[Woggle]

head+desk

 

For the millionth time, yes, there is hatred on this board and on garbage sites like the Daily Fail. There's garbage on 4chan and Reddit and pretty much any forum. There's animal abuse videos. There's kiddie porn. There's pure and utter filth out there.

 

But just because people are posting animal abuse videos online doesn't mean it's logical for me to conclude that EVERYONE ON MY STREET is abusing animals in their living room and making kiddie porn and selling meth to middle schoolers and beating people of other racial and ethnic groups with a wrench and secretly plotting to overthrow the government. Because I understand that the people who post that garbage on those garbage sites are a self-selecting group of twisted freaks and that what you see on the internet is not a reflection of reality.

 

NOW do you get it?

 

The majority of people in this world do not abuse the opposite sex but there is a lot of hatred and bitterness between men and women. Why do you think that happy relationships that last are going the way of the dodo bird?

[sweetjasmine]

Meant to add to my other post: As for LS, specifically, if you cut through the bitterness, there IS a lot of good here. A lot of people care about others and don't hesitate to show it.

 

Why do you think that happy relationships that last are going the way of the dodo bird?

 

They're not. YOU JUST THINK THEY ARE.

[ltjg45]

head+desk

 

For the millionth time, yes, there is hatred on this board and on garbage sites like the Daily Fail. There's garbage on 4chan and Reddit and pretty much any forum. There's animal abuse videos. There's kiddie porn. There's pure and utter filth out there.

 

But just because people are posting animal abuse videos online doesn't mean it's logical for me to conclude that EVERYONE ON MY STREET is abusing animals in their living room and making kiddie porn and selling meth to middle schoolers and beating people of other racial and ethnic groups with a wrench and secretly plotting to overthrow the government. Because I understand that the people who post that garbage on those garbage sites are a self-selecting group of twisted freaks and that what you see on the internet is not a reflection of reality.

 

And I'm sure I've made this analogy before. What you're doing to yourself is the same as looking into a dumpster and screaming, "OH MY GOD, THE WORLD IS FULL OF TRASH!". Yeah, no sh-t, you just stuck your head in a dumpster. What did you expect to find? The crown jewels and teddy bears?

 

NOW do you get it?

 

I doubt the number of animal abusers will come close to the number of men and women combined who has a bone to pick with the opposite sex.

 

This is why, despite the sheer number of animal corpses on my street, no one there cares and yet everyone, in some form, is affected by this.

[Woggle]

There is good but in almost every thread the men take the man's side and the women take the woman's side no matter what the facts are.

[fortyninethousand322]

I have to be honest. I'm sort of appalled at most of the comments I'm reading so far.

 

So much bitterness and negativity.

 

"Bitterness and negativity", or "realistic analysis of the world"?

 

Depends on what glasses one is wearing I suppose...

[Woggle]

"Bitterness and negativity", or "realistic analysis of the world"?

 

Depends on what glasses one is wearing I suppose...

 

Yes. Being mad at myself and others for saying this is like being made at the weather anchor for announcing a hurricane is coming. Sandy really damaged by area but I don't hate the news for giving the warnings so why should people be mad at me for simply making a truthful observation about modern day relationships.

[KungFuJoe]

It is so frustrating trying to talk sense to some of the people here. It's seriously like talking to a wall most of the time.

 

So many people in denial...unable to realize how their depression or anxiety clouds their reasoning ability.

 

But what REALLY irks me is the LAZINESS and this "feeling" of entitlement that some of you have. Like you feel as if "life" owes you happiness and that just because you were born a human being that you should be able to just sit back and get everything you've ever wanted handed to you on a silver platter.

 

The problem around here is not that relationships are going into the gutter. It's that you few people are present day dinosaurs...unable to adapt...unable to survive...unable to make things happen with what you were given.

 

Maybe it's fitting that you remain alone and bitter (or in woggle's case, with someone and bitter). Maybe this is what Herbert Spencer meant when he referred to "survival of the fittest"

 

"Societies go through a natural evolution, he said, evolving from lower (“barbarian”) to higher (“civilized”) forms. This natural process improves societies. As generations pass, the most capable and intelligent (“the fittest”) members of a society survive, while the less capable die out. The fittest members will produce a more advanced society—unless misguided do-gooders get in the way and help the less fit (the lower classes) survive."

[fortyninethousand322]

Society owes me nothing. However, I am entitled to be bitter and have a huge chip on my shoulder if that's what I want.

 

It's not skin off of anyone else's nose. I'm not going to flip out and kill a bunch of people. I'm just going to quietly stew until I die of a heart attack at age 40 from all the stress...

[KungFuJoe]

Society owes me nothing. However, I am entitled to be bitter and have a huge chip on my shoulder if that's what I want.

 

It's not skin off of anyone else's nose. I'm not going to flip out and kill a bunch of people. I'm just going to quietly stew until I die of a heart attack at age 40 from all the stress...

 

Stress? What stress? You're 25...you have no freakin idea what stress is.

 

Serious question...have you ever seen a therapist about possible depression or anxiety?

[fortyninethousand322]

Stress? What stress? You're 25...you have no freakin idea what stress is.

 

Serious question...have you ever seen a therapist about possible depression or anxiety?

 

The stress of all that pent up anger and bitterness is what I was referring to. My dad tells me all the time if I keep it up I'll give myself a heart attack by 40.

 

And no, I haven't. And after my sister's experience with her psychiatrist, I won't be anytime soon. I don't need any quacks shoving pills down my throat or telling me bedtime stories to try to get me to feel better.

[tbf]

Yeah, no sh-t, you just stuck your head in a dumpster. What did you expect to find? The crown jewels and teddy bears?

Can't requote this enough times. If your head is stuck in the dumpster and instead of pulling it out, you only swivel your head around by 360 degrees (yes, this is an Exorcist reference!), your view remains the same. Garbage everywhere.

 

While I have no doubt there are people who won't or can't commit, the majority of the population are in relationships/marriages...globally. The majority of the population are in functional relationships/marriages, whatever their definition of functional might be.

[KungFuJoe]

The stress of all that pent up anger and bitterness is what I was referring to. My dad tells me all the time if I keep it up I'll give myself a heart attack by 40.

 

And no, I haven't. And after my sister's experience with her psychiatrist, I won't be anytime soon. I don't need any quacks shoving pills down my throat or telling me bedtime stories to try to get me to feel better.

 

Well...take it from me. You need help. Serious help. And not from a pill pushing quack but from a real therapist.

[Ripnet]

I can assure if the gender switched places it would be the same. Just the roles, explications and such. I believe there is differences, there is no right or wrong. However a person should examine them selves before others. You can change others but you can change yourself. Reality is based on beliefs, values and perception. What you believe to be true now can change in a few years.

 

People throw bitterness word when sometimes there isn't. It's way to attack someone without having to back up anything. Of course sometimes it justified but I have seen it several times.

 

I could choose to say I avoid women who expected to be court or I could choose to date women who are independent in all aspect of dating ritual.

[Ripnet]

head+desk

 

For the millionth time, yes, there is hatred on this board and on garbage sites like the Daily Fail. There's garbage on 4chan and Reddit and pretty much any forum. There's animal abuse videos. There's kiddie porn. There's pure and utter filth out there.

 

But just because people are posting animal abuse videos online doesn't mean it's logical for me to conclude that EVERYONE ON MY STREET is abusing animals in their living room and making kiddie porn and selling meth to middle schoolers and beating people of other racial and ethnic groups with a wrench and secretly plotting to overthrow the government. Because I understand that the people who post that garbage on those garbage sites are a self-selecting group of twisted freaks and that what you see on the internet is not a reflection of reality.

 

And I'm sure I've made this analogy before. What you're doing to yourself is the same as looking into a dumpster and screaming, "OH MY GOD, THE WORLD IS FULL OF TRASH!". Yeah, no sh-t, you just stuck your head in a dumpster. What did you expect to find? The crown jewels and teddy bears?

 

NOW do you get it?

 

 

Most people wouldn't say the things they say online in IRL. Also people are more aggress online and harsh.

 

Good can not exist without bad.

[MissBee]

Just look at the state of relationships these days?

 

Everybody is pretty much cheating on everybody

 

Most people are playing some kind of games

 

You have to pretty much treat people like crap or already be taken in order to even have many people even be interested in you

 

Men and women pretty much hate each other

 

People are getting more and more shallow and superficial by the day

 

People divorce at the drop of a hat these days and if you make it a decade with your spouse it is a miracle

 

Most people in long term relationships seem to hate being in them

 

Actually being in a relationship is seen as something similar to a prison sentence

 

I myself got damn lucky but picture being a single person and looking at this current climate in the dating world.

 

If you are a sane single person looking for a loving partner you can build a life with and have a healthy relationship is it even worth trying in this kind of atmosphere? Why even bother when chances are you will run into some of the drama I described above?

 

What does somebody who isn't insane have to gain at all by attempting to have a relationship with the current state of affairs?

 

 

I don't really care what other people choose to do. I know who and how I am, so I assume since I have no interest in game playing, cheating and so on, that there must be at least one man out there who feels the same.

 

You generally have to date a few people before finding someone suitable to have a healthy relationship with, and I'm willing to do that.

 

I have had heartbreak, as well as relationships that simply did not work out, where no cheating or game playing or other nonsense were involved. Largely, I attracted men who were a match for my issues. It wasn't "them" but also me. Once I changed in certain ways, it was as if by magic, I stopped meeting bullshyt men or when I did, I didn't get caught up and invested but spotted the BS a mile away and shut it down.

 

I'm not interested in sifting through thousands of men. I know people in good relationships and I don't see the point or benefit in me lamenting how everyone is a cheater and I should just die alone lol. Lots of people cheat, steal, lie etc...but not everyone does, so all I can do is be aware and conscious as I date. I'm pretty confident that I will marry one day and it will be someone worthy of me.

 

Bitchin' about all men are scum etc. doesn't really change anything and isn't true. I am a huge believer in the law of attraction, I don't really care if others do, but from my own experience, I witnessed that what I put out there and focused on was what I got back. Thus for me, it's no surprise that those who go on and on about all men or all women are horrible...seem to be very unhappy and only meet such people. I think it's smart to realize cheaters and game players and so on exist...but other kinds of people exist too and all you can do is go to places/do activities/be the kind of person you would like to attract and focus on finding those people versus worrying about all the kinds of people you DON'T want.

[Ripnet]

I attracted men who were a match for my issues. It wasn't "them" but also me. Once I changed in certain ways, it was as if by magic, I stopped meeting bullshyt men or when I did, I didn't get caught up and invested but spotted the BS a mile away and shut it down.

 

 

This is what I've telling people but I'm called bitter. lol

People forget that they can only change themselves. Blaming someone else will never work but people still do it.

[fortyninethousand322]

Well...take it from me. You need help. Serious help. And not from a pill pushing quack but from a real therapist.

 

Well, I'm not suicidal or anything. So I hardly see how whatever I "have" is that big of a problem.

[Pompeii]

Indeed, society has really gone down the ****ter these days. As someone said earlier, one of the biggest lies of the modern era is society convincing you that you owe them something. I don't owe anyone ****. Except for probably mother and father and possibly my current university but other than that, everyone else, and every other institution can **** off.

 

Dating is indeed in such a sad state these days. I honestly don't see how anyone could have met people they actually get along with. PUA didn't exist 40 something years ago. It didn't need to. People were much more honest. If dating was actually worth it, PUA wouldn't exist. It's a shame that a group of men created something as that as a response to dating. Texting has ****ed up dating. Facebook has ****ed up dating. Technology in general has ****ed up dating. I'm all for women having choice and all but dating seriously seems like so many hoops to jump through for so little reward. That's why I'm glad I gave it all up.

 

Men are scum. Women are scum. Everyone is ****ing scum. We're all pieces of ****. I'm not going to sit here and complain about how women are terrible because its not just their fault. While it does seem that men have it harder upon entry in dating than women do, its not something to really complain about because it just is.

 

The only thing we can do is get as much money as we can and stock up while we still can and rise as far to the top as we can. Society is over.

[KungFuJoe]

Well, I'm not suicidal or anything. So I hardly see how whatever I "have" is that big of a problem.

 

You don't have to be suicidal to reach out.

 

Look at what you're saying...you sound like a defeated person. And you're only 25! You're like someone who gives up baseball when you just took your first swing at the ball.

 

Sometimes it can help GREATLY just to speak to someone who knows how to listen.

 

For the record, I've seen a therapist...a few times when I was younger (pre teen) and most recently...just last year. I was going through some stuff of my own and just from speaking to a lady (who was very nice) I felt better almost immediately.

 

She recommended a book to me that I read through from time to time:

 

"Feeling Good" by David Burns. I strongly suggest you read it. I can even email you my copy if you want...just PM me your email address.

[Suave]

I find it particularly hard to commit to anyone given that I just got out of a two and a half year relationship a few months ago. What sucks is that most of the girls I end up with actually want something out of it when all I am looking for is casual dating.

[salparadise]

The stress of all that pent up anger and bitterness is what I was referring to. My dad tells me all the time if I keep it up I'll give myself a heart attack by 40.

 

And no, I haven't. And after my sister's experience with her psychiatrist, I won't be anytime soon. I don't need any quacks shoving pills down my throat or telling me bedtime stories to try to get me to feel better.

 

You really should consider it. The good ones can help you find your groove, without blowing sunshine up your ass. Basically, we are our perceptions. Events in our lives are mostly neutral, but we interpret, attach meaning and integrate [irrational] beliefs. Our thoughts are then based on our beliefs. If you get a bunch of this stuff going on a southbound track initially it's damn nigh impossible to see things any other way. It's not reality, it's simply the way you perceive. That can be changed. It is absolutely worth it. All that's required is that you actually want to change. If you love being unhappy, well that makes it harder. If I were you, I'd be thinking hell, I'm miserable as it stands, so what do I have to lose? But of course that could be too rational for a southbounder? It's your life, man. I will tell you though, it changed mine.

Edited June 24, 2013 by salparadise

[Ripnet]

You really should consider it. The good ones can help you find your groove, without blowing sunshine up your ass. Basically, we are our perceptions. Events in our lives are mostly neutral, but we interpret, attach meaning and integrate [irrational] beliefs. Our thoughts are then based on our beliefs. If you get a bunch of this stuff going on a southbound track initially it's damn nigh impossible to see things any other way. It's not reality, it's simply the way you perceive. That can be changed. It is absolutely worth it. All that's required is that you actually want to change. If you love being unhappy, well that makes it harder. If I were you, I'd be thinking hell, I'm miserable as it stands, so what do I have to lose? But of course that could be too rational for a southbounder? It's your life, man. I will tell you though, it changed mine.

 

He doesn't want to. He's been told many times. Only he can choose to change.