Addy216 Posted October 14, 2004 Share Posted October 14, 2004 I'm away from my boyfriend in grad school, but we see each other every 2 weeks (thursdays thru mondays) but the last visit, in throwing out the garbage, i saw an open but unused condom (it was intact but the top was ripped off) after confronting him (I said i felt weird and i had an instinct), he admitted to kissing someone but he did not have sex with her (he didn't know i found the condom). He admitted that he was never going to tell me. After all was said and done, he told me he was sorry, his intentions weren't to hurt me, he sees me in his future, he thinks we have a good thing going so i shouldn't walk away and i quote "It was a situation i should have never been in and it was a mistake". We've only been seeing each other for a year but i have a good feeling about him and us. He doesn't think I should be upset- because it was nothing and he's even back to planning a Christmas vacation for us. when i press him to promise me that it will never happen again and who he's with and whatnot, he always asks "what does it matter".. Im so frustrated with my self because i know i'm hot and i have a lot going for me and i could leave him alone but i don't want to.... arrrggghhh!! Someone Please Help Me!! Should i forgive, and move on with our relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
Naive Posted October 14, 2004 Share Posted October 14, 2004 If you know you can do better leave him. He obviously does not value you if he goes and kisses someone else, not only that but he was planning on doing something with this chick or else he would have not opened that condom. Link to post Share on other sites
Cecelius Posted October 14, 2004 Share Posted October 14, 2004 Dump him. He cheated on you and he is not even willing to promise not to do it again? Dump him. You don't need that kind of problem. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted October 15, 2004 Share Posted October 15, 2004 ...he told me he was sorry, his intentions weren't to hurt me, he sees me in his future, he thinks we have a good thing going so i shouldn't walk away... Yup, he's reading from The Busted Cheaters Handbook of Surefire Excuses and Makeup Lines again. Sheesh...does he think betrayal only hurts when it was intentional??? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted October 15, 2004 Share Posted October 15, 2004 Whatever, he doesn't have to make up excuses, you're doing it for him Since you're away, perhaps it would be better do date someone nearer to you that you can have a real relationship with. Or, both agree to see other people. He already is. Link to post Share on other sites
Cecelius Posted October 15, 2004 Share Posted October 15, 2004 I think the advice here is going to be the same as on any board you might use... Your loved one is not supposed to be unintentionally doing the wrong thing, he's supposed to be intentionally doing the right thing. Link to post Share on other sites
babybear Posted October 20, 2004 Share Posted October 20, 2004 Are you even sure it was the first time? You're going to spend so much time being upset/worried/paranoid now...especially since you and him have a long distance thing going. I'd let him go, it's gonna be an uphill battle from now on...g-luck to u! Bb Link to post Share on other sites
Karina Posted October 22, 2004 Share Posted October 22, 2004 your probably use to having him around, and now that he's away in a different school things have changed.(OBVIOUSLY) and from what i've expirenced its not going to get any better. HE is always going to have those moments where he can go do what he does, and not have to worry about you seeing him or catching him. He made a careless move and left evidence behind, do you think he would let it happened again? Probably not. Your not going to be able to predict what happens next or say what should happen next because your NOT going to be there. What you should do, to save yourself the missary of being dumped, and REALY cheated on, if he hasnt already(which i highly doubt) you should just go your sepearte ways. BELIEVE ME its easier said than done. But if you really feel you cant live with out knowing what he's going to be doing next and who he's going to be doing it with, its the best for both of you. You just have to convince yourself that its the right thing to do FOR YOU! you said it urself, you could leave him, and do bad all by yourself. But you probably love him. IF it hasn't crossed your mind to cheat on him in a WHOLE year of being together, and he already has, ITS GOING TO HAPPEN AGAIN. -kari Link to post Share on other sites
ovo Posted October 26, 2004 Share Posted October 26, 2004 Originally posted by Addy216 (he didn't know i found the condom). You are also cheating ... a little bit. Why don't you tell him about the condom? How do you expect to have a proper discussion with him if he thinks you don't know and you do? You should remember that it is VERY hard for young people not to have sex with multiple partners --- especially in your case with a long-distance relationship. Men seem to be put together to actually want to do this. What is the problem with him having sex with someone else during a time you are not together? Are you worried he will leave you as a result of this? If that's the case, then he WILL leave you. If he spends most of the weekends with you and it is good to be with him, then enjoy it. Let him know you understand he has flirted in the past, and ask him to share that relationship with you, just in the same way you would talk about a day at school or a movie. Never get angry, or he will not be honest --- make him feel good about being honest. Opening him up this way will reveal a lot more about how he feels about you, others, & the future. oVo Link to post Share on other sites
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